Fanfic idea I'm playing with...

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Robert Walper
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Fanfic idea I'm playing with...

Post by Robert Walper »

Having some idle time on my hands (and needing the distraction), I thought I'd give myself another go at writing a fanfic. This time I intent to keep it a short fanfic overall, so hopefully this one won't fall into neglect as I have done with others.

Anyhow, enjoy. 8)

***

Space, the final frontier. Vast and pitch black, sprinkled with millions of stars. In the distance, a planet floated motionlessly, serene and beautiful. Suddenly, the void was eclipsed by a dagger shaped vessel, a monstrous vessel that struck fear into the hearts of any enemy that would dare challenge her authority.

"Imperial Star Destroyer entering our sensor range, sir."

"On screen."

Captain Picard glanced at the view screen as the crisp and imposing image of the Star Destroyer flashed onto the viewer. Even at this extreme range, the craft looked enormous and dangerous. His eyes narrowed. He stood up, facing the viewer.

"Open hailng frequencies." Picard ordered.

"Aye, sir." reported the Klingon tactical officer. "Hailing frequencies open."

"Imperial warship, this is Jean Luc Picard of the Enterprise. You have entered restricted Federation space. Withdraw immediately or I'll destroy you. You have only one warning." Picard made a cutting motion with his hand the channel was closed.

Picard turned to his tactical officer. "Report their status."

"They've raised their shields. Readings are consistent with the Imperial warship going into battle mode." The Klingon grinned. Battle was his life.

"So much the better." nodded Picard. "Engage temporal and phasic shielding. Bring primary weapon systems online."

"Aye sir." the Klingon replied.

The sleek design of the Sovereign class starship, broken up only by the numerous weapon emplacements on her hull, glimmered for a moment, and suddenly seemed to fade slightly as if losing detail in a poor artistic rendering.

The andriod helmman scanned his console. "Readings indicate the Destroyer's sensor sweeps are far more intensive than previous readings of their sensor capabilities, sir. I suspect this particular warship may have been heavily modified in an attempt to gain tactical information on our capabilities, Captain."

Commander Riker glanced up. "Catching on, are they?"

"Don't underestimate them number one." Picard replied. "Despite our advantages, the Imperials are indeed a force to be reckoned with."

Picard's mind flashed back to his homeworld of Earth, shattered into an asteroid field in mere seconds. The Imperial's assault upon the Federation primary home world would never be forgotten. Or forgiven.

Riker smiled, a rather sadistic one without humor behind it. "Just an observation, sir."

"Imperial vessel is opening fire at extreme range with turbolaser batteries." Worf reported.

Picard only nodded.

Green bolts of energy closed upon the Federation starship, the potential power of such blasts mind boggling to the unfamilar. The first bolt reached the Federation ship...and passed right through it. The others followed with the same effect. Picard smiled at the thought of the Imperial captain's expression witnessing his ship's firepower, thousands of times greater than the ship he faced, being completely ineffective.

"Imperial vessel is continuing it's intensive scans." reported the Data.

"Let's not give them too much time to try and figure it out." Picard moved back to his command chair and sat down. His black gloved hand moved across his chair's interface, entering coordinates to be fed directly to the tactical station. "On my mark, warp to these coordinates and prepare to fire temporal-phased torpedo launchers."

"Aye, sir." was his answer.

"Mark."

The Enterprise, still appearing slightly faded and almost as if a mirage, flashed brilliant white for a second and disappeared, only to appear a second later a mere kilometer or so from the massive warship that confronted it.

"Fire." Picard's command was said with relish.

Half a dozen weapon emplacements on the Soveriegn starship's hull flashed as they launched their torpedoes, each glowing with every color in the visible spectrum. The Imperial Star Destroyer's batteries had barely compensated for the enemy starship's manuever before the torpedos reached their target. Despite shielding strong enough to withstand assault of weapons of it's own caliber, the torpedoes merely passed through them unheeded, entering the very bowels of the warship. Thier explosive force was hardly one the Imperials would call impressive, but at the heart of their main reactor, not much was required. The massive hypermatter reactor crumpled under the torpedoes as they combined explosive force along with gravimetric forces designed specifically to tear targetted material apart at the molecular level. The Imperial Star Destroyer begun to destroy itself, explosions ripping across it's surface until a final blast annihilated it in a display equal to a small star going supernova. Large pieces of debris scattered from the explosion's epicentre, some even passing right through the nearby Sovereign.

"Enemy warship has been neutralized." Worf reported. His grin was ecstatic, but his eyes reflected a dark pleasure at the thought of the enemy killed by his own hand.

Picard again nodded. His fist clenched, the black glove squeaking ever so slightly under the pressure. "Excellent." Standing up, his gloved hands straightened his black uniform, the only visible decoration on it his golden communicator. "Scan the debris field, there may be survivors despite the violence of the ship's destruction. They are impressively resilient, some sections may have survived."

"Aye sir." Worf began working his console.

Riker's armrest beeped. "Transporter room to bridge."

"Riker here."

"As per orders, sir, we managed to acquire several random prisoners from the warship seconds before it was completely destroyed."

Riker's eye brow perked up. "Anyone important?"

"There might be a command officer in our containment field sir. The uniform matches what little specs we have on them."

Riker stood. "Understood." He switched off the com unit. "Captain, I'll head to the transporter room for interrogation..."

Picard interrupted. "Belay that Number One. If we are indeed fortunate enough to have individual of some command level from Imperial forces, I very much want to see to him myself. You have the bridge."

Riker nodded, although not without some obvious disappointment. "Very well."

Picard strode over to the turbolift, but hesistated for a second before the doors. "Mr. Data, I'd appreciate your presence. I may have use for your unique abilities."

The andriod swivelled in his chair, getting to his feet. "Of course sir."

Picard waited until the andriod joined him in the turbolife, and the doors closed, reforming the image of a planet Earth surrounded by a circle of wicked looking blades, impaling smaller worlds around it.
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Post by NecronLord »

....

*Points and laughs*
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Post by Robert Walper »

NecronLord wrote:....

*Points and laughs*
Hey! You don't see me laughing at your fanfics, now do ya? :P
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Post by NecronLord »

My fanfics don't exist with the sole intent of making an uber-federation though. :P
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Post by Robert Walper »

NecronLord wrote:My fanfics don't exist with the sole intent of making an uber-federation though. :P
Uber Federation? The fanfic has mentioned the ISD outgunned the Enterprise by "thousands", Earth is destroyed. There's reasoning behind what's going on, trust me....
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Post by Lord Revan »

First of there should be no way for Federation to ID an ISD (something i have done in my fic)

second the UFP shouldn't have any weapons that could hurt an ISD or even an Acclamator.
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Post by darthdavid »

What I'm geting is that starfleet has some uber ships and is using them to seek revenge for earth.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Lord Revan wrote:First of there should be no way for Federation to ID an ISD (something i have done in my fic)

second the UFP shouldn't have any weapons that could hurt an ISD or even an Acclamator.
Actually read the fic, Revan. The war has been going on a long time soi the feds would know what and ISD looks like, what it is etc.

And they hurth the ISD through technobabble torpedeos. yes ST torps are puny but when phased so the go off inside the volitile reactor...straw that broke the camels back. (And then the camel imploded of course....)
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Post by Robert Walper »

Lord Revan wrote:First of there should be no way for Federation to ID an ISD (something i have done in my fic)
There's a reason they can. I'll try making the explanations available in the next chapter or two.

And besides...who says this is the Federation we're familar with? ;)
second the UFP shouldn't have any weapons that could hurt an ISD or even an Acclamator.
Some minor familiarity with Treknobabble should make one realize they're employing some highly specialized tech to bypass Imperial defenses and assaults.
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Post by Lord Revan »

Techobabble solutions to turn the Empire into something the UFP can defeat aren't very good IMHO. what would like is that that E-E would look like the Ravager from KOTOR2 or the "older" NX-01 from ENT episode "E^2" e.g. really badly beaten and it trying to find somebody who could defeat the GE as nothing the Federation did could do that.
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Post by NecronLord »

Yeah. Phase-shifted ones don't work, and Kreniminim timewank is leagues beyond them.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

And you had better start explaining how they magically got all that technobabble really fucking quickly because right now you're a step above Jacques.

Now, on the other side of things, stylistically, you need work. Near as I can tell, you've been reading way to much Homer, as you have the same problem I though he had: Using titles instead of names. This is fanfic, not much effort is needed to describe the main cast. You can just say "Worf" instead of "the Klingon tactical officer". Besides, there's only one "andriod helmman" in the federation, unless Section 31 has been giving them away for free.
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Post by Stravo »

I have a feeling Walper's getting it harder than most because he is Walper. Give the guy a chance. He promised there would be an explanation and so give him a chance to trot that out. Of course if you think it sucks feel free to fire away but give the guy a chance for now.

Think of it this way, if I started a new fic like this I think most of you would give me the benefit of the doubt. Try to be as understanding with Robert on this one.
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Post by NecronLord »

Stravo wrote:Think of it this way, if I started a new fic like this I think most of you would give me the benefit of the doubt.
Don't get above yourself. You'd be getting some seriously funny looks from my direction too. :P
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Post by El Moose Monstero »

I was thinking mirror universe, but the Imperial's would have to come in at the point where the cardassian and klingon alliance was about to over throw the terran empire and prevent such a powershift from ever happening to preserve the terran starfleet in the same as it was when Kirk was there. But then again, the stardestroyer had an upgraded sensor package which sort of implies that they're still facing them as relatively new opponents.
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Post by Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba »

Or maybe he isn't using the stupid DS9 Mirrorverse. Maybe it's more along the lines of Bean's Terran Empire which went uber on its own. Let's wait and see.

Looks good so far, but don't bold it, that kind of hurts my eyes. And don't have the Borg come in and eat everything or I will do to you as I will do to Junghalli should he not give me a cameo. *waves knife*
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Post by Darth Fanboy »

The Terran Empire (where everyone has goatees ;-)) vs. the Galactic Empire? A concept I like.
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Stravo: I was nice enough to say that he should hurry up and post more so we know what was going on... Granted, I didn't say it in a nice fashion... That, and I actually did give some constructive critism...
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Post by Junghalli »

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Looks good so far, but don't bold it, that kind of hurts my eyes. And don't have the Borg come in and eat everything or I will do to you as I will do to Junghalli should he not give me a cameo. *waves knife*
Now I have to think up a character named Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba! :P Good lord... I'll do my best.
Seriously, sure the phase cloakes are a plot device, but so what? As long as it's written well I don't care if he has the Enterprise take out the Death Star (OK, that would be a little too much, but you get my point).
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Post by Agent Fisher »

Mike had phase tech in Conquest.
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Post by Robert Walper »

Singular Quartet wrote:And you had better start explaining how they magically got all that technobabble really fucking quickly because right now you're a step above Jacques.
No one is making you read it, pal. Ease up, this is a fanfic, nothing more, nothing less.

And I'll see about getting another chapter up tomorrow if possible. As always with everyone, this will be subject to time constraints and willingness to crack at it.
Now, on the other side of things, stylistically, you need work. Near as I can tell, you've been reading way to much Homer, as you have the same problem I though he had: Using titles instead of names. This is fanfic, not much effort is needed to describe the main cast. You can just say "Worf" instead of "the Klingon tactical officer". Besides, there's only one "andriod helmman" in the federation, unless Section 31 has been giving them away for free.
*shrugs* Simply providing some description of the character's in question. After all, as I understand it, it's bad policy to simply assume every reader knows immediately what you're talking about.

However, I'll keep your suggestion in mind.
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Post by Robert Walper »

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Or maybe he isn't using the stupid DS9 Mirrorverse. Maybe it's more along the lines of Bean's Terran Empire which went uber on its own. Let's wait and see.

Looks good so far, but don't bold it, that kind of hurts my eyes.
Will do.
And don't have the Borg come in and eat everything or I will do to you as I will do to Junghalli should he not give me a cameo. *waves knife*
I have no intention of bringing the Borg into it. As far as I'm concerned, they most attention they'll get is a passing mention, if that.
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Post by Agent Fisher »

I dont think that it would be to unreasonable to have the federation pull out all the stops in a fight with the empire, especially after Earth was destroyed.
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Post by Xuenay »

I thought it seemed like a nice start, but then again, I'm not a raving fan of Imperial supremacy like most people here...

However, if the Imperials were trying to gather information and knew how easily the Federation could destroy their ships, why would they put their improved sensor package on something as valuable as a Star Destroyer? Granted, they do have hordes of them, but it'd still make more sense to put those sensors on a small, specialized scout ship for what was essentially a suicide mission. After all, if the Federation ships employ phase shields and weapons, no amount of firepower or shielding you'll throw at them will make any difference - thus there's no point in sending a bigger, more expensive ship since it won't even be able to defend itself any better than the smaller, cheaper one.
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Post by Robert Walper »

Note: Sorry about the delay people. I'll try getting another chapter up as soon as possible. Bunch of shit hitting the fan for me right now, so I'm a little distracted. :?
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