StarDestroyer.Net BBS

GSDA WHORE-A-THON

by Darth Fanboy

In bold are the categories you can nominate me for at this point.

Best Character Development:

Disco Fett doesn't advertise, and rightfully so. After taking up the mantle of his long dead father he glued a lot of mirrored glass pieces to his ship and renamed it Slave II No I. Disco Fett is not the most feard bounty hunter in the galaxy, but he is the most stylish, and that is how he managed to accumulate such a massive fortune. He has two weaknesses, if his stereo breaks he goes into Funk withdrawal, and a woman. He accidentally travelled through a wormhole and is now running around the ST-galaxy unimpeded.

Janis Joplin the LXVII flies aboard the Defiant class USS Jefferson, which she rechristened the Jefferson Starship. Her crew consists of part time lover and rival Disco Fett, Chippy Fargo, The bastard love-daughter of Amelia Earhart and Bugs Bunny (who met when each of them took a left turn at Alberquerque and ended up in the ST-galaxy.) The rest of her crew consists of ex-KGB and fromer CIA agents who were caught in a temporal distortion at a secret Russian Research Lab during the cold war. They serve aboard the Jefferson Starship hoping one day to accidentally encounter another phenomenon so they can return through time to win the cold war.

Admiral Wanker is a Federation admiral who will come up with just about any idea for victory. A member of a far-left ultra liberal family he was an outcast for harboring a mean militaristic strek, that is until his rebuilt constitution class ship USS Uberconnie Defeated Seventy Three borg cubes with just one burst of its 99999999 gigton phaz0rs. Admiral Wanker is trying to track down the Jefferson Starship and its character shield technology, which has somehow managed to surpass those of Federation characters.

Chippy Fargo is probably the most original person ever. He enjoys wearing non-gender specific clothing made from metallic pins which he sticks into his body, he then covers the pins in various magnets to create a dazzling array of pants, skirts, shirts, and sometimes swimwear. He won several tango contests on the Dance planet and was recruited by Janis Joplin after he managed to cover a Federation Captain's Yacht in bean paste. Sometimes he goes nuts and has to be restrained with thorazine darts but he also enjoys a good spanking. Chippy is probably the only truly gay human left in ST other than Wesley Crusher. After all of the laws against homosexuality were overturned in the Liberal Revolution of 2321 the whole taboo aspect of gay sex and relationships was removed and thus not as thrilling. While it is true that now 99.5% of humans are bisexual in this sexually liberating era Chippy is distrustful of vaginas because he's scared that "once it goes in its never coming back". Not too many people like Chippy because he likes to set things on fire. Chippy however is cursed and torn though because he fell in love with a girl, but he tried to resist and she panicked and stole his car keys and his favorite hat fashioned out of a clubbed seal. He needs those keys back.(Most Original Character)

Best Beginning

Admiral Janeway's screams were muffled as the cadre of ex-KGB soldiers and CIA Agents under the employ of Janis Joplin dragged her from her hom in the middle of the night. The replicated chloroform wasn't as potent as its actual counterpart, but nevertheless effective as the chain smoking admiral fell into unconsciousness. She was stuffed into a burlap bag and beaten with sticks repeatedly, and for good measure weights were tied to the bag and she was tossed into San Francisco Bay after her communicator was removed. "Couldn't starfleet finding her too quickly." Exclaimed Major Fgalkin. "You got that right." Major Sheppard said. "How are we supposed to get back to the Jefferson now? asked Vympel, a KGB officer known for brutal interrogations of captives proven to be ignorant. "We'll use the transporters, all Defiant class ships have been outfitted with teknottronic particular wave distorters so that we can be beamed out from beyond orbit. It was one of Admiral Wanker's pet projects." Said Marina, a.k.a "The Duchess". She was called that because once she managed to get into a Federation Banquet as the fictional Head of State for the nonexistant Principality of Zeon. "(Best Denizen Ensemble)

Best Overall (incomplete)



STILL TO COME:

Best Ending
Best Ground Combat
Best Space Battle
Best Duel
Most Unexpected Plot Twist
Most Creative Tactic
Most Disturbing Use of Torture
Best Use of Star Trek
Best Use of Star Wars
Goriest Fanfic
Highest Body Count
Most Humorous/Fucked-up Fanfic
Most Original Character
Most Original Story
Coolest Death Scene
Best Overall (complete)

Current Body Count: 1

The team made their rondezvous point, where the emitter field for the teknottronic particular wave distorters was set up. Instantly they were pulled across space by the Jefferson Starship Janis Joplin greted her crew in the transporter room. "Excellent work, remind me to reward you all for completeing the great task of killing Admiral Janeway. But we have a problem. We're out of mind expanding consciousness enhancers." Sheppard kept his hand close to his pistol. President Nixon had warned him about the hippies, but Joplin was a popular commander. Especially with the depraved Russians who seemed to enjoy the 24th century marxist paradise despite the lack of Gulags and smoldering craters in US Metropolitain eras.

"We have plenty of Vodka and replicated Kentucky Fried Chicken. What else could we possibly need?" Said Fgalkin, who was wasted no time in replicating a bucket of the Colonel's Original Recipe, which had been declassified in the year 2268 as a tricky combination of salt, pepper, and bone marrow from various endangered species.

"But we're out of Gorn Gonads." As disgusting as it sounded, humanity had not been able to move past their ancient desires for home remedies. Just as animals like the Tiger and Rhinoceros were prized for mythical qualities ages ago, humanity had expanded into space and found new animals with mythincal curing properties. In fact, Starfleet had ignored Gorn sentinence for a full 7 years after First Contact, deeming them a valuable economic prize. The Gonads of the gorn were said to have theraputic qualities for relieving headaches and were prized for being far more natural than ibuprofen. But in reality all they had were massive hallucinogenic properties. There was so much of a potent neurotoxin present that caused these hallucinogens, that only genetically fortified people such as the Janis Joplin bloodline (secret love babies delivered in secret in the US during the 60s). Not that her crew wanted them anyway, there were only two good uses for drugs. Interrogations, and for selling to the lower-class within your borders to raise cash and maintain the opression for the powers that be.

So the crew of the Jefferson Starship sped off at Warp 8 to go get Gorn Gonads.

Meanwihile, in another galaxy very far far away.

Ossus had been largely abandoned for years. Jedi artifacts were still rpesent in bits and pieces but there was little of value left to be found. The human woman frowned as she pulled her robe over her head, she had barely a moment to turn around before the presence of her attack overwhelmed her and in her last moments of life she was in paralyzing shock. How could she not have sensed such malevolence so close to her? The red blade of the lightsaber cut through her body and rendered her chest cavity asunder, her sternum and ribs smashed byt he power of the attacker's blade as her upper half fell away from the rest of her body. Within seconds she could feel herself flowing into the Force, she would have plenty of time to reflect on what had happenedwhen she was one with the universe. A second perversion though pierced her mind, and she could feel her essence being denied, Her luminous self was corrupted by shadows and before she could scream she was forcibly silenced by the void.

Darth Scorn felt the flickering light of the Jedi's soul as it was eclipsed by the infinite darkness within him. This Jedi had been no challenge at all, but a worthy exercise to test his strengths. In the time since he had usurped the title of Dark Lord from his master had not not considered taking an apprentice until now. Unfortunately he had not the resources to raise and train one from a oung age as he had been, but in his experience there were plenty of potentially qualified apprentices, all he needed to do was to find the Jedi that would fall the farthest from their ivory tower, and descend into truth.

Back in the Milky Way Galaxy

Quark, Rom and Nog ran back and forth through DS9, their evil scheme to defeat Odo had failed miserably yet again. They thought that by infusing gelatin into his body they could defeat him, as he would be finally solid. The plan of getting Nog pregnant and increasing his powers to Kira-levels had failed miserably as the false uterus they had acquired wouldn't take to Ferengi biology. So they figured that if Odo turned to Jello they could serve him at a Bajoran Sunday Brunch.

But now Odo had changed his shape into a pack of velociraptors (all technically connected by a small microscopic strand of DNA sized string so it looks like six when its actually one, Odo has been practicing.) and was threatening to eat our big eared heroes. But then they reached a Dead end and Odo was closing in fast!

But then A trick of technobabble struck DS9 and a burst of COSMIC RAYS struck through the station.

"OMG!!!!!!!" yelled Quark, Rom, and Nog as their bodies started to intake nearly deadly amounts of the ray particles into their lobes. Suddenly Rom burst into Flames, Quark turned into a large superstrong being made of latinum, and Nog turned invisible.

Odo then saw the potential in this team and offered them forgiveness if they would join his team. And he became the leader of the FERENGI FOUR! Why they call it the Ferengi Four is a mystery but Federation Four doesn't work.


Best Overall (incomplete)


STILL TO COME:

Best Ending
Best Ground Combat
Best Space Battle
Best Duel
Most Unexpected Plot Twist
Most Creative Tactic
Most Disturbing Use of Torture
Best Use of Star Trek*
Best Use of Star Wars*
Goriest Fanfic*
Highest Body Count*
Most Humorous/Fucked-up Fanfic*
Most Original Story*
Coolest Death Scene
Best Overall (complete)

*-In progress


A big thank you to Dalton for unlocking this.

But now Odo had changed his shape into a pack of velociraptors (all technically connected by a small microscopic strand of DNA sized string so it looks like six when its actually one, Odo has been practicing.)

Hahaha hilarious. More.

<edit>Admiral Wanker too, good stuff.</edit>

Brian