StarDestroyer.Net BBS

The Octavanium

It was within the long forsaken marshlands of Temptlair where the prophecy was first made known. A foggy and filthy swamp, infected with biting wind and ferocious rain that fell in great torrents, where the blinding mist was endless and the lonely, maddening silence was only broken by the occasional isolated cry of a wild dog, which would feed off the carrion of anything foolish enough to stray into this lonely world.
Far into this forgotten place, where none knew of save for one, there stood a rundown shack. Beaten down in parts and all the thatch long since rotted away in the unforgiving wet, only to be replaced by an abundance of moss and mildew. It is so covered in weeds that it could easily be mistaken for a large stone or hillock, save for the thin band of smoke that weaves it’s way through the thin pipe that served as a chimney, twisted into strange shapes in order to prevent the rain from entering the dwelling.
It is within this place that an old man lay, deeply asleep. His faint snores drowned out by the drumming rain pouring onto the roof. Yet it was within the head of this man that the images danced. Snippets of sounds and flashes of pictures, a beautiful palace and a darkened shadow. Of screams and clashes of swords, the unmistakable ‘tzing’ of magic and finally the pounding of hooves and an infant’s desperate, fearful cry.
The old man’s eyes jumped open. Had it been anyone else, it would have been dismissed as a dream, something to be discarded and eventually forgotten, however this man had learned long ago, that it was wise to trust his dreams.
He hurried to scribble something onto a scrap of parchment, pulled on a shawl and set out into the shadows without a backward glance.
He only hoped he could arrive in time.


The castle was lit up like a beacon, surrounded by bare rolling hills that stretched off into the distance.
The young man on horseback however was not in a state to admire the view as he rushed away, filled with fear and desperately trying to stop the pain from his injured shoulder from spreading into his fingers that held the reins tight enough to never let go. His good arm clutched a small blanket to his chest in an attempt to shield it with his armour and desperately fighting to get far away before anyone found out they were missing.
However he stole one fearful glance backwards at the castle before it vanished from sight, he paled as the lights from the tower illuminated the armies that spilled from the castles many doors, and the golden plumage of the Maeth riders as they took wing from the castle towers.
He had mere minutes before he was found, the meadows were devoid of bushes or trees, his only chance was to run as quickly as he dared and to disappear into the marshlands of Temptlair, the mists that protected it and defused magic would be their only hope.
He bit back on the pain that came from his shoulder, blue and red sparks erupted from his shoulder as the spelled bolt worked deeper into his body. He didn’t have much time.
The small bundle gave a cry that echoed in the darkness, in the distance, the Maeths picked up the cry and turned to find the noise, their riders yelled and attempted to spur them on, the sudden confusion giving the desperate boy another chance to distance him from the riders.
Finally when he felt he must risk it, even if it meant his winged pursuers would be able to follow the trail as clearly as if it was a pathway, he spurred his horse, whose eyes glowed with the power of the Parthen horse-clan and became a comet of light, streaming away into the distance, the sheer force of the magic and speed turning the horse and riders into a ball of glowing white and reds as a shadowy figure on the upmost battlement screamed his frustration into the wind and thumped his hand onto the railing, causing it to crumble, watching his prey slip away under his very gaze while his warriors lacked the sight required to seek their target so quickly.
He had gotten away from him.
The robed figure slowly smiled; there was no humour in it. The boy had been much more resourceful than he had expected. But it was not he that he hunted, the spelled bolt would work its way in until he could no longer fight it, he was weak, merely a boy who could not yet control his magic. He was in fact surprised; the attack had come so quickly that only one of his targets had managed to escape.
Nevertheless he must be found.
A figure approached cautiously from behind him, stopping into a crouch as if expecting a blow at any moment. “Master he has escaped.” He said quietly, as if he did not really want his master to hear his words.
“I know you fool.” The cowled figure said, in tones that could have melted iron. “Very resourceful of the boy to summon a Parthen. Although foolish of him all the same, he now does not posses to power to hold my magic at bay. It will be his doom.” He suddenly turned and the small servant flinched under the gaze. “Find me the boy Carreth, the ritual will be completed.”
Carreth bowed in terrified obedience and fled from the tower.



Any feedback?

An intresting start. A little cliched at the start, but that doesn't hurt. Keep going, and you'll likely get some proper feedback from me or others.

What part did you find cliched? the flight or the prophecy?

Now the boy’s body was failing, he was fighting to stay conscious as the pain and weariness began to overtake him. He had lost all feeling in his legs and slowly slid off his horse onto the ground, just managing to twist himself so that he did not land on the bundle he still cradled in his arms.
The spells of sleep and silence he had placed on the baby began to fail and her piercing, indignant cry rang out as the jolt woke him from his magically induced sleep.
He managed to drag himself under a bush to shield himself from any who would see them. He strained his ears for any sound around him and paled even further, as he perceived the sound of someone approaching. It was several moments before he realised it was only one person and not on horseback or Maeth, certainly not a guard, but right now he was not in any state of mind to tell much difference.
All went silent for a moment and the prince lay as still as he could, listening to the crickets and rustling of the trees in the wind, willing himself to hear where the approaching person was.
In a movement that startled him so much that he almost screamed, the branches around him were pulled back and the silent figure of an old man stood silently, staring down at him, his eyes were kind but also hardened, prepared for the worst.
Then after a moment that seemed to go on for an age he spoke. “Hello little Barrne.”
The boy just gasped in pain and hunched his exhausted body around the now sleeping bundle to offer it the little protection he could give it.
“You need not fear me.” The old man said quietly, looking in the direction the approaching guards were approaching from, he sighed. “You have more than enough people to fear as it is. I have Seen you and your family’s fate and am here to offer what little protection I can give.”
The prince digested this statement and slowly stared down at the bundle. Without taking his eyes off it he spoke to the old man. “They must not find him. He was not declared and has a chance.”
The old man said nothing, just nodded carefully and reached down to take up the bundle. The prince forced himself to stand, his eyes tight shut as he fought the pain of the bolt that was now too deep to reach and reached out his hand and touched the baby’s brow and his other hand reached up to his own.
For a moment nothing happened, then the glowing symbol of the kingdom appeared on the boys forehead for a moment, then it seemed to become a glowing pinpoint of light that slid across the link made by his arms and onto the brow of the baby, who was illuminated in gold for a moment before the light and the symbol disappeared from view.
The prince looked at the old man for a moment and said softly to him. “They must not find the heir.” All the old man did is nod again as the boy reached up and removed a pendant around his neck and put it round the neck of the child before he sank slowly to the ground, all his magic and strength depleted.
Still the old man stood staring down at the broken and dying boy, finally he spoke slowly and carefully picked up the whimpering child.
“What is his name?” He asked carefully.
For a long time no one spoke as the boy fought to remain conscious, finally he lifted his head. “Rename him Tlaimel.” He whispered. “His name is not safe for him now.”
The old man walked quickly away without a backward glance, the child safe in his arms. He was far away by the time the warriors found the boy.

It was almost four hours later that the castles dungeon was prepared for the ceremony. All of the members of the royal family lay or in the case of the young children hung, form shackles on the walls, a glowing forge stood in the centre of the room, spitting and hissing, heating the metal that it held.
The dark figure worked carefully, working his way slowly along the blade, smoothing any imperfections and working the metal carefully.
Finally the figure stood back and suddenly plunged the metal into a water barrel beside him, he did not release it, even as the water boiled and raged over his submerged hand, then he just as suddenly pulled his hand and the metal out.
He surveyed his steaming work with pride.
Turning on his heel, he slowly drifted over to where the king himself hung, the young man raised his head and stared at the figure defiantly through his haze of pain, the guards who had brought them here had not been kind.
Finally the king began to speak. “Do you think this will grant you Mrendlethell?” He gasped.
“I know it will my king.” He said slowly, those two words dripping with sarcasm. “All of the heirs are here, we both know what that means.”
A terrible grin began to play around his lips, he slowly stepped over to the hanging figure of the queen, but his eyes stayed on the young king at all times, there was something there, like a war that had been fought for a long time has been decided, a force not held off.
“But I have studied your skill, you may be the only one who can manage the concentration, so I believe that makes you last.” His eyes flicked towards the queen, but her gaze was riveted to that of her children hanging form the far wall, shaking with fear for them. “But I am not entirely unmerciful, your young bride I fear is rather frightened and I do not wish for her to be unnecessarily fearful.”
The queen’s gaze snapped up filled with loathing for the figure in front of her.
“I will not beg for mercy.” She stated, her voice bouncing around the chamber. “Nor am I afraid of you.”
“Soon remedied I assure you dear lady.” Their captor said smoothly, his eyes flicked to her children again. “But I still do not want you to be overly vexed.”
He stole one last glance at the king, his grin of triumph terrible to bear, before he stepped forward smartly and buried the newly forged blade deep into the queen’s heart.
Her dying scream echoed for a moment until the yells of the watching family members rose too loud to hear, but as Mrendlethell moved slowly along the line, it became quieter and quieter until finally only the king remained.
He was a broken man, looking as if he had lost everything and for good reason. But his captor did not strike him, instead just watched him for a long time.
Finally, a glowing symbol appeared on each slain members forehead, and then slowly inched its way across to the king, each joining in a nova of light that hit his body and erupted into a glowing crescendo of raw magic that moved within his body, the pain this concentration caused him was very much apparent. His bloodshot eyes watched the figure as it stepped forward and grinned at his foe.
“And now my dear adversary, I will claim my right.” Mrendlethell said with malice, plunging the blade into the king as he reached up and touched the kings forehead with his gloved hand.
“It was never your right.” The king gasped out as the blood spurted from his chest. “And it will not be today or any day hereafter.”
The king spoke true, the magic, rather than spreading up Mrendlethell’s arm like it should have, moved smoothly down his body and dissolved into the floor before he could react.
“NO!” He roared. “IT IS NOT POSSIBLE! THE POWER SHOULD BE MINE!”
He calmed down slightly but was still shaking with rage, stabbing the king’s body repeatedly with the knife as if this would help. Finally he calmed down enough to hiss through his teeth.
“Mark my words. The one who holds this power from me will pay dearly for it, death will not be enough for them and I will see to it that they get what is.”
His howls of rage were so loud that they caused a flock of ravens to take off from a high tower, ad cause all the animals to bolt in fear.





would value opinions....

Not bad. I think you reduce the descriptions a bit and insert a little more dialogue.

I would greatly value critisisms, anyone got some that are constructive?

The story picks up again almost Twenty years later. The hill where the young girl ran was part of the Madreth plains, on the very outskirts of the Laiemeth village. A trader’s village, where many people would come and go and life was not bound by the seasons of crops or wether the animals where fat enough; this place seemed to run on gossip. Traders from all over would appear and disappear on their many different tracks and speaking all the languages on the Octaem, many of which the villagers had learned and used as flawlessly as the travellers.
It was a busy place to live, filed with stories and the wisdom of the old men who still continued the harrowing pathways to sell their wares.
Tallia loved it here. There was always a feeling of palpable adventure in the air, of half written adventures and mysterious stories. The confusion of the village was also good cover for those that did not want to be known and Tallia’s father, the innkeeper never asked questions of the shadowy figures and robust men who stayed.
Laiemeth was a wonderful place for adventures, but Tallia’s brothers and herself were more likely to enjoy their adventures away from there this day.
The family were without their mother, as she had perished long ago in an accident that had almost taken Tallias life as well as a baby, so The four siblings were more of less left free to wander, their father and oldest brother Marthlen left to manage the Inn.
Along the eastward river road, the siblings all ran. One brother a little behind the others.
“Hurry up Paeri!” Tallia yelled cheerfully over her shoulder. “We will miss the ferry.”
“Always ‘hurry up’” Grumbled Paeri as he puffed after them, he was a little fatter than his siblings and always lagged behind them.
Finally they passed a small forest and looked over the Marketh Lake to a small island in the very centre, connected to the shore by a series of stepping-stones. This was the only way off the island without swimming and the distance was too great for even the travelling warriors who they often saw to attempt.
“Well then Kramiat.” Dellemoi, the eldest of the four siblings asked, once they were laying sprawled out on the sand of their secret cave, a bubble of rock above a smaller cave that filled up at high tide, cutting off their cave from the outside world completely and the perfect place for them to hide and plan.
I already told you.” Kramiat snapped irritably at his fellow triplets and younger sister. “The Magic traders are setting up the fair in Plethleith clearing tonight.”
“Great!” Exclaimed Dellemoi. “Iv been waiting all year for the performances, its amazing with all those element wizards.”
“Yes. Remember last year when they made the flaming torches turn into fire women?” Paeri exclaimed. “Then those birds they made of ice that flew around and turned into all those rainbow smoke clouds that flew away like butterflies! That must have been so hard to do!”
Delemoi and Tallia stayed silent for a moment, they were both more interested in magic than their brothers and knew more about it through a lot of study with the village Methren or magician.
“I don’t think it would be that hard to do.” Delemoi said slowly.
“Yes.” Tallia agreed. “Fire and water already move around, they just made it move a certain way.”
She felt a certainty unfold inside her, as if she had only just remembered something that had slipped her mind.
“In fact I bet we could do it just as well as they did.” She stated carefully, aware of what would come next, she was not disappointed.
“Your crazy.” Kramiat laughed.
“I agree.” Paerie said a little more calmly.
Even Delemoi shook his head. “I have never managed a state change, I couldn’t do it.”
He left the unfinished sentence spin in the air for a moment, their two brothers did not notice the sentence or the look that Delemoi shot his sister, for over fifteen years they had studied magic together, Tallia’s natural talent had put her ahead of her brother long ago, so he had compensated in other ways. He had become the silent companion, using his magic to boost and direct Tallia’s, as a team they were far stronger than they would ever have become alone, but something in Tallia's magic had always been unsettling to him, it was as if there was a floodgate in her somewhere, it was anyone’s guess what would happen if she ever learned to open that gateway.
Their other two brothers were not magical in the slightest. Kramiat had developed amazing fighting skills, his archery and swordsmanship were the best in the village and Paerie was extremely artistic in whatever he did, be it writing, painting singing or even dancing. Tallia had managed to take a lot of these skills for herself, but her father had told her she had gained her looks and natural balance from their mother.
“She was a mysterious woman, your mother.” He had said to her. “Hair as black as a raven’s and skin so white it was as if she had never before seen the sun. She moved like a cat, all gracefulness and balance and laughed as if she had looked hard enough at the world and seen what was so funny.”
Tallia had never been able to remember her mother, so she always relied on this description from her father, but it had always sounded strange to her. She had always been haunted in her dreams by a very different woman, whose skin was brown and hair bright red. She felt it best not to speculate on this and had never before shared this image with her family, in any case with the amount of travellers that came through her village it could simply be a strangely kept snippet of memory.
She suddenly came back to the present and found with some surprise that her brothers were just beginning to stand up and collect their things
“What? What’s happening?” She enquired and prepared herself for the onslaught.
“Don’t you ever pay attention?” Sneered Kramiat, on cue.
“You always zone out like that, its amazing you can carry a coherent conversation some of the time.” Added Paerie with a grin
“We were heading over to the house to grab our stuff for the traders tonight.” Delemoi explained, shooting his brothers a look.
Tallia blushed and without another word about her lapse of concentration, dove into the cave’s circular pool.
She always loved it down here when the tide was in, it was a secret place and above all the tunnels illuminated themselves from eerie little holes in various airshafts dotted around the tunnels. It was a decent swim, around ten minutes with only three air holes along the way; these air holes were in fact tiny holes in the higher stepping-stones way above them. The tunnel to get up to the island was useless to them at high tide as the stones above ground at high tide were far too small and slippery to use.
Finally they got to the surface and climbed out of the lake, dripping wet but exhilarated, the tunnel always did that to them, it was probably how the tunnel was so far down, the feeling that the tunnel was closed off and within closed off rock that they always managed to come through unscathed, it served to wet their appetites for adventure whenever they took this route home because of the danger it offered when the tide was going in or out, when the current was at its strongest and the air holes harder to locate through the bubbles and stirred up water.
Finally however, they found their way back to their village and spied the familiar sign of their fathers Inn, The Gyrating Blackbird. Its name was a little joke in the village, as its combined sounds (Mynevanda-telmotas) sounded remarkably like the words ‘lost little travellers’.
The sibling went in and immediately ran up to the attic where their rooms were situated, near the chimney shafts as to stay warm all year long, ignoring the many patrons who filled the halls and shouted in various traders’ languages.
In the shadows, one watched them go, carefully noting the boy’s apparent ages before he slowly got up and disappeared outside to where his horse was stabled.

This part is a bit slow but it needs to be said in order for the next bit to make sense.....

Good chapter.

any insults?

The fair was indeed a remarkable place to be. There was the famous element wizards showing off to the crowd, a witch in her mid-teens was shape changing to the appreciative sounds of her audience and apprentices were enthusiastically setting off their master’s and mistresses prize fireworks and shouting earnestly from every stall.
The animal traders were back again this year and the lines of bored unicorns and amused griffins added to the overall wonder of the fair, there was even a single Maeth, standing patiently off to one side and taking in its surroundings.
Their father had once told them that such events like this had once been commonplace and that the animals that now stood not far away from them had once been a far more common sight than their own, non-magical horses. This of course had been when the Royal line of the Octalia had still been in power and the magic of the lands itself had been allowed to flow freely.
Under the rule of Imperial Regent Carreth, Powerful or promising Mages simply disappeared, Magical items were taken by force and either destroyed or locked away. All magical animals were rounded up and, according to the rumours, used to swell the ranks of the already massive armies that controlled the eight provinces in a vice-like grip.
These armies were a great terror for the people of the old Octamon or in the common tongue the old Alliance. The armies were used to round up any source of magic they found, loot or burn any defenceless villages they saw fit to do so and to extract the heavy taxes that the villages were expected to pay. It was not uncommon to hear stories of whole villages starving to death, or being forced to join the swelling army.
This slow march of destruction still had a long way to go before it reached their own village, they were framed on three sides by the Granthev mountains, which were all but impossible to pass and the plains that bordered its other side seemed to go on forever and its background magic seemed to take great pleasure in getting and wanderers thoroughly lost. That was the reason why the magic traders still came here, and why it was still a safe haven for the group of people simply labelled ‘the hidden ones’. These people had once made up the aristocratic society in the time of the royal family. But when the power hunt had begun, they had been the first to be attacked, due to the distant relations with the royal family itself and the strong magic in their own bloodlines. Many had managed to escape and rumours abound that they had founded their own village that only they could find, Tallia personally disbelieved this story, she saw too many of them for the thought of them having a home somewhere seemed a little strange for her, after all, if you have a home you should at least visit is surely?
Tallia couldn’t help but keep staring at the impressive shape of the Maeth. It was a of a muscular yet sleek build, much like an incredibly large and powerful lion, with a scaly tail that looked very much like a giant lizards. The neck and head however was a lot like the pictures of dragons she had seen, all long neck and snout with a sort of crest running down its neck like a scaly mane and petering out at its back, picking up again in order to run smoothly down its tail, matching the scaly bat-like wings that stretched out smoothly form the creatures back.
This one was currently going for the impressive look, with its wings up and out where they could be seen and its entire body a rather fetching pattern of gold and red, Tallia already new that Maeths were able to change their scale colour at will, but she didn’t really need to, as this one was currently turning its front paws purple in an attempt to stave off boredom.
The Maeth suddenly swung its impressive head around to face Tallia and regarded her through very intelligent eyes, for a moment, there was a small look in its eye, like that of recognition, before it treated her to a scaly smile ad a conspirital wink. Tallia smiled back and inched closer, her family apparently engrossed by the young witch’s new state change into a huge golden phoenix and was singing softly to her audience.
She knew that Maeths could only speak a few words, but that did not mean they were less intelligent, they were in fact more so, even though many people refused to believe this, Tallia on the other hand accepted this fact and was more than willing to accept any wisdom this particular Maeth wished to share with her.
When she was right alongside it, it curved its neck down so that it could whisper in her ear, she heard it desperately begin to wheeze, as it tried to form such unnatural sounds, but it managed to talk to her nevertheless.
“Hhrullooo Mmeeesstressss.” It managed before it pretended to turn its attention back to the crowd; Tallia thought saw it still staring at her with a scaly grin on its face. She wondered what it had meant but was unable to ask, as applauding madly, her family came racing up to her.
“That was amazing!” Paerie breathed. “Tell me again why I didn’t take up magic?”
“Because your extremely lazy?” Supplied Delemoi as they continued to walk along the rows of stalls and admire the amazing merchandise.
“I think its time you boys went off for a while.” Their father said quickly in order to stop the ensuing argument. “There was something I needed to show Tallia.”
All three brothers shot her a look that said very clearly ‘What’s so great about you then?’ smiled anyway and wandered off to admire a stall full of stone carved animals that were wandering around the stall and playing with the customers.
Tallia’s father however led her to a curtained off stall in a hidden corner of the clearing and ushered her inside. Within this place there was a single man standing in the middle of the room, working patiently at a large work-stone. Tallia couldn’t see what he was working on through the gloom.
“This is Tallia.” Her father said, pushing her forward slightly. “We’ve come for the order.”
All the man did was reach behind him and take up a large package, which he handed to her. After taking a rather large bag of coins from her father, they went back outside and then went a short distance into the wood as to be a little more discreet.
“This here is something special I thought you should have.” Her father said after Tallia began to tear at the paper. “I thought you’d surely need it one of these days.”
It was an impressive sword, with magical marks running along its blade, its handle in the shape of a stylised black birdlike creature and a scabbard of black velvet and beads of black crystal and silver workings. There was a carved bow too, of a fine supple wood that was carved with pictures of ravens.
Finally there was a traveller’s cape, fastened with a beautiful symbol of a Raven that held tiny glowing points of magic for its eyes. All Tallia could do was stare at her father in joy and just a hint of reproach.
“Its an old story in our village, that the raven is the keeper of all memory.” Her father went on, not meeting her eyes. “No matter how obscure a fact or secret an event, the raven remembers it and understands that because it remembers, it is the most powerful. It is the hardships in our lives that give us our drive and the raven is the embodiment of that.”
“There are some other things too, wrapped up in the cloak that you might want to look at.” He looked at his daughter and just for a moment, his eyes flicked towards the clearing. Tallia wondered who had left this for her; her father had been just as surprised at the contents as she was, what he was saying was like something he had just been told.
Then with the certainty that only a magical background can give a person, she felt the unavoidable, of sudden doom approaching. Before she was even aware what she was doing she was running back towards the clearing, the bundle left behind in her sudden dash to warn her brothers.
Just when she thought she had made it, her lungs bursting and her lags cramping, just when she spied them, playing casually with a stone puppy, she knew it was too late.
As she began to hear the screams.

and it continues....

Nice chapter though it is a bit long.

yea it kinda has to be tho, its the groundwork for her memories and such, like what makes up her force to suceed and such. itll make more sense as it goes....

On the other side of the same clearing and carefully watching the spectacle, a pool of silence watched the show carefully. It was the heavy silence of a number of men holding their weapons and stilling their breathing, a silence alive with a feel rather than a sound.
Finally it was broken. “I don not presume them to be as such master.”
“Do they look the right age?” A much colder voice asked carefully.
“Yes they are my Lord and they certainly look as he would.” The first voice said again, all syrup, but tinged with doubt. “But there are three, not one.”
“If I was to hide a jewel where it would not be singled out, I would place it in a box of jewels. If someone was to hide a lone boy where they hoped he would not be singled out, where would you hide him?”
The pool of silence seemed to catch its breath for a long timeless moment, then was punctuated by the hiss of and intaken breath.
“Bring the boys to me.” The Masters voice rang out a little louder. “Destroy the magic and kill the vendors, do with the village as you like.”
And in one timeless moment, the forest itself seemed to come alive with a thousand men who sprang out of hiding, scattering their prey as the music stopped as suddenly as the screams began.
Magic lights were instantly extinguished and the whole world was plunged into inky darkness until a soldier took it upon himself to begin lighting the clearing on fire, the flickering darkness taking on new texture as Tallia ran blindly on to where her brothers had stood, forgetting everything in her haste to find them.
Before she could get far she was knocked to the ground by a mounted soldier taking sport of the fleeing, terrified villagers, luckily it was not a fatal blow but it did leave her vision coming in and out of focus and the prospect of getting up again as remote as the slaughter around her seemed to be. People she had grown up with and known all her life struck down by these laughing men, words flashing eerily with their magic that bit flesh and severed limbs.
Finally Tallia lost consciousness, but not before she had witnessed the image of her father, as he emerged from the woods, puffing from his run, seeing what was happening and finally as he felt the cold steel of a mercenary sword slide into his ribcage.


Only minutes later, but feeling as if it was hours, she lifted her head and looked around.
The screams were distant now, as was the sounds of the warriors, but in front of her were three remarkably familiar figures.
Her three brothers were kneeling not that far away from her, heads bowed and hands tied behind their backs. A terrifying figure stood in front of them, mostly obscured by a huge black cloak, but the shine of red armour glistened from underneath it when he moved.
He was looking at her brothers as if they had just crawled out of a swamp, glaring as if he could see right through to their souls.
She got unsteadily to her feet, she did not know what was happening but was not willing to lie there like a coward to find out the fates of her brothers. She watched as the huge figure walked over to each in turn, pulled their heads back by the hair and touched the forehead of each brother in turn, when he had inspected all three, he stood still for a moment before he kicked Delemoi viciously in the chest, causing him to keel over in pain.
“None of these are who we search for.” He stated as Delemoi continued to splutter. “But they have wasted my time. Kill them.”
Tallia’s legs seemed to take over her as she screamed something indistinguishable and lunged at the figure, she was caught immediately by a guard and in her dazed state she could do little more than hang limply from the soldiers grasp, before she knew it the huge man was in front of her, using his dagger to tilt her head up to where he could see he face clearly.
“Ah, a relation I presume.” He mused. “However you are not only younger but also of the wrong sex to be the one I am looking for and as such are of no use to me.”
“Let my brothers go and you may do with me as you like.” Tallia stated, doing everything in her power to keep her gaze on that of the man in front of her even though she felt as if her mind was being read through his gaze.
“I’m afraid not my dear.” He said smoothly. “I am almost certainly sure a number of my men would like such an offer but I have more pressing matters to deal with.”
He did not speak again, only turned swiftly and stabbed her brothers, Delemoi’s gaze holding her own until she knew that there was no longer anything living in that body to look out of them.
She looked up to see the creature who had murdered her family walking calmly away, cloak streaming back as he mounted a waiting Maeth and took off into the night, her gaze never leaving that image until she thought she could not see but for the red rage that boiled up from inside her, finally as she felt the soldier holding her begin to lead her away, she snapped and swiftly kicked his legs out from under him and landing a punch on his chest as he fell.
Turning in a direction she knew, she began to run as she became aware of the sounds of hooves behind her, but she knew this way better than anyone now left and there was no path for he horses to take. In barely a few minutes she had reached the lake and dove, finding the tunnel mouth by memory alone now that the moon was no longer shining through the smoke clouds obscuring it.
Within the haven of the water, she heard the sounds of diving figures and knew that they were doing their best to follow, but she knew something that they did not, turning up into a hidden airhole, she broke surface, grabbed onto the uneven rock and braced herself as she kicked a support near he feet, the dams her and her brothers had fitted to this end of the tunnel came down and the rushing current suddenly swept the tunnel, dragging her pursuers down hidden tunnels that would eventually lead them to the sea and what was beyond it.
Possibly this would not concern them as the holes also had no airshafts.
When the current had subsided she went up to a now deserted place, that still was filled with smoke where people had been only ours ago.
By chance her foot found a bundle that lay curled in the relative safety that a tree could give it, the bundle her father had given her. With trembling hands she looked at the gifts once more as tears stung her eyes.
Finally she changed into the clothes as she could no longer wear the burned and sodden rags she had on and took a small comfort from the sword at her side and bow on her back.
Also in that place stood a figure that had camouflaged itself into the background. The Maeth from the fare watched her and then slowly turned itself so that she could mount, Tallia was not even able to argue, but simply climbed up and looked at the symbol on her belt, mumbling to herself.
“Only the raven remembers.”


sorry this is late, iv been preoccupied with work

Another good chapter.

evilcat4000 wrote:Another good chapter.

why thank you but i would preferr some constructive critizism to help me along, i can never tell what needs fixing and what i should just leave alone after a while cause i worked on it so much i just cant tell anymore

Interesting fiction you got going there.

However, I must be honest. Its hard for me to read, and probably other people too... because you put all your story text in blue quote format.

Bright blue background and white text... bad.

Try and go back to all your previous story posts, then put them in normal text mode. Delete the "quote" HTML code, and you'll be golden.

Eaglewood wrote:Interesting fiction you got going there.

However, I must be honest. Its hard for me to read, and probably other people too... because you put all your story text in blue quote format.

Bright blue background and white text... bad.

Try and go back to all your previous story posts, then put them in normal text mode. Delete the "quote" HTML code, and you'll be golden.

K thanx

Extremely sorry this is so late, my works kinda got on top of me.
ON TO CHAPTER 2!!!

It was about three years later that a young man walked rather apprehensively into a local roadside tavern and collapsed into a chair.
He was soaked through from the rain outside that pounded the windows and was clearly exhausted, his once fine clothes now worn out from hard travel but carefully darned and patched in places that still made them serviceable.
Only the innkeeper saw the youth come in and bustled over to where the young man was now, panting and taking pains to keep his eyes open the youth watched him approach.
“Good evening young sir, I would say you’d be in need of a room for the night?” the innkeeper said amiably.
The man nodded. “My horse is in the stable yard and needs a good rest and decent food, our road was hard.”
“Perchance id be asking your name young sir?” The innkeeper said as a stable-hand rushed outside to see to the horse. “Only His Lordship’s army will require the names to be written down so they can put them in their records.”
The youth stood up and turned to the stairs that led to the rooms, he turned and looked right at the innkeeper and said quietly, as if to himself.
“Tlaimel.”


Tallia was also seeing to a restless night.
Most of them were, ever since that fateful night. The moment her eyes closed she would see her brothers as they lay in their growing pools of blood, sightless eyes staring into her own as the screams swirled around them all.
It was an image that had haunted her every night, hidden in the darkness behind her eyelids, but her waking moments were all but consumed by the rage.
Rage at the armies who had taken her family, rage at whoever had betrayed her towns location but most of all, rage at the dark figure who had looked into her eyes and laughed as he killed her family and left them to rot on the ground.
It was this black rage that had kept her going all this time. She did not dwell in hopeful fantasies about the old rulers like the majority of the peasants did, she was only spurred on by the image in her mind as that dark creature failed and fell under her waiting blade.
She idly scratched a piece of wood with her thumb and when it flared, flicked it expertly into the centre of the waiting campfire, which sprang into life. It would have been difficult to have noticed that what she had in fact used to light the fire was not a match, but an ordinary piece of twig, unless of course you already knew.
But right now even this small bit of magic was all but beyond her. She had spent the better part of the day raising a stone monument to her family, finally able to return after all this time, she was only now able to lay them to rest properly.
Even now the stone lay in the lush clearing that had once been the grounds for their murder, but the stone itself would not be completed for some time. This was intentional, as right in the centre of the monument, a huge indent was burned into the stone itself, silhouette of a jewel that Tallia knew would be hers someday, to be placed in this stone.
For around the neck of her family’s murderer had hung a huge red stone, encircled by a golden snake with wings that came out at the sides, as if ready to strike, this would be her test.
In the pool of the crackling firelight, Tallia’s white skin had a ghostly sheen to it, as she dozed, it looked as if no life was stirring in her lungs, her breathing seemed very much misplaced. However even in this fitful dose, her ears remained pricked and her hand rested on the hilt of her sword, she would rest marginally safer once Faella returned.
What Tallia had assumed to be a Maeth so long ago, had to her surprise been nothing more than a shape. The creature seemed able to change shape at will, yet was never seen to do so, yet changing shape as often as she wanted to, even though these forms were all midnight black, with Tallia’s very own raven symbol in white, somewhere on her shifting form, hence the name Tallia had given her. Faella ‘the shifter’.
What Faella actually was, or what her true from was were both difficult for Tallia to discern, she seemed to favour the form of a large, powerful horse but would change at random into whatever form took her fancy it seemed.
Then Tallia began to hear the small sounds of someone trained to be silent. The tiny swish of the overhead branches, silences where there should have been noise and the small squelch as someone heavy sank ever so slightly into the dewy ground.
It was clear the person, most probably male, had not spotted her, as they were heading a little to the right of her, towards the fire. Tallia slid around behind the tree she had been using as a rest and carefully came up behind her would-be attacker, her hand already grasping the dagger she had drawn from her boot.
Finally she sprang, the blade of the dagger pressing into his neck. After a second, to allow the situation to sink in, she kicked the figure into the firelight, withdrawing the dagger so as to no injure him, she did not want to kill anyone here if she could help it.
The figure was in fact a dazed and half starved man, very close to her own age and sporting shiny chain-mail and equipment, what was most surprising was the absence of the insignia of Lord Carreth’s army, most warriors were soaked into their ranks like water into a sponge.
Lone warriors, once common were now a rare sight and she should know.
Projecting her voice randomly, so he could not know in what direction she was, she began to speak.
“Now you are not a member of the Imperial Army.” She mused. “But what does a lone warrior have to do with such a barren place?”
“I could ask you the very same question.” The boy snapped back, staring in the completely wrong direction. Tallia smiled grimly, this boy was brave, if not a little foolish.(this scene isnt finished, but i thought id post my progress so far)