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The Eve of a New Order (Revised)

Posted: 2004-09-19 01:05am
by Illuminatus Primus
A fanfic by “Illuminatus Primus”

The characters and universe herein are the moral and legal property of Lucasfilm Limited and George Lucas and are used under Fair Use law. Special regards to LFL and Mr. Lucas without whom this would never have been. Also regards to the work of Dr. Curtis Saxton, Ph.D. Also thanks to the analytical work of Mr. Daniel Krouse, Mr. Phongn Nguyen, and Mr. Julius Sykes. Also, thanks is offered to the inspiration provided by the work of Miss Marina O’Leary. Oh, and thanks to a “Thrawn McEwok” for the Prologue introduction idea.

The Eve of a New Order

Prologue

To my readers:

Throughout the annals of galactic history, from the earliest wars between human pathfinders and non-human civilizations to the rise of our great Galactic Republic, people of all races have gazed out into the void and wondered what happened both out there and back then. This cursory examination of the rise of His Imperial Majesty the Galactic Emperor Palpatine I and the brief stumble of our great and timeless Republic aspires to quench this deep urge and compulsion among civilized peoples.

Let all peoples, human and non-human, male and female grasp the lessons and knowledge grafted from the shadowy spectres of our past and bring these to bare in the determination of our free future. The romantic rise and fall of statesmen, ideologues, generals, and philosophers continues its ceaseless opera even now. I found myself enraptured by the drama of a great statesman and genius, who composed the symphonies of politics and metaphysics in an unmatchable quest for the absolute domination of Will. There was the arduous and long life and duty of a sailor following the journey paved by his ancestors, in a simple pursuit of honor. Twilight of the age for an order of spiritual warriors, for whom the complexities of obeying the pantheistic Force and seeking a perfect balance in the small galaxy was overshadowed by the fight for simple survival: a reduction to the incessant struggle maintained by even the most insignificant organisms everywhere and that never ended. They fought the struggle for the right to exist. This weathered chapter of history contained that struggle along side those dynamic struggles for law and order, for greed, for absolute power, and for love.

Trillions would die as the corruption was forcefully burned out of the necrotic shadow of the Republic of legend. Darkness would fall across the free and liberal societies which stood as pillars of freedom for millennia. And anew would rise a regime of order through fear; law by decree and force. This history belongs not only to its victims, but also its victors. For this history is the architecture designed and constructed from its most basic foundation to completion by the Galactic Emperor. Very much my writing is personified by the Emperor Palpatine I himself. The impossibly perfect and synchronous strategy that once launched, followed through its intricate paths to completion, inexorably. His new order would see countless legions of faceless antiseptic warriors replacing machines yet more identifiable as a mechanism than as any organizational construct or collection of sapient organisms. It would see the foundation of great armadas which could stretch from planet to planet in a star system and crush any resistance or variance beneath the Sovereign’s black heel.

And yet, there was peace to be found in the systems and protocols initiated by the last Lord of the Sith. In the new, clean galaxy, the trains always ran on time. All the public works were paid for and completed on time. All the drug traffickers disappeared from the plazas where your children played while you haggled for your daily bargain. Where there exists chaos and plurality in a balkanized republic, there exists order and singular, precise purpose in a rigid empire. From the bright dreams of the idealists under the Imperial banner, this history speaks as well.

Lastly, for the countless patriots, be they representing Republic or Confederacy; planet or sector; order or free, there is also a voice. Countless numbers of men and women would die for their homes and belief, in the most timeless of sentient impulses and sacrifices. Pay heed to the convictions of those who would sacrifice their lives for a singleminded goal.

This history aims at being at once authoritative and engaging to the scholars who happen upon it. Explore this and profit from what you learn and see. Let such a fiery speck in our times not be brushed away on the grounds of its breadth of Duration, and the stark mortality of the individuals described therein.

- A.C.S. Iturbide

[Editor's Note: This decoded document belongs to the Tenth Volume of "Iturbide"'s The Galactic Republic and Her Citizens; the publication, on the authority of the Jedi High Council has been declared heretical; on that of the Supreme Court of the Galaxy, judged fraudulent and henceforth banned as an educational text; and upon analysis of the Obra-Skai College of History, classed as apocryphal by the Dean, Dr. Chee. Despite these judgments, and the emphatic protests of Jedi Master Randal Siren-Antilles and Senator Laghida Lobap, this excerpt is being filed in the Archives on the grounds of its possible literary value and also as an excellent example of a forgery for comparison to other contested works. It is hoped the reader may find it a possible source of interest.

- Jedi Knight and Historian Aniram Katarn]

Chapter I

The Fondor System
The outer reaches.


The observation buoy was clear in all directions: a perfect transparisteel capsule, only a small tether leading off the tiny globe was an imperfection. It led to a one of hundreds of thousands of platforms which hovered throughout the planets and moons which clung to the source of the ubiquitous pale glow. The blonde-haired, blue-eyed uniformed man sat in a repulsor chair capable of rotating in all of the three spatial dimensions. He dimmed the glowrod, leaving him naked to the reflections of the must awesome force in the galaxy.

Lieutenant Commander Dannik Chee gazed intently across the vacuum to the future of the galaxy. Well, almost a vacuum.

The First Fleet of the Republican Navy emerged from its berths and slips throughout the expanses of the Fondor System. Around the planet Fondor herself, the diminutive and airless Merc, the molten Sadom, the frozen Freya, and the gas giants Jomus and Dumus, the armada stretched across all planes of vision from the small observation pod cabled to the standard platform.

The First Fleet had begun production approximately seven months earlier. Gathering designs from Alderaanian Fleet Yards, Kuat Drive Yards, Rothana Heavy Engineering, Rendili StarDrive, and Chandrilla Starshipwrights, Inc., one of the most impressive warfleets in the galaxy's history had been assembled. Only missing were the pragmatic-looking and practical designs of Corellian Engineering Corporation. A pity, thought Chee. He had always been partial to their rough exteriors and simple aesthetics. Beauty through function.

The First Fleet was the first launched of the eight main fleets under development. The Second Fleet would launch from Kuat within the month; the Third from Gyndine and Alderaan a few weeks after that. The Fourth and Fifth would be ready in two months, at Rothana and Chandrilla, respectively. The Sixth and Seventh at Rendili and her satellite yards in five months, and in seven months, the Eighth Fleet would be ready again at Kuat. The brilliance of the Supreme Chancellor had brought these fleets into existence now. Inciting their construction and development only weeks after the Battle of Geonosis, he quietly channeled funds and directives to the regional forces, academies, training centers, shipyards, and military bases, seeking to focus and develop the juggernaught in manpower and resources spread among the Republic’s members which had been mobilizing since before the crisis at Naboo, progressively fearing and tasting impending war, and preparing accordingly. For months, components of the First Fleet, and an increasing number of her younger siblings had been conducting exercises and shakedown cruises. He had participated in these, a classic example of this new fleet’s officers. Groomed and trained at the local academies, he was preparing and training for service in this fleet, before Palpatine had ever accomplished its approval by Senate. Itself a stroke of genius, Palpatine had no need for Senatorial approval, but by capturing it, he only solidified his position and the strength of his support.

Chee felt privledged to be part of this great new force, this dawn of order in the galaxy. He felt proud of his uniform and government again. Most of his fellow officers spent their off-duty time in the brothels, holoparlors, or bars. Some of the decadencies and corruptions of war were timeless.

Chee was not the average officer. One of the members of the then-waning Republic Youth Volunteers, serving several-month internships as volunteered help aboard one of the Republican Guard's Dreadnaught-class frigates, Chee had possessed an instinctive love and adoration for his Republic—the Republic of old—the Republic of legend. Chee did not think there was anything more glorious he could do on the Fleet's christening but go to see it off.

He had not only anticipated this sight, but eagerly welcomed it. A graduate of the newly consolidated Republican Naval Academy at Empress Teta, and formerly a top student of the Alderaaanian Naval Academy with education in Political Science, Economics, and Modern Military History, he had advanced not only in fields of thought currently experiencing an optimistic, progressive renaissance in major institutions, but also as an officer in the Alderaanian Defence Force, and now in the Republican Navy. While in university he had poured over Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's essays and theories, and followed galactic politics and macroeconomics with an educated and keen eye.

As a rising cadet and officer, he'd continued to observe the changes of the galaxy, and became an outspoken proponent of Palpatine's politics and policies in the traditionally ideologically-neutral military atmosphere. When several advocate groups formed The Commission for the Preservation of the Galactic Republic—aptly abbreviated “COMPOR”—he was one of the first to join. And he had risen to a minor yet significant post for the Commission’s offices on his home of Alderaan. Many of his fellow, generational officers frowned on what they saw as distasteful displays of crass populism and fad politics. A proper gentleman—and warrior—in their minds contented their pursuits with the esoterics of ancient history and the rote-memorized tactics and strategies that had been in place since the last Sith War. Indulging in modern politics, especially political activism was frowned upon. But the climate of everything was changing, and changing quickly. Chee had watched the changed closely, and Palpatine had now, at last, taken the first decisive step toward undoing the decline during the recent history of his Republic.


The Clone Wars had inexorably moved the galaxy away from the stasis, stability, and strength of over twenty-five millennia.

The old order had seen the waning of Republican power; the loss of the Senate's right to maintain a standing military, and then it was not difficult to lose the right to raise one at all. The Galactic Army and Galactic Navy were dispersed amongst the regions and sectors of the galaxy. The rimworlds and fringeworlds could not afford or supply the substantial and grand fleets of old, and their forces and defences fell to the wayside--save for the miniscule martial welfare fettered out from the Senate's shrinking coffers--reducing whole regions of the fringe to little more than meager policing by cheap, second-rate picket ships or frigates based on civilian craft or belonging to those models simply poorly designed and undesired by those who could afford better.

As a great philosopher once said, "peace and freedom is maintained by law and order; law and order are maintained by force and fear." A power vacuum so great could not go unfilled; an entirely disarmed galaxy would be at the whims of any petty despot who held so much as a handful of systems, or even a particularly impetuous band of criminals. Rather, the richest localities and organizations raised previously unheard-of armies and navies. Merchants provided their own armed guard, which had little qualms about abusing small, weak, and unwieldy customers. The aristocrats and monarchists, the industrialists and entrepreneurs, found money and will to maintain great defenses and even greater weapons. In the end, the military of the galaxy shrunk little; it only became more concentrated under those with most money, and answering to the voice of fewer beings. Kuat and Nemodia and Corellia still fielded mighty dreadnoughts and battlecruisers, and countless lesser vessels. The oppressive hand of war would not be dissuaded by naïve moves on the part of the Senate.

Individual sectors and individual corporations concerned themselves with local regions only. Bush wars and small rivalries fanned into flame, now unabated by the stern eye of a galactic military. Corporate hostile takeovers became quite literally so: the "acquisition" of Rothana Heavy Engineering by Kuat Drive Yards involved the landings of several millions of Kuati soliders and hired mercenaries under the shadows of heavy Kuati guns. Still, corporations and firms found the galactic market uncharacteristically defiant compared with their local regions, or under the thrall of more proximate rivals. And so it became that organizations of corporations in the same business began to cooperate in more intimate manners. Price fixing became overshadowed by the crimes of invasion or attack on boycotting worlds or independent competitors.

And so these entities, joining with the unlikely brethren of the dispossessed and abused fringeworld patriots, broke from the aging and doddering Republic of legend. So began the Clone Wars.


Now, finally, the dream of the Republic’s— nay!—the Galaxy's future was being realized. Here, at Fondor, the First Fleet prepared for its first test a cohesive entity in combat having been through two years of preparation. Combined with her Army components, she formed the new and mighty Crimson Blade Command. The vast armada united and assembled at Fondor; officially Fondor had the largest facilities of the participating yards in the construction of the First Fleet, and also had constructed the largest share, thus it was only natural a choice. And in no small part due to Kuat Drive Yard's lobby to the Supreme Chancellor, as well. The tens of thousands of platforms, millions of tenders, dozens of huge yards and bays--all emblazed with Kuat's corporate logo must look real nice on the propaganda holos that would be transmitted on Holonet News by month’s end.

Dannik Chee had already stopped reading the sensor readings, and began again to gaze. The hard angles of thick durasteel impressed with the Republic cog on their bone-white or silver-grey planes glissened in the deep yellow-orange and throbbing glow eminating from Fondora, the distant spotlight around which this celestial carousel of orbs had danced for scores of thousands of millienia. The surge of white knives and needles, silver wedges, and grey spikes moved in unison. The V-19 Torrent clone-piloted defensive starfighters and Delta-7 Aethersprite light interceptors flanked arrowhead Acclamator transports like great red-white raptors, floating in an corona of black and silver glitter. That glitter, of course, belonged to the countless models of new Sienar Fleet Systems/Kuat Systems Engineering Republic Fighters.

At the heart of the corona painted from a patina of greys, a pair of the new Kuat Drive Yards Gladiator-class Star Dreadnoughts flew in unison; the prime vessel, the GRS Gladiator, Admiral Giel's flagship, and his second-in-command's flagship, the GRS Honor of the Republic.

Around them sailed more Kuati dreadnoughts, scores of Kuati and Alderaanian battleships, many more flanking Rothanan and Alderaanian battlecruisers, fleet and troop carriers from Kuat and Rothana, countless cruisers of all types from Alderaan, Kuat, Rothana, and the numerous Rendili yards, destroyers from Kuat and Rendili in the thousands and thousands, frigates, escort carriers, and transports including the Rothanan Acclamator-class vessels, enveloped with miniscule lesser craft, all flying as an enormous mass tens of thousands of kilometers across.

Yes. Here, at Fondor, the future began.

The Fondor System
KDY Administration Skyhook


The large treated-wood table glistened with the warm, almost-natural light from the glowstaffs symmetrically framing the large conference room. Around the table sat four Jedi Knights: the tall, dark-skinned, long-robed, and calm Jedi Council member, Master Windu. Master Windu was a veteran of many battles on the fringe and was, along with Master Yoda, instrumental in guiding the Jedi role in the Wars against the Confederacy. His increasingly haunted dark eyes spoke of his brooding fear and growing tension regarding the progress of the war, and the fate of the galaxy. To his right sat the Corellian with the brown and thick-beard: Jedi Master, Nejaa Halcyon. Master Halcyon, always a rebel against the rigid codes and traditions of the Order, called Corellia his home and shared a personal stake in this campaign. The Corellian Jedi belonged to the schismatic Corellian Jedi. Tracing their roots back to before the last Sith War, they had earned the ire and frustration of the Council by refusing to obey amendments to the Jedi Code after the last war, claiming they were not the will of the Force. The rules forbidding marriage and procreation among Jedi were disobeyed; Halcyon himself had a wife and young son. His borderline heretical ideology had resulted in many a heated argument between himself and the dark Council member. Last among the robed Knights was the bald and broad-shouldered, powerful-framed Master Jerec. Jerec had been born blind, and wore a thin black ribbon of cloth around his head and covering his eyes. The soft-spoken Jedi Master was obsessed with his archeology, which he actually had a doctorate degree in from Coruscant University. A symbol of his passion was the antique lightsabre hanging from his belt, a memory of the Second Sith War nearly three millennia ago.

To the warrior-priests' left sat the Army's officers. They counted among their number two younger Surface Marshals, both faces readily recognizable from the propagandistic holocasts on Holonet News for victories and proud leadership—and for their surnames. Military families hundreds of generations in length had become quite entrenched at the Citadel on Anaxes and the Castle at Carida. Quite literally many of them were nobility, especially from Kuat, Alderaan, or Tapani. And in the minds of their career officer colleagues, there were better soldiers for the jobs than these spoiled dynasts. Finally, there was the senior, High Marshal Malcor Brashin. Brashin, still a rather young officer, was trained in the finest tradition at the military academy at Carida and received education at Empress Teta. Serving in the Planetary Security Forces for Empress Teta, he quickly rose through the ranks due to his confidence and excellent discipline and precision at duty. Then, amazingly, he resigned to accept a commission with the Outland Defence Force. Brashin felt that in the sheltered worlds of Empress Teta, he would never find the action that was to be found on the Outer Rim. Leading volunteer and militia groups, he routed mercenary and Hutt private armies. When the Jedi Knight commanding the Grand Army troops on his adopted world was assassinated, he assumed command of the clonetroopers and routed the enemy despite being outnumbered. He was already a hero of the Republic, even before receiving a commission in the new Army.

Across from the Jedi were the naval officers: a pair of High Admirals and the commander-in-chief, Crimson Blade Command, Flag Admiral Minvosk Giel. The first Moff commissioned by the order of the Senate, the long-disused pan-service flag officer rank plaque now clung to his simple olive-grey uniform, the first time it had been seen since before Ruusan. They were joined by three advisors from the office of His Excellency the Supreme Chancellor, cloaked in mysterious robes, often originating from the customs of their homeworlds. The room’s doors were guarded by pairs of full field-uniformed and armored clonetroopers. The anonymous white figures stood at attention without flaw or falter or sound. They grasped DC-15 carbines, a smaller, lighter, and less unwieldy weapon than its design predecessor, the DC-15 heavy rifle. The highest echelons of the Navy, Army, and the former Grand Army were waiting, some in discussion with their subordinates, and others, like the Jedi, in silent meditation.

Suddenly, a small ring unfolded from the center of the table, rising a few centimeters and projecting a map of the galaxy. Admiral Giel rose to his feet.

“Admirals, Marshals, Generals and Advisors: now that the formalities of the christening of the First Fleet are completed, we should discuss our orders and strategy. His Excellency the Supreme Chancellor’s emissary, Mr. Dangor, will speak regarding our directives.”

“Thank you, Admiral. His Excellency wishes to remind all officers here that the People’s confidence in the conflict and their Republic is sullied by mismanagement”—he turned an eye toward the Jedi—“and lack of progress. There is a COMPOR and an official public relations campaign aimed at increasing public morale coincident with this campaign. The outcome of your efforts could decide the direction of momentum in this conflict. The Supreme Chancellor would also wish to see lost friends return to the community of worlds.”

“Thank you, Mr. Dangor.” Giel pressed a button, and the hologram zoomed in on a region of space near where the galactic arms joined the bulge—“this is the Corellian Sector. The senator for the Corellian Sector, Garm bel Iblis”—the hologram transitioned to a bust of the mustachioed and bearded white-haired Corellian senator—“announced the Sector’s indefinite withdrawal from Senate proceedings and the closing of its borders. The senator has also resigned from that post and the Corellian Sectorial Assembly has instated the senator as General of CorSec—the commander-in-chief of the Sectorial Corellian Security Force. General bel Iblis is as stubborn as his politically astute. He will be hostile to our coming appearance, and care must be taken to not offend him or the Corellian people. Iblis withdrew to protest the Military Creation Act and is personally opposed to the war. Unfortunately, the Corellian System and her dependencies and colonies have shut out the Sacorrians, depriving them of CorSec’s protective arm. Corellia itself also comprehends the primary yards of Corellian Engineering Corporation and the Sector commands hordes of valuable resources. This self-inflicted blockade and separation is an unacceptable loss of potential advantage.”

The hologram changed into an image of the sector once again. A dash of color connected the Corellian System to another dot.

“The Confederacy is also aware of this; they have attempted to court bel Iblis several times; the General promptly ordered that the emissaries be thrown in prison, where they have remained indefinitely. So they are taking another approach; these lines show the stable and reliable major paths that an armada from the Trade Federation would take to enter the Corellian Sector.”

A spackle of blue.

“You may remember the Confederacy offensive, styled Operation DURGE’S LANCE, of which advance scouting elements reached as far as Duro. This projected assault follows a similar pattern, but plunges to Corellia, and represents significant naval might sufficient to totally overwhelm CorSec with throw-weight to spare. I give you Armand Isard.”

The newly instated Director of Republican Intelligence briefed the officers. Armand Isard was a gaunt, tall, aristocratic figure with dark brown hair and strikingly icy blue eyes. He donned a red uniform typical of the higher echelons of the intelligence organism. Rumor had it that a college of officers just junior to the public face that Isard provided made the key decisions and no one knew who they were; but the universal authority of RI over its agents and assets earned them the moniker “the Ubiqtoriate.” Of course, speaking simply, the Ubiqtoriate did not exist.

“Assets developed within the Nemodian command structure have indicated an armada, region-spanning in range and comprised of at least several thousand ships-of-the-line, is assembling for a decisive thrust into the Corellian Sector, aiming at seizing the CEC yards and obliterating CorSec. Stolen scout reports indicate that the abandoned Corellian Sector member Sacorria and the neighboring Duros Sector capital of Duro may be captured to support the general invasion of Corellia. The armada is sufficient to overwhelm any resistance offered by CorSec, and then some. Although Nute Gunray and his subordinates have heard vague reports of naval build-up by the Republic, our intelligence suggests that they feel only token additional might compared to the sum of CorSec will be able to be scrambled by us. Surprise and firepower are to your advantage.”

The Director winked out, and was again replaced with the spread of stars and nebulae that represented a small area of the galaxy.

“We will move for Sacorria and establish a provisional headquarters without alerting the greater sector to our presence. A token force will be sent along with Marine support to drive off attacks on Duro and interrupt ground operations undertaken by the enemy. The fleet will be involved in protecting the Corellian System in concert with CorSec, which will require negotiation with the General bel Iblis. The Army will be charged with hardening the world of the Corellian System against attack and to shrug off landing attempts when the offensive begins in earnest.”

Master Windu rose to his feet. “Admiral, I must speak on the matter of our objective once the Confederacy assaults the Corellian System? Do we intend to make a show of force and might and encourage a bloodless surrender, or to force a retreat or…”

Dangor was already at his feet. “General Windu, the Chief of Naval Operations and the Supreme Chancellor have been quite clear and concise in their intent; for this fleet to have the maximum possible psychological and morale effect on the Confederacy, the enemy should be annhiliated as completely and utterly as possible.”

“I must protest, Advisor Dangor; the Jedi Knights do not stand behind naked shows of force and unnecessary bloodshed—”

Giel responded in turn. “The net loss of life is dependent on the duration of this conflict, not the relative mercy of any single battle. Your role in this Fleet is firstly as an officer and protector of the Republic. And removing the ownership of this fleet from the Confederacy will save Republic lives and worlds. We no longer have time for Jedi moralizing.”

Windu sat down, setting his jaw. The military grew in power and autonomy, frustrated with progress with the Jedi in control. He foresaw more shatterpoints close at hand. He could hardly blame his Navy and Army compatriots; Jabiim had been a disaster, and it was the rescue of the Jedi in the arena which had committed the Republic to this war and despite the sincerest efforts of the Republic to praise and uphold the Jedi, resentment grew. Still, they were a formidable obstacle to the Confederacy, and retained both their traditional rights, and the command of the Clonetroopers of Kamino.

“General Windu, I direct you and your fellow Knights to the defence of Duro.”

An orange-brown planet with dingy and wispy clouds obscuring large regions of the temperate latitudes replaced the spread of stars: the planet Duro. The projector soon added the massive orbiting cities that contained the lion’s share of the system’s Duros citizens. Beyond those laid the frames and drydocks of Duro Starshipwrights Shipyards; a potentially powerful asset in the war, but one that thus far had contented itself to the building of token warships and tankers and freighters. Then, a blue cloud spiraled up from points on the planet’s surface to envelop each orbital city in the bulb of the tear-shaped bubbles.

“The cities are protected by powerful deflector shields; but the weak link in the chain lies on the planet’s surface. The bases containing each generator site are vulnerable to heavy ground attack. We recommend that your forces prepare to harden and hold off incursions on these locations. It may be necessary to make landings as the Confederacy attacks are even in progress.”

Windu nodded slowly. “General Halcyon will repulse the landings; that is, unless you have a protest, Master Halcyon?”

“None here, General; my troopers can out-manouvre and out-fight the latest droids out of the Xi Char cathedrals. We’ll be ready,” the confident and energetic Corellian replied.

“Very well then. The detailed will be discussed on our next briefing. Fellow officers, we disembark within two hours. We will confer upon arrival at Sacorria. Dismissed.” With that, the middle-aged admiral nodded in acknowledgement and left through the doors behind him, his clonetrooper guard in close pursuit.

The Fondor System
GRS Beast of Burden


“That went well, wouldn’t you say, old friend?” spoke the middle-aged uniformed man.

“The Jedi frustrate me, Minvosk. I feel they are going to offer resistance and obstacles to our pursuit of this war in the future. Windu does not have the stomach or spine of a general; he is a diplomat and a martial artist, not a pragmatic leader of troops.” Brashin was not pleased. He would often be forced to count on the Clonetroopers as spearheads, for support on the ground, and to establish beachheads. And he already found them attempting to obstruct him, and the fleet had not even left for Sacorria.

“Don’t expect much actual problems. The Jedi, despite their moralizing, are interested in winning this war.”

“I hope so. We all have personal stakes in this. Have you heard from your son yet?”

“No. His last holomessage indicated that he was intending to volunteer for CorSec’s Home Defence Corps. Seems that bel Iblis is catching some of the foul wind blowing. Mobilization is moving at a fevered pitch.”

“I hope you reach him soon. It is not always good to follow your father, especially into war. You might end up like my snobby subordinates.”

Giel laughed, breaking his deep concern momentarily.

“I hope you're right, and that is all I have to fear.”

The Critique

Posted: 2004-09-19 06:57am
by Kazuaki Shimazaki
Illuminatus Primus wrote:A fanfic by John V. a.k.a “Lord_Darth_Bob” a.k.a. "Illuminatus Primus"
You sure it is OK to compromise your identity? Or is it already compromised?
[Editor's Note: This decoded document belongs to the Tenth Volume of "Iturbide"'s The Galactic Republic and Her Citizens; the publication, on the authority of the Jedi High Council has been declared heretical; on that of the Supreme Court of the Galaxy, judged fraudulent and henceforth banned as an educational text; and upon analysis of the Obra-Skai College of History, classed as apocryphal by the Dean, Dr. Chee. Despite these judgments, and the emphatic protests of Jedi Master Randal Siren-Antilles and Senator Laghida Lobap, this excerpt is being filed in the Archives on the grounds of its possible literary value and also as an excellent example of a forgery for comparison to other contested works. It is hoped the reader may find it a possible source of interest.

- Jedi Knight and Historian Aniram Katarn]
The general EU source is biased against the Empire, but is this prologue suggesting that this source is biased a bit too much in the opposite direction? Still, the censorship was a nice touch...
The First Fleet was the first launched of the eight main fleets under development. The Second Fleet would launch from Kuat within the month; the Third from Gyndine and Alderaan a few weeks after that. The Fourth and Fifth would be ready in two months, at Rothana and Chandrilla, respectively. The Sixth and Seventh at Rendili and her satellite yards in five months, and in seven months, the Eighth Fleet would be ready again at Kuat.
If I understand this text, it is saying the First Fleet was all built at Fondor, yet it is forced to produce designs from all the other shipyards. Might it be more advantageous to allow each shipyard to build the ships which it builds best (presumably the ones it designed) and then put the fleet together at a rendezvous point.

Besides, you seem to be punching out operational fleets about once every six months. Where are all the men coming from and how are they going to train on their new ships. Six months is barely enough to train a new recruit, the more so because some of the time is wasted where the ship hasn't been completed yet in the yard. After that comes shakedown cruises and exercises to turn those disparate ships into a fleet.

The Old Republic seems to be building a very large but hastily trained fleet. Maybe it shouldn't even be considered a fleet without its integration exercises completed - just a hodgepole of disparate ships all made at the same yard that hadn't been fused into a Fleet yet.
Chee was not the average officer. One of the members of the then-waning Republic Youth Volunteers, serving several-month internships as volunteered help aboard one of the Republican Guard's Dreadnaught-class frigates, Chee had possessed an instinctive love and adoration for his Republic—the Republic of old—the Republic of legend. Chee did not think there was anything more glorious he could do on the Fleet's christening but go to see it off.
Ah, I see you are using the KDY-Saxtonian translation scheme for your ship classifications. Since you seem to be releasing this to people other than SDNers, perhaps the General Consumption version should put the WEG translation into brackets to help out those poor SOBs.
Corporate hostile takeovers became quite literally so: the "acquisition" of Rothana Heavy Engineering by Kuat Drive Yards involved the landings of several millions of Kuati soliders and hired mercenaries under the shadows of heavy Kuati guns.
This must be a option that some corporations wish, like Microsoft.
It had been one thing to ask the countless members of the Republic to permit the Supreme Chancellor emergency powers when the only thing visible on the incredibly short-range sensors of political considerations everywhere had been nationalising a ready-to-deploy-anywhere force of elite shock troops who, in the strategic naïveté of the average politician, would obviously swiftly and effortlessly decapitate the budding head of the Separatist movement, and end the crisis, returning everything to normalcy, and the Supreme Chancellor from the power of the dictator.
Good point.
Republican Navy and Army; with a true officer corps with enlisted crews for the starships and enlisted soldiers for the battalions rather than Jedi commandos and generals with legions of faceless cloned warriors.
Where are all these people going to come from?
At the heart of the corona painted from a patina of greys, a pair of the new Kuat Drive Yards Gladiator-class Star Dreadnoughts flew in unison; the prime vessel, the GRS Gladiator, Admiral Giel's flagship, and his second-in-command's flagship, the GRS Honor of the Republic.
Oh, I see the banned document mentions a new class! Say, does it mention in passing how long this one will be?
Knights was the bald and broad-shouldered, powerful-framed Master Jerec.
I see you wasted no time in introducing people like Giel and Jerec.
Across from the Jedi were the naval officers: two Fleet Admirals and the Brashin’s counterpart, and the overall commander of the campaign, Flag Admiral Minvosk Giel.
Wow, you are inventing a new rank! Flag Admiral? Uh, every admiral is IIRC considered a flag officer. Honestly, can't you think of a better designator?
“Admirals, Generals, and Advisors: now that the formalities of the christening of the First Fleet are completed, we should discuss our orders and strategy. His Excellency the Supreme Chancellor’s emissary, Mr. Dangor, will speak regarding our directives.”
Ah, here comes Dangor.
“Thank you Admiral. His Excellency wishes to remind all officers here that the People’s confidence in the conflict and their Republic is sullied by mismanagement”—he turned an eye toward the Jedi—“and lack of progress.
The People's confidence? Is this sounding a bit too much like stereotypical Soviet communism?
“You may remember the Confederacy offensive, styled Operation DURGE’S LANCE, of which advance scouting elements reached as far as Duro. This projected assault follows a similar pattern, but plunges to Corellia, and represents thousands and thousands of significant naval might. I give you Armand Isard.”
Thousands and thousands of what? Ships?
“Assets developed within the Nemodian command structure have indicated an armada, region-spanning in range and comprised of at least several thousand ships-of-the-line,
Define the emboldened term as used in this context.
iMaster Windu rose to his feet. “Admiral, I must speak on the matter of our objective once the Confederacy assaults the Corellian System? Do we intend to make a show of force and might and encourage a bloodless surrender, or to force a retreat or…”
Sigh ... Jedi ...
Dangor was already at his feet. “General Windu, the Chief of Naval Operations and the Supreme Chancellor have been quite clear and concise in their intent; for this fleet to have the maximum possible psychological and morale effect on the Confederacy, the enemy should be annhiliated as completely and utterly as possible.”
Well, maybe one or two survivors won't hurt...
“I must protest, Advisor Dangor; the Jedi Knights do not stand behind naked shows of force and unnecessary bloodshed—”

Giel responded in turn. “The net loss of life is dependent on the duration of this conflict, not the relative mercy of any single battle. Your role in this Fleet is firstly as an officer and protector of the Republic. And removing the ownership of this fleet from the Confederacy will save Republic lives and worlds. We no longer have time for Jedi moralizing.”
I agree. Thanks for stating the obvious.
“The Jedi frustrate me, Minvosk. I feel they are going to offer resistance and obstacles to our pursuit of this war in the future. Windu does not have the stomach or spine of a general; he is a diplomat and a martial artist, not a pragmatic leader of troops.” Brashin was not pleased. He would often be forced to count on the Clonetroopers as spearheads, for support on the ground, and to establish beachheads. And he already found them attempting to obstruct him, and the fleet had not even left for Sacorria.
There's little choice in the matter. As it is, their current duty of General is stressing their theological beliefs and a bit closer to the 'Dark Side' than they want to play.
“Don’t expect much actual problems. The Jedi, despite their moralizing, are interested in winning this war.”
I'm worrying. They want to win. They just don't always want to pay the 'moral' price to do it. Still, those people just hadn't seen Luke Skywalker yet... After they see him in the Yuuzhan Vong Invasion Era, they'd realize Mace Windu was great in comparison....
------
Overall, the story had good potential, but if you want to attract more readers, I'm afraid you are going to have to cut some of the lengthy muck out of it. Try cutting down Chee's narrative part by at least half. Then see what you can do to spread it out over more chapters. As it is, it feels like wading through waist deep mud when you read it.

EDIT: Just fixed some of the formatting.

Re: The Critique

Posted: 2004-09-19 01:41pm
by Illuminatus Primus
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:
Illuminatus Primus wrote:A fanfic by John V. a.k.a “Lord_Darth_Bob” a.k.a. "Illuminatus Primus"
You sure it is OK to compromise your identity? Or is it already compromised?
Eh, I'm posting the very same fanfic on TFN's Fanfic section - if one visits here it'll be quite obvious.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:[
[Editor's Note: This decoded document belongs to the Tenth Volume of "Iturbide"'s The Galactic Republic and Her Citizens; the publication, on the authority of the Jedi High Council has been declared heretical; on that of the Supreme Court of the Galaxy, judged fraudulent and henceforth banned as an educational text; and upon analysis of the Obra-Skai College of History, classed as apocryphal by the Dean, Dr. Chee. Despite these judgments, and the emphatic protests of Jedi Master Randal Siren-Antilles and Senator Laghida Lobap, this excerpt is being filed in the Archives on the grounds of its possible literary value and also as an excellent example of a forgery for comparison to other contested works. It is hoped the reader may find it a possible source of interest.

- Jedi Knight and Historian Aniram Katarn]
The general EU source is biased against the Empire, but is this prologue suggesting that this source is biased a bit too much in the opposite direction? Still, the censorship was a nice touch...
Catch the references and anagrams...Dr. Chee, anyone? Jedi Master Randal Siren-Antilles shrieking against its validity? :P
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:
The First Fleet was the first launched of the eight main fleets under development. The Second Fleet would launch from Kuat within the month; the Third from Gyndine and Alderaan a few weeks after that. The Fourth and Fifth would be ready in two months, at Rothana and Chandrilla, respectively. The Sixth and Seventh at Rendili and her satellite yards in five months, and in seven months, the Eighth Fleet would be ready again at Kuat.
If I understand this text, it is saying the First Fleet was all built at Fondor, yet it is forced to produce designs from all the other shipyards. Might it be more advantageous to allow each shipyard to build the ships which it builds best (presumably the ones it designed) and then put the fleet together at a rendezvous point.
That's the point; this fleet is roundezvousing and launching from Fondor (partially due to KDY lobbying, as they own Fondor at this point), but was not all built there. You feel that's unclear?
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Besides, you seem to be punching out operational fleets about once every six months. Where are all the men coming from and how are they going to train on their new ships.
Work on the next fleet is not necessarily actually beginning with the completion of the given one. This process has been officially in the cooker for much longer (even before the Senate gave it approval, much like Rothana's secret build-up before Geonosis) nearly since the beginning of the Clone Wars. Many of the crewmen and officers have been scooped out from the Security Forces, which began to attempt to strengthen themselves even shortly before The Phantom Menace, and mobilizing out of naked fear now that general war has broken out.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Six months is barely enough to train a new recruit, the more so because some of the time is wasted where the ship hasn't been completed yet in the yard. After that comes shakedown cruises and exercises to turn those disparate ships into a fleet.
The periods listed are just launching dates. Even during the story construction and shakedowns are going throughout Fondor's yards, and this has been going on for quite awhile, as Palpatine gets gears rolling before he has official approval (which he technically does not need) and then gets it later for political purposes. All the time the yards, academies, and bases are whirling with activity. The only design which is being introduced just now is the Venator-class Star Destroyer.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:The Old Republic seems to be building a very large but hastily trained fleet. Maybe it shouldn't even be considered a fleet without its integration exercises completed - just a hodgepole of disparate ships all made at the same yard that hadn't been fused into a Fleet yet.
The preparation for military build-up was incited a long time earlier. Naturally with the droid-emphasis by the Confederacy, catching up is easier for them as well. And they have begun preparations earlier in the war as well, which will just now come to fruition.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Ah, I see you are using the KDY-Saxtonian translation scheme for your ship classifications. Since you seem to be releasing this to people other than SDNers, perhaps the General Consumption version should put the WEG translation into brackets to help out those poor SOBs.
Perhaps. If you noticed Chee's personal background, this is how the fleet was created. Bright and sometimes even experienced officers have been groomed and raised through the local apparati, and are then encorporated into the newly consolidated military once Palpatine gets de jour approval.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:
Republican Navy and Army; with a true officer corps with enlisted crews for the starships and enlisted soldiers for the battalions rather than Jedi commandos and generals with legions of faceless cloned warriors.
Where are all these people going to come from?
Where Chee came from; the regional and local academies and training centers. Palpatine incited the military build-up almost immediately after Geonosis, allowing the war to falter in the interim to embaress the already resented Jedi and to allow him to get the Senate to beg for the enormous military build-up he had already began. The programs have been initiated at all levels before the official integration even occured at the highest levels.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Oh, I see the banned document mentions a new class! Say, does it mention in passing how long this one will be?
I haven't decided; and mass is really more important than sheer length. Still, the Republic does have a Senate even if they often content themselves to being a mechanism for Palpatine's boots' spit-shine. The highest levels of the Imperial Navy will be the dreadnoughts represented by the Eclipse, Soveriegn, and Executor. The Republic will start her pyramid of warships just below where the Executor will be.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:I see you wasted no time in introducing people like Giel and Jerec.
I like EU references.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Wow, you are inventing a new rank! Flag Admiral? Uh, every admiral is IIRC considered a flag officer. Honestly, can't you think of a better designator?
I asked phongn if the Heraldry had a potential equivalent rank for "General of the Armies of the United States" had they promoted McArthur to that for OLYMPIC and CORONET, and he told me it was "flag admiral."
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:The People's confidence? Is this sounding a bit too much like stereotypical Soviet communism?
The Empire had a lot of bizarre mixes into it. COMPNOR with its ideology tests, youth organizations, paramilitary units is classic one-party state totalitarianism. I imagine Party ideologues to be of a nationalist bent with quasi-Fascist preening to the "People"; since the Galactic Empire, in theory, is encompassing of all known civilization, the distinction between fascists (preening toward "the German people" or whatever their nation is) and communists (preening for the global proletariate) vanishes. The Empire simultaneously promises to uplift the Rimworld citizens who got crushed beneath corporate boots and bureaucracy in the Republic and suffered terrible tarriff restrictions and unemployment above the aristocrats who did not give a shit about them, while simultaneously cozying up the government with the organs of commerce and promising to restore peace for investors. Additionally, the Republic is facing a successionist movement which is largely driven by corporate interests; the "good corporations" are mostly old guard Republicans and Kuat--which itself is very cozy with the government establishment. Much of the political dynamics of the late-Republic will be anti-conglomerate for obvious reasons.

Besides, I like the portrayal of Dangor as a crass and transparent populist.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Thousands and thousands of what? Ships?
That's the most hideous sentence I've ever written, thanks. I swore I wrote something else. :?
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Define the emboldened term as used in this context.
I wish to draw somesort of distinction between sad crap like Dreadnaught-class ships and the refitted Republic Cruisers and the split-ring "Trade Federation Battleships" and the real military might that has been cooking in both the Republic and Confederacy since war broke out, only now fully ready to be deployed.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:There's little choice in the matter. As it is, their current duty of General is stressing their theological beliefs and a bit closer to the 'Dark Side' than they want to play.
Doesn't mean they like it. You're a general in Iraq; and you're depending on a Marine Expeditionary Force to support you in Mosul; he's a Muslim and won't clear the Mosque as ordered where the insurgents have been sniping your troops and building bombs to hit your convoys. You'll get pissed.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Overall, the story had good potential, but if you want to attract more readers, I'm afraid you are going to have to cut some of the lengthy muck out of it. Try cutting down Chee's narrative part by at least half. Then see what you can do to spread it out over more chapters. As it is, it feels like wading through waist deep mud when you read it.

EDIT: Just fixed some of the formatting.
Thanks. Should I fix the origins of the Republic's numbered fleets and the nature of the military build-up to make it more clear? And I realize the beginning is wordy and dense, but we quickly move into the Battle of Duro, which shakes things up considerably.

Posted: 2004-09-19 02:43pm
by Stravo
It is a good effoirt, certainly draws us hardcore fans in. Even me, who is woefully uninformed when it comes to the EU and its myriad additional facts.

However the mian critique that I have is that while Chee is thinking he mentions having read Palpatine's treatises and such, well, frankly some of his segment reads like a treatise. You need to cut down on some of the extraneous details and focus more on the characters themselves and add a little depth to them. Small details of the persons you're speaking of can go a long way to fleshing them out and making them more real. I always like to add a flourish to each person's dialogue to give the reader a sense of their state of mind. Perhaps have them fidgeting with their hair as they speak, clearing his throat constantly, little things like that can open up a whole new window to how to look at someone and makes us view him/her as more 'real'.

The story line and idea itself is very intersting and I like the shift in POV from your standard BAD imperial propganada to seeing something a little more balanced.

I think with a little cleaning up and de-empasis on some of the extra detail (it sort of reminds me of a Star Wars source book) that does not really add to the story you can have a really nice tight piece that would be an awesome springboard for the rest of your story.

I particulalrly like the historical touches. The little prologue up front that really makes this document come alive as something more than your standard fanfic.

Posted: 2004-09-19 04:12pm
by Illuminatus Primus
Chapter II

Hyperspace
GRS Gladiator


Moff Giel watched the swirling entropy of the deepest blue contort through the transparisteel viewport of his observation lounge. The distorted light from the perspective of a tachyon reminded him distinctly of the seas of Bestine. He recalled flying over one of the prodigious natural whirlpools in his youth as a student aboard his small airspeeder. And now, aboard his dreadnought, he sailed through the natural whirlpools of hyperphysics. Times had changed for more than just the politics of the galaxy.

A deep bass tone from the door.

“Come in, Ensign.”

Ensign Moor was a squat, greasy figure, with a grandiose and twirling mustache that signified his intent to be taken seriously and respectfully. His domineering and arrogant affect often worked to counter his conscious intentions. He had the characteristic sharp tongue and poor manners of a son of Coruscant, though he never bared it before his commander.

“Moff, our fleet is arrayed to exit hyperspace at the roundezvous point in the Sacorrian System. All ships are accounted for. The Beacon requests if you wish to open holocommunications with either the Sacorrian Triad, the Sacorrian Planetary Defence Force, or, for that matter, Corellia herself?”

“I decline all of the above, aside from the local Defence Force commander. Open a channel and inform him that the forces of the Republican Navy are inbound.”

“Yes, sir.”

With that, the squat ensign disappeared back through the portal through which he had emerged.

Giel turned back toward the viewport. The spatial chaos reflected his grasp of the future. He then moved for the table, sat, and poured himself some old Corellian whiskey in a small crystal class, adding a few simple cubes of water ice. He drank in the rich and intense fluid, which ran down his throat like liquid flame and sending a ripple of tingling sensation outward, over his face and to his extremities. Good liquor. He removed his grey-olive cap and set it on the table, reclining and sighing. War was not a joyous or encouraging profession. He had been to this world only once before, on vacation with his late wife. Nari... he thought.... He set his jaw, his teeth locking into one another. He had been a sceptic of Palpatine and his strategy, and that day changed everything. It had been their wedding anniversary. Giel remembered his revulsion at the publicly broadcasted execution of three commanders in the Sacorrian Guard. “Plotting to overthrow or otherwise impugn the Triad” was the charge.

The incident cultivated his mistrust of secret agendas and authoritarian regimes.

That is why he was here, he surmised. Perhaps the Confederacy, being a confederation as per her name, was not centralised or concentrated in its power. But trading a Republic with the all-too-human characteristics of fallibility for a regional patchwork of corporate overlords was trading for tyranny just the same.

And her leader...

Dooku of Sorenno was a Sith. As the tapestries outside his study depicted, his kind had brought nothing but pain, sorrow, and blood to the Republic time and time again. He wondered if Wat Tembor and Nute Gunray realized what kind of personified treachery they kept in their midst. Despite Brashin's scepticism, the Jedi were necessary, even if they were not true generals, and it was folly to make them outright tacticians and strategists in this war. History told him that Sith treachery could only be met by the Order's blade. The Republic of the Second Sith War owed to the Jedi its salvation. He and so many others, including the Jedi, had foolishly and complacently allowed themselves to believe that their shadow had dissipated into the annals of history and the void.

And yet the Jedi were incompetent to fight a war. This was not a conflict of relative victory, where ethics would demand the most bloodless choice of path; no, this was a war of survival. Despite nigh-annhiliation several times in their history, the Jedi still refused, apparently, to understand what that meant.

He shook his head in dismay, and ran a pale hand through his greying hair. Allowing himself to exhale, he gave himself the pleasure of simple, selfish worries, and hoped in the Force that his son had not chosen a rash path, and if so, that his fleet would find him before the Confederacy.

His glass was already empty. He poured another.


The Sacorrian System
High orbit above Sacorria


The small emerald gem stood in contrast to the harsh white beacon that was the sun in this system.

And several thousand kilometers above it, a collection of vessels hung in the cosmos.

The Sacorrian Planetary Defence Force, a small and motley scattering of Kaloth-class "battlecruisers", which were actually refitted armored tankers bought from the mothballed stocks of the Corporate Alliance; the diminutive Consul-class gunships—or as the proud Peace Officers had deemed the refitted and modified Republican diplomatic couriers, "light assault cruisers"; a single Dreadnaught-class frigate, and a pair of very old, very slender, kilometer-long destroyers built by Corellian Engineering Corporation: Scythe-class Star Destroyers. A smattering of Marauder corvettes and skeletal and economical Nebulon-A escort frigates also joined the mix. The real defenses in this sector, the awesome paramilitary juggernaught known as CorSec, had been withdrawn to the Corellian System and her immediate dependencies. The other minor members of the Sector, such as Sacorria, had been abandoned to the gales of war.

They assembled, awaiting the forces of the Crimson Blade Command.


The Sacorrian System
Triad's Fist


Commodore Lira Cyax, the fourty-seven year old commander-in-chief of the Defence Force commissioned by the Wise Triad, waited in silence on the battle bridge of her Scythe-class destroyer. She wore the simple uniform of one of Triad’s officers, quite unlike the pompous and much-decorated displays worn by the praesidium council’s proud members. The curious Councilor Maren appeared to Cyax as well-decorated than the Duke of Tapani in his archaic Field Marshal's uniform. And with an ego to match, he had been quite the headache for the fleet, which had to constantly meet the whims of the party powerful.

Her long hair was tied back, and the black tresses hung half-way down her back. She was an elegant, statuesque woman, humble in presence and exacting in her goals. She was, however, uncharacteristically nervous.

The First Fleet had contacted her without contacting the Triad. The Triad was infamously random and arbitrary in what incurred their wrath or praise. They might see this as a diplomatic snub to their regime, or understand it as a pragmatic decision, with the protocol to be ironed out at a quieter time. Worse yet, she made no immediate move to inform the Triad that she had been indeed contacted. She informed the communications crewmen to stay quiet and allow things to unfold. She felt it best to align herself with Admiral Giel's intentions.

"Commodore! Cronau radiation cones and hyperwave bursts have been detected; sensors are reading on the order of several thousand ships emerging and taking station approximately seven astronomical units beyond our current position."

"Prepare to establish Comm contact...."

The void was broken by the appearance of thousands and thousands of starships like a swarm of kruki before autumnal harvest in ancient times on the selfsame emerald. Within a span of seconds, the core of the First Fleet of the Republican Navy had assembled into formation directly out of hyperspace, with the Gladiator staring at Cyrax like a Godly spear. Most of the Triad's Fist's bridge crew stood, mouths openly and unabashedly agape. The commodore was more professional and nonplussed as always.

“Prepare my transport to board Admiral Giel's flagship. Inform Captain Alrod to establish communications and run through the usual protocol. Inform the captain of the Gladiator that I have no wish to delay my and Admiral Giel's meeting.”

Poor Alrod. He could listen to the Triad's zealous proxies when they began squaking on the comm in a matter of minutes. She would deal with it later, she surmised.

She turned for the turbolift.


The Sacorrian System
GRS Gladiator


The commodore was taken aback by the precision and professional quality of the crew and officer corps aboard the GRS Gladiator. There had been rumors about the consolidation, construction, and establishment of the budding Republican Navy, but it was still impressive. It seemingly materialized from nowhere. The efforts to maintain security and discretion appeared to have been successful. To the commodore with her force of young Sacorrians which failed admissions to the ranks of the Republican Guard or CorSec and increasing sums of mercenaries, the degree of military precision was almost hard to believe.

She was escorted by an honor guard, having been received by one of Giel's subordinates, a commodore in charge of a destroyer line. The eerie clonetroopers were also a new sight. Everyone had heard of them, and indeed, seen them in action courtesy of Holonet News. Yet they were still unnerving in their perfect lockstep and antiseptic bone-white armor. The slender Kaminoans were obsessive-compulsive in their work, even forcing a nigh-identical voice pattern and physical dimensions despite environmental pressures into every single genetic soldier. Rumors were abound that Kamino was one of now dozens, perhaps hundreds of worlds full of giant factories with hatcheries and flash-learning apparati; armories and training zones. Whole worlds subsumed into the creation of totally artificial soldiers.

They carried no decoration, no pompous displays of experience or valor. Her honor guard could very well be veterans of Geonosis, Thule, and Jabiim, just as well as they could be freshly hatched products of an anonymous world's warm vats. Only a tiny stud under their armor from which a datapad with correct clearance could download would anyone find any information about the history of this individual. Perhaps that was the whole purpose. A military fights more efficiently as a single organism, undivided into problematic individual units. And a state too, perhaps a state should be run in the same fashion. Was that not what they were gathered here to fight a war over? Fighting against the tide of separatism and regionalism and sectionalism?

The quarters of the newly commissioned Flag Admiral were quite opulent. The walls were of the finest polished and intricately etched wood from the golden forests of Kashyyyk. Large tapestries depicted scenes of battle and war from long ago. The oldest one, easily fifteen millennia old, depicted the victory of the alignment between the human republics and various powerful trade and industrial states over the wildly violent and warmongering states in the fringe and Expansion Region. It was the end of the Unification Wars which created the Republic. Another depicted the Great Hyperspace War between the Sith aliens with their allies and the Republic. Another depicted the Dark Time: the Sith War of Exar Kun and Ulic Qel-Droma followed by the Mandalorian Wars and the Second and Third Sith Wars. The last showed the victory against the traitorous military junta which threatened the survival of the great Republic and risked domination beneath the Sith.

Finally they came to the darker wooden door.

The lead clone turned to her. “Commodore, the Admiral's conference room.”

“Thank you...Marine.”

Cyrax frowned inwardly. She still did not understand the meaning of the dots and stripes coded in particular colors. She was grateful that she did, however, remember that with the formation of the Republican Army, the clonetroopers were no longer the Grand Army of the Republic, but the Republican Marines. Although the robot-like men would not dare to correct her or develop opinions about the gaps in her knowledge of protocol, she prided herself on doing whatever it was that she did, correctly.

The clonetroopers filed into the back of the hallway, remaining in the shadows. Their stark-white and utilitarian combat uniform contrasted with the opulent quarters eerily. She straightened her posture and uniform, and turned the wooden doorknob, then walked into the room.

She found it more practical than his main corridor; only a single portrait, that of the late Senator Tarkin; a rather notable proponent of a Republican military before his death attempting to realize that dream during the Stark Hyperspace War. The table was simple grey ceramic. There was a holoprojector in the center of it, and small dataports at each of the many chairs around the circular table.

And across from her, at the table's head, standing erect was the grey-olive-uniformed and cap-wearing Admiral Giel. The greying man smiled slightly. They exchanged salutes.

“At ease, Commodore. Welcome aboard the Gladiator.” Giel was at once friendly and formal.

"Thank you, Admiral. I must say that your appearance is both surprising and very impressive. Little word emerged regarding any of the Eight Fleets of the Navy." And indeed she was. She had only dreamed of such military might.

“Intentional, Commodore. We want the Confederacy to know as little about our composition, scale, movements, and tactics as possible until they meet us in battle. Its a simple stratagem, that is all.”

“Indeed, but why have you brought the entire Command, on her first voyage on the path to war, I assume, to Sacorria? While we our defenses are admittedly modest, we are hardly strategically vital to the Republic as the whole we are fighting to preserve. I am curious what your mission here is, Admiral. Might you humor me with an explanation, or is the answer a matter of security?" Cyrax was confused. She appreciated the warm protection such an enormous expression of might provided her and her Triad, but it did not follow from her homeworld's pragmatic merits.

“Officers such as us may speak freely. We need a staging area. I do not particularly wish to...negotiate with the Senator just yet, and Sacorria is just large enough to function as a temporary headquarters, and just small enough to avoid undue attention....in addition I must request that you do not inform the Corellian Sectorial Security Force of our presence,” Giel answered matter-of-factly.

Ah ha, thought Cyax. So he was charged with bringing Corellia back into the fold and protecting them from the increasing threats in the region. The Senator bel Iblis could be rather...stubborn and difficult. She would not haggle or attempt to reason with, much less deliver orders or decrees to the Senator. He had withdrawn the Corellian Sector's vote from the Senate indefinitely during the charged debate over the Military Creation Act prior to the Battle at Geonosis. He had also closed the borders, but that decree had gone somewhat less strictly observed. More correctly he closed off Corellia herself and her clients and colonies; Duros and Sacorria were left free to the outside, but deprived of CorSec's protection and the power of vote in the Senate. The Senator had even assumed the Supreme Command of CorSec, and she suspected that General bel Iblis would be even more difficult to deal with than Senator bel Iblis had been.

She touched her lips as she thought. Very interesting indeed. But she stood with nothing to gain by collaborating with the High Command and Giel; Corellia had abandoned her and her homeworld, and she did not fear their wrath since they had taken everything that they could from Sacorria already.

“Not a problem on either request, Admiral,” Cyrax responded softly.

“I apologize for the lack of more formal channels for this, Commodore, but as I said, it is our aim to avoid being noticed. I am curious, also, Commodore: why is it that three of the Dreadnaught-class vessels and five Kaloth-class vessels we anticipated in your order of battle are not present in your defense?” Giel looked at her, vaguely curious.

Cyax cleared her throat. “The state of Coruscant's support for the last several centuries is responsible. We were reduced to leasing refitted tankers as warships, and worse hiring mercenaries to crew them. All of the local systems have heard of the Confed fleet amassing. The Duros paid the mercs enough to buy off the ships from their owners and still earn better pay fighting for them.”

A momentarily seething of anger and resentment against the Duros flared through the dark-haired commodore. Once trusted and befriended neighbors had thought not twice about buying out their protection for their homeworld. Of course she could hardly blame them. All that was left for individual worlds was to look out for them - and maybe, just maybe, they might not be able to look to Coruscant for salvation.

A bass tone from the table. Giel pressed the comlink.

“Yes? I remind you I do not wish to be interrupted in conferring with another officer.”

“Yes, sir, I apologize. But Duro is currently under attack. We are receiving distress signals and communiqués from their commander,” sounded the squaking comlink.

“Thank you.”

Giel frowned deeply.

“It appears that we must close our discussions prematurely, Commodore. I will escort you to your transport.”


The Duro System
The space surrounding


Squadron Leader Kale Noor piloted his modified Incom/Subpro Z-95 Mark I though the wall of droid starfighters while gritting his teeth. A single example of the Haor Chall Manufacturing Variable Geometry Self-Propelled Battle Droid Mark 1, Mod 1 had dropped into his six, closing the two-and-a-half kilometer space between them rapidly – a space which quickly felt more like a hair’s breadth than one-and-a-half miles. His basic Z-95 model could not match the Haor Chall droids in acceleration or maneuverability. He could match – and surpass it – in brains, however.

A half-generation beyond its brethren that fought in the Battle of Naboo, this droid starfighter was independent of the master control computer and its communications suite. It was fully autonomous, but relied on the controllers to maintain deadly precision and coordination. No smarter though; like the first generation of all battle druids, from the Mk. 1, Mod 0 starfighter to the standard ground combat battle droid, it had predictable and formulaic tactical plans implemented by a remarkably primitive and cheap droid brain. Though after the disaster that was Naboo, the Trade Federation had entirely phased out control signal-dependent droids, including the Mk. 1, Mod 0, it had not phased out all of the stupid droids, whether they were basic battle droids or droid starfighters with more intelligent, durable, and all-together more dangerous models, like the Mk. 2 fighter and the “B2” super battle droids.

This meant his pursuer was a slow thinker, poor at adaptation, unshielded, and wasted mass on inefficient walking mechanisms.

He snap-rolled his fighter on the starboard S-foil, wincing as pulsing laserfire shrieked by his craft, then cut his engines. He used his reaction control thrusters to yaw the fighter around to face his closing attacker. Once he completed his 180 degree turn, his punched all four of his engines to full throttle, killing his velocity and drastically shrinking the distance between himself and the droid. It miscalculated the closing time and undershot the jinking Headhunter as it fired its retrograde thrusters and manipulated its inertia, struggling to slow itself, but it was not enough. The droid pulled up sharply to avoid possible impact while slowing just enough for Noor to pull into a tight pursuit. He linked both of his triple-blasters and squeezed the trigger as soon as his heads-up display clicked green. The paired trio of blaster beams converged on the robotic spacecraft. The starboard trio went wide, passing over the fighter and missing completely. The second triplet hit the port pylon dead on in its forward half, punching a small hole clean through the light armor and vital endostructure beneath. The vaporized hull plating mushroomed as white plasma out of both punctures in the fighter’s hull before condensing rapidly into durasteel soot rapidly trailing behind the accelerating craft. The droid lagged slightly to one side but it had mostly trashed only the folded actuators and servos to drive the wings in their walking configuration.

“Damn piece of shit,” swore Noor. The Z-95's avionics suite was produced by the wildly brilliant Cybot Galactica corporation, and decided that more precision and versatility was possible with largely manual zeroing of the main guns. Apparently no one at Cybot ever flew a ship, or they might realize one does not have the time in combat to select between 1.35 kilometers and 1.22 kilometers. One needed the computer to make a reliable hit, and damned if one could not utilize the complete versatility of the guns. It was hardly as if one found oneself shooting at two different targets at the same time in a snubfighter anyway.

Noor closed the distance between himself and the droid starfighter, which attempted to shake him but due to its sluggish port side, the normally doddering-by-comparison Z-95 paced the awkwardly jinking robot with ease. He re-zeroed his guns, dropped the sight over the port pylon engine, and fired. Both trios of blasterfire saturated the damaged armor, briefly turning the superconductive surface across the rear half of the port pylon white hot before evaporating away and allowing terrajoules of energy to puncture into the heart of the powerful ion engine. An orange-yellow explosion blossomed out of the port engine tearing the port wing clean off and pulverizing it into jagged fragments. The well-armored droid brain was only partially damaged, but the rear fuselage was a mess of melted parts and venting plasma. The port pylon was gone; in its place was plasma and pebble-sized molten fragments that pelted his particle shields. The partially deranged droid attempted to right its craft but it dropped into a flopping, clumsy spin and out of the battle.

Noor released his breath, and pulled his Headhunter in a wide turn back toward the center of the battle.

“Queen Rana Squadron, this is Squadron Leader Noor, regroup for a run on that Core Shi...”

Noor never finished his sentence. A close-in weapons system emplacement aboard a Trade Federation frigate fired once and instantly ten kilotons of energy transformed the Headhunter into an incandescent fireball and a shower of glittering light.

Re: The Critique

Posted: 2004-09-19 09:22pm
by Kazuaki Shimazaki
Illuminatus Primus wrote:Eh, I'm posting the very same fanfic on TFN's Fanfic section - if one visits here it'll be quite obvious.
No point in being even more obvious than you already are.
Catch the references and anagrams...Dr. Chee, anyone? Jedi Master Randal Siren-Antilles shrieking against its validity? :P
I did, kind of, but remember you are also writing to ... that other audience.
That's the point; this fleet is roundezvousing and launching from Fondor (partially due to KDY lobbying, as they own Fondor at this point), but was not all built there. You feel that's unclear?
Honestly, especially considering the number of words that you are using, it really could have been done better.
Work on the next fleet is not necessarily actually beginning with the completion of the given one. This process has been officially in the cooker for much longer (even before the Senate gave it approval, much like Rothana's secret build-up before Geonosis) nearly since the beginning of the Clone Wars. Many of the crewmen and officers have been scooped out from the Security Forces, which began to attempt to strengthen themselves even shortly before The Phantom Menace, and mobilizing out of naked fear now that general war has broken out.
OK, so you have trained crewers who are competent in their own ships. But what about integration training - the part where they learn how all their ships go together in this new vast armada environment (different from what they've done so far).
I haven't decided; and mass is really more important than sheer length.
True, but most people (TFNers) judge by length, and length is more naturally integrated into the story text than mass or volume (especially since with the neutronium impregnated armor and the ultra-high density fuel, the mass of the ship would be out of human experience, making it hard for us to draw any relationships just by whipping out the stat). You can then roughly define mass by talking about the general shape - a wide wedge like the ISD, the narrower dagger of the Executor, or the sword like narrowness of the Vengeance.
I wish to draw somesort of distinction between sad crap like Dreadnaught-class ships and the refitted Republic Cruisers and the split-ring "Trade Federation Battleships" and the real military might that has been cooking in both the Republic and Confederacy since war broke out, only now fully ready to be deployed.
OK.
Thanks. Should I fix the origins of the Republic's numbered fleets and the nature of the military build-up to make it more clear? And I realize the beginning is wordy and dense, but we quickly move into the Battle of Duro, which shakes things up considerably.
Yeah.

Re: The Critique

Posted: 2004-09-20 12:30am
by Illuminatus Primus
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Honestly, especially considering the number of words that you are using, it really could have been done better.
Oops. I do intend to happen upon elements of the later Fleets in exercises and war games prior to their deployment.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:OK, so you have trained crewers who are competent in their own ships. But what about integration training - the part where they learn how all their ships go together in this new vast armada environment (different from what they've done so far).
This is the beginning of year three of the Clone Wars; they've had around two years to build the ships and train the crews (based on the DS2, you can imagine which took the lion's share of the time), and just less of the time since the Senate approval to train as a single unit, so that gives them around five to six months wargames and exercises.

Another thing is many of the crew and officers come from the reserves or even active duty of fleets like Kuat's and Alderaan's; the ships they're serving on are very similar, and remember that I stated the Republic's military might is not very different from the Empire's or the earlier Republic, its just more concentrated; some of these sectorial and corporate fleets are BIG. Remember I'm a maximalist; my SW galaxy treats the ten thousand odd carrier blockade of Naboo as maybe slightly-more-than-typical.
Kazuaki Shimazaki wrote:Yeah.
Already done.

Posted: 2004-09-20 02:24am
by President Sharky
One comment, Duro was actually the capital of the Duros Sector during the time of the Republic. It was not until the time of the Empire that Palpatine reorganized the sector boundaries to make Duro part of the Corellian Sector. Also, I believe that an "Insider" HoloNet news column called the pre-COMPNOR organization "COMPOR" (IIRC, Commission for the Preservation of the Republic).

Posted: 2004-09-20 02:02pm
by Illuminatus Primus
Ah. Well it doesn't make much of a difference; its still close enough to serve the same role it would as a part of Corellia; I just must remove references to CorSec withdrawing their protection.

And COMPOR? I like it.

Posted: 2004-09-28 05:59pm
by President Sharky
So when is the next update planned for?

Posted: 2004-09-29 07:33pm
by Illuminatus Primus
Friday.

Posted: 2004-10-05 02:11am
by Ender
Illuminatus Primus wrote:Friday.
And yet here it is tuesday, and I'm still hanging around like a crack whore waiting for a fix. :)

Posted: 2004-10-05 03:36am
by Kazuaki Shimazaki
Ender wrote:
Illuminatus Primus wrote:Friday.
And yet here it is tuesday, and I'm still hanging around like a crack whore waiting for a fix. :)
No doubt that a recent wave of personal attacks on his person has to do with the delay...

Posted: 2004-10-05 08:42pm
by Illuminatus Primus
Sorry, but with other board debates and RL, it won't be here til this weekend.

Never fear though, I have half of the chapter or so written, it need reorganization and completion.

Posted: 2004-12-18 06:57pm
by Illuminatus Primus
Chapter III


The Duro System
The CSS Yag'Dhul



Admiral Firt Gunray gazed out over the multiple holograms and com-scan displays in the Yag’dhul’s command center. The golden-line frameworks of light that represented the split-ring war freighters formed the rear lines advanced steadily over the display. The Confederacy had learned the lessons of Naboo twelve years before. But the violet Dreadnought-class frigates at the spearhead of the Duros’ tenacious—however futile—defense had destroyed two of his destroyers and disabled a third. The line shrunk back, opening a small pocket in his plane of battle.

“The Third Escort is faltering; order the Dreighton Nebula to fill that gap.”

The red Profiteer-class destroyer advanced toward the pocket. The Hoersch-Kessel star destroyer was one of the newer donations to the Confederate Navy by the Trade Federation. At over two kilometers long with its Lucrehulk-class control core, she was quick and well-armed, and already she turned her large batteries against the Dreadnoughts and Victory-class star destroyers. The lead Dreadnought exploded under the salvos, a great torrent of red turbolaser fire literally tearing it apart. Fragments of the command center and quarters at the bow went tumbling away as plasma condensed into metallic soot at the edges of the conflagration.

Gunray smiled. His great uncle would be much pleased by their advances, which would prove ample for supporting the assault on Corellia. The Second Superiority Starfleet outnumbered the Duros Defence Force ship-for-ship by two-to-one, and their ships were bigger, better, and stronger. The Defence Force had fielded only the old Dreadnought-class ships and Acclamators and their refits to oppose them. It was rapidly becoming a slaughter.

The Confederate Systems Ship Yag'Dhul had torn free of hyperspace only T plus point-oh-one nanoseconds off schedule one hour earlier with the rest of her force superiority. He had deployed his recon lines and funneled his enemy into a battle plane a planetary diameter from Duro. He had kept his battle squadrons tight in formation, transposing both the Defence Force and the orbital cities between his force and the planetary guns. Many of his ships withered before such grand artillery, and he went to pains to keep their lines-of-sight obscured.

He commanded a mixed battle wall of forty the newest Lucrehulk-class war freighters from the Kesselian yards and ten Financier-class cruisers. Complementing them had been three dozen of his new Profiteer-class heavy destroyers, and a host of hundreds of smaller vessels. A sizable force, quite capable of laying total waste to the diminutive defense of Duro.

He had to pity the Duros, really--the Senate had idiotically failed still to remove trade and arms development barriers in law and bureaucracy that kept many worlds from adequately protecting themselves; a continuation of a millienia of indignity at the hands of the pacifists and sectionalists which had controlled the heart of galactic civilization. None of those imbeciles knew how to maintain sensible galactic law and order, much less the defense of her citizenry and infrastructure. The great industrial might of the Galactic Republic, even after the great secession of the conglomerates and corporate consortiums, could effortlessly commission a backbone of medium cruisers and flotillas of destroyers could defend and secure a planet like Duro. And the Starshipwrights' Yards--! It was scarcely believable.

Gunray was an idealist, unlike his great uncle. The Galactic Republic--once a grand monolith of history, stretching back beyond any mortal concept of memory and familiarity had fallen to this. It had not always been this way. The Galactic Republic had adapted poorly to the last Sith War, abandoning her military and restricting tightly the development of arms. Inevitably, it was ignored by the rich and powerful as they were those who could afford to oppose the Republic and also field their own mighty armies and armadas. The Galactic Republic had become a bizarre set of paradoxes. Pacifistic, yet authoritarian--the distant and aloof and corrupt Senate passed edicts on individual systems galaxy-wide, marginalizing the formerly powerful Sector assemblies. Weak, yet centralized. The Galactic Republic passed arbitrary law that only the weak and small were forced to obey, while simultaneously the Republic lacked the muscle prevent the selfsame members from being abused by those strong enough to ignore Coruscant. In the absence of effective law and order, the strong had come to attempt to impose it themselves. The spoiled aristocrats of the Core bent both the Republic and the market to lining their pockets, at the expense of the people of the former and the profits of the latter. In the end, it was a bizarre alliance between the two which aimed to forge a new order in the galaxy.

He had pushed back three squadrons of Dreadnoughts, Kaloths and Victorys. The enemy stood be routed momentarily. He could almost taste sweet Victory already.

"Admiral Kor, Admiral Valak: pull your squadrons to outflank and cut off any escaping Duros from the cities. Prepare to begin landing operations."

His Trade Federation frigates swept out to corral the remaining enemy fighter wings and to rundown escaping transports.

Only a matter of time.


The Duro System
The space therein.



Several lines of Trade Federation light cruisers began to close the gap with the remaining Duro ships. The three kilometer cruisers were adorned with forward-facing torpedo tubes. And they fired. Six hundred proton torpedoes launched forward and accelerated toward the enemy. At seven hundred kilometers, the torpedoes exploded into submunitions and decoys to confound the already overtaxed point defenses. The submunitions homed in, and at one hundred kilometers began evasive maneuvers. At ten kilometers, they went into terminal phase. Though by ten kilometers, each submunition was moving at twenty-five kilometers per second.

Flashes erupted amongst the Duro formations. Instantly, a signal relayed across from the Yag'dhul and other droid control ships, reprioritizing the mission objectives for the Confederate Self-Propelled Assault Droids, or droid bombers. As one, they homed in one the weakened and shieldless ships, mostly Kaloth pickets and Dreadnaught frigates. The droid bombers braved defensive fire and vertically launched concussion missiles from the Victory destroyers; they skimmed low toward the vessels and launched proton torpedoes of various speed and yield to destroy light and medium targets, such as observation deck viewports, communications dishes or sensor arrays, and gun batteries, missile tubes, and hangar bays. Some compounded the damage with inertial space bombs to blast through armor plating and knock out shield generators, heat radiators for the shield systems, and power feeds to all manner of vital systems. Several of the Dreadnought and Kaloth vessels began to slide out of battle, leaking jets of plasma from burst fuel lines. Others' engines fired intermittently and asymmetrically, sending them into unrecoverable spins. A few Kaloths and a Dreadnought began to break up, as multiple space bombs and heavy torpedoes drove deep into the structure of the starships before exploding violently, wrecking the structural integrity and vital systems of the wounded warships.

The CIWS batteries aboard the reeling vessels returned a withering torrent of fire against the bombers and their ordinance. Consul-class gunships tore by the heavier vessels, firing concussion missiles and pouring kilotons of azure fire out at the small craft. Dozens of the missiles, of various mass and yield, some from the vertical launch cells of larger craft, some from clusters of forward-facing tubes on small gunships such as the Consuls, and some from the surviving starfighters homed in on bombers. The large VLS-launched missiles detonated in tight formations of retreating bombers, scoring multiple kills. Others tore in and detonated with megatons of force in intense directed proximity blasts, which tore the tiny snub craft asunder with untold amount of hard radiation.

Of the original bomber wave, sixty per cent. did not return to their motherships for rearmament.

The remaining droid bombers peeled off the slackening lines of Kaloth-class pickets and Dreadnought-class frigates. With the threat of outflanking totally removed and their opponents' back all but broken, the lines of star cruisers and destroyers advanced toward the remaining core of enemy starships. Their heavy turbolaser batteries opened up with coordinated strikes of heavy fire, driving away or obliterating the remaining Dreadnought-class frigates that stubbornly held their position in cacophonies of dazzling light and red plasma. The Profiteer-class destroyers moved to surround the flanks of the core of Victory destroyers, and the handful of refitted models of ancient Invincible-class cruisers.

The enemy fighter groups put up a valiant resistance; rallying to fight off the bomber onslaught, they now gathered for their last hurrah against the enemy fighter horde.

Headhunter, Torrent, and Cloakshape fighters rallied to present a final barrier against the tens of thousands of droid starfighters that bore down on them. As the fighters rallied to form a protective though futile screen before the sea of enemy snubcraft, and the remaining destroyers and cruisers formed a spear behind, poised to drive into the enemy heart, the Nemodian admiral beamed brightly. No more fighters or ships lay before the enemy flanks as they prepared for the final exchange. And nothing stood between Varak or Kor and the Sacorrian hyperlane.


The Duro System,
The CSS Yag'Dhul.



“Our cruisers are to limit their turbolaser fire to disabling and incapacitating only—and intensify ion cannon fire. I want them rendered helpless, then to draw them in to point-blank range and obliterate them piecemeal; there will be no quarter. They will serve as an example to the rest of the recalcitrant,” Gunray stated to his commanders. “I will accept no further delays; the main fleet will be expecting rear support for the assault in the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours. We are to proceed along schedule.”

His tactical display fed his affirmations from his rear admirals that corresponded to their squadrons' locations - they had begun screening to prepare for landing craft and several lines had begun pursuing the refugee craft.


The Duro System,
The space therein.



The Fourth Superiority Starfleet under Admiral Josef Dallin Grunger tore free of hyperspace into ideal formation.

The First Destroyer Flotilla, comprehending dozens of Victory-class star destroyers with each line being headed by a pair of Inquisitor-class destroyer leaders, emerged behind the CSS Yag'dhul and its brethren. Behind that emerged the First and Second Cruiser, including in its order of battle Admiral Grunger's flagship, the Curator-class eight-kilometer heavy cruiser Dominance.

Several lines of Adulator-class frigate and Dreadnought variants built specifically for anti-starfighter work emerged ahead of the escaping refugee craft, and laid down a withering barage of azure fire. Thousands of energy beams crisscrossed over droid starfighters, evaporating them into brilliant plasma.

Behind the refugees emerged the Second Destroyer Flotilla, while the Third and Fourth Cruiser dropped out immediately in front of the Confederate thrust.

The Victory-class star destroyers swept outward to screen the cruiser force at the heart of the formation and to catch the missile frigates which stood to prey on the slower, larger vessels.


The Duro System,
The CSS Yag'Dhul.



The flagbridge of the Confederate Systems Ship Yag'Dhul had gone from the complacent tone of impending and inevitable victory to panic and damp fear.

"Admiral, our Scout Groups are cut off from the main fleet by the Republic forces. They are being annhiliated!"

Gunray examined his battle display soberly as the heavy guns of a light cruiser, the Jabiim, spewed azure light that drove deep into one of his pursuit frigates for a moment, before it vanished in a flash and fireball.

"Withdraw our forces from Duro and make a run for the Corellia vector. All forces have a single objective: retreat."

Gunray slid sadly down into a chair. Just like that, in a small moment, his lightning career slumped, and his victory vanished before his eyes. Now he was outnumbered three-to-one, and outgunned ten-to-one, easily. War was harsh and ruthless, he mused as his face was illuminated by yet another ship detonating like a bomb in his formations.


Hyperspace,
The GRS Dominance.


Admiral Grunger watched intently as the plan of battle was executed nearly to the letter. His light cruisers cut off and destroyed the forces harassing the refugees.His heavy cruiser formed up in a wall and advanced toward the heart of the enemy force. His destroyers swept out in a screen against smaller antagonists. His carriers remained back, releasing large volumes of starfighters, gunships, and assault transports.

The plan had been quite efficient. Naval Intelligence had assets embedded in Duro Defense Command and were feeding his flagship real-time data from the sensors and scanners in orbit above Duro. This data was processed into a hologram display at DUROCOM and then surreptitiously spirited away to the GRS Dominance. From there it was relayed to the various line flagships. Aboard each, orders were ferried to each command on minute hyperspace exit adjustments. These adjustments had been poised to tear the fleet out of hyperspace right on top of the enemy.

And here it was.

"Admiral, the Confederate cruisers and destroyers are beginning to withdraw. It looks to be an open retreat. Unfortunately, the frigates are escaping and evading our Victorys, it seems."

Grunger swore internally. He had protested privately the moment that they had awarded the destroyer contract to Rendili and seen the plans for the Victory-class. Based on a Walex Blissex design for a "Sector control ship" that could dominate any number of the parochial and refit designs currently on the market for little price, and assault recalcitrant worlds. But Rendili took the ship and marketed it a a common destroyer despite how slow it was. When some protested it was a poor escort, Rendili slapped a bunch of missile tubes into the design and said it was an ideal bombardment platform and could simultaneously fill the torpedo boat role for the Navy. Unfortunately, they missed the fact that it was still bloody slow and that the Acclamator-class was already quite well suited for surface bombardment.

And now they were failing their stated purpose and allowing the enemy to slip through their fingers.

"Order our destroyer commanders to inform the captains to attempt to catch the frigates with missiles before they reach the jump point. Rally fighter groups to harass and slow them. I do not want them to escape, Captain."

"Yessir."


The Duro System,
The space therein.



The wall of heavy and medium cruisers drew to close range with the Confederate fleet and opened fire. Waves of blue turbolaser fire washed outward toward the cruisers of the Confederacy. The Curator-class formed the center pushing rapidly and will all gun barrels speaking azure spears toward the enemy.

The awesome bulk of the Curator, a sleek wedge with two banks of large engines cruised forward inexoribly. One of the Lucrehulk-class vessels absorbed three broadsides simultaneously and its shields vanished, allowing the heavy turbolasers to trash the massive carrier arms. The ring began to break up as turbolasers found the control core and tore it asunder. The Trade Federation cruisers, smaller than the Curators and their other heavy cruiser brethren, concentrated their firepower on few vessels, hoping to inflict damage and casualty while the bulk of the fleet attempted to escape.

The wall of fast warships, sheathed in thick armor and durable energy shields and bristling with heavy cannon, fired in unison. Each wash of blue was punctuated by white flashing and orange and yellow and red eruptions. Another Federation cruiser exploded violently, as the repeated salvos of heavy turbolasers battered away first her shields, then punched through her armor, and then burned through structure until the fragile and volatile core was breached. Other burning and damaged ships spread escape pods, shuttlecraft, and lifeboats like spores from a mature fungus. The enemy battle wall began to crumble and implode, and the weakening stature of the enemy was replied to with only more fire. The brilliant red comets of ion cannon fire showered the shieldless vessels, resulting in brilliant waves of blue static rippling across the superstructure of the grand starships. The battle wall began to separate as the cruiser began to seek targets of opportunity and escaping vessels.

Forty of the enemy's capital ships were now laid to waste.

The Dominance hunted the Yag'Dhul eagerly.

Posted: 2004-12-18 08:36pm
by Kazuaki Shimazaki
He commanded a mixed battle wall of forty the newest Lucrehulk-class war freighters from the Kesselian yards and ten Financier-class cruisers. Complementing them had been three dozen of his new Profiteer-class heavy destroyers, and a host of hundreds of smaller vessels. A sizable force, quite capable of laying total waste to the diminutive defense of Duro.
Finally, we get a scale.
In the absence of effective law and order, the strong had come to attempt to impose it themselves. The spoiled aristocrats of the Core bent both the Republic and the market to lining their pockets, at the expense of the people of the former and the profits of the latter. In the end, it was a bizarre alliance between the two which aimed to forge a new order in the galaxy.
Nice summary of the problems of the Republic, and much faster and better integrated than your diatribes in Ch. 1. Very good!
Several lines of Trade Federation light cruisers began to close the gap with the remaining Duro ships. The three kilometer cruisers were adorned with forward-facing torpedo tubes. And they fired. Six hundred proton torpedoes launched forward and accelerated toward the enemy. At seven hundred kilometers, the torpedoes exploded into submunitions and decoys to confound the already overtaxed point defenses. The submunitions homed in, and at one hundred kilometers began evasive maneuvers. At ten kilometers, they went into terminal phase. Though by ten kilometers, each submunition was moving at twenty-five kilometers per second.
Only 25km/s? In a world of 30km/s/s accelerations, do you really want your submunitions to be dodged?
bombers braved defensive fire and vertically launched concussion missiles from the Victory destroyers;
Considering that these are sets of anti-capital missiles, I'm placing no great hopes for them :)
A few Kaloths and a Dreadnought began to break up, as multiple space bombs and heavy torpedoes drove deep into the structure of the starships before exploding violently, wrecking the structural integrity and vital systems of the wounded warships.
Hey! You actually gave a useful role to the fighters!
Of the original bomber wave, sixty per cent. did not return to their motherships for rearmament.
Considering they are drone fighters, that's about all that can be expected of them.
“Our cruisers are to limit their turbolaser fire to disabling and incapacitating only—and intensify ion cannon fire. I want them rendered helpless, then to draw them in to point-blank range and obliterate them piecemeal; there will be no quarter. They will serve as an example to the rest of the recalcitrant,” Gunray stated to his commanders. “I will accept no further delays; the main fleet will be expecting rear support for the assault in the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours. We are to proceed along schedule.”
I want them rendered helpless? And then destroyed anyway, and one by one at that? This is not efficient in time or power. This is merely sadistic.
The First Destroyer Flotilla, comprehending dozens of Victory-class star destroyers with each line being headed by a pair of Inquisitor-class destroyer leaders, emerged behind the CSS Yag'dhul and its brethren. Behind that emerged the First and Second Cruiser, including in its order of battle Admiral Grunger's flagship, the Curator-class eight-kilometer heavy cruiser Dominance.
Several lines of Adulator-class frigate and Dreadnought variants built specifically for anti-starfighter work emerged ahead of the escaping refugee craft, and laid down a withering barage of azure fire. Thousands of energy beams crisscrossed over droid starfighters, evaporating them into brilliant plasma.

Behind the refugees emerged the Second Destroyer Flotilla, while the Third and Fourth Cruiser dropped out immediately in front of the Confederate thrust.

The Victory-class star destroyers swept outward to screen the cruiser force at the heart of the formation and to catch the missile frigates which stood to prey on the slower, larger vessels.[/quote]

So there are two destroyer flotillas and 2 cruiser flotillas in this fleet, along with a bunch of frigates.
Gunray slid sadly down into a chair. Just like that, in a small moment, his lightning career slumped, and his victory vanished before his eyes. Now he was outnumbered three-to-one, and outgunned ten-to-one, easily. War was harsh and ruthless, he mused as his face was illuminated by yet another ship detonating like a bomb in his formations.
No rearguard? Maybe you should send your fighters to kamikaze or something (droid starfighters are cheap)
The plan had been quite efficient. Naval Intelligence had assets embedded in Duro Defense Command and were feeding his flagship real-time data from the sensors and scanners in orbit above Duro. This data was processed into a hologram display at DUROCOM and then surreptitiously spirited away to the GRS Dominance. From there it was relayed to the various line flagships. Aboard each, orders were ferried to each command on minute hyperspace exit adjustments. These adjustments had been poised to tear the fleet out of hyperspace right on top of the enemy.
I would honestly have thought that perhaps Duro Defense Command would be more than happy to accept help at this junction, and would be giving out the info.
And here it was.
"Admiral, the Confederate cruisers and destroyers are beginning to withdraw. It looks to be an open retreat. Unfortunately, the frigates are escaping and evading our Victorys, it seems."

Grunger swore internally. He had protested privately the moment that they had awarded the destroyer contract to Rendili and seen the plans for the Victory-class.
Why not speak out?
Based on a Walex Blissex design for a "Sector control ship" that could dominate any number of the parochial and refit designs currently on the market for little price, and assault recalcitrant worlds. But Rendili took the ship and marketed it a a common destroyer despite how slow it was. When some protested it was a poor escort, Rendili slapped a bunch of missile tubes into the design and said it was an ideal bombardment platform and could simultaneously fill the torpedo boat role for the Navy. Unfortunately, they missed the fact that it was still bloody slow and that the Acclamator-class was already quite well suited for surface bombardment.
This would explain at least why Rendili didn't get a whole lot of new jobs in the Empire. One must wonder about the common story of Walex Blissex merely not wanting to do any more, so the design of the ISD fell to his daughter. It might be more than he was fired and blacklisted :)
"Order our destroyer commanders to inform the captains to attempt to catch the frigates with missiles before they reach the jump point. Rally fighter groups to harass and slow them. I do not want them to escape, Captain."
Maybe you should have kept a reserve at the outer fringes of the system ready to microjump on them as they retreat. You certainly have the assets to do so, given the massive superiority of your fleet.
The wall of heavy and medium cruisers drew to close range with the Confederate fleet and opened fire. Waves of blue turbolaser fire washed outward toward the cruisers of the Confederacy. The Curator-class formed the center pushing rapidly and will all gun barrels speaking azure spears toward the enemy.
You mean they are catching up?
The awesome bulk of the Curator, a sleek wedge with two banks of large engines cruised forward inexoribly. One of the Lucrehulk-class vessels absorbed three broadsides simultaneously and its shields vanished, allowing the heavy turbolasers to trash the massive carrier arms. The ring began to break up as turbolasers found the control core and tore it asunder. The Trade Federation cruisers, smaller than the Curators and their other heavy cruiser brethren, concentrated their firepower on few vessels, hoping to inflict damage and casualty while the bulk of the fleet attempted to escape.
Oh, so now you Confeds try a rearguard!
The Dominance hunted the Yag'Dhul eagerly.
Not the best cliff-hanger I ever saw, but the chapter was pretty good.

Posted: 2004-12-19 01:50am
by Illuminatus Primus
I figured if I included the boarding and seizure of the Yag'dhul, it'd really drag it out too long. Besides, I figured that would be an efficient starting point for some of the stuff going down next time.

Posted: 2004-12-19 03:17am
by Kazuaki Shimazaki
Illuminatus Primus wrote:I figured if I included the boarding and seizure of the Yag'dhul, it'd really drag it out too long. Besides, I figured that would be an efficient starting point for some of the stuff going down next time.
Your basic termination point choice was OK, I think. More your abrupt way of ending it. I'm not good at writing stories, so Stravo and Sonnenburg could help you much more, but try something like:

"Fear began to surround the crew of the Yag'Dhul. Through their sensors, they could clearly see the massive Dominace, 8km full of dedicated destructive power, gaining on them slowly but surely.

Aboard the Dominance, Admiral Grunger and his crew felt a surge of elation as the Yag'Dhul comes within seconds of burn-through range. The Dominance's Captain looked at his admiral, waiting for the order to destroy the helpless traitors."

That still isn't great, but it has at least (I hope) a bit of what those good at storywriting might call "showing" rather than just "telling".

Posted: 2004-12-20 03:16pm
by Admiral Bravo
Great chapter, cant wait for the next chapter.