StarDestroyer.Net BBS

You can find it at www.ditl.org I reccomend viewer discretion, the pure bullshit may not be suitible for newbies.



It is a collection of all the worst trekkie arguments, put in a poorly written fanfic. Let's break it apart!

(I'll take a little thing from Mike, everything in yellow is his fanfic, the rest is my comments

THE FOWARD

This story is for enjoyment purposes only - I was trying to write a dramatic and tense bit of fiction, not to depict what I think would actually happen if the USS Enterprise met the Star Wars Empire. In "reality" (strange word to use in this context!), I think that the events here would go MUCH more in Starfleet's favour, but pushing that argument is emphatically NOT what this story is for.

Doesn't that sound nice? He tried to make it fair. Of course we later find out it is painful to imagine this going any more in ST's favor.

Although this story is naturally not canon, I have made every possible effort to keep it strictly in line with the known technology and events of both the Startrek and Star Wars universes. So far as I know, 'Portal' does not contain one single canon violation of either Trek or Wars - with one proviso.

Again, sounds nice. But a lie. His ISD weapons numbers are wrong, his speed for hyperspace is wrong (and when I showed this to him a long time ago, he simply said he was sorry I didn't like it!) and his comm speed is wrong. I'll point these all out later.

So far as I am concerned, the ONLY parts of the Wars franchise that are canon are the three Special Edition versions of the movies. I don't care what it says in the reference books, novels, scripts, comics, or anything else. The reason I don't care is that George Lucas has been quoted as saying that he will feel free to deliberately contradict these sources in future films if he feels like it - as far as I am concerned, that means that they are not canon. "Official" simply does not count, and "canon unless contradicted" is simply absurd. If you don't like that then that's your prerogative, but don't bother e-mailing arguments to me because I've heard it all before in spades and it doesn't change a thing.


He wants to ignore official. Of course, another lie. He uses WEG's numbers for an ISD weapons instead of the canon model ones, use's nuclear fusion which comes from the official fusion power (notice no nuclear)


ON TO THE STORY!

Worf studied the console. "The vessel is armed with sixty charged particle weapons and sixty further emplacements of an unknown type. Also there are ten tractor beam emitters. A conformal shield grid of moderate capacity, and the hull is constructed of high density armour. She is powered by a large fusion plant."

Oops! Those weapons figures for an ISD are from WEG, an non-canon sourse. And they're wrong, the model (which is canon) cleary shows the real firepower of a ISD. But that would hurt his argument, so let's throw that out the window.

And he uses fusion reactors, which we later learn means nuclear, which isn't even from an official sourse! Official sourses tell "fusion" (no nuclear) reactors can use heavy metals, impossible with nuclear fusion, and discribe hypermatter for big warships. Oops!

"Hit to the forward shields," Worf announced. "They are holding. The weapon was a charged plasma bolt - it emitted a strong pulse of laser energy as it hit our shields."
"Laser?" Picard looked at the image on the screen thoughtfully.
"Yes sir. Most of the energy simply reflected off the navigational shields, but the impact of the plasma itself imparted some energy to the combat shields."
The Enterprise rocked again, this time more strongly. Picard turned to see a rain of fire pouring up from the Star Destroyer, blasting against the shields.
"We are sustaining moderate damage to the forward shields," Worf said pointedly, clearly annoyed at Picards inaction and trying to hide it. "One percent drop-off."


The old stupid laser argument, and the navigational shields. 1% shields power lost from an ISD bombardment!

"Can we target their power system, disable the ship?" Picard asked.
"I do not believe that is possible," Data replied. "Fusion power plants may not be as powerful as a warp core but breaching one would cause a considerable explosion, and it is unlikely that a reactor of that size could be ejected."



Yep, he thinks it's nuclear fusion. And he thinks nuclear reactors are like warpcores, you sneeze, they explode.

At that moment, a filament of brilliant orange stabbed out from the ship. The beam swept across the surface of the Star Destroyer's hull, stuttering in a pattern almost too rapid to follow. Beltain felt the huge vessel shake beneath his feet as a series of explosions appeared in rapid succession across the hull of his ship.
"Multiple shield breaches!" the tactical officer said, his voice disbelieving. "Reading damage to all hull sections."
Beltain looked back out at the enemy ship. The single beam was still stabbing its pattern of destruction over his hull. "Launch all fighters!" he yelled. "Full attack!"
At that moment the pattern of destruction stopped. Silence descended over the bridge. "Damage report." Beltain ordered, his voice shaking.
"The turbo laser batteries and ion cannon..." the tactical officer said in something approaching awe, "they're... gone. All of them."



I love this. A phaser blast can breach the shields and they sweep over the ship and destroy every weapon.

"Quite a strange mix," Geordi grinned, clearly happy at having a new puzzle. "On the surface theyre almost laughable - laser based weapons, particle beams, fusion reactors; Earth moved past that sort of thing a long time ago. From their point of view these Star Destroyers are built for sheer power and strength, there's not a lot of finesse involved. But they've built the systems on an impressive scale - I'd say they've been working on this technology for a long, long time. Perhaps even millennia. Its odd that they never got as far as matter-antimatter reactors in all that time."

The Laser argument, particle weapons are primitive (I could point out ST:FC) fusion means nuclear fusion, and AM is superior (of course, the Death Star needs something way stronger then NF or AM. Hypermatter)

"Yes, right," Data nodded. "Emotion chip deactivated." He continued in a more normal voice. "Now reading a total of three hundred and forty five vessels. That appears to be the whole fleet."


Just for later reference.

Scan those big ships," Picard said. "I want a tactical analysis."
"In progress," Worf reported, studying his screens. "Length twenty four kilometres, armament is similar in nature to that of the Star Destroyers. I am reading twelve hundred enhanced laser cannons, four hundred particle cannons and fifty tractor beam emitters on each vessel. The shield systems are also approximately two thousand percent stronger."


I don't know where he pulled these figures for an SSD.

Vader summoned the Force, feeling the dark power course through him. He reached out to take the man by the throat in a demonstration that would show him just what he was up against. Vader could feel the life energy of tens of thousands in the fleet around him; he pushed past them, searching for the life energy of the man named Picard. Searching... searching...
Finding nothing.
Vader was as unsettled as he had ever felt. He could sense absolutely nothing from the sleek white ship, not any trace of life, not even the inanimate patterns of the ship itself. It was as if they were not there.
The Force was created by life; it permeated everything in the galaxy, binding it all together in a pattern that was his to twist.
Everything in the galaxy... in this galaxy. Vader was shocked to his very core; was it possible that the Force simply did not exist where these people came from? That they didn't contribute to it, might simply stand apart from it?

Good old force doesn't exist in other universes.

Ion drive propulsion."
"More ancient technology," Riker said.

Didn't Scotty say Ion Propulsion is way beyond them in Spock's Brain and tech hadn't changed much when he came back in TNG?

"Let's show them what theyre up against," Picard said. "A big demonstration now might make them back off." Somehow he doubted it. "Target... those ships." He pointed to a cluster of eleven Star Destroyers. "Intercept course, full impulse. Ready a full volley of photon and quantum torpedoes, targeted on their main reactors."
The Enterprise turned and accelerated smoothly, bearing down on the group. Turbo laser bolts began to pour out of the Star Destroyers, tracking around as targeting computers matched their trajectory to the target; within moments the Enterprise was bracketed and hundreds of bolts began to hammer her shields.
"Reading a slight degradation of the forward shields," Worf announced.
"Steady as she goes." Picard watched the group of ships grow larger and larger on the screen. "Just a few more seconds..."
"Forward shields down to ninety two percent," Worf reported. "Range two thousand kilometres. One thousand."
"Fire," Picard snapped.
To the Imperials watching, it seemed as if the turbo laser batteries had done their job, as if the Enterprise had exploded in a brilliant flash of red and white. The impression lasted barely half a second.
The torpedo turret on the underside of the saucer spat nine quantum torpedoes out in under two seconds; targeted on the centre ship. Each of the two forward secondary tubes fired a cluster of twelve at another. The two tertiary torpedo tubes below the deflector dish launched another dozen photon torpedoes each, targeted on the remaining eight ships. The photons blasted against the Star Destroyer's shields, sending the huge vessels careening out of control.
With the quantums it was a different matter.
Three reactor cores were blown apart in rapid succession. The ships seemed to almost bulge outwards for a moment, as if fighting against incomprehensible pressure. Then the hulls ruptured into millions of pieces, exploding outwards with horrifying suddenness.


That says it all.

"Then now's the time. Mister Mayers, take us in to the nearest of those big battleships. Mister Worf, I want a full torpedo spread and maximum phasers."
The Enterprise hurled itself toward the four behemoths, rocketing through the Imperial fleet. Turbo laser bolts began to pour into the ship as the escorting Star Destroyer screen opened up with everything they had.
"Maintain course," Picard ordered. "Target the ships power systems and engines and stand by for a full spread."
"Ready," Worf declared.
"Wait..." Picard watched as the ship grew and grew in the viewscreen, in awe of its sheer scale. What wonders these people could accomplish, he thought to himself, if they used this power for creation rather than destruction. Turbo laser fire began to pour up from the ship, dwarfing the barrage of its escorts. Picard could feel the ship shuddering beneath him as she fought against the hail of fire.
"Shield generator number five is failing!" Worf announced. "Forward shields coverage is wavering!"
"Wait..." Picard almost whispered it. Turbo laser bolts began to find the holes in the shields and slam into the ships ablative armour matrix. "Now!"
A salvo of quantum torpedoes slammed into the Super Star Destroyers shields, followed by another, then another. Then the Enterprise was past, and her aft shields were between them and the Imperial ship again. The torpedoes exploded against the ships hull, blasting gaping holes through its armour.
"Phasers, maximum strike!"
Beams lashed out, carving the hull of the great ship open. Air and equipment and people spewed out into the vacuum.
"Aft quantums, fire," Picard ordered. Another two salvos of quantum torpedoes slammed into the enemy ship, adding to the devastation.
"Their ship has sustained heavy damage," Data said. "She is loosing power, but auxiliary generators are kicking in. She is still combat capable."


The E-E crippled an SSD. Nuff said.



More later.

Pain... coming.... back... again.... NOOOOOO!!!!

God. "Portal" is the worst Crossover Fanfic I've ever read. (of course I've never read the Sonic the Hedgehog/Tenchi-Muyo Crossovers) It's like Graham Kennedy made a baseball bat out of pure stupidity, and he's beating me with it for every word I read.

"Or at least, was prepared for us. They had almost five thousand missiles inbound, timed to arrive just a few seconds after the portal cycled. We're lucky they were so slow, it gave us just enough time to get out of the way."



SW missles are "slow"

"These guys can't shoot to save their lives," he said wonderingly. "Haven't they heard of computer targeting?"


The stupid "Imperials can't shoot!"

"And I'm picking up all sorts of radio noise."
"Radio?"
"Yeah, old-style light speed radio transmissions. Entertainment broadcasts mostly, but there's a lot of encrypted stuff that's probably military."



Another lie. In ESB, the Executor and the Emperor from Coruascaunt communicated instantly even from 30 000 LY away. And they signaled the Executor as well.

firepower of one of these Star Destroyers barely matched that of a Runabout,


That speaks for itself.

And the shame of it was that it was working. Even the Mirandas' where killing five for every one lost, and the larger ships where doing four or five times that, but it simply wasn't enough.


A Miranda killing 5 ISDs

Like a force field, she thought. Used to block a door? These people must have a lot power to waste.


of course, a door doesn't short out.


What did surprise her was that the wounds that had crisscrossed Trois face where gone - completely healed, without any trace of a scar.
The Empire can't do that, she thought. Not in just a few hours.



Except they can. Like with Luke. Those scars went poof. And that was with illegal equipment.

You'd want General Ackbar for that. I'm more a political animal at the moment."



General?

In return for that help I want the full schematics and technical readouts of - what did you call it· your 'warp core'?. Plus details of how you manufacture and handle antimatter safely in large quantities."


Except Hypermatter is better.

"It's awful bulky compared to ours."

I love this! He's talking about a hologram. R2 projected one easily, Veers had a small one in his AT-AT, Qui-Gon had a tiny handheld one!

"According to this, the station is a hundred and thirty kilometres across.


Of course, it's really 160.

Data, how long did it take the fleet to get from the Portal to its present position via their FTL drive? And what does that translate to in warp speed?"
"Five hours forty one minutes." Data reported instantly. "Equivalent to Warp nine point two."


Hyperdrive is warp 9.2 BULLSHIT

"Impossible." Sandell stated it as a fact. "No ship that small can carry a cloaking device."

Except it can. Read the TPM novel which is CANON.



Each carried a warhead equal to ten photon torpedoes, more than enough to obliterate a Star Destroyer.

Nuff said.

Star Destroyers where exploding by the hundreds, even thousands.



.....

"That planet." He snapped, pointing at the red-green ball hanging beyond the graveyard. "Target the superlaser on it and fire when ready."

"It's... over a hundred kilometres across." Riker said, glancing at the sensor readouts.
"I am reading several million weapon emplacements on the surface." Data reported. "Also, what looks like a set of very large laser cannon of unknown type. Those weapons are powering up."
"Keep the fleet out of turbolaser range of that thing." Picard said instantly. "They can engage at will, but until we know more I don't want anybody near it."
"The vessel is firing." Data said.
From the huge indentation on the sphere, a set of green beams suddenly sprung. They came together at a single point and seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then a single bright beam sprung from that point.
It hit Mars square on.


All with primitive "fusion" which obviously can't be nuclear.

"Idiot!" Sandell spun on the man, his face a mask of rage. "It did not hit the surface, it passed through it!" he watched the incomprehension on the mans face. "They have killed us all, don't you understand? They have killed us all!"


A single torpedo has pass through dozens of km of the DS. Yeah right.

"I have examined our records of the Portal." Data said. "The phenomena has a definite range over which it operates - approximately one hundred and fifty kilometres. I estimate no more than twenty thousand Imperial vessels could safely be placed within that volume to pass through in any one opening."
"And they'd be packed in like sardines, easy targets to a waiting fleet." Picard said. "Eight or nine hundred Starships can handle that kind of threat."

900 vs 20 000? Bullshit.

You read that shite??May I reccomend you see a shrink? you know,. post traumatic strees syndrome...

Gat you have WAY too much time on your hands

Oh boy, this is some serious shit.

Whoever wrote this is a pathetic Trekkie.

The PAIN of reading even these excerpts was almost too much. The sad part is while researching how to write my own fanfic (Star Crossed SHAMESLESS PLUG ) I actually tried to read this pile of steaming shit and could not get past the first PAGE. This is AWFUL. The man should be ashamed he even keeps this thing on his website. We should burn it, bury it and salt the earth where it lies.....

Or at least, was prepared for us. They had almost five thousand missiles inbound, timed to arrive just a few seconds after the portal cycled. We're lucky they were so slow, it gave us just enough time to get out of the way."

Since when have SW capital ships used missile weapons for ship-2-ship combat in any of the cannon films?

These guys can't shoot to save their lives," he said wonderingly. "Haven't they heard of computer targeting?"

Strange that in TPM, the Trade Federation warship was able to hit 1m tall droids standing on the outside of a non-combat starship (without doing further damage to the ship). Or ISDs hitting small fast 10m fighters in an intense EW environment.

Like a force field, she thought. Used to block a door? These people must have a lot power to waste

ROFLOL - in SW they use force-fields to protect ENTIRE hangar-bays, which is such a larger area than a doorway it's beyond a joke.

Data, how long did it take the fleet to get from the Portal to its present position via their FTL drive? And what does that translate to in warp speed?"
"Five hours forty one minutes." Data reported instantly. "Equivalent to Warp nine point two."

I wonder how Darth Maul managed to get from a major 'Core world' to a minor world on the galactic rim in less than a day, if Hyperdrive is so slow?

Idiot!" Sandell spun on the man, his face a mask of rage. "It did not hit the surface, it passed through it!" he watched the incomprehension on the mans face. "They have killed us all, don't you understand? They have killed us all!"

Strange that just one torpedo can do that, when Lando and Wedge had to carefully take out the 'power regulator' subsystem on the DS2 before they hit the main reactor machinary.

You'd have to waste good paper printing it first.

Yeah, so why not burn and bury GK himself?

biggest load of trekkie bullshit ive ever seen. The enterprise against an SSD? SDs exploding by the hundreds?

I can almost (not fully- thank god) picture a bunch of trekkie losers reading this utter BS and jacking off to it . UGHHHHHH. Compare with other fanfics where the Empire has to be made weaker or put in special circumstances so the story is a semblance of a CHALLENGE for the Empire.

Excellent work on deconstructing "Portal," Thrawn. I don't have the stomach to do it myself. Suffice to say that the very fanfic is the reason I became a SW debater. Once, I almost wrote a "what really happened" version of "Portal" but it seemed like a waste of time. I have also reviewed it:

http://www.daltonator.net/fanfics/reviews/dm_portal.txt

I will post it momentarily.

FICREVIEW- Portal

Name: Portal
Author: Graham Kennedy
Type of crossover: ST vs SW
Balance between the great powers: The worst ever seen
Spelling Errors: Only the godawful newspeak
Pain Level: Getting anally raped by the NJ packers, over, and over, and
over again...while taking a cheese grater to your genitals and then
bathing them in salsa over, and over, and over...

Summary:

Never has the line "In space, no-one can hear you scream" been so true
as in this fanfic. When you scream until your lungs can emit nothing
but a high-pitched squeal, then you might be half-way through this
fanfic.

This fanfic is so bad that there simply is too much blame to put solely
on the shoulders of the author. In fact, I believe the blame must be
distributed to all parties who in fact allowed this work to be created.
Therefore, I blame him, I blame his parents, I blame the inventors of
the computer, and whoever first came up with the idea to carve words
down on a rock. Any one of those people could have spared the world
this affrontery to literature, reason, and good taste.


Synopsys:

Since I don't want to quote any of the actual story text (for fear of
causing mass SW [and ST] fan suicides around the world), I'll just go
over the introduction.

"This story is for enjoyment purposes only -"

Yeah, HIS enjoyment, knowing many Wars' fans aren't going to want to
live to see the next morning after reading this.

"I was trying to write a dramatic and tense bit of fiction, "

I would have preferred reading that instead of the anti-climactic piece
of trash I saw.

If his definition of "tense" is the Enterprise having at least a 200%
chance of saving the day, then it's purely mind-boggling to imagine
what bland and hokey means to Kennedy.

"not to depict what I think would actually happen if the USS Enterprise
met the Star Wars Empire. In “reality” (strange word to use in this
context!), I think that the events here would go MUCH more in
Starfleet's favour, but pushing that argument is emphatically NOT what
this story is for."

I'm sorry, did he just say that things would actually be MORE in Trek's
favor? I'm sorry, but this story (using the term loosely) is such an
obvious and obvert piece of propaganda it's enough to let Joseph
Goebbels rise from the dead and, upon reading it, cream all over the
keyboard!

I really should have heeded this warning and stopped right there, but I
had yet to learn the true meaning of pain.

"Although this story is naturally not canon, I have made every possible
effort to keep it strictly in line with the known technology and events
of both the Startrek and Star Wars universes. So far as I
know, 'Portal' does not contain one single canon violation of either
Trek or Wars - with one proviso."

Yes, that his *interpretations* of canon are takes *as* canon in this
work o fart.

"Without giving anything away, I'm aware that a certain central
character is left rather lost and cut off from home at the end of this
story. I haven't decided what to do with this character yet, but I am
mulling over ideas for further parts. If you'd like to read more, feel
free to e-mail me and let me know. "

That is, if you haven't poked your eyes out with rusty nails after
reading this fanfic. (In order to prevent yourself from seeing other
pieces of crap like this, if they exist)

I have mixed feelings on the idea of a sequel. On the one hand, I
cannot possibly imagine how Kennedy could write anything even worse
than this. On the other, I'm terrified he'll prove me wrong.

"So read on and enjoy. And if you don't... well hey, it's only a
story. "
No, it isn't. A story consists of plot and conflict, character
development
and the triumph of the human spirit or the tragedy of its failure.
This is
a record of stuff happening, and it's stuff that isn't even
interesting.
There is a more consistent and interesting story in the classifieds of
a
newspaper than in Portal.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter.


Writing Style:

Kennedy has portrayed the Star Trek characters somewhat accurately,
which just makes it more disturbing, for even if you put a Glock to the
heads of Brannon and Braga, they would not, even in their Voyager-most
efforts, be able to produce a turd like this.

If you can actually get through this fanfic, without breaking into
epilectic seizures or deciding that it would be more fun to see if your
head can deflect SS-109 rounds, you'll notice that the main Wars
characters, such as Darth Vader, seem to have lost 100 points of IQ in
addition to developing inferiority complexes, before setting out to
destroy the Federation.

If any more proof is needed that Graham Kennedy is the spawn of a shit-
eating maggot and Joseph Goebbels, read on.

Technical accuracy:

If you can swallow this fanfic believing that it is an accurate
technical description of an Empire versus Federation debate, then I
reccomend you swallow a thermal detonator. Kennedy could not have been
more wrong if he TRIED!

First of all, the force doesn't even work on Star Trek characters. If
this is true, then why bother even writing such a fanfic, since it
castrates Star Wars of its largest audience appeal: the magic of the
Jedi. But why stop there?

Why it would take an INTENSE bombardment of MANY Star Destroyers, which
are reputed to have mini star-level energy in almost every reference to
their power, to destroy a stationary space platform is beyond me.

Finally, its nice to know that, in their 25,000 years of development,
the SW galaxy has been unable to develop shields that actually stop
weapons, or beam weapons capable of space combat. OF course, the Trek
exploration vessels (or Enhanced Deteration Explorer, as GK likes to
call it) are more than capable of taking on tens of thousands of their
numbers in dedicated galaxy-dominating warships.

Entertainment value:

His logic that a single Federation starship can defeat legions of
Imperial capital ships makes a fanfic that is about as entertaining as
watching a battlemech stomp a tribe of Apache warriors. Never have I
wanted to stick a pencil through my eye so much as when I read this
fanfic. I write this review to warn others and prevent them from
reading this steaming turd that Graham Kennedy calls a fanfic.

Rating:

Storyline

-10/10

Writing Style

-5/10

Chacterization

-5/10

Technical Accuracy

-20/10

Although this fanfic now lies on the ash-heap of history, along with
the infamous "SW Lasers can't penetrate ST shields" and "SW Hyperdrive
is 1.5 lightspeed" arguments, there is no doubt that in a future war,
some evil and ruthless dictator, too short on cash to pay for
biological or chemical weapons, will use this fanfic as a cheap, but
effective form of EMP, as it will cause anyone reading it to shut down
their computers in terror. In this instance, I PLEAD to the UN and
world governments to write a clause in the Geneva convention preventing
the use of this fanfic to harm other human beings. It should be stored
in an unmarked, chain-locked vault, in that big room at the end of
Indiana Jones, and labelled as horror for all eternity. Lest we forget
the sacrifices of the ASVSers.

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:Scan those big ships," Picard said. "I want a tactical analysis." "In progress," Worf reported, studying his screens. "Length twenty four kilometres, armament is similar in nature to that of the Star Destroyers. I am reading twelve hundred enhanced laser cannons, four hundred particle cannons and fifty tractor beam emitters on each vessel. The shield systems are also approximately two thousand percent stronger."


I don't know where he pulled these figures for an SSD.

I'll give you a clue: Kennedy's head is up there

Doomriser that was your review of portal I've seen before?? GOD that made me laugh so much. The only bad side to the review is that it made me actually go find that piece of shit to read it out of morbid curiosity....My therapist says that I'm doing better now. But I still get portal flashbacks every once in while, usually if I am watching a Voyager Episode.

Pain Level: Getting anally raped by the NJ packers, over, and over, and
over again...while taking a cheese grater to your genitals and then
bathing them in salsa over, and over, and over...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Nice.

You know what...I think I will write that fanfic of "Portal: What really happened."

Do it! I encourage you to do so! Please avenge all those who suffered such pain by reading it! And it won't be a very long story either....

I don't know if you caught this, GTA, but Kennedy spells "turbolaser" as "turbo laser" even though I'm pretty sure "turbolaser" is the proper canon spelling. Might want to check up on that.

This only proves my point that DITL is only good for pictures and size measurements of insignifigant ST ships.

The enemy vessel is using targeting scanners on us," Worf announced. As he spoke a single bolt of brilliant green flashed out from the Star Destroyer and impacted on the Enterprises shields. Picard felt the ship rock heavily.
"Hit to the forward shields," Worf announced. "Shields down. Warp core breach!!"

Picard screamed as the Enterprise exploded in a beautiful blue fireball.

The Imperial officer goes back to reading the newspaper.

Mr. B. I do belive you just about summed it all up.

I think this fanfic can be described best in the words of Ralph Wiggum, from the Simpsons: "It tastes like burning"