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Star Wars-The New Empire

Posted: 2005-09-18 07:25pm
by Star Wars Fan
This is an Infinities story, of what happened if Thrawn wasn't killed at Bilbringi

After Grand Admiral Thrawn's betrayal, loss of the Bilbringi shipyards, and the loss of the Cloning Chambers of Wayland, the New Republic has been given an upper hand. However, Thrawn has found more Dark Jedi to fight the New Republic, and he still has the cloning facility plans. He now moves his eyes to Kuat and its sprawling Shipyards.....

The Imperial Star Destroyer-II Chimaera, as well as the ISDs Judicator, Nemesis, Stormhawk, and the Inexorable points their shapes toward the Kuat system's star, less than 3/4 of a light-year away, and prepared themself for combat. These common ships patrolled all sectors of the Galactic Empire. These mile-long dagger-shaped mighty juggernauts, bristling with turbolasers, lasercannons, ion cannons, and missiles, not to mention the tractor beams and legions of forces carried in the ship represented the might of the Galactic Empire. One of theseweapons is the size of a respectable city building. A single Imperator-Class Destroyer can reduce a habitable world to molten slag.

"Admiral, The Chimaera is at your command," Pellaeon said. This experienced commander was at the Battle of Endor. He still remembers that nightmare for the Imperials. He took command of the Imperial Fleet when the Super Star Destroyer Executor crashed into the Death Star II. He couldn't keep the initiative against the Rebel Scum, and was forced to retreat then 6 more ISDs were destroyed, and most of the TIE squadrons. He was forced to retreat, but some others decided to stay behind, and their ships were destroyed or captured by the Rebels. The Rebels managed to destroy the Death Star II. Millions of Imperials died when the station exploded, although Moff Jerjerrod evacuated at least some of the crew and soldiers. They were forced to retreat to Annaj, but almost immediately some people broke off and became warlords. 4 Grand Admirals were killed during The Battle of Endor, and the other 8 refused to work with each other after the battle. They were assassinated, committed suicide taking an ISD with him, turned on each other and were destroyed, as well as a Super Star Destroyer and an torpedo Sphere, was Executed, and the last Grand Admiral Defected and retired to the New Republic. His Once-big Galactic Empire was reduced to1/4 of its original size in 5 years, due to the warlords failure to unite. The Imperials now control the formerly uninhabitable regions of the Deep Core and some backwater worlds of the Outer Rim, under nostalgic but petty and growing desperate tyrants. The loss of the Core World Academies, Shipyards, materials, and the former Imperial Capital world of Coruscant forced the Imperials to use conscription to keep its ships crewed. The remaining Imperial Shipyards were fought over by the warlords, and new ship construction stopped Many of the larger ships, cruisers, and battlecruisers were destroyed by the lack of materials and fighting between the warlords. Thrawn, returning from exploring and bringing those still-barbaric, uncivilized areas into the Galactic Empire then took command of the shattered Imperial Remnant, prepared it for combat and, using the clone Dark Jedi Joruus C'Boath, the Wayland Cloning chambers and the Katana Fleet managed to take 1/4 of the Galaxy back for the Empire, until he had to retreat at Bilbringi, nearly die from a stab wound inflicted by his bodyguard and lose the Shipyards there. Thrawn will strike back, and he is almost ready. He is about to strike a heavy blow to the so-called "New Republic." He is reflective that Thrawn will attack Kuat. He knows that Thrawn must strike back quickly, but he didn't think to attack Kuat. Perhaps, he thought this will take the New Republic off-guard, thinking that Thrawn is dead. Boy, they would be surprised, he thought.
"Good, Captain", Thrawn said. Thrawn is the only Non-Human Grand Admiral. He is a Chiss, and has glowing red eyes, blue skin, but is otherwise human. The Grand Admiral's uniform he wears is stark white with golden epaulets, unlike most other Imperial uniforms. "Has the Commando teams entered Kuat and are in position to take the planetary shield down?"
"Yes, sir." Pellaeon said.
"Good. Prepare to make the jump to hyperspace."
"Yes, sir", the Navigator said.
"Captain Pellaeon, Our task forces have the coordinates."
"Order all ships to enter hyperspace"
"Yes, sir"
The Chimaera, and the other 4 ships accelerated and entered hyperspace.
Hyperspace is not an alternate dimension, just real space as objects traveling above lightspeed experience it. The transition to hyperspace began as a transformation from the dots in the sky to starline, as the object is a brachyon, and finally to the Doppler-distorted blue hyperspace tunnel created by many objects traveling much faster than light, as tachyons, as the ship disappears from view from sublight space. The jump from hyperspace is the opposite, has a blast of light, that is known as Cronau radiation, and an exit growl, that can be sometimes heard by the ship's crew.
Over Kuat, The New Republic has a small fleet, augmented by the Kuat Security Forces.
"Black 3, This is Black Leader. Everything is okay. Wait, we're getting drive trails, 5 Imperial Star Destroyers coming in out of hyperspace."
"Imperials!!"
Black leader immediately decided to intercept the Imperials. "Prepare to nano-jump"
"getting coordinates now"
The X-wing squadrons move to make a nano-jump to engage the Imperials.
"The system fleet is making a nano-jump also."
"Good. We'll have help, but why are the Imperials so far away?"
"This is the New Republic Imperial Star Destroyer Gilded claw, we're preparing to engage the enemy."
The Kuat security forces were given some ships by the Imperials to protect their shipyards and system.
"This is Kuat control, Black squadron, return to Kuat. Do not make that nano-jump."
"why? Wait, OH SHIT!!!"
"That's why, Black Leader."
"This is Kuat Control, we have an Executor-Class Commandship, and three Allegiance-Class Destroyers coming on the opposite side of Kuat!!!"
"Our Shield is dropping!!"
"The Imperials sabotaged our shields!!"
"We're getting a transmission from the Imperials."
A harsh, threatening voice came out over all channels "....In the name of Grand Admiral Thrawn, the Kuat system is now under Imperial law. All Rebels and Kuat forces, surrender or be destroyed..."
"Thrawn's Alive??"
"Didn't his bodyguard kill him at Bilbringi?"
"Apparently, not"
"All New Republic forces retreat, all Kuat forces return to base and await further orders"
"WHAT??"
"We are no match for those Imperials, as you know, the Imperials took the shield down.. I'm sorry"
"You're right. All forces retreat. Kuat forces will instead join the New Republic"
"We're jumping now." The New Republic and Kuat Ships enter hyperspace with a flash, leaving the Kuat system under Imperial control.
From the bridge of the Chimaera, Thrawn, Durriel and Pellaeon looks and studies the paradise world Kuat. The planet Kuat seen from space looks like a mixture of green and blue. Surrounding the paradise are the many Kuat Drive Yards, where most of the Star Destroyers the Empire had were built. The yards orbit the planet. When the New Republic took the system, many half-completed Star Destroyers and other ships were left behind, and the New Republic took them. Durriel is a Dark Jedi, and wears a black cloak, obscuring all facial and body features. Pellaeon wears the standard olive-grey uniform, belt and hat, including the red and blue rank, and the black boots. He has 50 years of experience in the Navy, starting with the Old Republic.
A man appeared on the screen
"this is Kust, we surrender the Kuat system and all shipyards"
"You see, Thrawn? The Kuati would surrender", the Dark Jedi Durriel said"
"Yes, you were right." Thrawn said.
"The Kuati wouldn't dare lose their shipyards, their paradise of a planet become a molten wasteland. They know even one of these ships could perform a Base Delta Zero."
A Base Delta Zero is the Imperial code order to destroy all facilities, population centers, resources, everything. Gerrard V was a lush world, but the planet's hated Palpatine's New Order, and once conducted an uprising against the Empire. However, 3 Imperial Star Destroyers devastated the planet during orbital bombardments, and killed much of it's former life. Dankayo was completely devastated.
"Durriel, you are assigned to oversee the landing forces"
"Thank you, Sir"
As Durriel left, Pellaeon went to talk to Thrawn.
"Sir, are you sure that Durriel can be trusted?, remember C'Boath."
"Yes, I remember. Carry on, I'll be in my meditation room"
"Yes, Sir. Durriel is very sane"
Coruscant was the Capital world of the Galactic Empire, but when the New Republic took the planet, it became te New Republic's capital. The New Republic has its government based in the old Imperial Palace. On Coruscant, the only place where the planet's surface touches the surface is the tallest peaks. The planet isn't urbanized also in the poles. The planet is covered in many places by 1-2 km tall buildings. The planet seen from space glows, and has three moons. The buildings tower, and there is THOUSANDS of freighter and other traffic orbiting the planet. Large orbital mirrors orbit the planet, and keep it warm. Many people say that "whoever controls Coruscant controls the galaxy."Mon Mothma called the New Republic Council for an emergency meeting. The New Republic council consisted of the people who helped the Rebel Alliance the most against the Empire. Mon Mothma, the New Republic's leader was one of the three people to form the Rebel Alliance. She had red hair with some gray, and wears a blue poncho.
"Mon Mothma, why did you call us at such a odd time", Admiral Ackbar asked, his barbels quivering, The Mon Calamari knowing something is wrong.
The New Republic leader said "The Imperials have taken the Kuat system."
"How?"
"They managed to scare the Kuati into surrendering. The Imperials took Kuat's shields down with sabotage."
Bel Iblis, another of the former Alliance founders broke off with Mon Mothma after Alderaan was destroyed, and the Imperials killed his family and many of his closest friends. He wears a long gray/white moustache and hair. He added "Now that the Imperial Remnant has Kuat, and its huge shipyards they will attack an important location now. We need to know where and when."
"We need a reconnaissance mission to Kuat to discover what the Imperials are doing.
"We can send Kyle Katarn and Luke Skywalker. They both are Jedi."
Borsk Feylya, the Bothan put in "Kyle gave up the Jedi way, after nearly succumbing to the Dark side. He is now a mercenary. Can we trust him, especially after everything surrounding Talon Karrde's organization?"
General Rieekan, the person who saved many rebels on Hoth put in "If you remember, Kyle Katarn stole the plans to the first Death Star. Without those plans, the Empire would have maintained their iron grip on the Galaxy. He also defeated several Dark Jedi, most notably Jerec."
"Leia Organa-Solo put in "I think we can trust these people."
"We also have information saying Thrawn is alive", Mon Mothma said
Leia said "That's impossible, Rukh said he killed Thrawn."
"Apparently, Thrawn was able to get to a medic team quick enough, but they had to abandon Bilbringi."
Mon Mothma said "it is decided then. We will send Luke Skywalker and Kyle Katarn."
Mon Mothma says "All right, Luke. We have given you the Shuttle Edict. This ship has been modified to have heavy-Duty Shield generators and rapid-fire rear guns. You are to go to Kuat and reconnoit to the area to see what Thrawn is doing. When you have found out, you will return to the New Republic. Because Thrawn is alive, we do not care where you go, as long as the information reaches the Provisional Council."
Luke Skywalker is one of the last Jedi knights. He wears a black cloak, tunic and pants, when not in an starfighter. He is calm, and rarely gets excited. Many people who look at him say he has the look of a man who went to hell and back, or a veteran. He'd been orphaned three times in his life, first when his adopted uncle ans aunt was killed by Imperial Stormtroopers. The second time when his father, Darth Vader died after be redeemed and turning back to the Light side of the force and killing Emperor Palpatine by throwing him into the Death Star II's Main reactor. The third time, when the spirit of Ben Kenobi left him to go to the next world/universe/otherworld.
Kyle Katarn was born and raised on Sulon, a moon of Sullust. He joined the Empire, but joined the Rebel Alliance when he realized how evil the Empire is, and he learned that his father, Morgan Katarn was killed by the Dark Jedi Jerec. He eventually killed Jerec, but almost went to the Dark Side himself, and has since then decoded to use the force less. He has a shaved mustache and beard, and normally wears a jumpsuit.
"Yes, We copy"
"Kyle, you ready?"
"Yes, Luke."
The three-winged shuttle Edict leaves the City-planet Coruscant, sets course for Kuat, and enters hyperspace.
The Shuttle Edict leavers Hyperspace just out of Kuat's Gravity well. Soon, the Kuat Control contacts the shuttle.
"Kuat Control, this is the shuttle Edict."
" We read you. What is your cargo and destination?"
"Parts and technical crew for Kuat."
"Wait, we'll get your schedule"
Luke says to Kyle "Kyle, you see those ships?"
"Yes, those are some big ships Thrawn has. He managed to get some more of the warlords to join him."
"That's A Executor-Class Commandship"
"Super Star Destroyer, that's something important"
A Super Star Destroyer is the largest Imperial Ship built, dwarfing all other vessels in the Galaxy dating back to the start of the 25,000 year long Old Republic. These Command Ships cost 20 Imperial Star Destroyers, and are 100 times as massive. These 17.5 long kilometer ships have Thousands of weapons. The forces carried in the ship can equal a sector defense fleet. Thousands of TIE craft, walkers and other vehicles are carried in the ship. The 13 red engines carry the ship through space at sublight speeds.
"I can't believe it, the Imperials are already building new ships. Look at all those construction vehicles."
"Thrawn built a new cloning facility, then, or the Imperials are in some hurry."
"Looks like Thrawn has most of the Imperial Remnant, now, with all those battleships."
"These Imperials are massing for some big attack.."
"But where?"
"We're gonna find ou.t"
"This is Kuat Control, Dock with the freight station."
"We copy."
The Edict enters a hangar bay.
"Now what, Luke."
"Now we go to the planet's surface. We can get some information."
"Here's a planetary shuttle."
They reach Kuat's surface. The planet is a paradise, so lush and warm, full of life. Birds fly above, chirping. The nice humid air is so good to breathe, the smell of plants in the air. There is very little predators there.
"Well, that was great. Now we get some information. Wait, I sense a disturbance in the force."
"What is it, Luke?"
"A Dark Jedi. Coruscant, under attack."
"That must be their plan. A quick thrust into the New Republic's heart."
"Yes Kyle, but we still need to know about that Dark Jedi."
"It's Not C'Boath."
"Thrawn found some new Dark Jedi then."
"We found some information."
"Good. Let's go into that Super Star Destroyer."
"We can sneak in an Imperial Lambda-Class shuttle, like the Edict."
"There's one."
Soon, The shuttle's crew enters the ship and heads tor the SSD.
They enter the Red Hammer's hanger bay. This hanger is empty, except for them and the Imperial shuttle crew. The crew leaves.
"All right, let's go, Kyle."
"I know how to get to the bridge."
"Good, at least one of us know where we're going."
"Let's go, Luke."
After 30 minutes, they reach the bridge. They must avoid the imperial patrols, so they must sneak through the ship, avoiding the turbo-lifts.
"Let's eavesdrop to see whet they are talking about."
They eventually hear some Imperial officers talk to Durriel
"Kyle, that's Durriel, the Dark jedi."
Kyle and Luke hear the Imperials
"Captain, is the Red Hammer ready?"
"Yes, sir. All system are operational."
"Good.."
Luke whispers "Let's go."
After 30 minutes they get to the hangar bay, again having to avoid the Imperials.
"All right, let's enter the ship and leave."
"Hello, Jedi, Prepare to die", Durriel said, and ignited his red lightsaber.
"Kyle, you start up the shuttle. I'll take care of Durriel" Luke then ignites his blue-green lightsaber.
"You will not escape, Rebel Scum."
"We'll see about that."
Durriel lunges toward Luke, but the more experienced Luke uses the force to block Durriel's attack and force Durrriel back on the defensive.
"Take This!!"
Durriel releases the blue Force lightning, but Luke gets the lightsaber to absorb Durriel's blast
"You can deflect my "Zeus Lightning."
"I know much about the Dark Side, as you will see."
Luke uses his own force lightning against Durriel, knocking Durriel down. However, the white-armored stormtroopers, shock troops loyal to the "Empire" enter the hangar and shoot at Luke. Luke deflects the stormtroopers blasts with his lightsaber and retreats into the shuttle cockpit.
"Kyle, get us out of here!!"
"Okay, Luke."
The stolen Imperial shuttle leaves the hanger, with the stormtroopers shooting at the ship.
"All right, get us out of here!!
The shuttle flies away from the Red Hammer and the other Imperial ships surrounding Kuat.
"wait, we have 4 TIE Interceptors chasing us, with some more TIEs scrambling"
Kyle gets to the gunner position.
"We're leaving Kuat, but those TIEs are shooting us."
"Shoot them, then."
"Admiral, This is Durriel. 2 rebel spies, Luke Skywalker and Kyle Katarn have escaped in an Imperial shuttle."
"Durriel, get to your TIE Defender" Thrawn says.
"Yes, sir."
Pellaeon Said "The Victory Destroyer Cerberus is moving to intercept, but I doubt that they'll get there in time. They're launching TIE Interceptors."
Thrawn said "They probably won't."
Durriel put in "Admiral, I'm launching now."
"Good. Pursue the Rebels."
"How long till you call Rogue Squadron??
"They're coming in.....now."
Abruptly, 12 X-wings came out of hyperspace, S-foils already in attack position, guns blazing. They destroyed the 4 TIE interceptors almost immediately.
"This is Wedge Antilles. We're feeding you the coordinates. The Imperials aren't that close to eavesdrop on our transmission yet. All right, we have some time. Let's go, before That Victory Destroyer and that TIE Defender gets closer"
Rogue Squadron and the Shuttle escaped into hyperspace, just as the Cerberus entered firing range.
Pellaeon said "The Cerberus was just entering firing range when the Rebels escaped, Sir. They couldn't even get a tractor beam lock."
"The Rebel Scum are sure to know of our plans"
"Rogue Squadron where are we going?"
"The Emancipator."
"We're leaving Hyperspace...Now."
The blue tunnel effect became starlines and the dots. The triangular shape of a Imperial Star Destroyer, the Emancipator appeared ahead of them, Flanked by the oddly-shaped Nebulon-B Frigates Redemption and Diana. but the ships were New Republic ships, and friendly. This Emancipator was captured at the Battle of Endor, when Han Solo managed to talk is way to the bridge and "relieve" the captain of his duty.
"All right, enter the Emancipator's hangar bay"
"We're entering now"
The Stolen shuttle and Rogue Squadron entered the Emancipator.
Luke, Kyle and Wedge go to the bridge of the Emancipator
"Captain, we have important news. Request permission to use your hyper-wave communicator"
"Permission Granted", the Captain says, and activates the Hologram Projector.
"I called the Provisional Council for another meeting, Leia. Luke Skywalker and Kyle Katarn are on the Emancipator, and are ready to report. Come with me. "
"By Jove he made it, The Force was with him."
They enter the Provisional Council's Chamber
"Admiral Ackbar," The hologram said "The Empire will attack Coruscant. Thrawn is alive and has a Super Star Destroyer, and battleships."
"He is alive, Borsk Feylya said."
Ackbar said "And he has a Super Star Destroyer, and those Battleships. Luke, are they complete?"
‘The SSD is, Yes. Many of the battleships should be, also. We also found out Thrawn has found a new Dark Jedi."
"Ackbar, hat should we do??"
"I don't know."
"Garm Bel Iblis said "we should send some more ships here. Emancipator force, return to Coruscant."
"Yes, Sir."
"Get the defense fleet here."
"Is Our Fleet ready for the attack?" Thrawn said
"Yes, Admiral," Pellaeon said.
"Good. Remind our forces that when Coruscant is taken, A new Empire will rise out of the Old Empire."
"Yes, Sir" He tapped the codes.
"Durriel is ready, Admiral."
Good All ships have the coordinates?
"Yes."
The Imperial Task Force consisted of the Super Star Destroyer Red Hammer, the largest ship in the Imperial Fleet with 3 smaller, but still several kilometers long and wide battleships, 15 Imperial Star Destroyers, 30 Carrack Cruisers, 10 of the older Victory-Class Destroyers, 29 Lancer Frigates designed for starfighter elimination, 25 Strike Cruisers, and 3 Allegiance-Class Destroyers.
On the other Side of the Coruscant system, the 5 ISDs Chimaera, Inexorable, Nemesis, Judicator and the Stormhawk.
"The cloaked ships have entered Coruscant. The commando teams are going to bring the shields down"?"
"Yes, Captain,"Thrawn said.
"Good."
"Order the Red Hammer Fleet to enter hyperspace in 2 minutes
"Order the Chimaera force in 4 minutes"
"Done, Sir. You are sure this would work??"
"Yes. This will take Coruscant."
In the War Room in the bottom of the Palace, Admiral Ackbar watches the screens when he sees an Imperial ship. He immediately sounds the alarm.
"Admiral, we have five drive trails. They're Imperial Ships."
"Sir, We have 5 Imperial Star Destroyers leaving hyperspace!!
The Imperial Star Destroyers move to engage the closest Golan Platform.
The alarms sound, X-wings, Y-wings, A-wings and B-wings deploy from Coruscant and its Golan Defense Stations fly low to the planet.
The Coruscant Defense Fleet, including new MC90 cruisers head into low orbit, under the shield to avoid the Imperials and be shielded by the Golan Platforms. The MC90 cruisers are designed for combat, although they don't look like that. They, like all Calamari cruisers are smooth, curved and lack hard angles.
Suddenly, a second Interdictor leaves hyperspace on the other side of Coruscant, and moves close to a Golan defense platform.30 seconds later, the rest of Thrawn's fleet leaves hyperspace, using the gravity well generated by the second interdictor, appearing at point-blank mauling range, catching an Golan III station by surprise with shields down, pummeling it. The station sends geysers of flame as all personnel abandon the ship. The station keeps getting hit and hit until it explodes. The Imperials engage the Golan Defense Stations, the skies between them filled with Turbolaser, Ion Cannon fire and proton torpedoes.
"Admiral, we don't have enough forces, But our Golans are engaging the enemy well."
"Good." Ackbar calls Luke. "Luke Skywalker, we need you to get into an X-Wing and help Rogue Squadron."
"Yes, Sir."
Luke finds Wedge, Rogue Squadron, and Wraith Squadron preparing to enter their craft. The saucer-shaped Millennium Falcon is there. Han Solo and Chewbacca after the Falcon. They enter their craft.
"Rogue, Wraith Squadrons follow me."
Wedge says "Lock S-Foils in attack positions."
"The ships' wings lock into the X shape, for improved maneuverability and increased fire arc.
The X-Wings head for the shield.
"Mon Mothma, we must retreat." Admiral Ackbar said.
"Are you sure?"
"Garm Bel Iblis said "He's probably right."
"Order the Ground Evacuation."
In the streets and buildings of Coruscant, the Evacuation alarms blare. New Republic forces leave the planet through small openings in the shield, protected by ion cannons and starfighters.
"How long until the planet is evacuated? Bel Iblis said.
"It'll take some time. The entire planet is a city, remember." Mon Mothma said.
"The Golans are tying up the Imperials."
Mon Mothma asks "how long would our Golans last?."
Bel Iblis replied "They should last long, unless someone sabotages the station.s"
"Activate the mirrors and use them to protect our transports."
Some of the orbital solar mirrors focus on an Imperial Star Destroyer that was moving to attack a transport, disabling it due to the intense heat. 5 Transports fly away from the shields and planet to enter hyperspace, covered by Ion Cannon fire.
"Thrawn, The Rebels are using the mirrors against us"
"Destroy the mirrors, Capt. Pellaeon. One proton torpedo should destroy them."
"Sir, the Red Hammer is firing now. The mirrors are being destroyed."
"Don't forget to attack those Golan Defense stations. They are a big problem to our fleet"
The Golan Defense stations fire wave after wave of Turbolaser fire and Proton Torpedoes at the Imperial ships.
"How long will the Golans last??"
"Some Time, Sir"
"Good. Order The Pimptonite to cover the next wave of Transports."
"We lost a platform."
"One of our platforms is taking fire from the SSD."
"How many Golans are remaining?"
"The Golan ones have been destroyed, however the twos and Threes are harder."
"Message from a station, they destroyed an Allegiance-Class Destroyer."
The New Republic personnel cheer.
"Good".
"Bel Iblis, you take over until I get to Home One."
On the tactical display, however, Ir shows holes in the normally uniform Golan Defense screen where the Imperials have destroyed the outer defenses. The Imperial ships move lower to engage the next set of targets.
Bel Iblis says "It is getting harder to get our Transports to escape."
"OH SHIT."
"What?"
"The Chimaera force has blockaded our transports' exit vector!!"
"The Ion Cannons should scare them. Anti-Orbital Ion Cannons, Fire!!"
On the tactical, several blasts lance towards the ships, but miss.
"Those blasts didn't intimidate them."
Pellaeon says "Admiral, The Rebels are firing their Ion Cannons. It seems like they are trying to scare the Chimaera force."
"That trick won't work, Captain. They soon would have to send some of their ships out"
"They know those Ion Cannons aren't known for good accuracy."
"Admiral, how many more Golans are left?"
"Only a few Golan IIIs are left", Thrawn said.
"After that, we can land. The shields would be down then."
"Yes. After that, we can engage this Rebel Scum."
"40% of our forces have evacuated" Bel Iblis Said"
"This is Ackbar, I'm on Home One. General Bel Iblis, you are given command of all ground forces and remaining Golan Stations."
"Most of the Golans have Destroyed, the remaining ones can't hold off the Imperials."
"The Imperial Fleet has blockaded us, now. I am sure they will commence a bombardment." I am sending our ships to engage the Chimaera force." Ackbar said.
The New Republic fleet headed above the shield towards the fleet blockading the exit vector, before the other task force could solidify its blockade.
Ackbar said "All ships, prepare to make a nano jump."
"The Chimaera force is launching TIEs. They think we are going the long way", Ackbar smiled.
"All ships are ready."
"Make the jump."
"Admiral, the rebels are pointing towards the Chimaera force."
"They are preparing to nano-jump."
"Who'd thought the Rebels were that capable?" Pellaeon was surprised at the Rebels' competence.
"They are jumping...now."
"The Chimaera force has its shields up."
The New Republic fleet left hyperspace just below the Chimaera force, giving broadsides to the Imperial fleet.
"We surprised them, sir."
"Good. The Imperials are running. Rejoin the main fleet at the planet."
"The scum surprised us."
"Those ships were forced to retreat. The TIE craft can be re-attached to another ship."
"This is Ackbar, defend the remaining Golan Defense platforms. Send the fleet above the shield, and engage the Imperial fleet."
In the next minutes, the New Republic and Imperial Navy fought above the planet. The New Republic forces stayed below the Golan IIIs, but moved above the shields and engaged the enemy when they destroyed the Golans and came down. The MC90 cruiser Poseidon Destroyed the Star Destroyer Violent, and moved to engage the Bully. The ISD Bellicose and Frigate Redemption exchanged broadsides. The Assault Frigate Olympia engaged the battleship Dominatrix. The Imperial and Rebel fighter craft engage in massive dogfights between and around the ships.
"Luke, you got 3 TIEs on you."
"I copy, Rogue leader."
Luke senses something in the force, and notices a TIE Defender shooting at him.
"Jedi, I'm back."
"Durrie.l"
"Luke shoots at Durriel's TIE, but Durriel avoids the Rebel's shots. Durriel shoots at Luke, but Luke avoids the shots. Durriel doesn't notice Wedge Antilles coming behind him until Antilles opens fire.
"Agh, how'd he get behind?"
Durriel evaded the X-wing's laser shots. Antilles X-wing pursued the TIE
"You wont get rid of me that easily." Antilles said.
Antilles suddenly noticed three TIE fighters pursing him. Rogue three shot the TIEs.
"Thanks, Rogue three." Antilles said.
"No problem Rogue leader."
"Bombers and Scimitars coming, .03" Wraith 8 said.
"We gotta destroy those TIEs."
"This is Gold 11, help me. Get it off, get it off, AHH....."
Wedge said "I'm on the leader. Die, Imperial Dog!!"
The TIE Interceptor explodes, after being hit by the X-wing's laser cannons.
"Let's cover the Galactic Voyager. Those TIEs are headed there."
On the Galactic Voyager, the bridge is filled with shouts, and orders.
"We lost engine three"
"The TIE Bombers and Scimitars are coming from sector PB-3. Concentrate all laser fire in that sector."
"This is Rogue Squadron, need some help?" Antilles called."
"Yes, help our squadrons attack the TIE bombers and Scimitars."
"We copy."
"All right, Rogues, watch out for any locking missiles. One hit can kill you. The TIE bombers and Scimitars have shields, so it'll take more hits to take them out."
Suddenly 3 TIEs explode. Wedge sees the Falcon shooting more TIEs.
"Yee-Ha."
"It's Solo."
"I'm here to help you."
On the bridge of Home One, Ackbar ordered the ship to engage an ISD. The ISD Whipper and Home One Exchange blasts.
"We gotta distract the Imperials longer"
"We can put some MC90s closer to the SSD. The Mon Redmonda can also help.
In the war room, the New Republic tacticians watched the battle, giving orders, telling evacuation ships where to go. Admiral Ackbar ordered the cruiser Galactic Voyager, the Frigate Redemption and the Corvette Smuggler to attack the ISD Bullier.
"Black Squadron, defend that Golan III platform, it's shields are failing."
"Rogue Squadron keep attacking the TIE bomber squadron."
"Wraith Squadron attack that Strike Cruiser."
"Kuat Ion Battery control, fire!!"
On the tactical display, the 2 Ion blasts lance up toward the SSD. The Cannon hits the ship, but the shields hold.
"Luke follow us. Those TIEs won't get off our asses easily, so we have to fly low to that Super Star Destroyer." Wraith Leader said.
The X-Wings of Wraith Squadron fly into the trenches of the Super Star Destroyer, being pursued by TIE fighters. The X-Wings are safer in the trenches on the ship than flying above it, although laser fire is still intense.
The X-Wings shoot some parts of the huge ship.
"Whoa, we got something!!" Wraith 2 shouted after something it the SSD exploded.
Luke said "We have the TIEs again. Durriel is with them. I'll take care of Durriel"
"The Rebels are evacuating Coruscant" Pellaeon said
"They realize they have to retreat"
"How long until the commando teams would have the Shields shut down?"
"It should be soon now....."
"General Drost will lead the ground assault, right?
"Yes. Oh Damn, We lost the ISD Hell. Durriel, have you found Skywalker?"
"Yes, Thrawn" Durriel said.
"Avenger Squadron, keep after those X-wings. They'll eventually hit something important"
"Luke, those TIEs are behind you again"
"Damn, Durriel is very persistent"
"Ahhh, That hit my stabilizer. R2, try to lock it down"
Durrriel says "Luke, You will die"
"I wouldn't be so sure, Durriel." Luke remarks.
"Rogue Leader, Green Leader, Wraith Leader, Black Leader, Gray Leader, Purple Leader, and Blue Leader, get ready for your attack runs on the Super Star Destroyer"
"We copy, Admiral"
The X, A and B-wings commence their attack on the Super Star Destroyer.
"We must destroy those 2 globes on the Bridge tower."
"These globes control the particle and ray shielding for the Bridge."
"Stay low and in the trenches. That increases your chances of survival."
"Look at all that firepower. Reminds me of the Death Star." Red Leader, Wedge Antilles says. Antilles remembers the Death Star. "You're required to maneuver straight through this trench." He remembers the briefing.
" this is Green 5 Those TIEs are on me. Get off me, NOOO........"
"This is Black Leader, cover us from those TIEs"
"We copy"
An Imperial Commando talks to Thrawn.
"Admiral, we are about to lower the shields. You can launch ground troops now, sir."
Pellaeon says "Admiral, many Rebel Squadrons have taken cover in the Red Hammer's trenches. They can get close to the bridge that way. This was used against the Executor.
"Some Rebel ships are approaching."
An explosion occurs outside the bridge, with an A-wing flying above.
"The rebels are on us."
"Our Scanner Globes/Shield generator domes are still operational. They can't take out the bridge."
From Home One Ackbar says "All squadrons, fire all Proton Torpedoes and Concussion Missiles at the shield generator domes on the command tower. If we fire them all at once, they might not get a chance to recover their shields quick enough and even out their shields."
"Firing now, sir."
The missiles and torpedoes hit the shields surrounding a dome. The hits eventually penetrate the shields take out a globe.
"We got them bad."
"Solo here, a dome has been destroyed. Their targeting systems are messed up, It'll be harder for them to hit us. Their Bridge shields have been decreased by half."
"Admiral, A dome has been destroyed. Our bridge shielding has been decreased by half. Our targeting will be harder now.
Thrawn gets his comlink
"General Balaan, launch ground forces."
General Balaan wears his AT-AT battle dress. He is putting his helmet and goggles on.
"Prepare to move out, troops." General Balaan tells his forces loading the walkers."
"General, Move the forces out" Thrawn says"
"Yes, Sir. I'm getting in the Barge now."
The Landing craft, AT-AT and other walker barges leave the Imperial ships, escorted by TIE fighters.
On the Coruscant War room, Garm Bel Iblis looks over the displays, surprised
"The Imperials are landing craft"
"How would they get past the shield?"
"The shields are lowering"
"I can't believe that!!"
The Imperial landing craft head for the city's surface and deploy troops.
"General Balaan here, deploy forces"
The AT-AT Barges leave the AT-ATs undeployed. The AT-ATs then deploy, to stand on their legs. The AT-ATs look like metal elephants. The walkers move through the City towards the Palace.
"We are advancing on the Palace gates now, General."
"We are getting very little resistance."
Suddenly a walker explodes
"What happened?" Balaan asks.
"Rebel saboteurs, look below, sir"
Drost sees a rebel raise a line to the walker's bottom, cut a hole and drop a thermal detonator into a AT-AT and run away. The AT-AT explodes, seconds later.
"Deploy all troops. That should keep the Scum away."
"Our troops have entered the Palace, encountering heavy resistance"
"The Imperials are advancing towards us, General."
Gunfire erupts as the Rebel troops engage the Imperials
"Garm Bel Iblis here, how much people have evacuated?"
"Most."
"Good. Order the Council members to evacuate"
"The Imperials have cut us off!" Our forces must retreat deeper into the Palace"
The New Republic forces have taken some casualties. The Corvettes Pimp, Gangster, and Wangster were destroyed. The Poseidon is damaged badly. The Imperials have lost 3 ISDs and some of the smaller ships
From Home One Ackbar gives the retreat order. "This is Ackbar, retreat!!"
"Fall back, all ships retreat"
The Imperial ships chase the fleeing Rebels. The Alliance ships leave the planet. The Alliance has a head start, but the Star Destroyers catch up. Ackbar watches some Corvettes shoot at an pursuing Imperial Star Destroyer.
"We are leaving the Imperials."
"The Imperials are launching TIE craft, Admiral."
The Imperial ships launch TIEs to engage te New Republic forces. Dogfights begin between the retreating rebels and the pursuing Imperial fighters.
"The Imperials are charging their gravity well projectors. We have a minute before the gravity projectors activate."
"How long until we make the jump to Hyperspace?" Ackbar said.
"We're almost out of the Gravity well, but the Imperials are close"
We're there now, Sir."
"Good, our forces are entering hyperspace" Ackbar said.
"The Bucketheads haven't seen the last of us."
The Rebel ships enter hyperspace, one after another. Corvettes, Assault Frigates, Captured Star Destroyers, fighters, transports, Calamari Cruisers all leave before the Interdictor's gravity well projectors activate.
"General Bel Iblis, The Imperials have entered the Palace. We cannot leave.", Mon Mothma said.
"We can last longer"
"Our Golan defense platforms have been destroyed or captured."
"Get Luke here"
Luke stayed behind to fight Durriel. "I can't find Durriel. There's a emergency transmission coming from the palace"
".......We are cut off....need help....must retreat deeper...Imperials have taken the War Room....Council members ....."
"I'm going down"
Luke goes to the palace
"Looks like Bel Iblis had to retreat deeper"
"Right, Luke"
"Kyle?"
"Right, Luke"
"Let's go."
After some time they hear some stormtroopers.
"I'll take them"
Luke distracts the stormtroopers by moving a piece of material with the Force. He and Kyle sneak by.
"That's close"
After some time, they hear blasters firing. They head for the source of the sound, and they eventually find the troopers.
"Let's get them"
Luke and Kyle charge and shoot of cut up all the troops, who were busy chasing the New Republic troops and Council Members.
"Thanks, Luke" Mon Mothma said
"I owe you one", Bel Iblis said.
"Let's go to a transport"
"The Luminous and Moldy Crow should be in a hangar"
"I'll get to my X-wing"
"Good. Let's go"
After 10 minutes, they se the Imperials around the Luminous and the Moldy Crow.
"Let's go"
The New Republic troops engage the Imperials.
"Hurry, Before Imperial reinforcements arrive"
The New Republic forces get to the transport Luminous. It is only 90 meters long, but as been modified to be fast. The ship is shaped like an ellipse, when seen from above.
"Luke, you there"
"Yes, Kyle"
"We're ready"
"Good., then. Let's go."
Luke's X-wing takes off, distracting the Imperials, who shoot at the craft. The Transport Luminous takes off, not getting any attention.
"We have TIEs, Luke"
5 TIE fighters head for the rebel transports.
"I'm going to shoot the TIEs"
"I have one now"
Luke's X-wing destroyed a TIE fighter. 2 TIE fighters head for and shoot the Luminous
"He's making his run" The Luminous's captain said
"I'm on it" Luke said.
Luke destroys a TIE. The other TIE breaks off to engage Luke
"Shit, that TIE is behind me."
"Head up 30* left, 25* up" Bel Iblis said
"Okay"
"The Moldy Crow fired and Destroyed the TIE.
"Let's go before that Imperial fleet can get to us"
"The other two TIEs went to attack Luke's X-wing.
"Attack those transports, I'll take the X-wing" Durriel said.
"Yes, sir" The wingman replied.
"They're splitting up. I have to catch up with him before he gets to the transports."
Luke speeds up to catch up with the TIE fighter, but he notices the TIE defender chasing and shooting at him.
"Die, Jedi!" Durriel said.
"It'll take more than that to kill me." Luke said.
"I have the TIE now"
the X-wing destroyed the TIE fighter.
"Now to deal with Durriel"
The X-wing and TIE defender dogfight in the air. Luke shoots Durriel's ship.
"My shields are damaged" Durriel said
Durriel uses the Force to shoot at Luke, but Luke avoids the shots."
"These concussion missiles are helpful after all. Firing now"
"Those blasted missiles are on me." Luke says.
Using the Force, he manages to jerk his X-wing at the right time to avoid the missiles, then turn around to shoot the missiles before they can come around again.
"You will Die, Jedi Knight!!" Durriel says.
"Not without you, Durriel."
Luke fired proton torpedoes from his X-wing. Using the force, his torpedoes hit the TIE, slowing it down, making it easier to be shot down.
"I have you now, Durriel.!!" Luke finally had Durriel's fighter in his sights, and shot him. The fighter explodes, taking the Dark Jedi with him
"I'm making the jump to hyperspace now, Luke."
"Me too"
The Luminous and Moldy Crow enter hyperspace.
"It's over. I killed Durriel. This will make it much easier to restore balance to the force and restore the Jedi" Luke tales to himself.
In Hyperspace on her way to Da Soocha, Mon Mothma found out the status of the Evacuation. "Our forces have reached Da Soocha. Some ships were destroyed, but the bulk escaped"
Mon Mothma said over all channels "Good. We may have been beaten on Coruscant, but we will strike back. The Force is with us. Luke Skywalker killed Durriel."
On the fifth moon of Da Soocha, The again-called Rebels have a ceremony with the Council members. Mon Mothma gives Luke, Wedge and Kyle a medal.
"Thank you Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight. You kept many Council Members from being killed or injured. You went to Kuat to help us gather intelligence. You have helped our cause greatly. Rogue Leader, Wedge Antilles, you helped keep a defeat from becoming a rout. Kyle Katarn, you helped Luke rescue us and did the recon mission to Kuat. Mon Mothma turns to the audience, saying "We may have beaten in Coruscant, but we killed a Dark Jedi before he could become someone like Darth Vader or Emperor Palpatine.
On Coruscant, The Imperials have a celebration on all Imperial-held worlds, that General Balaan has taken the Palace back from the "Rebel Scum and other malcontents" A parade is held in honor of Drost, and is also broadcast on all Imperial worlds.
Beware The Dark Side

so, how good is it?

Posted: 2005-09-18 08:23pm
by Mr. Coffee
Well, I tried to read it, but it gave me a headache.

Two things that will instantly improve your writing....

1. Figure out what paragraphs are and use them.

2. Figure out how to write dialogue such that I can tell who is saying what.

Posted: 2005-09-18 09:47pm
by Darth Fanboy
1- I can understand the draw of wanting to do a "what if Thrawn lived" fic, but throwing in some Dark Jedi from nowhere makes little sense. THere is no back story (at least as of right now) that makes adding the character in reasonable.

2- Your dialogue and structure need a lot of work, some parts are diffcult to read and the parts that aren't difficult are badly written.

3- Thrawn wins exactly how again? Even if he added a Super Star Destroyer I don't see what he could have done with his forces to take Coruscant, arguably one of the most heavily defended planets in the galaxy.

4- Should I even go into detail about the "Zeus Lightning" bullshit?

5-
"We must destroy those 2 globes on the Bridge tower."
"These globes control the particle and ray shielding for the Bridge."
"Stay low and in the trenches. That increases your chances of survival."
"Look at all that firepower. Reminds me of the Death Star." Red Leader, Wedge Antilles says. Antilles remembers the Death Star. "You're required to maneuver straight through this trench." He remembers the briefing.
You really need to do some research, and the Starfighters vs. Capital Ships nonsense that is Stackpole's forte' won't win you many readers, especially here.

6- Hopefully you are at least enthusiastic about your project(s) and are willing to learn and keep trying.

http://daltonator.net/fanfics/index.html

The above URL has an entire archive full of fanfic goodness, read a few of those and you will have some good examples of decent works.

Posted: 2005-09-19 03:49am
by ray245
I agree...and try and slow down your story by a bit...the pace is rather fast...it's like everyone suddenly know everything just seconds after it happened at places far away...

Posted: 2005-09-19 04:23pm
by R.O.A
Slow it down, fix and fix it up a bit, it feels much too fast

Posted: 2005-09-20 12:43pm
by Star Wars Fan
1. okay, I need to expand on it, so you can understand it better
2. Do you have some tactics on Taking advanced worlds, like Coruscant without heavily-damaging the planet (Thrawn could do that)
3. should i include the Rebirth of Emperoe palpatine to explain the fleet?
4. yes, the Zeus lightning is bad. I had to do this as a myth, so i had to include referencrs. I will re-name it "force lightning"
1- I can understand the draw of wanting to do a "what if Thrawn lived" fic, but throwing in some Dark Jedi from nowhere makes little sense. THere is no back story (at least as of right now) that makes adding the character in reasonable
yes, do you have some tactics? I was thinking of bombarding the shield until it fell (in Retreat from Coruscant, they bombarded the shield for one day.

I found Durriel when I went through theforce.net's encyclopedia articles

about the shields thing, I read Curtis Saxton's article before, he said shield generators could've been mounted in on on the scanner domes as a secondary function. those generators could protect the bridge (technically, they aren't shown, but inside the scanners)

Thank you for replying

yes, i will work on paragraphs, and do you have some dialogue suggestions?

Posted: 2005-09-20 01:50pm
by Darth Fanboy
I, Nor anyone else here is going to write your story for you, you need to do a little more research and work a few things out for yourself. Check out other fics or read SW novels to get an understanding of what is considered good dialogue. You should be able to find good examples of tactics as well.

Also, you haven't really addressed what you are going to do about your pacing. Your post/story is incredibly short, yet you somehow manage to cover an assload of ground.

Posted: 2005-09-21 05:56am
by ray245
for tactic..u could read the 36 Strategies of war or sunzi art of war...since thrawn is more or less created with those tactics...
some for you:

Strategy 1 - "Man Tian Guo Hai"

Fool the Emperor to Cross the Sea

Moving about in the darkness and shadows, occupying isolated places, or hiding behind screens will only attract suspicious attention. To lower an enemy's guard you must act in the open hiding your true intentions under the guise of common every day activities.

Strategy 2- "Wei Wei Jiu Zhao"

Besiege Wei to Rescue Zhao

When the enemy is too strong to attack directly, then attack something he holds dear. Know that in all things he cannot be superior. Somewhere there is a gap in the armour, a weakness that can be attacked instead.

Strategy 3 - "Jie Dao Sha Ren"

Kill with a Borrowed Sword

When you do not have the means to attack your enemy directly, then attack using the strength of another. Trick an ally into attacking him, bribe an official to turn traitor, or use the enemy's own strength against him.

Strategy 4 - "Yi Yi Dai Lao"

Await the Exhausted Enemy at Your Ease

It is an advantage to choose the time and place for battle. In this way you know when and where the battle will take place, while your enemy does not. Encourage your enemy to expend his energy in futile quests while you conserve your strength. When he is exhausted and confused, you attack with energy and purpose.

Strategy 5 - "Chen Hua Da Jie"

Loot a Burning House

When a country is beset by internal conflicts, when disease and famine ravage the population, when corruption and crime are rampant, then it will be unable to deal with an outside threat. This is the time to attack.
Strategy 6 - "Sheng Dong Ji Xi"

Clamor in the East, Attack in the West

In any battle the element of surprise can provide an overwhelming advantage. Even when face to face with an enemy, surprise can still be employed by attacking where he least expects it. To do this you must create an expectation in the enemy's mind through the use of a feint.

Strategy 7 - "Wu Zhong Sheng You"

Create Something From Nothing

You use the same feint twice. Having reacted to the first and often the second feint as well, the enemy will be hesitant to react to a third feint. Therefore the third feint is the actual attack catching your enemy with his guard down.

Strategy 8 - "An Du Chen Cang"

Openly Repair The Walkway, Secretly March to Chencang

Attack the enemy with two convergent forces. The first is the direct attack, one that is obvious and for which the enemy prepares his defense. The second is the indirect, the attack sinister, that the enemy does not expect and which causes him to divide his forces at the last minute leading to confusion and disaster.

Strategy 9 - "Ge An Guan Huo"

Observe the Fire on the Opposite Shore

Delay entering the field of battle until all the other players have become exhausted fighting amongst themselves. Then go in full strength and pick up the pieces.

Strategy 10 - "Xiao Li Cang Dao"

Hide Your Dagger Behind a Smile

Charm and ingratiate yourself to your enemy. When you have gained his trust, you move against him in secret.

Strategy 11 - "Li Dai Tao Jiang"

Sacrifice the Plum Tree In Place of the Peach

There are circumstances in which you must sacrifice short-term objectives in order to gain the long-term goal. This is the scapegoat strategy whereby someone else suffers the consequences so that the rest do not.

Strategy 12 - "Shun Shou Qian Yang"

Seize the Opportunity To Lead a Sheep Away

While carrying out your plans be flexible enough to take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself, however small, and avail yourself of any profit, however slight.

Strategy 13 - "Da Cao Jing She"

Beat The Grass To Startle The Snake

When you cannot detect the opponent's plans launch a direct, but brief, attack and observe your opponent reactions. His behavior will reveal his strategy.

Strategy 14 - "Jie Shi Huan Hun"

Borrow a Corpse to Raise the Spirit

Take an institution, a technology, or a method that has been forgotten or discarded and appropriate it for your own purpose. Revive something from the past by giving it a new purpose or to reinterpret and bring to life old ideas, customs, and traditions.

Strategy 15 - "Diao Hu Li Shan"

Lure the Tiger Down the Mountain

Never directly attack a well-entrenched opponent. Instead lure him away from his stronghold and separate him from his source of strength.

Strategy 16 - "Yu Qing Gu Zong"

To Catch Something, First Let It Go

Cornered prey will often mount a final desperate attack. To prevent this you let the enemy believe he still has a chance for freedom. His will to fight is thus dampened by his desire to escape. When in the end the freedom is proven a falsehood the enemy's morale will be defeated and he will surrender without a fight.

Strategy 17 - "Pao Zhuan Yin Yu"

Toss Out A Brick To Attract Jade

Prepare a trap then lure your enemy into the trap by using bait. In war the bait is the illusion of an opportunity for gain. In life the bait is the illusion of wealth, power, and sex.

Strategy 18 - "Qin Zei Qin Wang"

To Catch the Bandits First Capture Their Leader

If the enemy's army is strong but is allied to the commander only by money or threats then, take aim at the leader. If the commander falls the rest of the army will disperse or come over to your side. If, however, they are allied to the leader through loyalty then beware, the army can continue to fight on after his death out of vengeance.

Strategy 19 - "Fu Di Chiu Xin"

Steal The Firewood From Under the Pot

When faced with an enemy too powerful to engage directly you must first weaken him by undermining his foundation and attacking his source of power.

Strategy 20 - "Hun Shui Mo Yu"

Trouble The Water To Catch The Fish

Before engaging your enemy's forces create confusion to weaken his perception and judgment. Do something unusual, strange, and unexpected as this will arouse the enemy's suspicion and disrupt his thinking. A distracted enemy is thus more vulnerable.

Strategy 21 - "Jin Chan Tuo Ke"

Shed Your Skin Like the Golden Cicada

When you are in danger of being defeated, and your only chance is to escape and regroup, then create an illusion. While the enemy's attention is focused on this artifice, secretly remove your men leaving behind only the facade of your presence.

Strategy 22 - "Guan Men Zhuo Zei"

Shut the Door to Catch the Thief

If you have the chance to completely capture the enemy then you should do so thereby bringing the battle or war to a quick and lasting conclusion. To allow your enemy to escape plants the seeds for future conflict. But if they succeed in escaping, be wary of giving chase.

Strategy 23 - "Yuan Jiao Jin Di"

Befriend a Distant Enemy to Attack One Nearby

It is known that nations that border each other become enemies while nations separated by distance and obstacles make better allies. When you are the strongest in one field, your greatest threat is from the second strongest in your field, not the strongest from another field.

Strategy 24 - "Jia Tu Fa Guo"

Borrow the Road to Conquer Guo

Borrow the resources of an ally to attack a common enemy. Once the enemy is defeated, use those resources to turn on the ally that lent you them in the first place.

Strategy 25 - "Tou liang Huan Zhu"

Replace The Beams With Rotten Timbers

Disrupt the enemy's formations, interfere with their methods of operations, change the rules in which they are used to following, go contrary to their standard training. In this way you remove the supporting pillar, the common link that makes a group of men an effective fighting force.

Strategy 26 - "Zhi Sang Ma Huai"

Point At The Mulberry But Curse The Locust Tree

To discipline, control, or warn others whose status or position excludes them from direct confrontation; use analogy and innuendo. Without directly naming names, those accused cannot retaliate without revealing their complicity.

Strategy 27 - "Jia Chi Bu Dian"

Feign Madness But Keep Your Balance

Hide behind the mask of a fool, a drunk, or a madman to create confusion about your intentions and motivations. Lure your opponent into underestimating your ability until, overconfident, he drops his guard. Then you may attack.

Strategy 28 - "Shang Wu Chou Ti"

Lure Your Enemy Onto the Roof, Then Take Away the Ladder

With baits and deceptions lure your enemy into treacherous terrain. Then cut off his lines of communication and avenue of escape. To save himself he must fight both your own forces and the elements of nature.

Strategy 29 - "Shu Shang Kai Hua"

Tie Silk Blossoms to the Dead Tree

Tying silk blossoms on a dead tree gives the illusion that the tree is healthy. Through the use of artifice and disguise make something of no value appear valuable; of no threat appear dangerous; of no use, useful.

Strategy 30 - "Fan Ke Wei Zhu"

Exchange the Role of Guest for that of Host

Defeat the enemy from within by infiltrating the enemy's camp under the guise of cooperation, surrender, or peace treaties. In this way you can discover his weakness and then, when the enemy's guard is relaxed, strike directly at the source of his strength.

Strategy 31 - "Mei Ren Ji"

The Strategy of Beautiful Women

Send your enemy beautiful women to cause discord within his camp. This strategy can work on three levels. First, the ruler becomes so enamored with the beauty that he neglects his duties and allows his vigilance to wane. Second, other males at court will begin to display aggressive behavior that inflames minor differences hindering co-operation and destroying morale. Third, other females at court, motivated by jealousy and envy, begin to plot intrigues further exasperating the situation.

Strategy 32 - "Kong Chen Ji"

The Strategy of Open City Gates

When the enemy is superior in numbers and your situation is such that you expect to be overrun at any moment, then drop all pretence of military preparedness and act casually. Unless the enemy has an accurate description of your situation this unusual behavior will arouse suspicions. With luck he will be dissuaded from attacking.

Strategy 33 - "Fan Jian Ji"

The Strategy of Sowing Discord

Undermine your enemy's ability to fight by secretly causing discord between him and his friends, allies, advisors, family, commanders, soldiers, and population. While he is preoccupied settling internal disputes his ability to attack or defend, is compromised.

Strategy 34 - "Ku Rou Ji"

The Strategy of Injuring Yourself

Pretending to be injured has two possible applications. In the first, the enemy is lulled into relaxing his guard since he no longer considers you to be an immediate threat. The second is a way of ingratiating yourself to your enemy by pretending the injury was caused by a mutual enemy.

Strategy 35 - "Lian Huan Ji"

The Tactic of Combining Tactics

In important matters one should use several strategies applied simultaneously. Keep different plans operating in an overall scheme; in this manner if any one strategy fails you would still have several others to fall back on.

Strategy 36 - "Zou Wei Shang Ji"

If All Else Fails Retreat

If it becomes obvious that your current course of action will lead to defeat then retreat and regroup.

Posted: 2005-09-21 06:31pm
by Star Wars Fan
thank you for those

EDITL i can see Thrawn using them, and General Grievous also (the feign confusion)

Posted: 2005-09-21 07:29pm
by Mr. Coffee
Ok, this time, in the spirit of helping out a new writer with his scribblings...


Dialog:

Ok, I'll show you what I ment by "who's saying what" whith your dialog.
AT-AT explodes, seconds later.
"Deploy all troops. That should keep the Scum away."
"Our troops have entered the Palace, encountering heavy resistance"
"The Imperials are advancing towards us, General."
Gunfire erupts as the Rebel troops engage the Imperials
"Garm Bel Iblis here, how much people have evacuated?"
"Most."
"Good. Order the Council members to evacuate"
"The Imperials have cut us off!" Our forces must retreat deeper into the Palace"
The New Republic forces have taken some casualties. The Corvettes Pimp, Gangster, and Wangster were destroyed. The Poseidon is damaged badly. The Imperials have lost 3 ISDs and some of the smaller ships
From Home One Ackbar gives the retreat order. "This is Ackbar, retreat!!"


Ok, ignoring the outright lame stupid outside of a humor fic of warships named "pimp" and what not...

Who is saying what to who here? All I know is one second someone named Durrell is being naughty, then everyone and their dog is talking and seemingly to everyone and their dog. A better way would be(Bear in mind I'm not doing this in any way to help you write this. I'm just adding names)...
AT-AT explodes, seconds later.
"Deploy all troops. That should keep the Scum away," Durrell ordered his troops.

"Our troops have entered the Palace, encountering heavy resistance," replied General Expendable.

"The Imperials are advancing towards us, General," Clone Trooper Redshirt siad over the comms.

Gunfire erupts as the Rebel troops engage the Imperials


See? Now the reader knows who is saying what to whom.


The second thing you suck at is descriptive narration. What do I mean by "descriptive narration"? Read the following...

Using the Force, he manages to jerk his X-wing at the right time to avoid the missiles,
Not much there. I know that using the "Force", "Luke" did something. I know exactly that. But what did it look like? What you wrote makes my imagination sit there and go "huh?"

Try writting your narritive as if to describe to the reader what the character is seeing. Like this...
Something told Luke to send his X-Wing into a left bank, seconds later a missile streaked past him in a trail of white hot exhaust.
We already know that Luke Skywalker is a force user and that most anything he does in the way of dodging stuff is to be atributed to the "Force". Now we can "see" the manuever he made to evade those missiles and we know the effects of those missiles passage. Descriptive Narration. Learn it, love it, USE IT.