Introspect [ficlet]
Posted: 2005-01-12 12:55pm
Author: Patrick Briscoe
Rating: G
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Patrick Briscoe (Alex and Denise) and Christina Ortega (Luis). No money is being made off of this work of complete fiction.
Distribution: GJ, verilon.net.
Characters: Alex, Luis, Denise
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Alex 'talks to' Denise about his feelings for Luis.
--------------------------------
Alex tossed and turned in his sleep, sweat beading on his forehead, slipping into the holes of his piercings, stinging slightly. In the midst of his nightmare, Alex didn't feel it. He kept mumbling something incoherently, tears slipping down his cheeks in his sleep. Lightning cracked closeby, and he sat up with a bolt, yelling out, 'NOOOOOOOOO!!!' He sat, awake now, breathing heavily, looking around his room in a daze. His next word came in a whisper, 'Denise...?'
He shook his head, raising his palms to clear the wetness that had gathered on his face. He stood out of his bed, wearing only his boxers and went to the bathroom, flipping on the lightswitch. He rested his hands on the sink, looking at himself in the mirror, his eyes reddened, his face worried. 'Why did they take you, Denise? Why you?' He raised his hands, wiping his nose, then his eyes again.
He sighed, shaking his head and went out of the bathroom, turning off the light again and going to his front door, stepped outside into the rain. It was cold and windy, but at this point, anything was a welcome change. He shut the door behind him and sat down on the porch, letting the rain flow over him, bringing his knees to his chest and crossed his arms over them, resting his chin.
The rain slid over his brow, running into his eyes, and he simply blinked it away. He has words forming in his mind, wanting to say something, but feeling that whatever came into his mind was inadequate. He took a deep sigh, and began.
'Denise, I don't know what's up. I... I've got a lot on my mind lately. I just... remember everything. I talked to Val recently about you, explained everything... how I felt about you... how I never got to tell you.
'Denise, I don't know if you are watching me somewhere, or what, if you can listen to me, hear what I've gotta say. Denise, I loved you. With all my heart. With my every bit of being. And I saw you with Drew, and... I didn't know what to say. I was afraid to say something. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And I was afraid of him.
'Yes, Denise, I saw the bruises on you. I saw the cuts. How could I not? For fuck's sake, you think I didn't know why you got those sleeves done?' He sniffed slightly, with a pause, before continuing softly. 'Denise, I wanted so much. I wanted to be there with you. To be by your side. I wanted to be the man that lifted your veil, the one who put the ring on your finger, the one you said I do to.' He leaned his head down, putting his forehead on his arms, sobbing gently.
'I still remember the day you died. I remember the blood everywhere, the sirens, the glass shattered everywhere. I remember how you just lay there, looking at me. I still sometimes think it's my fault, but it's nobody's. I have to keep that in mind. It's nobody's fault.' He brought his head up, resting his chin on his arms again.
'There's someone else now, Denise. A guy.' He chuckled a little. 'Yeah, what a surprise for me, huh? Didn't think I'd ever go that way, as much as you tried to make me.' He sighed softly. 'I swear, Denise, I really like this guy. I... I practically fell head over heels at first sight.' He shook his head with a sigh.
'His name is Luis, Denise. I showed him what I was gettin' in your memory. He's gonna finish it for me... for you, Denise. He understands what it's about, what it's for.' He looked up at the moon in a small part in the clouds above, the rain pattering across his face. 'Tell me what I'm supposed to feel, Denise. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. I like this man, Denise, I want to keep that. I want to keep his friendship, make it more.
'I don't know what to say to him. I don't just want another rebound again. I don't.' Tears started welling up in his eyes, sliding down his cheeks in small rivers, joining with the raindrops. 'I know you'd want me to find someone, I know that. And I think I have. I just don't know how I say something... before something else happens. I just want that peace of mind again.'
He sighed heavily and stood again, leaning against his door for a moment before heading inside, then sat down at his table, picked up his pipe and lighter, looking at them a few moments before setting them down again and returning to his bathroom, stripping out of the wet boxers and towelling off. He went to his bed again, curling his arms and legs around a body pillow, then whispering his words, crying softly, 'I love him, Denise, I know I do. I just don't know what to say.' He lay there for a few minutes before he finally fell asleep again, this time peacefully.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Patrick Briscoe (Alex and Denise) and Christina Ortega (Luis). No money is being made off of this work of complete fiction.
Distribution: GJ, verilon.net.
Characters: Alex, Luis, Denise
Warnings: None.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Alex 'talks to' Denise about his feelings for Luis.
--------------------------------
Alex tossed and turned in his sleep, sweat beading on his forehead, slipping into the holes of his piercings, stinging slightly. In the midst of his nightmare, Alex didn't feel it. He kept mumbling something incoherently, tears slipping down his cheeks in his sleep. Lightning cracked closeby, and he sat up with a bolt, yelling out, 'NOOOOOOOOO!!!' He sat, awake now, breathing heavily, looking around his room in a daze. His next word came in a whisper, 'Denise...?'
He shook his head, raising his palms to clear the wetness that had gathered on his face. He stood out of his bed, wearing only his boxers and went to the bathroom, flipping on the lightswitch. He rested his hands on the sink, looking at himself in the mirror, his eyes reddened, his face worried. 'Why did they take you, Denise? Why you?' He raised his hands, wiping his nose, then his eyes again.
He sighed, shaking his head and went out of the bathroom, turning off the light again and going to his front door, stepped outside into the rain. It was cold and windy, but at this point, anything was a welcome change. He shut the door behind him and sat down on the porch, letting the rain flow over him, bringing his knees to his chest and crossed his arms over them, resting his chin.
The rain slid over his brow, running into his eyes, and he simply blinked it away. He has words forming in his mind, wanting to say something, but feeling that whatever came into his mind was inadequate. He took a deep sigh, and began.
'Denise, I don't know what's up. I... I've got a lot on my mind lately. I just... remember everything. I talked to Val recently about you, explained everything... how I felt about you... how I never got to tell you.
'Denise, I don't know if you are watching me somewhere, or what, if you can listen to me, hear what I've gotta say. Denise, I loved you. With all my heart. With my every bit of being. And I saw you with Drew, and... I didn't know what to say. I was afraid to say something. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And I was afraid of him.
'Yes, Denise, I saw the bruises on you. I saw the cuts. How could I not? For fuck's sake, you think I didn't know why you got those sleeves done?' He sniffed slightly, with a pause, before continuing softly. 'Denise, I wanted so much. I wanted to be there with you. To be by your side. I wanted to be the man that lifted your veil, the one who put the ring on your finger, the one you said I do to.' He leaned his head down, putting his forehead on his arms, sobbing gently.
'I still remember the day you died. I remember the blood everywhere, the sirens, the glass shattered everywhere. I remember how you just lay there, looking at me. I still sometimes think it's my fault, but it's nobody's. I have to keep that in mind. It's nobody's fault.' He brought his head up, resting his chin on his arms again.
'There's someone else now, Denise. A guy.' He chuckled a little. 'Yeah, what a surprise for me, huh? Didn't think I'd ever go that way, as much as you tried to make me.' He sighed softly. 'I swear, Denise, I really like this guy. I... I practically fell head over heels at first sight.' He shook his head with a sigh.
'His name is Luis, Denise. I showed him what I was gettin' in your memory. He's gonna finish it for me... for you, Denise. He understands what it's about, what it's for.' He looked up at the moon in a small part in the clouds above, the rain pattering across his face. 'Tell me what I'm supposed to feel, Denise. Tell me what I'm supposed to do. I like this man, Denise, I want to keep that. I want to keep his friendship, make it more.
'I don't know what to say to him. I don't just want another rebound again. I don't.' Tears started welling up in his eyes, sliding down his cheeks in small rivers, joining with the raindrops. 'I know you'd want me to find someone, I know that. And I think I have. I just don't know how I say something... before something else happens. I just want that peace of mind again.'
He sighed heavily and stood again, leaning against his door for a moment before heading inside, then sat down at his table, picked up his pipe and lighter, looking at them a few moments before setting them down again and returning to his bathroom, stripping out of the wet boxers and towelling off. He went to his bed again, curling his arms and legs around a body pillow, then whispering his words, crying softly, 'I love him, Denise, I know I do. I just don't know what to say.' He lay there for a few minutes before he finally fell asleep again, this time peacefully.