I wrote this ages ago (Blues Clues Parody)

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

My niece watched Blue's Clues all the time when she was very young, and as a result, it was usually playing on the 'ol tube when I would come to visit. All of us adults agreed on one thing: Steve was scary, a crackhead, or both.

And this story was born as a result:



Blue's Clues:
The Final Episode

One day Steve was out of the house grocery shopping. Blue was playing with her favorite ball and the talking inanimate objects were all asleep(OK, I don't know all their names and its just a convenient way to keep them out of the story). Suddenly, Blue noticed when she pounced on the ball that the door to the basement was open- just a crack. Blue had never been down there, and Steve always kept it locked. He had never really said in words that she was not to go down there, so Blue thought "why not?"

She nudged the door open and peered into the blackness below. She slowly made her way down the wooden steps, nervous that she might upset Steve by coming down here. Suddenly, a sudden draft from an open window upstairs caused the basement door to slam shut. Blue jumped, and fell down the stairs. She was a little sore after that, but she was OK. In the darkness she could make out a string that was attached to a light bulb. She also noticed that the walls were lined with shiny things that looked like jars. They were wall-to-wall, so now Blue was very curious indeed. She bounced into the air, grabbed the string with her teeth, and switched the light on when she fell. She landed on her rump and in something wet, and took a moment to rub it before she looked around. What she saw she was never prepared for.

The walls were lined with shelves and each shelf was filled with jars of various sizes- and each shelf was neatly and alphabetically organized according what body part was inside, floating in formaldehyde. One jar was now filled with eyeballs of various colors, looking like a jar of pickled eggs. Other jars had every known internal organ in it, and some had hands, foots, legs, arms, and...various other things. She looked down and saw that she had fallen in a puddle of blood.

On the wall facing the steps were several more especially large jars- and each one had a single dog floating in it. They were various breeds, and she noticed that at least one was of the same breed as her and Magenta. And on the farthest wall was the worst thing of all. What appeared to be the same kind of table Frankensteins monster had been born on had a huge, humanoid form lying on it, covered in a sheet.

"So you found my play room, girl?" came a gentle voice from above. Blue whirled, and there was Steve standing on the top of the steps with his hands behind his back. Blue was about to shit herself in fear, and Steve slowly started to descend down the steps.

"When I was little, none of the other kids woul ever play with me, so I decided I would make my own best friend" he turned to the wall of preserved pooches. "They were bad doggies, girl. I was hoping you wouldn't turn out like them and play with me forever, but I can tell you want to leave me like too.."

Suddenly his face contorted in rage, and he whipped out a huge ax. "LET'S PLAY ONE LAST TIME, GIRL!!!" he screeched. He swung at her, but since he was a 98-pound weakling, he swung wild and Blue was able to run between his leg and up the stairs.

Blue knew that she couldn't get out of the house, since the doors were always locked, and her height and her undexterous paws made it difficult to open and unlock them. Her best chance was to hide.

Steve climbed up the stairs slowly, looking around. His eyes were wide and wild, darting back and forth, looking for his prey.

"We are gonna play Blue's Clues....we are gonna play Blue's Clues...." he sang softly and madly, clutching his axe so tightly his knuckles looked like they were going to burst through his skin. All of the other talking objects were frozen in fear, but he ignored them, focused on finding Blue. Suddenly, Steve saw a bloody pawprint on the ground.

"A CLUE!!!" yelled the kids (you know, the ones in the "audience"). Steve looked at the nearest closet and started chopping on the door(Why he didn't just open it, I couldn't tell you). Blue from inside the closet knew that she was done for.

Suddenly, there was a pounding on the door. Steve whirled to the door. A gruff male voice came through the door.

"S-Mart home delivery- we have the desk you ordered!" At that, Blue started howling, hoping that this stranger would save her. At that, the man at the door kicked it open(which wasn't hard- it was made of cardboard), revealing Ash from "Evil Dead." Blue ran past the distracted Steve and hid behind Ash.

"What would the Humane Society say about you, you little fucker?" asked Ash as Steve stormed up with his axe.

"Go away you bad man! We're playing 'Blue's Clues.'"

"Oh, really? Here's a clue for you- what has an outstanding power-to- weight ratio, a max RPM of 11,500, an eight ounce fuel capacity, a fourteen inch bar, and a 3/8 inch pitch chain?"

"That's not how we play-"

"ENNNTTT!!" went Ash, imitating a gameshow buzzer. "Wrong answer, shit-for-brains!"

With that he whipped out his chainsaw, switched it on, and hurled it at STeve just as the lunatic ran at him full force. The impact as it impaled him in his chest sent him flying back in a shower of blood. The chainsaw kept running, and when Steve's body hit the wall, it embedded in the plaster and cardboard. Steve kept thrashing on the blade, and as a result, he was cut in half when he finally fell loose. The top part of his torso split into two dangling halves, and he fell to his knees, hitting the ground with a thunk.

Suddenly, all of the inanimate objects started cheering and bounced up to Ash, and Blue started doing flips. They were finally free. Ash looked at the cheering soap bar and spice shakers and scratched his head.

"What the hell is this?! I haven't seen anything like this since all that experimenting in college."

What everyone didn't know was that in Steve's pocket was a remote control and he had fallen on the button. Downstairs, the thing under the sheet started to stir.

The celebration was cut short when a low growl came from the basement. Ash and the objects froze, and suddenly, something burst from the floor and landed in front of Ash.

"Get the hell outta here!" yelled Ash as the objects and Blue ran outside for cover. Ash whipped out his boomstick and stared down the creature, which was easily eight feet tall.

"Let's go, ass-face!"

[darthdavid]

Write more, that's awsome.

[Trekdestroyer]

[Spice Runner]

err...