Zaia's Babysitting Adventure!

Post by **Kuja** » 2005-07-07 10:59pm

Yes folks, it's the return of 'How Stravo Got His Groove Back' style humor! I hope you all enjoy this one as much as you did the last!

Zaia's Babysitting Adventure

PART 1: Mixed Marriages Lead To…

*OPEN UP on ZAIA'S house, early afternoon. The sun is shining. Birds chirp. It's a typical nice day. CUT TO inside the house, where ZAIA is in the living room, lounging on a sofa, reading a book and humming to herself. The phone rings and she reaches for it*

ZAIA: Hello? Oh, hi! What? Um...oh, sorry but I can't. Yeah, I'm busy tonight. Sorry hon, maybe next time. Bye!

*she hangs up and goes back to reading. A moment later, the doorbell rings. She frowns and looks at her watch*

ZAIA: Wow, they're early. Hope nothing's wrong…

*she stands, goes to the door and opens it to reveal KUJA, who is currently cradling what appears to be a large CATERPILLAR*

KUJA: Hey.

ZAIA: Uh, what are you doing here? *a pause* And what's with the big plushie?

CATERPILLAR: Chi!

*ZAIA leaps back about five feet*

ZAIA: YAAAH! IT'S ALIVE!

*CATERPILLAR begins making crying sounds and squirming*

ZAIA: GET IT OUT! KILL IT!

KUJA: Hey now-

*ZAIA grabs a nearby lamp and begins brandishing it. KUJA begins panicking*

KUJA: STOP IT! CALM DOWN!

ZAIA: GET THAT BIG UGLY BUG OUT OF HERE!

KUJA: *furious* MY DAUGHTER IS NOT AN UGLY BUG!

*utter fucking silence*

ZAIA: ............what.

*KUJA spends a moment calming the CATERPILLAR, clearly just restraining anger*

KUJA: Sh, honey, the lady isn't going to scream at you anymore, your daddy'll take care of everything, now be a good girl and be quiet, alright?

*ZAIA watches in morbid fascination*

KUJA: Now then, shall we try this again?

ZAIA: Explanation. Now.

KUJA: Zaia, I'd like you to meet Aletia. Say hello, sweetie.

ALETIA: Chi!

ZAIA: Aletia?

KUJA: Aletia Oxygala. It's a kind of moth found throughout New York state. Her mother liked the name.

ZAIA: And that is?

*KUJA turns*

KUJA: Come on in sweetheart!

*a WOMAN with short blond hair steps into the picture. Large moth wings sprout from her back, a set of feathery antennae adorn her head, and her eyes are a multifaceted blue*

KUJA: Zaia, I'd like you to meet Mothra-tan.

ZAIA: Er, hello? *she shivers visibly*

*MOTHRA-TAN bows and chirps sweetly*

ZAIA: And...just how did you two meet?

KUJA: Well, Yosemite Bear was bored one day and used one of his big sci-fi thingamabobs to create a bunch of female humanoid Godzilla characters.

ZAIA: *obviously confused* Right.

KUJA: Well, MT and I hooked up, and-

ZAIA: Yeah, I get it. You wound up with this.

ALETIA: Chi?

ZAIA: *shudders and speaks quickly* Well, anyway, I'm very happy for you Kuja, I'm sure fatherhood'll suit you but can you please go and-

KUJA: Well, I was wondering something.

ZAIA: What?

KUJA: Could you take care of Aletia for a little while? MT and I had something come up that we need to take care of.

ZAIA: *horrified* I promised someone else I'd babysit tonight, so absolutely-

KUJA: Great! *he hands ALETIA over to ZAIA* She's not a picky eater so don't worry too much about that and we'll be back later tonight! Thanks, bye-bye!

*KUJA and MOTHRA-TAN quickly exit, closing the door behind them*

ZAIA: -not!

*a moment passes as ZAIA and ALETIA turn to stare at each other*

ALETIA: Chi?

*ZAIA shudders and sets her down*

ZAIA: When your dad comes back for you I swear I'm going to punch him so hard…

*she watches ALETIA crawl around the room and look around curiously, then suddenly shudders*

ZAIA: Well, at least you're not a loudmouth. *she turns and rubs the back of her neck* And if that isn't the weirdest family I've ever seen…

*doorbell. ZAIA opens it to find a man in power armor, a large white cat, and a two-foot tall, backpack-wearing GODZILLA with a rather large head standing at her front door*

TYPHONIS: Hello, Zaia!

SINGULAR QUARTET: Do you think you could help us with something?

CHIBI-ZILLA: Rrrrronk!

ZAIA: Spoke too soon. Spoke WAY too soon.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2005-07-07 11:08pm

heh

lol

poor, poor Z

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-07-07 11:10pm

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2005-07-07 11:33pm

Kuja, we need to take the coke away from you WAY earlier... *shakes his head*

Amusing so far.

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-07-08 01:20am

YES! FUCKEN YES!

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2005-07-08 05:53am

Sweet! *pictures the humanoid Mothra*

Ford Prefect · Post by **Ford Prefect** » 2005-07-08 06:24am

Glorious! Worthy of song! [/klingon]

Ah, denizens of SDN, forced into peculiar situations featuring genetic freaks, the result of Yosemite Bear's playing at God. I feel sorry for Zaia.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2005-07-08 06:30am

Einstine was right god doesn't play dice with the universe, that's my hobby.

Tiger Ace · Post by **Tiger Ace** » 2005-07-08 08:47am

*snickers,chuckles and giggles*

ROCK ON!

Zaia, I feel sorry for you, but atleast their not tinkering with a nuke

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2005-07-08 09:08am

Next chap may be Zaia calling me in to help her out......after all Bear isn't the only Mad, not angry, scientist in the brotherhood.

Post by **Kuja** » 2005-07-08 03:05pm

PART 2: Little Monsters

CHIBIZILLA: Aaaaarrrrrk?

ZAIA: Uh...

TYPHONIS: Look, normally we wouldn't ask you to do this, but there was a, uh, accident at the labs and radiation is spewing all over the place. And you know what this little guy does around radiation, right?

ZAIA: Uh...

TYPHONIS: He gets big. Real big.

*he holds his arms out really wide to show what he means, but bangs his hand on the doorframe before he can get a suitable representation*

SINGULAR: So we were wondering if he could stay by you for a little while. Just until we get the spill cleaned up.

ZAIA: Uh...

CHIBIZILLA: Ronk!

SINGULAR: We promise he won't be a problem, just make sure he does his homework. It's in his pack.

CHIBIZILLA: Hrrrrroooonnnnk!

SINGULAR: Don't talk back to me!

ZAIA: Guys?

TYPHONIS AND SINGULAR: Yeah?

ZAIA: WHERE THE HELL DID THIS COME FROM?!

TYPHONIS: Well, we were experimenting-

SINGULAR: -on the big guy-

TYPHONIS: -and there was a little slip in space/time-

SINGULAR: -so we got fifteen dozen little Chibi-zillas running around and blowing nuclear fire-

TYPHONIS: -but we couldn't control all of them-

SINGULAR: -so we crushed all their souls into this one body.

*a moment of silence*

ZAIA: Safety procedures. Learn them sometime.

TYPHONIS: Awww, that's all you ever say. Can't you ever think about the potential good we might accomplish someday?

ZAIA: Right now I'm trying to imagine a hundred and eighty little Godzillas running around, screeching, and blowing things up.

*SINGULAR and TYPHONIS look at each other, then turn their backs on ZAIA for a moment to tap at a calculator*

SINGULAR: Wow, she's right!

*they turn back around*

TYPHONIS: Hey, you're pretty good at math! *he retrieves a business card* Want to come work at the labs?

ZAIA: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

TYPHONIS: Damn. We're going to have to start hiring temps again. And they never last long.

CHIBIZILLA: Rark!

*he steps into the house, pushing past ZAIA in the process*

ZAIA: Hey!

CHIBIZILLA: Grrrooooonk!

ZAIA: STOP CHEWING ON THE COUCH!

TYPHONIS: Well, looks like he's settling in fine.

SINGULAR: Thanks, Zaia. Come on Typh, we've got forms to fill out before the EPA kicks into gear.

TYPHONIS: Right, right. Bye!

*they run to a sleek and fancy car that promptly shoots straight up into the air and vanishes. ZAIA slowly shakes her head and goes back inside to find CHIBIZILLA pushing ALETIA across the room*

ALETIA: Chi! Chiiiii!

CHIBIZILLA: Rrrrrrooooonnnnk!

ZAIA: Hey, stop that!

*she forcibly separates the two of them. CHIBIZILLA blows a raspberry at ALETIA*

ZAIA: *muttering* Great. He's a bully.

*she picks up CHIBIZILLA by the scruff of his neck and plunks him down on the couch, then leers at him*

ZAIA: Hi, I'm a nice lady, got it? *a nod* But I can also be a very tough lady. *ZAIA'S 'Lady Deathstrike' claws sprout from her fingertips and surround CHBIZILLA'S head* So don't make me mad and we'll get along just fine, OK? *rapid nodding* Good boy.

*doorbell*

ZAIA: Oh, please tell me that's them.

*she opens the door to find NITRAM and TEVAR standing outside, dressed in full Black Mage/White Mage regalia and holding a very small Black Mage*

NITRAM: Hi, Z. Can we ask a fav-

ZAIA: GO AWAY!

*she slams the door in their faces. A moment passes and she grins*

ZAIA: Ha. That showed 'em.

*the window shatters as the small mage gets hurled through it*

MAGE: YAAAAAAA!

*ZAIA runs to the newly-shattered window just in time to see NITRAM and TEVAR vanish into thin air*

ZAIA: I'll get you for this!

MAGE: That frigging hurt.

*ZAIA spins*

ZAIA: Cyran, is that you? What the hell?

CYRAN: Time stop. Haste. Two spells that must never be combined.

ZAIA: And now you're a little kid again? *she starts to grin*

CYRAN: Do NOT look at me like that.

*he turns and comes face-to-face with ALETIA*

ALETIA: Chi!

CYRAN: What the f-

ZAIA: Hey, no bad language in this house, young man!

*she gives CYRAN a rap on the head*

CYRAN: Do NOT get used to this, Z.

*doorbell*

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-07-08 03:13pm

Alright, so that bops it up to three? But who else could be dropping children off? WHO?!

You evil bastard. I'm so proud.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2005-07-08 03:18pm

Poor, poor Z. I feel sorry for the kid she's actually supposed to be babysitting.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2005-07-08 04:20pm

Damn my infernal playing with different spells to see how they work...

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-07-08 04:28pm

Captain Cyran wrote:Damn my infernal playing with different spells to see how they work...

Yeah, that generally does bite people in the ass.

Oh, and Kuja: What's Chibi-zilla's homework going to be?

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2005-07-08 05:04pm

THIS RULES!

If you involve me in this fic(maybe as the real kid?

) I can hope you won't emulate what you did to the 'extra' guy in Groove, and killed him.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2005-07-08 06:56pm

*snorts a line of coke

Ohhhh! Now i get it!

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-07-08 10:06pm

.......

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2005-07-08 10:11pm

Only thing wirong is I didn`t hit on Zaia also I would stay...someone would have to help her . 'Sides imagine the fishing you can do with bait that size.

Post by **Dalton** » 2005-07-08 10:11pm

Poor dear, she's speechless.

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-07-08 10:13pm

Dalton wrote:Poor dear, she's speechless.

I don't want to give him any ammo in case we're--err--graced with a Chapter Four.

Post by **Kuja** » 2005-07-09 01:35am

PART 3: Full House and the Sky's the Limit

*ZAIA opens the door to find CPL. KENDALL and MRS. KENDALL standing there*

ZAIA: Oh thank God you're here!

*she practically falls into their arms*

MRS KENDALL: What is it? Is something wrong?

*CYRAN'S voice is heard from off screen*

CYRAN: Hey, what's with the Godzilla suit?

CHIBIZILLA: Ronk!

ZAIA: It seems like I'm going to be watching more kids than I thought tonight.

CPL KENDALL: Is that a problem?

CHIBIZILLA: Rrrrrraaaaarrrrk!

CYRAN: Oh my god! He breathes fire! HELP!

CPL: Um.

MRS: Should we maybe just go home and not leave-

ZAIA: No! I mean, I could use her help. Because she's always friendly and nice and helpful...and...I need help here. Please?

MRS: Well, alright. *she turns* Come on, honey!

*LINDAR comes bounding up*

LINDAR: HI, ZAIA!

*she leaps at ZAIA and gives her a big hug*

ZAIA: Hi, sweetie! Have you got all your stuff?

LINDAR: Yep! *she holds up a big, colorful bag, bulging with...stuff*

ZAIA: Good girl! *she looks back up at the KENDALLS* I'll see you at ten?

CPL: Right, as long as there's not too much traffic. Bye, honey!

LINDAR: Bye mom, bye dad!

MRS: Have fun!

*they leave and ZAIA brings LINDAR inside*

CYRAN: LINDAR!

*he comes racing up and tackles the new arrival. CHIBIZILLA comes rushing up, then screeches to a halt and skedaddles as he catches ZAIA'S glare*

LINDAR: Hi, Cyran!

CYRAN: You gotta get me outta here! They're crazy!

ALETIA: Chi?

LINDAR: *gushes* OhmygoditssocuteIloveit!

*LINDAR picks up ALETIA and gives her a crushing hug. ALETIA begins struggling*

ZAIA: Ah, everything seems so much nicer when Lindar's around...

*she blinks*

ZAIA: Waitaminute. Lindar wasn't supposed to be coming over today...

*knock at the door. ZAIA opens it to find STRAVO standing there holding a jar*

ZAIA: Stravo?

STRAVO: Zaia?

ZAIA: Stravo?

STRAVO: Zaia?

ZAIA: Stravo?

STRAVO: Zaia?

ZAIA: Stravo?

STRAVO: Zaia?

*a moment of silence. Struggles continue in the background*

STRAVO: Can you baby-sit for me tonight?

ZAIA: *sighs* Sure, why not? Where's your daughter?

STRAVO: Oh, no, not my daughter. My child.

*he holds out a water-filled glass jar. Inside the jar is what appears to be a large human brain with a series of tentacles growing from it and an eyestalk that pokes over the jar's lip*

ZAIA: Stravo...this is a brain.

STRAVO: Yes, my brainchild.

*rimshot*

STRAVO: I'm cleaning the apartment and he doesn't like dust.

BRAINCHILD: *with a snooty accent* Gets in the jar, you know. It's a dreadful time cleaning it all up.

*ZAIA slumps marginally and holds out her hands. STRAVO places the jar in them*

STRAVO: Thanks a lot.

ZAIA: *flatly* Yep.

*she goes back inside and shuts the door behind her. A moment later, ALETIA goes racing by with LINDAR in hot pursuit*

ALETIA: CHIIIIIIIIIIII!

LINDAR: I JUST WANNA LOOK AT YOUR TAIL!

BRAINCHILD: I SAY!

CHIBIZILLA: RRRRROOOOONNNNNK!

CYRAN: NO, THEY'RE MY COOKIEES! I STOLE THEM FAIR AND SQUARE!

ZAIA: Dear god, help me.

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2005-07-09 01:52am

*having extreme difficulty breathing due to the laughter*

Ford Prefect · Post by **Ford Prefect** » 2005-07-09 03:57am

ZAIA: Stravo...this is a brain.

STRAVO: Yes, my brainchild.

Classic was that one! More Kuja! MORE!

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2005-07-09 04:34am

MAke sure I drop off the KittyKondo(s)

seeing I have 18 satanic kittens and one Cthonic feline...