StarDestroyer.Net BBS

I started the tideous effort to dissect Graham Kennedy's SW-bashing fanfic "Portal". I will do it less from a style standpoint but more from a logical an technical.

(Edited for corrections)

Part one:
Foreword and Chapter one:

Foreword:

This story is for enjoyment purposes only - I was trying to write a dramatic and tense bit of fiction, not to depict what I think would actually happen if the USS Enterprise met the Star Wars Empire.
[Of course he can't. In "reality", the Federation would be sqished faster than someone could say "Ajatollah". And his 'story' is neither dramatic or tense. It is only his way of shitting on SW.]
In "reality"; (strange word to use in this context!), I think that the events here would go MUCH more in Starfleet's favour, but pushing that argument is emphatically NOT what this story is for.
[He already starts his propaganda.If he would actually bother to watch the movies and read the novels, he would have to aknowledge that the Star Wars Galaxy is vastly superior.]
The Alpha-quadrant part of the story is set early in Deep Space Nine's sixth season. The story begins shortly after the war with the Dominion started and about six months after the events of "Star Trek : First Contact". Chapter Six ends some time before the events seen in the Deep Space Nine episode "Favour the Bold".
The Star Wars portion is set a few months before "The Empire Strikes Back".
Although this story is naturally not canon, I have made every possible effort to keep it strictly in line with the known technology and events of both the Startrek and Star Wars universes. So far as I know, 'Portal' does not contain one single canon violation of either Trek or Wars - with one proviso.
[This is his first great lie. Of course he mind-boggendy overrates Trek and does everything to make Wars looking bad. His definition of "not contain a single canon violation" I want to see.]
So far as I am concerned, the ONLY parts of the Wars franchise that are canon are the three Special Edition versions of the movies. I don't care what it says in the reference books, novels, scripts, comics, or anything else. The reason I don't care is that George Lucas has been quoted as saying that he will feel free to deliberately contradict these sources in future films if he feels like it - as far as I am concerned, that means that they are not canon. "Official" simply does not count, and "canon unless contradicted" is simply absurd. If you don't like that then that's your prerogative, but don't bother e-mailing arguments to me because I've heard it all before in spades and it doesn't change a thing.
[He completly ignores canon policy of Lucasfilm. Because it is too complicated too explain it here, view the canon page on Micheal Wong's website: http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Misc/Canon.html ]
Without giving anything away, I'm aware that a certain central character is left rather lost and cut off from home at the end of this story. I haven't decided what to do with this character yet, but I am mulling over ideas for further parts. If you'd like to read more, feel free to e-mail me and let me know.
[Why is this in the foreword?]
So read on and enjoy. And if you don't... well hey, it's only a story.
[That he must write to shield himself against critics, so he can simply say that it is 'only a story', dispite his serious errors and bias. As if I would care.....]

Chapter 1

Captain's log, Stardate 51102.4. The Enterprise is proceeding with her second shakedown cruise after leaving Spacedock last month. So far we have had few problems, and it appears that we were successful in removing the Borg technology from the ship. Our visitor continues to offer valuable help on tweaking the tactical systems." Picard smiled at that; Worf was rarely happier than when he was practising firing weapons systems.
He tried to think of something else to add to the log. The last few weeks had exhausted just about every variant of 'all's well' in his repertoire. The six months it had taken to remove the Borg hardware from his ship had at least been challenging, difficult work. But now, cruising around the heart of the Federation, there was little to do. That the rest of Starfleet was out struggling - and loosing - against the Dominion while the most powerful ship in the fleet calibrated its sensor systems and tested its phasers on asteroids was an insult added to the injury.
The intercom sounded. "LaForge to Bridge. LaForge to Bridge. We've finished aligning the Dilithium matrix down here. Full warp power at your discretion."
"Excellent work, Mister LaForge." Picard replied. "Well ahead of schedule."
"Just call me the miracle worker." Picard heard the laughter in Geordi's voice, and smiled. The Engineer had obviously been getting mail from Captain Scott again.
Data stiffened suddenly as a beeping noise came from his console. "Short range sensors are detecting a spatial anomaly at bearing zero six one mark five, range four million kilometres," the android reported with a grin. "The energy patterns do not match up precisely to anything in the database, although they are similar to the anomaly we encountered near Archer IV eight years ago."
"That turned out to be nothing," Riker said quietly. Picard nodded, but he had already made up his mind - any kind of puzzle was better than this aimless cruising.
"Lay in a course to the anomaly and take us to it at half impulse," he ordered. Less than a minute later the anomaly was on the main viewscreen - a swirling mass of energy over two kilometres across.
"Sensor readings are indeterminate." Data announced, "we are reading no discernible event horizon, but there is evidence of a time distortion of some kind."
"Is it stable?" Picard asked.
"No sir. The anomaly's size and energy density are fluctuating. The process is somewhat chaotic, but there is a definite growth trend."
"Is it dangerous?" Riker asked.
"Certainly no immediate threat sir. At its present rate of growth the anomaly would need several decades before it was large enough to be a serious hazard to navigation."
"Let's get a closer look," Picard said. "Bring us in to within ten kilometres."
"Thrusters ahead, two hundred kph," Lieutenant Mayers reported. The anomaly grew steadily on the viewscreen.
Another alarm sounded on Data's console. His hands sped across the board. "Sir, the anomaly is fluctuating rapidly. I am reading a massive buildup in energy."
"Back us off," Picard said instantly to Mayers. "Data, is it responding to us in some way?"
"I do not think so, sir," Data replied. "There is some form of resonance effect within the-"
On the viewscreen the anomaly suddenly seemed to burst like an exploding sun, filling the bridge with a dazzling light. It lasted barely a quarter of a second before vanishing completely, leaving the screen with a perfectly normal starscape.
Not entirely normal, Picard thought to himself in confusion. Barely a light-year from Earth the constellations should be virtually identical to those Picard had grown up with. But this sky was vastly more crowded than anything he was used to.
"Data, where are we?" he asked in a whisper.
"According to the inertial navigation system we have not moved sir," Data replied instantly.
"Get a star fix to confirm that."
"Aye sir..." There was a pause. "Unable to establish a position on any known star. Checking for extra-galactic objects... no matches to known objects found."
"I see," Picard said heavily. "Meaning we are a long way from home."
"A very long way sir." Data said. "The lack of a fix on known extra-galactic objects indicates that we have travelled at least hundreds of millions of light years. Possibly a great deal more."
"Conduct an intensive sensor scan of this area. Concentrate on finding some trace of that anomaly, but I want to know everything we can find out about this region of space."
A hundred million light-years, he though to himself. At least. Merde!
[That part is still logical, but it is boring. And how exactly do Data got the "hundreds of millions of lightyears"? Since Data normally not guesses numbers like that in the show.]
"Captain's log, Stardate 51104.3. After sixteen hours since the event which catapulted us to this region, we have begun to piece together a few answers..."
Data activated the conference room viewscreen and brought up the visual records of the anomaly they had encountered.
"After detailed analysis of our sensor logs, I believe that what we encountered was a form of wormhole," he announced.
"That's not like any wormhole I've ever seen," Riker commented.
"Indeed, the anomaly does display many characteristics that are... anomalous," Data finished with an apologetic look. "Wormholes are only visible when they are approached, while this one seems to be more readily apparent. In addition, there is the temporal element. Classic wormholes are connections between one point of space and another - there has never been any record of a wormhole which allowed travel through time."
"Until now," LaForge added miserably.
"Indeed. Our analysis of the chronaton fields which enveloped the ship indicate that we suffered a time displacement at least equal in magnitude to our spatial displacement."
"Long ago and far away." Picard murmured. "How did this happen, exactly?"
"Our initial sensor analysis indicated that the anomaly was following a general pattern of linear growth. Subsequent events indicate that this effect is only partially linear - in fact the anomaly seems to come into resonance periodically. At this time it briefly increases in size and energy by a vast degree, before reversing the growth and collapsing back on itself."
Riker spoke up next. "I guess the question on all our minds is, will it begin to grow again? Is the cycle repetitive?"
Data nodded. "I believe so."
"And the second question is, is the anomaly symmetrical along its spacetime axis?" Geordi asked.
"That I am unsure of," Data said. "There is no way to tell."
"Can we predict the cycle?" Picard asked.
Data nodded. "If the pattern holds true, the next resonance will occur in another forty seven hours."
The intercom sounded. "Bridge to Captain Picard. Sir, we're picking up something on the sensors. A tachyon surge of some kind."
[Good that it ended. It became slowly extremly boring.]
"Or perhaps sooner," Picard said quietly. "Stations, everybody."
"Tachyon surge is increasing," Mayers reported as Picard took his chair. "We have something like a wormhole forming out there, two hundred kilometres away."
"Is it the same thing as before?"
Data shook his head. "No sir. A very different phenomena. Not like anything we have seen before."
"On screen."
The impossibly crowded starfield appeared on the viewscreen. Something appeared in the centre of the image - a pinprick at first, it expanded impossibly fast. Suddenly there was a spacecraft hovering before them.
[From were did this Tachyon thing from? Hyperdrive never showed such a phenomen. Stranger, Picard has enough time to go to bridge, which also is badly written. From canon observation the ship should have left hyperspace even before the captain could have reacted.]
Picard narrowed his eyes. It went against his nature to judge by appearance, but that thing did not look pleasant. Triangular in shape, it looked big and powerful - as if the designer had wanted the shape alone to be a threat.
"We are being scanned," Data reported. "Simple electromagnetic scans, plus an active graviton beam - all very powerful sources."
"Do not return scans," Picard said instantly. He was aware of Riker's questioning look. "It is their neighbourhood, Number One. Don't want to appear too inquisitive."
"We are being hailed," Data said. "A radio transmission, language unknown. I am processing the signal through the universal translator." There was a pause, then an unfamiliar voice filled the bridge.
"Unknown vessel, this is the Imperial Star Destroyer Battlecry. You are trespassing in the Coruscant Restricted Zone, a region of space designated for use by authorised personnel only. State your identity and business here."
[The reaction of the Battlecry is OK, but he greatly overestimates the capacaty of the universal translator. I don't think that it could analyse Basic in mere seconds. If it is capable at all, since Basic is completly foreign to the translator.]
Picard hesitated. "Battlecry, this is the Federation Starship Enterprise. We intend no trespass on your space - our vessel is a ship of exploration." That's a half truth, he thought - the Sovereign class was officially an Enhanced Deterrence Explorer, in reality a battlecruiser. But there was no need to go into that right now. "We encountered a spatial anomaly of some kind which catapulted our ship to this region of space. We are investigating possible methods of returning home now."
The reply was almost instant. "Enterprise, you are already committing a serious violation of Imperial law just by being in your present location. Making false statements to an Imperial Navy officer will just add to those charges and make things more difficult for you."
"Battlecry, we are falsifying nothing. Our ship has been the victim of an unfortunate accident which we are trying to correct. We intend no harm-"
"Enterprise, stand by to receive a boarding party. Your senior officers will be taken into custody and your ship impounded until appropriate action can be taken. The transport is on its way now." Picard saw a smaller craft emerge from beneath the huge vessel and begin to glide slowly towards them. "Be warned, Enterprise; our turbo laser batteries are locked onto your ship and we will fire at any provocation. Battlecry out." The line went dead.
"Well, that sounded final," Riker said quietly.
"Indeed," Picard nodded, watching the transport draw closer. "This may be their territory, but I'm not about to let them board this ship. Red alert. Mister Data, scan that vessel. Let's learn what we can."
[Why the heck do they want to board the ship? They not even tried to get more information before sending the transport. And why not using ion cannons to disable the ship first, so it will be safe?]
"Aye, sir. Scan initiated."
"Mister Worf," Picard said. Worf had been shooting covert looks at the tactical station for the last five minutes. "Please take the tactical station. I'm afraid you've been drafted."
"Thank you, sir," The Klingon said with obvious glee.
"Tactical analysis please."
Worf studied the console. "The vessel is armed with sixty charged particle weapons and sixty further emplacements of an unknown type. Also there are ten tractor beam emitters. A conformal shield grid of moderate capacity, and the hull is constructed of high density armour. She is powered by a large fusion plant."
"How large?" Picard asked cautiously.
"Undetermined," Worf said simply.
[First, the shields of an Star Destroyer are many time stronger than enything the Federation encountered. Second, the Star Destroyer uses a Solar Ionization reactor, not a fusion reactor. And it's power output is a lot over >200 trillion GW(the reactor output of an Acclamator, a troop transport!)
For comparison, the poor E-D only made 4 billion GW.]
"Captain Picard, this is your last warning," The intercom sounded. "Drop your shields and prepare to be boarded."
"Battlecry, I say again: we were thrown to this location by a natural anomaly. Our intentions are peaceful, but we are equipped to defend ourselves and will if we must." He made a slashing motion to Worf, who cut the channel.
"The enemy vessel is using targeting scanners on us," Worf announced. As he spoke a single bolt of brilliant green flashed out from the Star Destroyer and impacted on the Enterprises shields. Picard felt the ship rock slightly.
"Hit to the forward shields," Worf announced. "They are holding. The weapon was a charged plasma bolt - it emitted a strong pulse of laser energy as it hit our shields."
"Laser?" Picard looked at the image on the screen thoughtfully.
"Yes sir. Most of the energy simply reflected off the navigational shields, but the impact of the plasma itself imparted some energy to the combat shields."
The Enterprise rocked again, this time more strongly. Picard turned to see a rain of fire pouring up from the Star Destroyer, blasting against the shields.
"We are sustaining moderate damage to the forward shields," Worf said pointedly, clearly annoyed at Picards inaction and trying to hide it. "One percent drop-off."
"Can we target their power system, disable the ship?" Picard asked.
[Here it starts. He thinks, that the navigational deflector would magically hinder all kind of laser damage. He got several things wrong, but the main points are:
1.)It was never said in Trek, that this is the case, in the opposite, they raise full shields against lasers. Why if they are so harmless? It is one of the most distubing myths favoured by rabid Trkkies.
2.)Even if it CAN deflect lasers, everything has limits. A medium Turbolaser is 200 GIGATONS a shot. More than enough to pulverise poor E-E.
3.)He got the Turbolasers wrong. Actually, the laser component is only small part of the damage, and the main part is ignited tibanna-gas, which is seen in the bolt. Even if his "magical deflectors" would work, the tibanna-gas would be still enough to vaporise the ship. The gas of one shot, I should add.
That plasma is in the bolt, is a error on his side.]
"I do not believe that is possible," Data replied. "Fusion power plants may not be as powerful as a warp core but breaching one would cause a considerable explosion, and it is unlikely that a reactor of that size could be ejected."
[He still insists that it is a fusion reactor. That fusion reactors are inferior to M/AM reactors, I can understand, but he wants to sneak in through the back door that the Enterprise has more power than a Star Destroyer. But it will get worse....]
"The weapons then," Picard said. "Target the weapon batteries, Mister Worf. Phasers to one quarter power, a rapid fire sequence."
Worf selected the option from the list the computer had been offering him for the last few minutes. "Ready, sir."
"Fire."
Captain Beltain of the Imperial Star Destroyer Battlecry was not in the best of moods. When he had come across this peculiar vessel skulking around inside a restricted zone less than a light year from Coruscant itself, his initial reaction had been pride; the ship was obviously some kind of spy vessel, perhaps a new offering from the Rebellion. A nice catch indeed to have on the record of an ambitious Imperial officer.
They had refused to co-operate, as he had known they would. Beltain had hoped to damage the ship and capture it, but his first shot at the enemy had come as something of a surprise - the turbo laser bolt had hit some kind of forcefield well before impacting on the ship itself. Worse, the sensor records he was looking at showed that most of the energy of the bolt had simply bounced off harmlessly.
Furious at this news, he had ordered a full barrage - and this Enterprise had simply sat there and taken it.
[Kennedy uses the infamous only-ship-in-sector philosophy from Trek on Coruscant. I now know why he is disgusted by TPM. Because we see how much ships there are, he had to realize, that his one-ship solution was simply stupid. Also, this contraidics his statement about canon, because Coruscant was only named in TPM and AOTC, but never in the special editions. (it was only SEEN in the end of ROTJ, but never named).
The second problem is, why they use turoblasers when they want to board the ship. Since the Enterprise is rather fragile looking and small to imperial standards, the turbolasers would have destroyed the ship. Normally they use an ion cannon bnombardement when the target sits so nicely before you. I can only explain this in two ways:
-Kennedy forgot about the ion cannons until later (a bit more down).
-He wanted to make the imperial captain look like a idiot.
I suspect a combination of both.]
"Are we doing any damage?" he snapped at the gunnery officer. The man looked at him with trepidation.
"Uh... we seem to be causing some damage to that forcefield sir. I'm reading a drop in its energy output." The man glanced at his readout of the enemy ship's shield energy, unwilling to say more. He didn't know whether he dared believe what the sensors were telling him.
"I want an all-out bombardment," Beltain snapped, turning to look at the gleaming white ship hanging just a few kilometres away. "Fire the ion cannon-"
At that moment, a filament of brilliant orange stabbed out from the ship. The beam swept across the surface of the Star Destroyer's hull, stuttering in a pattern almost too rapid to follow. Beltain felt the huge vessel shake beneath his feet as a series of explosions appeared in rapid succession across the hull of his ship.
"Multiple shield breaches!" the tactical officer said, his voice disbelieving. "Reading damage to all hull sections."
Beltain looked back out at the enemy ship. The single beam was still stabbing its pattern of destruction over his hull. "Launch all fighters!" he yelled. "Full attack!"
At that moment the pattern of destruction stopped. Silence descended over the bridge. "Damage report." Beltain ordered, his voice shaking.
"The turbo laser batteries and ion cannon..." the tactical officer said in something approaching awe, "they're... gone. All of them."
[Of course after a bit of more grinning about his magical deflectors, he EXTREMLY overrates phaser power. To make it clear: the phaseres of the E-D had 3.6 GW, compare that to turbolasers. And how his version of phasers got directly though >70 trillion GW shields and destroyes armor that is bonded with neutronium, will be his secret. Also, ALL weapons? Totally ridiculous!
Also see that he contraidicts himself twice.
-Now they go though the armor easily. Hadn't Worf said that the armor is extremly dense?
-His canon rules. In "the doomsday machine" the Enterprise couldn't scratch a thin neutronium hardend hull with it's phasers. Strange that they can here. Ok, the E-nil is 100 years older than the E-E, but since thier weapons technology hadn't made any real progress since then, I still doubt it.]
Baltain thought it over for less than a second. The speed that beam tracked around my ship, it would hit fighters without any problem. And a weapon that could carve through a Star Destroyer's shields like that would barely notice a fighter.
"Cancel the launches," he snapped. "Jump to lightspeed, as soon as possible."
[It is hyperspace, not lightspeed....]
"Their weapons array has been destroyed," Worf reported.
"Hail them," Picard ordered. "Maybe now they'll see sense."
"No response," Worf replied after a few seconds.
"Reading a power buildup in the ships reactor core," Data announced.
"Is it going to breach?" Picard asked anxiously.
"Negative," Data replied. "I believe it is preparing to engage its main drive system."
The Star Destroyer confirmed the statement by suddenly rocketing forwards, flashing past the Enterprise and away. "Our sensors no longer read them," Data said.
"Conference," Picard ordered. The senior officers headed off the bridge.
"First things first," Picard said when they had settled. "Have we damaged our chanced of getting home. Mister Data?"
"The anomaly is still in a very low state of activity at the moment," Data reported. "I do not believe the weapon discharges have affected it."
A collective sigh went around the table.
"Good," Picard said, noting the smiles. "Now, we seem to have landed in a place that is less than welcoming to strangers. Counsellor, any insights into the people we just dealt with?"
"Not good, sir." Troi shook her head. "It's hard for me to focus on an individual mind at that distance without a visual reference to concentrate on, but I managed to get enough for an overall impression. The Captain of that ship was a very arrogant and prideful man; it never even occurred to him that we might be telling the truth about how we got here, his only interest was in capturing or destroying us."
"What about the crew in general?" Riker asked.
"Also not good." Troi frowned. "The background noise was nothing like a Federation Starship. If anything it was close to a Romulan vessel - a lot of ambition and anger held in check by fear."
"I see."
"I did pick up one definite impression from their captain," Troi said. "Just as the ship was leaving he was feeling angry and frightened at what he saw as a terrible defeat for him. But mostly he had an absolute determination to repay the loss, with interest. I think he'll be back. Him or others like him."
[*Sigh* Of course there HAD to be the infamous conference that we had in nearly every episode of TNG. And he had to paint the Imperials in a bad light.]
"Of that there is little doubt," Picard said. "We've shown them that we have weapons technology a good deal beyond theirs. To the type of people we seem to be dealing with that's going to be an offer they can't refuse. Whatever forces they have in this area, we can expect them to show up here as soon as they can make it."
"Let's just hope we're in some largely forgotten backwater of this 'Empire' of theirs," LaForge said.
"Just what type of technology are we dealing with here?" Riker asked the Engineer.
"Quite a strange mix," Geordi grinned, clearly happy at having a new puzzle. "On the surface theyre almost laughable - laser based weapons, particle beams, fusion reactors; Earth moved past that sort of thing a long time ago. From their point of view these Star Destroyers are built for sheer power and strength, there's not a lot of finesse involved. But they've built the systems on an impressive scale - I'd say they've been working on this technology for a long, long time. Perhaps even millennia. Its odd that they never got as far as matter-antimatter reactors in all that time."
[Now the gloating starts. Kennedy does all to bring though his agenda: Make SW looking bad. Picard boasting that they are superior, LaForge talking of backwater and then it really start. He tries to make Imperial technology look stupidly inferior. Lets see:
laser based weapons: Total lie. Turbo lasers are not lasers but totally different.
particle weapons: They are inferior? Then why do fed ships fear ion storms? In reality, an ion cannon would be thier nightmare.
fasion reactors: Another lie.
Then he says of course that they are far before them and then wants to discreditade Imperial engeniers. And at the end, he again uses the reactor-lie.
Personally I think, that Kennedy simply wanted to hide the fact, that an Ionization Reactor has such a vast powwer output, that one hyperjump would consume more power than an entire planetary civilisation in it's entire life.]
"That indicates some interesting things about their culture," Troi chimed in. "A very old society, not good at innovation but capable of making incremental advances in what they do have to the point where they end up making huge versions of ancient technology. That takes a pretty stable culture, which fits in with the idea of a ruling monarchy. A dictatorial monarchy would lead to a general stifling of free thought and innovation."
"If they've had thousands of years to spread themselves we could be looking at an industrial capacity of considerable proportions." Picard noted.
"Which would indicate a large fleet." Worf said. "These Star Destroyers are not a threat to us in small groups, but if hundreds attacked at once it would not make our victory easy."
[It gets more ridiculous. He already implies that the Enterprise could fight hundreds of Star Destroyers.]
"Could we outrun them?"
"Hard to tell," Geordi said. "From our scans of their engine systems I'd say we have a decided advantage at sublight. In warp... well, we can't see them while they're using this drive system of theirs. I don't know how fast or manoeuvrable they are compared to our warp drive."
"Suggestions as to our course of action?" Picard asked, looking around the table.
"Once that ship gets back to base they'll report our position - and our explanation of how we arrived here." Riker said. "We're essentially tied to this spot; that limits our options a good deal. If his superiors believe the story that Captain reports to them, they'll realise that we're stuck here - that gives them a tactical advantage."
"Assuming that they can get any forces here at all," Data added. "The round trip to the Star Destroyers nearest base may give us sufficient time to escape."
"Hope for the best," Picard said, "and assume the worst." He looked at Worf. "We work on the assumption that a large fleet of those craft will be here at any time. Worf, prepare some tactical scenarios based on that assumption. Geordi, repair the damage to the shields and run full diagnostics on all combat-related systems. Other than that, we just have to wait."
[This is not too worse.]
Battlecry dropped out of hyperspace so close to Coruscant that she set off a system-wide alert. Which is just as well, her Captain thought; it'll save time later.
[Had he even an IDEA of the space traffic around Courscant? One Star Destoyer is unsignificant to cause alarm.]
He was through to his squadron commander in under an hour, surely a record for the bureaucracy which surrounded the Imperial Capital world. At first the man refused to believe him, but one look at the computer records speeded the process up considerably. Going from the squadron commander to the fleet commander and then the system commander took just minutes.
And shortly after that, Captain Beltain found himself facing an image he had sincerely hoped he would never be in the presence of.
"My Lord," he said nervously, bowing his head to the holographic projection.
"Repeat your report. Omit nothing," commanded Lord Vader.
[Nothing against this.]

[I bet it will become worse later. Maybe up util this point, some readers will still not suspect anything. But this will change soon. We can say, that Capter 1 is the least offending.]

First things first: Thank you for highlighting your own text in green. Very few peopel onthis board would even bother looking for it through the horrible mess that is Portal.

Secondly, I will only call you an exceptional person if you post the second chapter with additions. I've seen two or three attempts at pointing out the mistakes/MSTs of Portal (I have seen several complete rewrites of Portal, but that's another matter) so I'll wait for more.

Do we really need ANOTHER dissection of Portal? It's a piece of shit, just say that and leave it as it is!

Just a few corrections.

1. The HTL has a lot more then 200GT since the Acclamator's MTL quad is rated at 200GT. Usually the comparison is between those of the MTL of the ISD and the MTL of the Acclamator.

2. No plasma in the SW lasers. They have a bolt component, but not of plasma.

3. I agree that it is unlikely that the Ent-D would pierce neutronium given the two observed phenomenon...saying because the Ent-Nil can't, so the Ent-D can't either is a bit of a slippery slope.

And yes Chapter 2 and beyond get into truly funny levls of the bizarre.

I'm somewhat amused anyone would go to the trouble of nitpicking this particular fan fic. Clearly the fan fic is pro Trek. I don't have a problem with that(we got plenty of pro Wars fics here after all). The idea that the fan fic ignores analysis done at SD.net for both universes isn't that big a deal. After all, it's not like the real episodes/movies go out of their way to make their relative material realistic or logical.

Oh for godness sake not another one!
Yes, Portal is shit but this has been done so many times it's pointless.
Who cares how wrong it is? It's Wrong, but highlighting every minute canconical deviation is almost as unentertaining as the orginal work.

So this is it. I've heard of it, but I've never dared actually view it. Now I understand why it's so reviled. I was tempted to claw my eyes out if it weren't for the occasional commentary inserted into it

Personaly Tribun I want to see you continue, since I have never been able to get past the first chapter, I just want to see your comments on the others.

Here the next chapter of tortue. The curse gets worse!

Chapter 2

"Captain's personal log, Stardate 51107.76. With little more than half an hour to go until the anomaly reopens, we have had no further contact with the Empire that apparently rules this area of space. My officers are becoming confident that we can return to our own time and place shortly. I wish I could share their optimism, but something deep inside is insisting that these last minutes won't be as easy as I hope..."
Picard turned the terminal off and gazed around his ready room. Compared to the Enterprise-Ds ready room it was smaller, a little less luxurious, somehow a little darker and more foreboding - a description that applied equally to the rest of the ship. After he first took command Picard had seriously thought about having the interior decor reworked into something a little brighter and more classic. A little more like the 1701-D.
The thought had not lasted. Picard missed the ship terribly, but he would not allow himself to wallow in that level of nostalgia. Besides, the feel of this ship matched its purpose well - euphemisms notwithstanding, the Federation's new Battlecruisers were Explorers in name only. Their true purpose was to destroy on a vast scale.
That had troubled him too, for a while. He had almost requested a transfer to another Galaxy class ship, a deep space assignment that would take him far beyond the Federation in a mission lasting a decade or more. Finally he had decided that would just be a form of running away and had promptly abandoned the idea.
Now, more than a year later, the ready room and the ship were finally becoming familiar, becoming a part of home again. He had not realised how much he needed that feeling until he had been without it.
[Well, not bad. I slowly get the impression that passages without even mentioning the Empire were above the rest. Of course that not refelcts well on a vs.-writer.]
The red alert siren interrupted his ruminations. Picard was out of his chair and heading for the ready room doors so fast he almost managed to walk into them before they opened. He slowed himself as he came onto the bridge, projecting the image of confidence he wore whenever trouble was in the offing.
"Report," He said to Data. It was hardly necessary; the viewscreen told the story well enough. Ships poured out into normal space, a virtual armada of triangular shapes.
"Reading..." Data hesitated for a moment before continuing, fear evident in his voice. "Eighty seven vessels, plus many more emerging from FTL drive," he said. "Yikes! Look at these!"
The viewscreen image tracked around and centred on four shapes gliding at the centre of the fleet. The Star Destroyers were big compared to the Enterprise, but these things were absolutely colossal, even in comparison with a Star Destroyer.
"Holy shi-" Data began.
"Data." Picard cut him off. "Perhaps this would be a good time-"
"Yes, right," Data nodded. "Emotion chip deactivated." He continued in a more normal voice. "Now reading a total of three hundred and forty five vessels. That appears to be the whole fleet."
"Scan those big ships," Picard said. "I want a tactical analysis."
"In progress," Worf reported, studying his screens. "Length twenty four kilometres, armament is similar in nature to that of the Star Destroyers. I am reading twelve hundred enhanced laser cannons, four hundred particle cannons and fifty tractor beam emitters on each vessel. The shield systems are also approximately two thousand percent stronger."
[Well, he got one thing wrong. I was surprised, that he made the commandships longer than they are. 24 instead of 18 km, but that we can credit to not knowing the facts, a common thing under SW-haters.
Also, were is the Imperial ECM? I don't think that they want the Enterprise to scan them.]
"Mister Worf, send a general hail to the fleet."
"Aye sir."
"The ship is attempting communication, My Lord," Captain Melkar said quietly.
"Respond," Vader ordered. "Visual and audio."
The image that appeared on the viewscreen was not what Melkar expected. A Human, or at least he looked Human; somewhere in his sixties at a guess. The man wore a curious-looking uniform, an almost skin-tight thing of black and grey. There was nothing in the way of rank decoration besides some pips on the collar. The rest of the visible crew were a mixed bunch - a younger officer to the Captains right, a woman seated to his left. She gazed out into the scene before her intently, presumably gazing at an image of himself and Lord Vader. After a long moment she turned away and put her head in her hands, slumping forward in the seat slightly.
[I said not really to talk about style, but his total change of perspective without even an indication is bad enough to mention it, because it is a no-no for writers.]
The figure in the background was an alien of some kind - of course, Melkar thought to himself. The rebels were almost uniformly race traitors. Another alien sat in one of the two front seats, a peculiar humanoid being with pale golden skin. Melkar had never seen anything like the pair.
[By the way, were is the Executor? Because it is Vader's personal ship and mobile base, he should be on it. Meaning it should be Vader with Ozzel and Piett on the bridge of the Executor.
His knowledge about SW semms to be really thin.]
"This is Captain-"
"Picard," Vader said. "Of the Federation Starship Enterprise, lost and far from home."
"Indeed." The bald man nodded. "And you are..."
"Lord Darth Vader. Representative of the Emperor Palpatine."
"I regret our trespass in this area," Picard said. "If it was in my power to avoid our presence I would have done so; it was not. Our only wish is to leave peacefully."
"And we wish to aid you in that task, Captain," Vader rasped. "But there are technicalities to be dealt with. The Emperor wishes you to accompany me to Coruscant to settle this matter."
[Why does Vader want to neogiate? To simply attack is more in his nature.]
Picard hesitated. "I wish we could." He replied finally. "But are working on a way to return home, and this work requires our presence in this area for the next day or so to conduct some tests. We dont know a great deal about the process which deposited us here; a delay might make us miss our only chance."
"Captain Picard, violation of our laws is not a trivial matter. The wishes of the Emperor are not to be cast aside for the convenience of anybody."
"I'm afraid I must decline," Picard said in response.
"One way or another, you will return with us." Vader stated it as a fact. "We will take your ship by force if required."
"Lord Vader, I urge you to reconsider. We have no wish to engage in combat with anybody, but we are capable of defending ourselves."
Vader summoned the Force, feeling the dark power course through him. He reached out to take the man by the throat in a demonstration that would show him just what he was up against. Vader could feel the life energy of tens of thousands in the fleet around him; he pushed past them, searching for the life energy of the man named Picard. Searching... searching...
Finding nothing.
Vader was as unsettled as he had ever felt. He could sense absolutely nothing from the sleek white ship, not any trace of life, not even the inanimate patterns of the ship itself. It was as if they were not there.
[That is one of Kennedy's most doubtful ideas. The force not works on the Trek people? Ok, there ARE people who can't be felt in the Force, like the Yuzzhan Vong, but Vader's force choke has nothing to do with it! It is a simple case of telekinesis!
In the future I will call it the "magical anti-force-shield".
Also, there are Yslarami, which negate the force on a small space, but they are abnormal and a special life form, Trek people on the other hand are normal people. But who cares? Kennedy ignores the EU anyway.]
The Force was created by life; it permeated everything in the galaxy, binding it all together in a pattern that was his to twist.
Everything in the galaxy... in this galaxy. Vader was shocked to his very core; was it possible that the Force simply did not exist where these people came from? That they didn't contribute to it, might simply stand apart from it?
[This makes no sense. Because even the Vong are affected by the Force, only can't be felt. So it is a idea made by Kennedy.
Had he thought of the Yslarami? I think not.]
"Abomination..." he hissed in something close to pure hatred. With a gesture he terminated the communications link. "Deploy the fleet to attack position. Launch the first wave of TIE fighters. Prepare to commence a full attack."
"What was that about?" Picard asked. He looked at Troi, who was desperately trying to compose herself.
"I'm sorry, Captain," she said shakily after a moment. "His mind was like... like nothing actually." She laughed hollowly. "Evil. Pure, absolute evil. Its like he's half a man, a personality with every positive character trait removed. It was a most distressing feeling."
"What are his intentions?" Picard asked gently.
"Oh, he'll capture us if he can, destroy us if he must. Trust me Captain, you do not want to be captured by him. Destroy the ship before that."
"And at the end... he said 'abomination'?"
"Strange." Troi frowned. "He was expectant, triumphant even. He expected you to acquiesce, there and then. Expected to make you acquiesce. But he couldn't, and that angered him terribly. On a personal level he's almost desperate to destroy us now. But I think he'll still try to capture us for his Emperor."
[Of course Troi's powers still work in that galaxy. Kennedy's bias against SW manifests itself more.]
"The fleet is launching small craft," Data reported. "Hundreds of them are heading for us."
"Analysis." Picard ordered Worf.
"Small, one-person craft of several varieties. Armed with smaller versions of the plasma laser cannon and various types of warheads. Ion drive propulsion."
"More ancient technology," Riker said. "But they do have numbers on their side. He pointed the viewscreen where thousands of the craft were now heading for them.
[The arrogance get's worse. Now they already talk about "ancient technology".]
"We have less than half an hour until our gateway home reopens," Picard said. "If we let them chase us off now, we'll miss it. By the time the next window comes around we could be facing a dozen fleets like this - and I don't like the idea of these people gaining a possible way to reach the alpha quadrant. It would be the Dominion all over again, this time on Earth's own doorstep."
"We can't hope to beat them in a straight fight," Riker said quietly. "Not all of them."
"No," Picard said, weighing his words, letting the tension build on the bridge. "So lets not fight straight then, shall we?"
The tension broke as the bridge crew smiled as one. Well, Picard thought, morale is an important part of any Captain's job.
"Load all torpedo bays and arm phasers." Picard looked at the image on the screen, wondering without showing it just where to start. Delaying tactics, that was it. Keep them guessing. "Set course five three mark four five, one quarter impulse. Engage."
The ship glided through space, arcing up and to starboard to edge her past the huge pack of fighters. They turned to intercept, but the speed of the Enterprise and the angles Picard had set worked against them; barely a hundred got into turbo laser range. A barrage of green fire lanced out at the Enterprise.
"We are taking fire. Slight damage to lower shields," Worf said.
"Return the compliment Mister Worf. You are free to engage any target which fires on us."
[I should mention, that Imperial ships could easily catch up with 1/4 impulse speed. So he either misinterprets canon or had no clue (more likely).]
"Aye, sir." Picard didn't need to turn to know that the Klingon was smiling.
Vader watched as half a dozen orange threads swept through the cloud of TIE fighters, leaving trails of explosions in their wake; dozens of tiny fireballs were erupting within the squadrons.
[How could the Enterprise even aim? Must I mention the Imperial ECM and that TIE's are hard to hit? They should be sensor blind.]
"Order the fighters to fall back and re-group," He snapped. "Deploy the fleet to envelop the enemy vessel and launch a full bombardment. While we are keeping them occupied, equip all TIE bombers and gunboats with heavy rockets and launch them for a saturation attack."
"Sixty five fighters destroyed," Worf reported after a couple of minutes. "The remainder are falling back."
"Come to bearing three two five mark six, maintain one quarter impulse," Picard ordered. "Tactical plot on viewer."
"The enemy fleet is shifting its deployment." Worf said as the graphic appeared. "They are attempting to flank us."
"Let's show them what theyre up against," Picard said. "A big demonstration now might make them back off." Somehow he doubted it. "Target... those ships." He pointed to a cluster of eleven Star Destroyers. "Intercept course, full impulse. Ready a full volley of photon and quantum torpedoes, targeted on their main reactors."
The Enterprise turned and accelerated smoothly, bearing down on the group. Turbo laser bolts began to pour out of the Star Destroyers, tracking around as targeting computers matched their trajectory to the target; within moments the Enterprise was bracketed and hundreds of bolts began to hammer her shields.
"Reading a slight degradation of the forward shields," Worf announced.
"Steady as she goes." Picard watched the group of ships grow larger and larger on the screen. "Just a few more seconds..."
"Forward shields down to ninety two percent," Worf reported. "Range two thousand kilometres. One thousand."
[Of course he totally ignores, that Trek combat is limited to very low kilometer ranges.]
"Fire," Picard snapped.
To the Imperials watching, it seemed as if the turbo laser batteries had done their job, as if the Enterprise had exploded in a brilliant flash of red and white. The impression lasted barely half a second.
The torpedo turret on the underside of the saucer spat nine quantum torpedoes out in under two seconds; targeted on the centre ship. Each of the two forward secondary tubes fired a cluster of twelve at another. The two tertiary torpedo tubes below the deflector dish launched another dozen photon torpedoes each, targeted on the remaining eight ships. The photons blasted against the Star Destroyer's shields, sending the huge vessels careening out of control.
[Gross overestamination of Federation firerates. First, the maximum volley of the main launcher is four quantum torpedos.(It would have benn stupid for Picard, not to use full volleys against the Borg in ST:FC, so this is obviously a upper limit) Second, the two secondary tubes are even more unbelivable. As well as the tertiary tubes. (We never observed a twelve-torpedo volley.)
As to add, a Souverign only has three torpedo tubes, two front, one aft. And the maximum for ALL tubes at once is twlve. So he got that wrong too.
Also he ignores, that Imperial ship's smaller laser cannons are against warheads also, and since Federtion torpedos fly seemingly slow, it wouldn't be a problem.]
With the quantums it was a different matter.
Three reactor cores were blown apart in rapid succession. The ships seemed to almost bulge outwards for a moment, as if fighting against incomprehensible pressure. Then the hulls ruptured into millions of pieces, exploding outwards with horrifying suddenness.
[Total overestamination of quantum torpedo power. Offical numbers rate quantums at 128 megatons, and since they are not unidirectional, the target only gets 64 megatons. This is laughable against Imperial ships. Because both, shield and armor would easily dodge the attack.
So it is a total lie on his account.]
The Enterprise cruised through the edge of the detonations, her shields shunting the fragments of metal and bodies away.
[Another misinterpretion, Federation shields are not good against high-velocity physical impacts (like in "Genisis").]
Picard watched the ballet of destruction with silent anger. Damn them, he raged. Damn them for putting me in this position, for making me do this to them.
"Hail Vader's ship," he snapped to Data, not wanting to overload Worf right now. "Maybe we can stop this madness." Data silently called up access to the communications system on his panel and sent the hail. There was no response.
"Six more groups of Star Destroyers are moving to box us in," Worf said. Picard examined the tactical display.
"Two one five mark six five," he said absently. "Take us through between those two groups. Use phasers to disable their weapons as we go."
"No response to our hail sir," Data said.
"This is insane," Riker said in frustration. "Even if they can beat us down with sheer numbers, can't they see what it's going to cost them? Can't they realise that it's just not worth it?"
"I don't think were dealing with a very reasonable group of people," Troi said. She was clearly having a tough time dealing with the emotional intensity both on and off the bridge. "Vader is absolutely determined, and the Captain's of these ships are too scared and too proud to do anything but follow orders."
[Plain English: "All Imperials are Idiots." This is a theme he repeats again and again.]
The ship rocked again, briefly, as turbo laser bolts hammered home. "We're through," Worf said after a moment.
"They've pushed us further from the anomaly," Riker cautioned.
"I know," Picard nodded. "But we can't afford to sit in the middle of that fleet while we wait for our chance. We need the manoeuvring room."
"Reading a large number of fighter craft being launched," Data reported. "Over five thousand are now on an intercept vector."
Picard watched the huge constellation of dots on the tactical display, now so crowded as to be all but useless. The fighters heading for the Enterprise were so spread out that the only way to evade them was to head directly in the opposite direction - straight away from the anomaly.
"Phasers," He ordered. "Mister Worf, destroy as many as you can."
"Fifty Star Destroyers closing on our flanks," Data reported. "They are firing." The ship rocked as thousands of turbo laser bolts slammed home.
"Moderate damage to our lateral shields."
"Belay that phaser order," Picard snapped. "Come about, keep us out of range of the fighters. Target both Star Destroyer groups, attack pattern epsilon five."
The Enterprise twisted around at full impulse, her structure groaning under the strain even through the boosted structural integrity fields the Sovereign class carried. Phasers and photon torpedoes bracketed her attackers, chopping into several of the Imperial vessels. The remaining ships began to salvo off their missiles.
"Multiple inbound missiles," Data reported.
Picard grimaced. He had no idea what kind of warheads these things carried; to outrun them would mean being forced further from the anomaly, to do anything else would take him within range of the fighters.
"Better the fighters," he muttered to himself. "Set course one one five mark two four. Switch targeting systems back to the fighters, take out as many as possible."
The Enterprise heeled around again, soaring in towards the edge of the huge cloud of craft. Phasers leapt out, snaking their way through the dense pack of fighters. Explosions blossomed throughout the armada.
Not enough, Picard thought. Not nearly enough.
"Multiple missile launches by the fighters," Data reported calmly. "I am reading over ten thousand inbound... twenty thousand..."
"Warp speed," Picard snapped. "Best evasion vector."
"There's too many of them!" Lieutenant Mayers said, strain evident in his voice. "I can't find a clear path through them to go to warp."
"Worf, continual full torpedo spreads - proximity blast, maximum yield. Get as many as you can."
All eight of the ship's tubes began spewing torpedoes at the missiles gliding in towards them. Explosions began detonating directly ahead of the incoming weapons, each blast carving a hole in the attack. Picard watched as thousand upon thousands of the missiles were consumed by the constant machine gun-like fire. Watched as thousands more homed relentlessly onwards.
[Again he overestimates Federation firerates. Had he never watches ST:FC?]
"Impact, ten seconds," Data said.
"The shields, Mister Worf," Picard said.
"Five... two..."
Worf fired a final salvo, then re-routed every bit of power he could to the shields. More destruction blossomed among the incoming warheads. The Enterprise had done quite well; of twenty four thousand heavy rockets launched towards her, no less than twenty two thousand had been destroyed by a combination of phaser and torpedo fire plus the chain-reaction explosions of their own warheads. Of the remainder, over eighteen hundred tracked straight and true and struck the Enterprises forward shields over a twenty five second period.
[Of course he had to compliment the crew that they had done well. Also he again overestimates Federation firepower. Had he even thought before he pulled that numbers out of his ass?
I think not so.]
The ship vanished behind a colossal wall of energy; every person aboard not strapped in was hurled to the floor as the Inertial Dampers struggled to match the un-predicted forces.
On the bridge, Data had barely hit the floor before he was rolling up and into his seat again. He patched through to helm control and sent the ship into an evasion pattern that would take her directly away from the mass of fighters now falling behind them.
Riker was the next up. He grimaced, then spat a tooth out onto the deck before turning to help Picard. Worf staggered back to the tactical station. "Forward shields are at five percent, partial coverage," he said....
[Now he is outright lying concerning the power of the Imperial missile weapons. Jango's anti-fighter missiles were roughly 190 megatons, and he was only a bounty hunter. Heavy rockets were used against starships, and they are MUCH stronger. But seems that Kennedy ignores that.]
"Divert auxiliary power to the forward shields," Picard ordered unsteadily as he almost fell into his chair. "Course at your discretion Mister Worf. Keep us away from them for the moment. Number one, see to a damage report."
Riker busied himself at his panel. "Apart from the shield damage we have some minor breaches of the hull on decks seven, eight, twenty two and twenty three. The aft photon launchers are off line and the primary sensor array is operating at twenty percent capacity."
[The lie continues, even more obvious.]
"Get Geordi to work on those photons," Picard said. "We're going to need them. Mister Worf, tactical analysis of our situation?"
"Shields are back up to fifty percent. We can still fight," Worf said simply. Picard eyed him, hoping that wasnt Klingon pride talking.
[The shields only need seconds to regenerate 45%? The only explanation is, that he again had either his numbers wrong, or his magic worked again.]
"What are the fighters doing?" he asked.
"Most are heading back towards various fleet units," Data reported. "I suspect they may need to reload."
"Then now's the time. Mister Mayers, take us in to the nearest of those big battleships. Mister Worf, I want a full torpedo spread and maximum phasers."
The Enterprise hurled itself toward the four behemoths, rocketing through the Imperial fleet. Turbo laser bolts began to pour into the ship as the escorting Star Destroyer screen opened up with everything they had.
"Maintain course," Picard ordered. "Target the ships power systems and engines and stand by for a full spread."
[There is one problem...Commandships don't have a reactor that can be as easily damaged as a Star Destroyer's. Thier reactors are deeply inside the ships.]
"Ready," Worf declared.
"Wait..." Picard watched as the ship grew and grew in the viewscreen, in awe of its sheer scale. What wonders these people could accomplish, he thought to himself, if they used this power for creation rather than destruction. Turbo laser fire began to pour up from the ship, dwarfing the barrage of its escorts. Picard could feel the ship shuddering beneath him as she fought against the hail of fire.
[Wonders? Allready did that. Things like Centerpoint staion or Coruscant.]
"Shield generator number five is failing!" Worf announced. "Forward shields coverage is wavering!"
"Wait..." Picard almost whispered it. Turbo laser bolts began to find the holes in the shields and slam into the ships ablative armour matrix. "Now!"
[He is outright lying. It is still years before Voyager comes back with the ablative armor technology. But he seems to have no qualm in ignoring canon just to make Trek stronger.]
A salvo of quantum torpedoes slammed into the Super Star Destroyers shields, followed by another, then another. Then the Enterprise was past, and her aft shields were between them and the Imperial ship again. The torpedoes exploded against the ships hull, blasting gaping holes through its armour.
"Phasers, maximum strike!"
Beams lashed out, carving the hull of the great ship open. Air and equipment and people spewed out into the vacuum.
"Aft quantums, fire," Picard ordered. Another two salvos of quantum torpedoes slammed into the enemy ship, adding to the devastation.
"Their ship has sustained heavy damage," Data said. "She is loosing power, but auxiliary generators are kicking in. She is still combat capable."
"Aft shields are holding at seventy percent," Worf said.
[Totally unbelivable and ridiculous. Must I menion, that three Star Destroyers crashed full speed into the Executor's shield, totally vaporised, and the Executor not even got a burned paintjob?
But Kennedy dosn't care, as long as he has his SW-bashing. Can you belive, that the same Federation had huge problems against ONE Borg cube?]
"Find us a clear spot," Picard said. "Fire at your discretion; destroy anything that comes near us. Data, how long until the anomaly reopens?"
"Three minutes, ten seconds," Data replied. Phasers and torpedoes began to flash outwards at the nearest Star Destroyers, smashing through their shields and carving the hulls below open.
Has it really been only twenty five minutes since the battle started, Picard thought wonderingly. How incredible. He tapped the intercom panel. "Picard to LaForge."
"LaForge here, sir."
"Contingency plans, Mister LaForge. As we discussed. Get yourself to the bridge."
"Aye aye sir."
Vader watched the sleek vessel hurtle away, cutting up Star Destroyers on all sides as it went. The battle had already been a disaster; thirty of the fleet's best Star Destroyers were gone, fifty wrecked, dozens more damaged. Battlequeen, one of the most advanced Super Star Destroyers in the entire Imperial Navy, was struggling to contain horrendous damage. The bridge of his own ship was hushed, his officers beyond shock and close to terror at the carnage they were seeing.
[Now, this is pure gloating, even if he tries to hide it behind seemingly neutral words. By the way, he uses 'Super Stardestroyer'. Did he not know, that this is Rebel slang and not valid?]
It is of no matter, the Dark Lord thought to himself. When the ship is captured the Imperial Navy will be instantly obsolete. A thousand ships like this is all the Empire will ever need.
[More of his stupid "Trek-is-best"].
And the crew... the existence of humans who were not part of the Force terrified Vader, would terrify any master of its secrets. The Emperor would give anything to learn more of these people; next to them the loss of Coruscant's defence fleet was of little consequence.
[Vader doesn't fear anything. Kennedy again misinterprets canon for his own proposes.]
All would be forgiven, when they were captured.
"Sir, we're getting some odd sensor readings," Captain Melkar announced. "Some form of energy cloud... we can't understand it," he added lamely.
"Show me," Vader snapped. A hazy glowing swirl of light appeared on a nearby screen.
"We're reading odd gravity distortions," Melkar said. "But its not a black hole."
"Spatial anomaly..." Vader murmured. "So, Picard lied about how long he would be here."
"My Lord?"
"Hold our own position. Have every ship and fighter in the fleet head for this location, Captain. The enemy ship will attempt to reach it - they must be prevented at any cost. Any cost at all."
"One minute, thirty seconds," Data reported. "The anomaly is beginning to resonate."
"Stand by to make a run for it," Picard said. "Mister Worf, anything that gets in our way-"
"Understood, sir," Worf said.
"Captain, the Imperial fleet is re-deploying," Data said suddenly. "Almost every ship is crowding around the anomaly, capital ships and fighters."
"Trying to block our path," Riker said. "At least we know they believe us about how we got here now."
"How very comforting, Number One." Picard managed a smile. He checked the time on a nearby console. "Well, we have no choice. Lieutenant Mayers, take us in."
"They are heading right for the main body of the fleet," Melkar said incredulously.
"Excellent."
"Sixty seconds to resonance," Data reported.
Picard relaxed in his seat; all he had to do now was time this right. Whether it actually worked was up to the ship and spirit of the people working her. The thought gave him a smile; that, at least, was something this particular Empire would never match.
[Even more of his "Trek-is-best" bullshit.]
"Incoming," Data reported.
"All weapons firing," Worf replied. Explosions tore through space all around the ship.
"Fifty seconds to resonance."
The Enterprise charged into the very heart of the fleet, cloaked in a storm of turbo laser bolts so intense that their combined energy was actually beginning to confuse the Imperial targeting systems. Nevertheless, the volume of fire was more than sufficient to ensure hits.
[Not only he totally ignores imperial ECM, but he actually limits Imperial sensors. I call this foul play.]
"Fighters closing on all sides," Worf said. "Within range."
"Fire antimatter spread," Picard replied.
From dozens of points around the ship's saucer section, small antimatter charges began to leap outwards. Relatively harmless to any properly shielded vessel, the system was intended to confuse the sensor and tracking systems of enemy vessels by spreading large amounts of radiation around the battle area. Against unshielded craft the charges would have a rather more impressive effect, but of course nobody would dream of fielding combat-capable craft without shields.
[Eh? We have seen antimatter charges, but that was one time, when it was part of a specially developed plan. And now they simply pull it out of thier sleeves? He thinks that he can come through with it? I don't think so.
Also, again mockery against the Imperials from Kennedy. It slowly becomes more, and also it becomes more prominent.]
Nobody in the alpha quadrant, anyway, Picard thought as fighters began to explode. He watched as the ship's weapons added to the carnage, chopping up Star Destroyers. A salvo of photon torpedoes tracked unerringly into an already-damaged section of the monster battleship they had crippled earlier; the vessel split in two as explosions began to leapfrog over its hull, joining together to form a chain reaction that began to consume both halves of the ship.
[Subtile Message: "Trek is better".]
"Thirty seconds," Data said.
"Forward shields buckling," Worf anounced. "Reinforcing from the battery backup system, but they will not last long."
"Keep us on course," Picard said calmly.
The Enterprise carved her way through the heart of the Imperial fleet, heading unerringly for the slowly swelling anomaly in an oasis of calm at the centre. She burst through the final perimeter of Star Destroyers, heading inwards...only to begin to slow.
"We're caught in a set of low power tractor beams," Data said.
"How many?"
"Fifty."
[He is obviously lying about the power of Imperial tractor beams. Even one beam is enough to hold the Enterprise.]
"All power except the aft shields to the impulse engines," Picard said.
"More tractor beams are locking. A hundred... a hundred and fifty... two hundred..."
"Aft shields collapsing," Worf reported. The ship began to shudder violently as turbo laser bolts impacted on the ablative armour, now free to impart their entire energy. "The ablative armour is suffering serious damage."
[Again the lie about the ablative armor. I wonder from were he got that brain-bug?]
Picard turned to LaForge, who was monitoring engineering from his bridge station. "Can we break free?"
"I don't think so sir."
"How long until the anomaly opens? "
"Eighteen seconds sir," Data replied.
Picard nodded and began to count in his head. He activated his chair's computer interface and brought up the set of commands he had planned there several hours ago.
"Ablative armour has failed. Structural Integrity Field is near to catastrophic failure."
"Ten seconds until the anomaly opens. "
"Computer; proceed," Picard ordered.
Vader watched as the enemy vessel was snared by hundreds of tractor beams; it struggled against them, turbo laser bolts spattering that peculiar shield of theirs. After a few seconds the glowing bubble wavered and collapsed; the ship began to visibly shake under the assault.
"Soon..." Vader said to himself. And then the most peculiar thing happened; the enemy ship snapped in two.
Vader stared, shocked, as the whole forward section snapped clean off from the main body. For a moment he thought the ship had suffered some kind of battle damage from the turbo laser strikes, but there was no explosion.
[Now Kennedy shows his true colors, that he lies whenever possible to make Trek looking good. He says the the Enterprise seperated the saucer, but there is a big problem....that is the E-E not the E-D!
The E-E is a Souverign class ship, which don't have that option. E-D was a Galaxy class ship, but this isn't the E-D. So it is a shamful lie just made so that Kennedy could grin another time.
He will continue with this agenda though the entire story.]
The tractor beams were fastened securely - to the section of the ship closest to them, the main hull of the ship. Freed for a moment of their restraint, the forward section rocketed forwards into the very heart of the swirling cloud. The instant before it reached it, there was a bright flash - then nothing. The cloud was gone, along with the ship.
Without the main impulse engines to fight the tractor beams, the engineering section rocketed backwards almost as quickly as the saucer section had moved forwards. Five hundred tractor beams fought for dominance, with the result that the hull sailed more or less towards the heaviest concentration of ships, based around the two remaining Super Star Destroyers.
[Do I even have to tell what is wrong with that passage?]
The hull was deserted, of course - of Humans, at any rate. Had anybody been on board, they would have heard a single female voice, familiar to anybody who had served on a Starship.
"Ten seconds to self destruct. Five... four... three... two... one..."
Vader watched with a horrible realisation as his distant fleet crowded around the enemy ship. He started to say something, to give orders. It was already too late.
The Enterprise-E's warp core breached. Simultaneously, a series of photon charges which LaForge had placed around the antimatter containment pods detonated.
Starships based far from Earth had little chance to top up their fuel tanks; Starbases were too far apart on those distant borders. As a result, most self destruct sequences tended to be rather less than the maximum possible. But the Enterprise had spent all its time lately at Earth, home to the largest antimatter production facility in the entire Federation. Her tanks were practically full.
Eighteen thousand tons of antimatter blasted out of the containment pods and reacted with an equal amount of matter. The resulting explosion was equal to approximately eight hundred thousand gigatons of chemical explosives.
[From were did he got this numbers? I bet he pulled them out of his ass. Because we have seen MANY warp core breaches in the history of Trek. and they absolutely not have a destructal power of 800.000 Gigatons.
His excuse with "full tanks" is not valid, since most of the reaction would consumate itself anyway. Did he even know how much 800.000 Gigatons are? I think not.
For Example: A GCS has 3000m3 of anti-deuterium, at roughly 160kg/m3(a maximum detensity). That are 480 tons of anti-matter. It will be higher for a Souverign, but ~600 tons sounds reasonable. You can see his bizarre logic when he says that the E-E carries 18.000! tons of anti-matter.
He is simply lying again, to make Trek looking smart, but discredites himself as a lair. Remember that, when we continue!]
A flash brighter than a sun enveloped the Imperial fleet. It lasted barely a second or two; when it faded Vader's flagship was alone in space apart from a huge ball of rapidly expanding plasma.
"Go to hyperdrive," he said as the wall of energy swept towards them.
The navigator needed no urging; he had been keeping the navicomp fully ready for that order for the last twenty minutes. His hand descended on a control, and the Super Star Destroyer leapt to Hyperspace an instant before destruction could touch it.
[Even more ridiculous. Remember when in "Generations" the core breached? Did we saw a huge plasma-fireball? No. It was simply a shockwave, nothing more, and it hadn't even damage the saucer or Veridian IV.
He is now clearly trash-talking without any shame left.]
The saucer section of the Enterprise-E emerged into a familiar starscape. The bridge crew stared at the scene on the viewscreen for a long moment, then turned to Picard. For a moment, there was total silence.
Riker finally broke it. He raised his hands and began to clap. After barely a moment, everybody else on the bridge joined in. Picard stood slowly, turning to sweep his gaze across his officers.
For themselves as much as me, he thought to himself. More, if the universe were but fair.
After the applause died down, Picard turned to Worf. The Klingon was standing straight and tall, pride blazing from every fibre of his being. Picard wondered idly if one Klingon opera could possibly be enough for his tactical officer. Probably not, he decided.
"Mister Worf, please open a channel to Starfleet command. I think we have a story for them."
"Yes sir."
[Now they are all cheery, and Kennedy too, because he will now start to become worser and worser every time.]

And it will get worse......

Alright, now I'm amazed. Keep it up.

Oooh Chapter 2 very nice.

Also for people screaming it's Pro-trek or we've read it a thousand times!!!

For those wanting to scream been there, done that...don't click the thread.

For those saying it's pro-trek, read Conquest or Starcrossed...one from a man's who's website is a breakdown of things of Federation vs Empire...and do we see a story wherein the Empire comes in and 20 seconds later they are dust motes because of a lonely transport seeking it's mommy? The other is much more plot orientated and sparingly uses the tech but nowhere in Starcrossed do we see the Federation dying in a matter of seconds.

Literaly Portal is bullshit in many more ways they just simply a tipping of power. It's a story that is mary-sueing the Federation and just outright not even knowing the other source material.

Actually Your wrong about the ablative armour. The defiant has it. What we saw in "Endgame" were ablative armour "generators" which is different tech.

Crazedwraith wrote:Actually Your wrong about the ablative armour. The defiant has it. What we saw in "Endgame" were ablative armour "generators" which is different tech.

I need a explanation for that (I haven't seen all of DS9).

EDIT: The work on Chapter 3 is really hard. since there is now a sudden increase of gloating and bullshit from Kennedy.

Worser than ever....

Chapter 3

Jean Luc Picard entered Admiral Holman's office and came to attention before the desk.
"Ah, Captain, come in. Take a seat." Holman gestured him toward the chair. "Earl Grey, isn't it?"
"Thank you, yes." Picard sat and waited while the Admiral arranged a drink for them both.
"How are your crew?" Holman asked finally as he settled down.
"We lost six people," Picard said heavily. He had spent the morning composing messages to their families. "Sixty more injured, five seriously."
"Damn shame," Holman said sympathetically. "I spent the morning going over your logs. It could have been a whole lot worse."
[Yes, much worse. Like th E-E being vaporised by a good Turbolaser shot. That would have been more realistic. But not in Kennedy's world.]
Picard said nothing to that. He knew the Admiral was right, but that hadn't been much help when he was groping for a way to explain to Lieutenant Simpson's husband that his wife would never be coming home.
[Of course the tissue-blowing for the dead Feds. That there are also over three million dead Imperials, don't tangates him.
Heil Starfleet!]
"The inquiry board..." he began finally.
"Will not be necessary." Holman cut him off.
"But..." Picard groped for something to say. Had he been damned already, in his absence?
"Captain, these are bad times for all of us. I know it's standard procedure to hold an inquiry when a vessel or major section is lost but, with the way the Dominion war is going, if we stuck to that we wouldn't have time for the real work. And in all honesty, I know damn well that you're one of the best captains we've got and I'm not about to have you spend a month pushing Padds around when we have better things to do."
[Even in wartime, such a lax thinking about such a major lost is offending! Actually when I think about it, I wonder why Riker, who lost the entire E-D, wasn't brought to court. But I get off-topic...]
"I see," Picard said. He still hadn't quite come to terms with the way that the Dominion war had sliced through the Starfleet bureaucracy.
"Your report indicated that the anomaly opens every sixty three hours," Holman said. "That gives us about another fifteen hours until the next opening. The question is, does this 'Empire' know this and if so, what do they plan to do about it. You have an opinion?"
"Admiral, we had only a brief encounter with these people. We were there for less than three days, and everybody we met was a member of the military. I couldn't begin to judge their intentions or capabilities from that."
"Good answer." Holman nodded. "Now, tell me what you think they will do."
"Assemble the biggest force they can muster and send it through as soon as they're ready," Picard replied without thinking.
"So that's what we prepare for," Holman sighed. "This thing is the Bajoran wormhole all over again. The very last thing we needed is another front opening on Earth's own doorstep. We're damn lucky that the Empire's technology is so poor, otherwise..." he left the thought unfinished.
[Again gloating over Imperial technology. Now he begins to call it "poor". It is a foreshadow of things yet to come. Yes....it will get MUCH worse later on.]
"We may not be able to hold them anyway," Picard cautioned. "They pulled five hundred warships together in less than three days. Who knows what forces they can gather in the next month, the next year?"
"True enough." Holman nodded in agreement. "So, we need to do two things. The first priority is to blockade that anomaly with the biggest force we can spare. We're lucky that it's so close to Earth - the Third fleet is spread pretty thin covering the core systems. I'd normally never have got permission to borrow ships with the Dominion pushing us back like this, but units around the anomaly will still be within five or six hours of Earth, which lets them cover both areas. I've got a hundred and fifty ships on the way there now. Given their performance against you, we should be able to handle anything up to two or three thousand Imperial ships."
[His contiued boosting of Federation power with simultan decreasing of Imperial power is not only dishonest, it is extremly dishonest. His growing hated against SW finds it appearance in it. Now the last should have understood that he cares a hell about SW]
"They may well come with more than that many, Admiral," Picard said with a frown.
"I know it, and I tried for more but we're stretched on all fronts right now. One hundred and fifty ships is practically Earth's entire defence force - I only just got those assigned, Starfleet Command just won't pull ships from Barnards' Star and Alpha Centauri as well without an actual attack. They'll just have to do.
"Since you're the only officer I have with combat experience against Imperial forces, I've decided to assign you to command the blockade fleet."
"I'm to receive command of a new ship?" Picard asked cautiously. Holman shook his head.
"Not exactly. I've decided that the best thing to do is to replace the engineering hull of the Enterprise-E. The USS Swiftsure is in Mars orbit now, ready for her final shakedown cruise. I've ordered Captain Anderson to surrender command of his engineering hull to you, effective immediately."
"I see," Picard said heavily.
"I know it won't win you any popularity contests captain, but I want the Enterprise out there. Captain Anderson will just have to put up with it."
[This also occured in real Trek, but the favoratism towards the Enterprise is here totally over the edge.]
"You said there were two things we had to do?"
"We need a threat assessment on this Empire, as fast as we can get it."
"That means sending a ship through the anomaly to do reconnaissance." Picard said. "The Empire is probably blockading their end as well, at least until they decide to come through."
"Naturally." Holman sat back and smiled.
He's already got this thought through, Picard thought. We need to get a ship through there. Something strong enough to blast through an enemy fleet? No, not on a recon mission. Speed, then? An Intrepid class, or maybe that new Prometheus?
"Worked it out yet?" Holman asked gently. Picard was about to speak when the realisation hit him. Not speed! Stealth...
"Of course," he murmured. "There is only one choice..."
"Oh?" Holman grinned. "And that would be..."
"The Defiant."
[Too bad, that it won't work. The Empire also got cloaks, and they also have a counter-measure. CGT sensores easily detect cloaked ships. And since the SW cloak is far better than the Trek cloak, the plan is doomed from the beginning. I don't think the Empire would not bring CGT sensores to such an important place, or they would be really incompetent. Wars: 1 Kennedy: 0
Also a good example how to bring in the Defaint, when it first seems to be a TNG fic.]
Dax watched with relief as the last of the Jem'Hadar fighters disintegrated under the Defiant's phaser cannon.
"That's the last of them," Lieutenant Anthony reported from the science station. "Sensors reveal no further Dominion ships within sensor range, and we'll be within range of the Starbase defence platforms in another twenty minutes."
Dax nodded and thumbed the intercom to shipwide. "Stand down from battle stations," She ordered. "Engineering crews continue to work on the battle damage. Well done everybody, we just cost the Dominion another six ships and this convoy is going to get through intact."
"The other ships are reporting in." Nog said from the communications console. "The Orion and the Star Runner have hull breeches, but they both say they have them contained. The Longbow has heavy damage to her port nacelle."
"Does she need a tow?" Dax asked.
"Captain Mekarra says she can make it to the Starbase under her own power."
"Sounds like Mekarra all right," O'Brien put in with a laugh.
Dax grinned. "She's a proud one. I think she'd rather get out and push than have her ship towed home."
[Only an observation, but there is amazingly much grinning on the Federation side....is there happy hour 24 hours the day, 7 days the week?]
"Sir?" Nog spoke up. "We're getting a message from Starfleet. It's coded Captain's eyes only."
Dax crossed to the communications console. "I'll take it here," She said. "Go get me a raktajino, Ensign." She waited until the young Ferengi was out of eyesight. "Computer, decode incoming message, authorisation Dax alpha seven six nine four." She read through the short message in growing disbelief. "Helm, set a course for Earth. Warp seven." She returned to the centre chair and collected a steaming cup from Nog. "Ensign, inform the convoy that we've received new orders and are breaking formation. People, you're not going to believe this..."
[The header said "captain's eyes only, but after that she at once tells the entire bridge crew what it contained? That's even more incompetent than any anti-military rethoric in TNG.]
Picard's shuttle cruised in toward the Utopia Planitia orbital shipyard facility. He had been there dozens of times over his career, of course; just about every officer in Starfleet passed through at some point. But in all that time he had never seen the place so busy.
The last few years had seen a lot of changes to Utopia Planitia. In addition to the main orbital construction facility more than twenty free-floating dockyards were now scattered liberally around the area. Every one of them was occupied, and most had at least one or two ships floating alongside.
[I'm not sure, but he seems to overestimate Federation production ability. (they needed seven years to build th E-E).]
"Quite a sight, isn't it sir?" the shuttle pilot said with a grin. He was obviously used to seeing visitors react to the view. "Even eighteen months ago you wouldn't have seen half of this. Starfleet is really pulling out all the stops."
"Yes," Picard said softly. He had gone over the figures with Admiral Holman before departing, trying to scrape up extra ships for the blockade fleet; the next month or so would see the last of the mothball fleet reactivated - ships held in storage for decades against a time such as this. Excelsiors, Constellations, Mirandas, even some of the old Constitutions had been pushed into service.
[At least about the Constitutions, he is lying. In ST III, even the advanced Constitution was considered too old to be of any use any longer. Kirk only got the E-A in ST IV because of his prestige, and it was an already existing ship, only renamed.
And even the E-A was retired and scrapped, when the E-B was ready to start (and Excelsior class ship). In "Relics" it was even said, that the last Constitution was now a museum!
On the other hand, he could be simply uninformed.Wouldn't be a great shock to me.]
Most of them would head straight for the front lines in the war against the Dominion. I hope it will be enough, he thought.
"The Celestus Yard," The pilot said, pointing. "There's the Enterprise saucer section now, and the Swiftsure."
The shuttle arced in toward one of the dockyards. Wrapped within the lattice of girders was the USS Swiftsure. As when he had first seen the Enterprise-E, Picard felt a thrill of anticipation at the sight of the Starship. The blended hull form was almost impossibly sleek, as if she was somehow doing warp speed while just sitting there.
"I bet Captain Anderson isn't exactly the happiest guy around right now," The pilot grinned conspiratorially. "He was taking her out on her last shakedown cruise tomorrow. Then the Enterprise comes along needing a new engineering hull and-"
[Apart from even more grinning, he still holds on his myth with the removable saucer section. He still won't aknowledge that the Souverign class can't do this.]
"That's enough," Picard said sharply.
"Yes sir. Sorry sir." The pilot fell silent and concentrated on piloting his way through the clouds of shuttlecraft ferrying between the docks.
Can't really say I blame him, Picard thought. Captain Anderson waited a long time for this command and then I come along and he's pushed out, just like that.
The shuttle slid past the huge gleaming bulk of the Swiftsure, coming around to head for a landing in the aft shuttle bay.
Once there Picard found some familiar faces waiting for him. The entire shuttlebay was filled with crew from the Enterprise. As he disembarked a young ensign piped him aboard.
"Welcome to the Swiftsure, sir." Riker stepped up with a huge grin.
"Thank you commander." Picard nodded toward the rest of his officers. "Doctor, Counsellor, Data, LaForge." He hesitated. "Captain Anderson?"
"Not here sir," Riker said quietly. "To be honest, I don't think he's in a very welcoming mood."
"I can't say I blame him." Picard nodded.
"The Captain has already evacuated his crew from the engineering hull. They'll be separating the saucer section in the next few minutes. We've been invited to the battle bridge to supervise our end of the proceedings."
[From now onwards, I will not longer mention his saucer brain-bug. Otherwise I would need to repeat myself too often and that would be boring.]
"How did things go with Starfleet?" Crusher asked.
"Surprisingly well," Picard replied as he headed for the exit flanked by her and Riker. "Starfleet Command is going to send a ship through to investigate the Empire's intent and capabilities. Meanwhile they're going to blockade the anomaly." Picard entered a turbolift. "Battle bridge."
"I meant," she said in exasperation, "how did things go for you?"
"Oh. Admiral Holman has approved our actions. He judged that the loss of the engineering section was unavoidable, given the tactical situation. I'm to remain in command of the Enterprise-E, which as you know is going to... appropriate the Swiftsure's engineering hull so we can get back in service as quickly as possible."
"Are they sending us through?" Geordi asked. Picard shook his head.
"No. I've been assigned to command the blockade fleet. They're sending the Defiant."
"Makes sense," Riker said with a nod. "Pretty much what they did with the Dominion."
"And look how that turned out," Geordi added. The turbolift arrived and the group took their positions on the battle bridge. Picard headed for his ready room.
[Even if we assume the the Souverign has a battle bridge, it has clearly not a ready room. It is called a battle bridge, and also the battle bridge of the E-D hadn't had a captain's ready room.
Therefore the last sentence is bullshit.]
"Commander Riker, supervise the separation. Counsellor, I need to talk to you."
"What can I do for you sir?" she asked when the doors hissed closed behind her.
"Please be seated." Picard settled behind the desk, frowning at the empty shelves and tabletops around the room. The lack of personal effects was a reminder of the recent departure of the last occupant. "Counsellor, Admiral Holman was especially interested in your impressions of the Empire and its personnel," He said.
"Thank you sir." Troi glanced upwards as a distant clanging noise reverberated through the room. The featureless grey hull plate which filled the ready room's single small window while the two sections were docked began to move slowly upwards. The deck trembled slightly as the bulk of the saucer section glided free of the rest of the ship.
[Well, if the window is to be covered while the saucer is docked, it has to be on the cieling! That doesn't stike as practical nor as astethical. Also the plate glides upwards. For me a very strange construction.]
"The Defiant doesn't have a counsellor or a telepath on board and the Admiral feels that your abilities and expertise will be needed for this mission. He's assigned you to the mission into the Empire. It's just a temporary transfer," he assured Troi as she started to speak.
"I've heard a lot about Captain Sisko, it'll be interesting to serve under him," She replied finally. The gridwork of the Spacedock appeared in the window as the saucer section moved out of sight.
"As it happens, Captain Sisko has been transferred to Starbase 375," Picard said. "He isn't in command of the Defiant. In any case, I don't think you quite understand. When I say you are assigned to the mission, I mean you have been assigned to command it."
"I see," Troi said heavily. Picard needed no empathic sense to see her mixed feelings. "And... this means I'm to command the Defiant?"
"No. You will be in overall control of the mission but Defiants' current captain will be in command of the ship herself."
"And that would be..."
"That particular duty has fallen to Lieutenant Commander Dax."
"Dax?" Troi stiffened slightly. "Jadzia Dax?"
"Indeed." Picard said guardedly. He made it a point not to pry into the private lives of his officers, but some things were harder to overlook than others.
[What does he want to imply with that?There was never even a hint that Troi and Dax even know each other, apart from countless slash-fanfiction. I think you can guess where Kennedy's thoughts wandered in this sentence.]
"I see." Troi said neutrally. "Well... then I look forward to... such an important mission."
"The Defiant is due in ten days. Until then you'll remain on the Enterprise with the blockade fleet. The Empire is going to get four chances to come through the portal in that time. We have a lot of work to do."
"Captains Log, Stardate 51136.9. The Defiant has arrived in the vicinity of the Sol system in time for the fourth opening of the 'portal' since we returned from the other side. I have been invited on board the Enterprise to be briefed by the commander of the blockade fleet, Captain Picard."
Dax finished the log entry and looked around the bridge. "Lieutenant Robertson, Doctor Bashir, with me."
"Uh, sir..." O'Brien began.
Dax grinned. "Sure you can come, chief. I know you have a lot of friends over there. Lieutenant Anthony, you have the con until we return." She headed for the transporter room.
"Captain Dax," Picard said warmly, shaking her hand as she stepped off the transporter pad. "Welcome aboard."
[These jumps in story telling become slowly more and more annoying. His style really isn't great too.]
"Nice to be here Captain Picard." Dax smiled as she looked around the spacious transporter room. "This is my CMO, Doctor Bashir and my Tactical and Helm officer Lieutenant Sean Robertson."
"Commander Riker, Counsellor Troi."
"And of course you know the Chief."
"Good to see you sir." O'Briens face was all smiles as everybody exchanged handshakes.
"Nice ship you have here," Dax said, looking around the spacious transporter room. "Lots of elbow room."
"Thank you. Shall we go?" Picard led the group into the corridor and into a turbolift. "I gather the Defiant is quite an impressive ship herself. I only wish we had the time for a visit before your departure, but Admiral Holman wants the Counsellor to begin her mission as soon as possible. You should just be able to catch the next opening in an hour." The lift deposited the group on the bridge and Picard led them into the conference room where the other Enterprise officers were waiting.
"So," Dax said as they sat, "just what is it we're supposed to be doing here."
"I assume you have reviewed the Enterprise's records of our trip through the portal?" Picard asked.
She nodded. "Yes. This 'Empire' sounds like an unfriendly bunch."
"That was our impression." Picard replied dryly. "But we had very little contact with them." He hesitated fractionally. "Starfleet has decided to assign our ships counsellor, Commander Troi, as commander of the reconnaissance mission. Your job is to provide whatever support and assistance the Counsellor requires."
"I see." Dax nodded at Troi. "Counsellor."
"Lieutenant Commander," Troi replied, stressing the rank difference just a little.
"Specifically," Picard said, "get her through the portal on the next opening, using your cloak to get past any forces the Empire might have waiting. Investigate the area around the portal - find a major space station or inhabited world if you can. The priority is to get a handle on the size and capabilities of the Imperial fleet and if possible to assess their intentions toward us now that they know we are here."
"And if they turn out to be a threat?" she asked.
"Report it back to Starfleet. The Federation is not at war with the Empire and frankly, we can't afford to be. We have our hands full with the Dominion right now."
"I'm aware of that sir." She said, a little stiffly. I haven't been cruising around Sol for the last few months, she added mentally.
Picard nodded apologetically. "Of course, captain. You have been in the thick of things these last few months. In any case, Starfleet was quite emphatic on this point; the Prime Directive is in full force for this mission and you are to avoid hostilities if at all possible. Your mission is simply to observe and report."
[Hidden insult that he thinks of the Empire as primitive.
Just to remember:
The Prime Directive accounts for civilisation which haven't got warpdrives yet. So you can see how he tries to downscale a galactic civilisation to a pre-warp one! It should be the other way around. The Federation is primitive in the eyes of the Empire.]
"Understood." Dax grinned. "I think my phaser crews could do with the rest."
"No doubt. I'm sorry we can't give you more detailed orders captain, but we know almost nothing of what you might come across."
"I see." Dax turned her smile to Troi. "Welcome to the sharp end, counsellor."
Troi bristled slightly. "At least it will make a change from the Borg," She replied.
At the other end of the table, Riker grinned slightly. Game, set and match, he thought to himself.
[Hadn't he had learned to somehow mark the end of a story part?!]
"We're ten kilometres from the centre of the anomaly," Lieutenant Anthony reported. "Should easily be close enough."
"Thrusters at station keeping," Dax ordered. "Chief, how long?"
"Less than a minute."
"Raise the cloak," She said. "Shields and weapons to cold status, cut main power. But be ready to get us back on-line fast if we need it."
The bridge lights on the Defiant dimmed and the ever-present background hum of the power systems faded to almost nothing. Dax waited nervously in the command seat. It's a good gamble, she thought. The Empire's power and weapon technology is much more primitive than ours, it's not likely that their sensor systems are any more advanced. And even if they do spot us, the ablative armour should hold out against low power plasma weapons for more than long enough to get the weapons up and running.
[I think, a summary of that is faster, but before I must again rant about how he simply dubbs them 'primitive'. His total butchering of the facts is one of the worst I have ever seen.
And now:
-Power: Well, a Star Destroyer makes 1E25watts peak, if not more, and the Death Star hypermatter reactor even 1.2E33watts. Much more than the Feds with 1E20watts.
-Weapons: Weapons that are regualary above 200Gigatons are hardly primitive.
-Sensors: Much more advance. Seems he never saw TESB.
He again makes the plasma error.]
"Ten seconds." Anthony reported. "Reading an energy build-up from the portal. It's starting to open."
"Ten seconds," Data said. "Five, four, three, two, one."
The anomaly suddenly flared up, filling the screen in an instant. It hung in space for a long moment, then was gone. The Defiant had vanished with it.
In its place was a monstrosity. Huge, armoured, a vessel very obviously dedicated to one purpose; the dealing out of death.
"Expand image," Picard ordered. The ship seemed to shrink suddenly as Data reduced the magnification factor. Another ship appeared, and another. Within seconds Picard could see dozens, then hundreds.
"Registering ships at the site of the Portal." Data said. His voice held that certain quality which told Picard that the android had deactivated his emotion chip. "Profile and energy signature matches Imperial Star Destroyers in most cases."
"How many ships?"
"Fifteen thousand nine hundred and fifty six," Data replied.
[At least Kennedy doesn't shit on the numbers of starships the Empire can mobilize.]
Picard thumbed his intercom to a general hail channel. "Imperial fleet, this is Captain Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise, in command of the fleet deployed around you. Please state your intentions."
A long pause, then a familiar 'face' appeared on the viewscreen.
"This is Lord Vader," the tombstone-voice intoned over hissing breath. "In the name of the Empire, I claim this area of space and pronounce that all within it are now subjects of the Emperor. You and your ships will stand down and surrender."
[He continues to paint the Imperials as stupid. Vader is far to clever to attack when he already knows about the capacities of the enemy. Bot obviously that didn't occur to Kennedy.]
"That is your final word?" Picard asked simply.
"It is."
Picard closed the channel and switched to a fleet-wide secure frequency. "Picard to fleet. Battle plan seven, option delta. Frigate and destroyer groups form the perimeter. Light and medium cruisers on roving support. Ambassador, Nebula and Galaxy wings, engage the enemy closely."

Dax wasn't sure what she was expecting the trip through the portal to be like, but in the event she had felt nothing at all. One moment the Defiant had been floating free in the centre of a Federation fleet, then the view-screen flashed brightly and suddenly there were an awful lot more stars out there.
"What the-" Anthony was suddenly yelling. "Get us out of here! Full thrusters, right now! MOVE!"
"Do it," Dax snapped instantly. Lieutenant Robertson tapped some controls and the Defiant glided forwards sedately on her thrusters.
"Make your course zero four six mark three eight!" Anthony snapped. He was glued to one of his displays, his fingers flying furiously across the console. Dax watched and waited in silence. "Okay," he said after a few seconds. "Now come to three three five mark three four six and drop to half thrusters."
Dax started to say something just as the ships proximity alarms went off. She closed her mouth abruptly as the view-screen automatically tracked in to display the object responsible. The image was a huge fleet of missiles, apparently heading straight for them.
"We're okay now," Anthony said, sitting back and breathing a sigh of relief. "They're not tracking in on us and the first batch passed closer than these will, so their warheads can't spot us."
"Nice work." Dax smiled at the Lieutenant. "Mind telling me what's going on?"
"Looks like the Empire was expecting us," he replied. "Or at least, was prepared for us. They had almost five thousand missiles inbound, timed to arrive just a few seconds after the portal cycled. We're lucky they were so slow, it gave us just enough time to get out of the way."
[Again he is lying about the speed of imperial warheads. Why should an imperial warhead be slow, when it can do a 90° turn with 72.000Gs? His strange logic somehow becomes even more strange.
Compare it to how slow quantum torpedos are in FC, were the miss easily.]
"Quite a welcome. Scan the area please," she ordered. "Passive only, maintain low-energy regime."
"I'm reading a fleet out there," he said, turning to look at his console briefly. "They match the profile and energy signature of Imperial ships."
"Numbers?"
"Five hundred and sixty. They're in a defensive perimeter formation, centred on the anomaly."
"Any sign that they've detected us?"
"They're just sitting there, not reacting at all."
"Counsellor?"
"They're unconcerned," Troi said from her chair at the back of the bridge.
[1.) He had forgot or ignored imperial CGT-sensors. They can detect cloaked ships.
2.)The Imperials never ever would be that stupid NOT to scan. Since the enemy has unknown capacities, restless active scanning is much more logical. But this doesn't occur to Kennedy.
3.)He again wants to write the "stupid Imperial". Slowly that becomes a real point of anger.
4.)Again, Troi's powers seem to work without problem.]
"Very well. Bring impulse power back on line. Set a heading to take us through the perimeter. Keep us as far away from the bad guys as you can. Lieutenant Anthony, keep a constant sensor sweep going. Counsellor, you keep your ears open too."
"I don't use my ears, captain," Troi said frostily. "My empathic sense-"
[Do I hear there some sort of Elitism in Troi's answer?]
"It's a figure of speech, counsellor. If one of those captains out there so much as twitches, I want to know about it. Understood?"
"Yes. Sir."

The Imperial Star Destroyer swung about, every weapon blazing as it lumbered in towards its target. The Miranda class USS Memphis dodged to one side and down, slipping under most of the barrage as her own phasers returned the fire, slicing through the armour of her attacker.
[Totally overrated phaser firepower, now even on a small Miranda!]
On the bridge of the Federation ship the Executive officer checked his console for the tenth time in as many minutes, still hardly able to believe what he was seeing. The deck was shuddering occasionally as a turbolaser bolt slammed home on the shields. "These guys can't shoot to save their lives," he said wonderingly. "Haven't they heard of computer targeting?"
[His gloating becomes painful. His bizarre claim that Imperial ships couldn't aim but Federation one have 100% accurancy is a insult for both fandomes. He continues with a outright lie, because accurancy is trained on imperial ships very heavily. Compare that to the episode "Peak Performance"!
But not enough, he continues with a second outright lie. Imperial ships do use computers to target. But of course they ALSO can aim manually. Our Trekkie fanboy with his all-computerised weapons should be asked what to to if the computer fails.... No, in that case, the ship would explode anyway.]
"Aft torpedoes fire," Captain Pellman said. "Full phasers too." She watched the viewscreen tactical display as the two glowing flecks of light closed on the Star Destroyer, slamming into an already damaged section. "Apparently not," she said in response as the colossus began to spin out of control, still spraying turbolaser fire in their general direction. "Helm, evasive pattern alpha five three. Tactical, another full load on the same area."
[He continues his outright lie, mixed with overrated firepower. The gloating that it is combined with reflects Kennedy's own opinion, not the facts.]
The Memphis dodged and weaved as it arced around and raced inward again. Phasers and photon torpedoes leapt out and ploughed into the gaping hole in the Star Destroyer's port side; the whole forward section began to shear away from the rest of the ship. Both sections continued to fire.
"They do build them tough, though." She pointed at the big dome on the ventral surface. "Tactical, full phaser strike there please." Phaser beams sliced into the dome, cutting it open. A colossal explosion blew the entire aft section of the ship into fragments. Their ship shuddered as it flew through the heart of the explosion, hull sections smashing into their shields. "Tactical view on screen."
[Of course they are unscratched by the explosion of the reactor..... He really seems to have two different types of measuring. While he makes warp cores monster bombs, Ionization Reactor he makes to firecrackers.
He is really a hard case of Rabid Trekkie, that is now for sure.]
She studied the crowded display; so far the Empire had made no serious attempt to breech the perimeter, concentrating almost all of their forces at the core. That suited her just fine.
"Of course, Mister Lomax," she said as she watched their own cruisers weaving their way through a sea of enemy targets, "hundred to one odds do tend to make up for a lot."

"Re-start the warp core." Dax ordered. She had waited until they were more than twenty million kilometres from the nearest Imperial ship, almost out of range of their own passive sensors. There was no quantifiable change in the ship when the warp core came back on line, but Dax had always felt that the Defiant was somehow more vibrant - more alive - than before, like a predator that had been asleep and was now poised to strike.
[Nice roar lion, but you are still totally inferior.]
"System on-line," O'Brien said. "Engine room reports full power at your discretion."
"Now we see," Dax murmured, watching the Star Destroyer hanging on the screen. "Counsellor?"
"There's no specific increase in tensions on that ship," Troi said, staring at the screen. "Just the usual background. Usual for them, at least."
"Good. Helm, present heading, warp one. Engage."
Now the predator could stretch its legs a little. The Defiant's warp coils twisted space just so, and the ship hurled itself clear of the Imperial fleet.
"The fleet is clear of our sensor range, Captain," Anthony reported a few minutes later. "I don't know about their sensors, but they haven't impressed me so far. There are no other ships in range."
[He scales down imperial sensores...again! This becomes annoying. And of course he had to gloat again. This become a sorry excuse for propaganda.]
Our first gamble, Dax thought. But it is a good one. "Decloak and bring the primary sensor array on line. Scan the surrounding systems for signs of habitation."
The bridge lights came back up to normal. Dax glanced around with the beginnings of a smile; Sisko had insisted on having the lights dim whenever the ship was cloaked, he said it would give the bridge a quieter, more focused atmosphere - keep the crew more concentrated. Dax had laughed at the time, but of course he had been right.
Anthony whistled. "This Empire of theirs sure is crowded," he said.
"What have you found?"
"The trouble isn't finding an inhabited system, the trouble is finding one that isn't," he replied. "There are over twenty stars within a three light year radius, and sixteen, maybe eighteen of them are inhabited."
"Not good," Dax observed. She called up the sensor information on the main view-screen. "This one here's closest, just under a light year - thirteen hours or so at warp seven."
[Wow, he even got the numbers for warp right. Sadly that this is only an exception from the rule.]
"Judging by the neutrino emissions there are a couple of million fusion reactors there, which makes it the most heavily developed as well," Anthony added. "And I'm picking up all sorts of radio noise."
"Radio?"
"Yeah, old-style light speed radio transmissions. Entertainment broadcasts mostly, but there's a lot of encrypted stuff that's probably military."
Dax turned to Troi. "Counsellor?"
[Two big errors on his account:
-First, he again uses his fusion-reactor brainbug. When will he learn, that he Empire doesn't use fusion reactors for large-scale power production anymore? Also, the small fusion reactors the Emire did have, work on a totally different principe. Therefore they shouldn't even be able to detect that. And were do they get that number?
-Second, I find it extremly dishonest, that he tries to imply that the Empire only uses radio transmissions. Large scale and military transmissions use hyperwaves (TESB, AOTC) with which you can talk in real-time over the galaxy. While the holonet is for mass-use (EU). Compare that to the snail mail transmissions from Trek.]
"Seems like the sensible choice," Troi said. "Head for that system. Then we need a conference to discuss our strategy."
"Very well. Helm, set a course for this system and go to warp seven. Lieutenant Anthony, you have the con. Keep the main sensor array on-line, constant three sixty by three sixty scan for enemy ships. Inform me at once of any contacts. Have doctor Bashir meet us in the mess hall at once. Chief, Lieutenant Robertson with me. Counsellor?"
Bashir was waiting for them when they arrived at the mess hall. Troi waved everybody to a table and they all settled down.
"My mission is to evaluate the military capabilities and intentions of the Empire towards the Federation," Troi began. "My intentions are to cloak prior to entering this system we're heading for and enter orbit around the most heavily inhabited planet. The Defiant will stay in orbit and conduct sensor sweeps of the planet and surrounding area while I lead a team to the planet's surface to do some reconnaissance."
[Totally impossible, since there is a sensor net sweeping the Coruscant system restlessly...]
"What kind of information are we going to be looking for?" Dax asked.
"You'll be staying on board the Defiant, Captain." Troi said casually. "You will be conducting close-up sensor scans of any ships that you come across. At first I intend to check on public sources to get an idea of the type of culture we're dealing with - their form of government, level of technology, size of their fleet-"
"You expect to find that sort of information just lying around?" Dax asked, surprised. "If this Empire is as bad as your reports indicated-"
"Relax, captain." Troi said, clearly annoyed at the interruption. "Even the most repressive society must have some kind of organised public-access information system. Repressive societies tend to emphasise their accomplishments more than most. Propaganda films boasting about the wisdom of their leaders, the sophistication and power of their military and the number of wars they have won. The information will doubtless be exaggerated, but it will give us an idea of what we're up against. Once we are armed with that we can go for military and government centres to get an idea of what the truth behind the propaganda is."
[Nice rethoric....but nonetheless it still sound totally stupid.]
"Who do you intend to take with you?" Dax asked.
"I intend to keep the landing parties as small as possible. Just myself and the Chief here, until we can get an idea of what security we will be up against. How long until we reach the target planet?"
"Why O'Brien?" Dax asked bluntly, ignoring her question. "Surely a tactical or security officer-"
"Chief O'Brien has plenty of tactical experience," Troi interrupted. "He and I know each other well enough to pass as a couple if we need to. Now how long?"
"About twelve and a half hours now."
"Until we get there I want you to monitor those transmissions we picked up. I know they'll be a year or so out of date, but get an idea of the clothing and customs of that planet - the things we'll need to pass for locals."

Picard studied the tactical display in frustration. His crews and ships were better than the Empire's, far and away better. The Starships had sliced through the Imperial fleet time and again, soaring past the lumbering behemoths like a hawk past an ostrich. Their weapons were cutting the enemy ships open with ease, inflicting horrendous casualties on the Imperials.
[That alone would make me laugh, if it weren't in such a totally idiotic context. How are they better? Also he again gloats, now totally common for him.
Also he again grins about his magical Fed-weapons, which seem to be that overpowered that it is just ridiculous. And he tries everything to make them looking superior towards the Empire.
This tells a lot about him.]
And still there were just too many of them. Even the almost ineffective plasma-laser weapons the Empire used scored a handful of hits on each pass; now and again a missile of some sort hit home. The firepower of one of these Star Destroyers barely matched that of a Runabout, but a fleet of Runabouts would be quite a force to be reckoned with if there were fifteen thousand of them.
[He is now not only dishonest and outright lying...he is ridiculous! A Star Destroyer only as strong as a runaboat? He really makes an ass of himself with such statements. Only for remember:
A single ISD can clmpletly burn off the surface of a planet. How could that firepower not even compare to a runaboat? Or are al runaboats in the Federation able to kill entire planets? That is one of the worst claims he had made until yet.
He also still bathes in his plasma-falsehood and his bizarre claim of low accurancy. That I didn't need even to explain anymore.]
Every hit on a Starship drained a fraction of a percent from its shields, stressed a power relay slightly, knocked a scanner out of alignment. The Empire may suffer from poor marksmanship, he reflected, but they go a good long way toward making up for it with sheer enthusiasm.
[He accuses the Empire of poor marksmanship, thus attacking the whole canon of SW.]
Already he had lost nine ships and had to pull another seven out of the battle because of damage. Those sixteen had cost the Empire two hundred and twenty five warships destroyed and another hundred and fifty damaged - and at that rate he couldn't possibly win.
[I don't need to tell that these numbers are probably pulled out of his ass.]
"Sir." Picard turned to where Data was standing at the tactical station where he had been filling in since Worf had returned to his posting on the Rotarran. "I am reading a large group of enemy vessels breaking away from the battle area, some twelve hundred in all. They are on a heading of one one five mark zero two one. I believe they are trying to breach the perimeter."
"Have Destroyer wings three, five, six and eight and Frigate wings one, three and eight converge on the lead elements and hit them as hard as they can. Nebula wings one and three are to hit their flanks, with Ambassador wing five and Excelsior wings two and seven in support."
Picard watched the Imperial fleet dispersing, worried. It was possible that they were finally about to do something intelligent...
[Direct insult. This marks the beginning of a new quality of more agressive anti-SW statements. It will get much worse later.]
"Another subfleet is breaking off," Data announced. "Eleven hundred ships on a heading of two nine five mark three three nine."
A reciprocal heading, Picard thought. Naturally. "Have Frigate wings two, five and seven perform a straight intercept. The remaining three Nebula wings are to attack from behind. Order all ships to switch to targeting engines only, disable as many as possible."
"More subfleets." Data said calmly. "Another twelve hundred ships on a heading of two zero five mark zero two one. A thousand heading at one one one five mark two nine one."
"Split the remaining perimeter groups evenly between the two mister Data." Picard ordered. "Order all cruiser groups to attack the nearest subfleet." That order committed his entire force to the battle, while the enemy still had over ten thousand ships in reserve at the core of the formation. Maybe if we attack the breakouts while leaving the ships at the core alone they'll fall back, head for relative safety. Picard rather doubted it, though. This had to be a planned move.
"The main fleet is changing course," Data said. "I believe it is a breakout attempt. Ten thousand ships on a heading -"
"I can see it mister Data," Picard cut him off. A virtual sea of red dots were heading out towards the now undefended perimeter at their top speed. He simply didn't have sufficient numbers to stop them all at once.
[He hadn't had the numbers at any time, but Kennedy obviously is silent about that.]
"Signal Starfleet," He told Data. "Transmit our tactical situation and inform them that a large force of Imperial Star Destroyers is about to break through our lines. Request all possible reinforcements."

Defiant slid into orbit on thrusters only, hidden behind her cloak with main power shut down. On the bridge Dax began to relax for the first time in hours; she still had no real feel for how good Imperial sensor systems might be, but whatever they may have lacked in quality the Imperials certainly made up for in quantity. She had never seen a system so heavily packed with scanners - every planet, every moon, practically every asteroid in the system had at least ten or twenty sensors in orbit, sometimes a lot more. Defiant had logged over ten thousand separate emitters before Dax had stopped bothering to ask.
[First he is dishonest about the quality of imperial sensor nets and insults SW again, before he made the totally impossible stunt of coming through all of them. I must remember you about the CGT-sensors....]
Either this Empire was horribly paranoid, or they were under a level of threat that required this sort of intensive surveillance. Dax honestly didn't know which option she preferred.
"Well Counsellor, here we are," she said. Troi and O'Brien were both dressed in outfits that Lieutenant Anthony thought would let them pass for locals. The three of them had spent the last few hours pouring over the local news and entertainment channels to try and find a suitable place to beam down. One of their first surprises had been the discovery that this planet - called Coruscant - was none other than the capital of this Empire. That had prompted Dax to call for a change of destination to somewhere likely to be less well protected, a call that Troi had overruled instantly.
[I already said it, but since Coruscant is explicitly named here, I say it again. He has violated his own canon rules, since Coruscant was never named in the OT. It was only named in the PT and the EU, which Kennedy both ignores.]
"So I see." Troi nodded. "Have the beam down co-ordinates transferred to the transporter room. Keep a constant lock on our position - if anything looks threatening, stand by to beam us up as soon as we can get out of sight. And keep a full tactical team ready-"
"I understood your orders the first time we went through it, counsellor." Dax said. "And the second, for that matter."
Troi started to speak, hesitated, then nodded. "Very well. We'll call every hour, on the hour. Stand by for further orders."
Troi and O'Brien materialised in a deserted alleyway in what appeared to be Coruscants main centre of government. Although, Troi thought as she looked around, alleyway is hardly the word. Canyon, perhaps. The buildings towered straight up on each side, sheer vertical cliffs that cut off all but a small gleam of sky high above. It made her feel small, closed in. Trapped.
She rubbed her neck to activate the sub-dermal communicator. "Troi to Defiant," she murmured. "Down safe, all's well. Out."
"What now?" O'Brien asked.
"Now we go for a walk," she replied, heading out of the alleyway. "Let's see if we can find a public databank or library of some kind." She linked her arm in his and smiled broadly. "And don't forget, we're a couple."
"Well, at least Keiko isn't going to walk in on us," O'Brien said as they strolled off.
Leia exited the shuttlebus, hiding her nerves behind the expression of bland apathy everybody in any major city seemed to wear most of the time. She hadn't been on Coruscant in quite a while - never as a wanted fugitive on the run from the Empire. She hadn't wanted to come, it was just too much of a risk for her liking - but the Rebels had lost three out of only nine cells in its spy network here in the last six months. Those remaining were getting highly jittery and making noises about pulling out. Officially she was there to take a look at their set-up and correct any weaknesses. In reality she was here as much to calm their remaining agents down and boost their morale as anything else.
[Extremly unrealistic. Why should Leia come to Coruscant? She is too well known to bend into the crowd, and an obscene high bounty is put on her head. Sounds like a totally stupid story device.]
She headed out of the terminal and drifted around some shop windows for half an hour while the four members of her team arrived. At the designated time she headed into one of the great monolithic buildings, making her way to the bar they had chosen for its combination of low lighting and high noise level. She grabbed a booth and waited while the others drifted in and sat down.
"Problems?" she asked guardedly. Loud or not, you never knew who might be listening.
"They stopped me at the port customs," Balgren replied. "Routine questions, nothing to worry about."
"Nothing else? Good, then we carry on as intended. Our friend is meeting us outside in a speeder in thirty minutes. Finish your drinks in twenty and we'll head out together."
Troi and O'Brien finally found something that looked vaguely like a databank, but when they got to the front of the rather long queue and tried to access it, the screen demanded that they furnish their citizen cards. O'Brien made a show of looking for one in his pockets before cursing and walking away in feigned frustration.
[Hehe...seems that the Federation had forgot what an ID card is.... This is a bit strange, since communist regimes like the Federation tend to control thier citenzes als closely as possible, therefore it is strange.]
"So much for that," He muttered once they were clear of the people behind. "We'll have to hope Defiant can break their computer network from orbit."
"I suppose we could steal a card from somebody," Troi said doubtfully.
"We don't know what kind of security systems they employ. Access code, iris or retina scan, thumbprint, DNA scan - it could be none, any or all. God knows what would happen if you try to access a machine with a stolen card."
"I suppose. But there must be some way of getting at information around here - I don't care how repressive they are, they can't control everything!"
"Well they seem to be doing a good job of trying," O'Brien said gloomily. "Let's just keep walking for a bit. Maybe we can find a museum or something."
Leias' team exited the bar more or less together and headed out of the bars main entrance. She glanced over her shoulder as she emerged into daylight, to make sure nobody was following - and walked straight into someone. Both of them went sprawling onto the floor.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" a woman's voice said. "Are you hurt?"
Leia rolled over and started to push herself up. Pain lanced through her left wrist and she yelped and fell back on top of whoever was under her.
"You are hurt, here - let me help." The woman pulled her up, being careful of her wrist, then turned to help the man. Leia scanned the crowd quickly and found no trace of her team. Good she thought, turning back to the two.
"Who are you?" She blurted the question before she could even think about it.
"My name is Deanna. This is my friend, Miles," The dark-haired woman said. Leia stared at her, confused. Outwardly there was nothing at all unusual, but there was something... every instinct she had was yelling that there was something wrong about these two, almost something... missing.
"Well, Miles, I'm sorry for walking into you." Leia struggled to get herself under control, but she was almost shivering despite the warmth of the day. "Where are you from?" The question was almost involuntary - she felt an almost desperate need to find out who these people were, what was wrong with them. Stop it! She tried to tell herself. Just apologise and get the hell away from here before you draw attention from a Stormtrooper!
[Very poor story device. Again that brainbug that they aren't felt in the force.]
"Ingala district," The one called Troi said. "Do you need some kind of medical treatment for your wrist?"
Quite abruptly the crowd began to melt away; Leia was aware of people glancing behind her, then walking casually away - not running, not even hurrying; it was as if everybody there had just remembered something they had to do. That could only mean one thing.
"No, I'll be okay," Leia said. She forced herself not to turn. "Anyway, I'm late for an appointment so I must go." She saw Troi's eyes go over her shoulder and widen slightly.
"You three," a new voice called out. "Stay where you are. Identity check."
Leia turned to find herself confronted by four Imperial Stormtroopers. Her eyes flicked around the street; at least another three visible, keeping their distance but also keeping their weapons pointed in her direction.
The leader pulled a computer terminal from his pocket. "Citizen card," he demanded. Leia handed her card over, trying to keep a neutral look on her face - a task somehow made doubly difficult because of the two strangers behind her.
[That's even poorer. Leia is one of the highest wanted. I won't buy it for a second, that a Coruscant stormtrooper doesn't recognize her at once.
That is to seen in the light that Leia hadn't even bothered to disguise herself. So He insults that imperial stormtroopers are idiots, thus attacking canon SW]
The Stormtrooper turned to the pair, and Leia stepped to one side while trying to hide both her unease and her relief.
"Citizen cards," he repeated.
Both of them made a convincing show of looking through their pockets.
"Oh hell," Miles said. "I think I've left my billfold at home with both our cards in it. I'm sorry officer, perhaps we can-"
"Names and home addresses."
"Deanna Troi and Miles O'Brien. We both live at unit nine sixteen, building one one six eight of the Ingala district," Troi said. She could feel the mans distrust growing by the second.
"I don't have any record of that," He announced after a few seconds studying the screen.
"We just moved in together yesterday," Miles said, taking Deanna's hand and grinning. "We're out shopping for furniture for the new rooms."
The Stormtrooper put his hand on his sidearm. "Really?" he said with obvious enjoyment. "And tell me why it is that you where able to move in to your new rooms before having your citizen's cards updated, when the law says you have to wait until afterwards?"
"Well, you know how it is." O'Brien laughed. "Bloody bureaucrats probably lost our files somewhere along the way. Put the civil service under the military, that's what I say."
"Yes, I'm sure it's probably something like that." Even through the speaker grille in his helmet the man's words practically dripped mockery. "Tell you what, why don't we all head on down to the Security Office and we can sort it all out now." He tapped a control on the side of his helmet. "Get the speeder over here, we have three to bring in."
"Three?" Leia protested. "But sir, I'm nothing to do with these people. My identity checks out fine, I don't see why-"
"One more word from you and you'll find yourself convicted of impeding an Imperial officer in pursuit of his duty."
[At least that shows why you shouldn't send amateurs to missions deep into enemy territory.]
A large speeder drew up next to the group and the Stormtroopers began to shepherd the three into it. O'Brien looked to Troi questioningly. She shook her head slightly; there was no way they were going to get away, not with four around them and more covering from a distance. Wait for a better chance, she thought to herself.
The speeder door slammed shut and locked behind them.
"What the hell are you people up to?" Leia demanded, as much for the microphone that was certain to be near as for any answer she might get. "I was just minding my own business, now I'm heading to a security office because you're some sort of criminals." Or Imperial agents, she added silently. A set-up to try and make me talk.
She couldn't make herself believe it. There was something about them, something wrong, but it wasn't that. She could feel it somehow. Girl, you're starting to sound like Luke now.
The ride to the security office took less than ten minutes at the rather sedate pace of the speeder, a fact which made Troi wonder just how common these places where - Earth averaged somewhat less than one police station per continent these days. They where taken inside and scanned with a handheld unit. Troi tensed when the woman ran the scanner over the sub-dermal implant; sure enough, the machine let out a loud bleeping noise.
["Sedate pace"? I don't know on which star Kennedy was, when he had written that. Landspeeders have high speeds, you would only dream of, as we see in ANH. Of course he had never seen TPM or AOTC, or he would have seen even more good examples.
That landspeeders, even low-cost modells, could make hundreds of kilometers per hour, seems to be total alien to Kennedy.]
"Problem?" The Stormtrooper who had brought them in came over, removing his helmet.
"See for yourself." The woman showed him the scanner. "Some kind of implant. It's very small, but there's a power source in there."
"Try him." He gestured towards O'Brien. The woman quickly located his implant.
"So, just a couple of innocents out shopping?" the Stormtrooper said with a nasty smile. "I don't suppose you want to tell me what those things are?"
"It's a medical device," Troi said. "We both suffer from Potricks disease - it's a condition that affects the blood. The implants monitor our haemoglobin levels and sound an alert if they fall too low."
"Both of you?" he said sceptically.
"I caught it off Deanna," Miles said.
"What do you think?" He asked the technician. She frowned.
"I doubt it," she replied. "I've heard of devices like that, but never a civilian one this small. It takes military-grade tech to make something like this. If I had to guess, I'd say it was a short range tracer - military intelligence might make something like that."
[Of course he is wrong. Imperial technology can be miniaturized much more than he wants to admit.]
"Okay, first thing is we get a full scanner team up here and give these three a proper going over," he said. "Then we cut those things out, along with anything else we find, and make some calls to see if we can find out who you three really are. And then," he continued with a big smile at Troi, "we're all going to sit down and have a little talk."
[This chapter was painfull, but I bet will get worse.]

God in Heaven this Portal shit is PAINFUL! And Kennedy is an idiot who knows jack shit about Star Wars or Star Trek, it seems.

Tribun you are one brave dude to actually try to read through this horseshit past chapter 3, i cant make it much further myself...

I'd heard legends about 'Portal'. I never beleived them until today.

Painful memories...

I never did get beyond the second chapter, which is why I wondered, "How could it possibly go any more in Starfleet's favor?!"

After seeing Chapter Three, I now understand: zero Starfleet losses...kinda sounds like a certain page on Wong's site, doesn't it?

How cou...Is he that stu...why would he...oh my dear Lord. That was beyond painful. I mean... ...no really . God. Do you ever get the urge to beat the shit out of someone just for being so stupid, so completely full of BS? All I can say is that was the most bias fan fic I have EVER read.

Dang, this means I am going to bed anrgy, dang it, dang it, damn him.

It does indeed get dumber.

Generally someone can be committed to an asylum if there harming themselves or others, which I'd say is exactly what Tribun is doing by reading and reposting parts of Portal.

There is one thing I don't understand.

So far as I am concerned, the ONLY parts of the Wars franchise that are canon are the three Special Edition versions of the movies. I don't care what it says in the reference books, novels, scripts, comics, or anything else. The reason I don't care is that George Lucas has been quoted as saying that he will feel free to deliberately contradict these sources in future films if he feels like it - as far as I am concerned, that means that they are not canon.

Since B&B deliberately contradict previous trek when ever they feel like it, doesn't that mean there IS NO trek canon by his definition?

Never mind. It makes sense now. If there is no Trek canon, He can do whatever he wants without being contradicted.

When Palpatine was in power Coruscant was renamed to Imperial Center, no officer and certainly not Vader would refer to it as otherwise.

Faram, a little suggestion: could you change the 'story' text to the default board color and make your comments yellow? A little yellow doesn't bother me, but paragraph after paragraph hurst my eyes.

Keep up the work.

Kuja wrote:Faram, a little suggestion: could you change the 'story' text to the default board color and make your comments yellow? A little yellow doesn't bother me, but paragraph after paragraph hurst my eyes.

Keep up the work.

I think you mean Tribun.

Crown wrote:

Kuja wrote:Faram, a little suggestion: could you change the 'story' text to the default board color and make your comments yellow? A little yellow doesn't bother me, but paragraph after paragraph hurst my eyes.

Keep up the work.

I think you mean Tribun.

...

SEE WHAT LARGE AMOUNTS OF YELLOW TEXT DOES TO ME?!