StarDestroyer.Net BBS

So what happened with this contest? Did anyone submit an alternate ROTJ tale?

I did, but it was 14,000 pages long and entirely pornographic. It won.

How many entries were there?

Regarding the private message I received: It's called a joke. I didn't ACTUALLY write a 14,000 page Return of the Jedi porno remake.

LordShaithis wrote:Regarding the private message I received: It's called a joke. I didn't ACTUALLY write a 14,000 page Return of the Jedi porno remake.

I guess no one had the time for it.

Dammit, I really don't have the time...but I want to take a crack at it!

No one sent me an entry despite the additional month, sadly.

The only one who really seemed to be on it was Hemlock, but I never heard back from him.

I feel one of my five-minute fanfics coming on. Something along the lines of Imperial Cheeseburger and the classic Paul Jacques Eats Donkey Shit.

LordShaithis wrote:I feel one of my five-minute fanfics coming on. Something along the lines of Imperial Cheeseburger and the classic Paul Jacques Eats Donkey Shit.

heheheee!


Fuck it:

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: REVENGE OF THE JEDI

THE DEFEAT OF
THE REBEL ALLIANCE IS AT HAND
THE GALACTIC EMPIRE HAS RUN THE
OUTLAWED FREEDOM FIGHTERS TO GROUND.

AS THE POWERFUL WARSHIPS OF THE IMPERIAL FLEET PREPARE

FOR THEIR FINAL ASSAULT, LORD DARTH VADER IS SENT INTO THE

FRAY TO CLAIM A UNIQUE PRIZE : THE REBEL HERO LUKE SKYWALKER...


PAN DOWN to the vastness of space. WRECKAGE of Rebel Starships drift broken and burning as an IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER looms over the screen. The massive warship uses its powerful lasers to clear a path toward the planetoid ahead.

CUT TO: The bridge of the Star Destroyer

OFFICER: Captain Adis, we are within weapons range of the Rebel starship!

CAPTAIN ADIS: Lock all batteries on the ship. Prepare to--

OFFICER 2: Captain Adis! Executor has entered the system!

CAPTAIN ADIS: (gasps) Lord Vader!

CUT TO: Vader's ship, the EXECUTOR, emerges from hyperpace, and quickly positions itself between the planetoid and the IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER

CUT TO: The bridge of the Star Destroyer

A holographic Lord Darth Vader appears in the communications alcove

VADER: Captain Adis, you will stand down from further hostilities.

CAPTAIN ADIS: (carefully) Lord Vader, my orders--

VADER: Your orders have been suspended by the Emperor himself. Do you wish to contest this directive?

CAPTAIN ADIS: Uh, no Lord-

VADER: Good. Your ship has been recalled to Coruscant. You may leave immediately.

CAPTAIN ADIS: Yes my Lord. (Vader's holo-image disappears) Disengage. Set course for Coruscant.

CUT TO: The surface of the planetoid. Smoking craters and the remains of ships, ground assault vehicles, and bodies litter the lanscape. A lone, massive REBEL STAR CRUISER sits blackened and damaged in a rocky mountainside where it has crash landed.

DISSOLVE TO:

The interior of the REBEL HEADQUARTERS. Fires and debris are scattered within the interior. Wounded are rushed onto gurnies and carried to the medical bay. a Rebel officer runs into the Star Cruiser's command center.

OFFICER: General Skywalker! Engineering reports power restored to weapons! Shall we engage the Star Destroyer, sir?

LUKE: We have no choice. Princess Leia's shuttle must be given cover fire--

LEIA: I told you, GENERAL, that I'm not going anywhere unless we ALL go!

LUKE: (frustrated) Leia, you're the last surviving Rebel leader. If you die here, the Rebellion dies!

LEIA: Luke, the Rebellion will continue without me. Other worlds will rise up-

COMM OFFICER: General Skywalker! Incoming transmission from the Star Destroyer!

Luke and Leia turn to the comm station. A holographic Lord Vader appears.

VADER: Your Highness, the Rebellion is finally crushed. All batteries aboard the ship are targeted on your position. If you wish to insure the lives of you and your fellow Rebels and their home planets, you will agree to my terms.

LEIA: (defeated) And what are those terms?

VADER: (turning to Luke) You will agree to deliver Skywalker to me personally.

MORE TO COME...?

(as time permits!)

Why is it Episode IV?