StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Be kind all you vets of WH40K. The characterizations might be off. The way some things work might not feel right but it was a burst of inspiration and thought I should get it down. Hope you enjoy.


PATHS OF THE DAMNED


Chapter 1: Dead Man’s Wake



The grim faces of the soldiers were a patchwork of age and ethnicity as they watched the storm overhead. The bright flashes of amber light illuminated their features in a ghostly glow. The silence was broken by the occasional cough or shifting of weight but none of them spoke, none of them wanted to hear what was obviously on everyone’s minds.

They were waiting to die.

The soldiers stood in earth works carved out of the soil of Pergamon Prime. A world just maturing to the point where it could sustain itself indefinitely with an industrial and agricultural infrastructure that would include it among the core worlds if not for the fact that it was located on a dark recessed corner of the galaxy.

The earthworks were tall and imposing and quick drying ferocrete poured into the trenches gave the works a strange ghastly graveyard like appearance in the early morning mist. A heavy bolter clicked and whirred loudly behind Sergeant Cassander Sejanus. He ignored the rather loud interruption in his thoughts.

“Alright, stop your gawking, 1st Squad you’re up on the flame towers. 2nd squad you take up forward position.”

“Hey sarge you get the sense the 502’s going to be doing most of the killing today?” a bright faced private asked with a knowing glance at the conscripts lining up around them in the fortifications. Most of the units here today were pulled from the populace of Pergamon. Many obviously too young to have seen any action with that fresh from boot camp look to them that made Sejanus grimace.

He was not a native of this world. He was Cadian and his troops were proud members of the 502nd Cadian Light Infantry Division. Unfortunately for them the 502nd was en route to support assault on some warp spawned horrors out on the rim when they were diverted here. The rest of the troops were a mish mash of units from other neighboring systems, many of them raw recruits as well. It seemed that any veterans were either off somewhere hiding or were off in other battles somewhere else.

“502nd always does most of the killing Malicki. Now get on that flame unit before I feed you to the enemy myself.”

“Of course Sarge!” Malicki gave an exaggerated salute and quickly climbed one of the defensive towers to man his flame cannon.

The 502nd Cadians knew who the enemy was. And they also knew they were far too few and that they were probably going to die. But the Emperor would live on forever and for some that was consolation. For Sejanus it was cold reality.

A final burst of light coupled with a low deep bass rumble of distant thunder signaled a change amongst the troops.

“That was definitely sub orbital.” Someone muttered darkly.

“They’ve broken the orbital perimeter.” Another replied and nervously edged closer to his earthen tomb. Soldiers found comfort in the earth when the time came. And it was far too close now.

Sejanus took one last look around, shot a sergeant a withering gaze when he caught him edging away from his men, and back to the fortification. Earthworks. By the emperor this was hasty and sloppy but there was no other choice. Behind them lay the capital city and they did not want fighting in the streets. Not yet at least. The cities were clogged with civilians and there would be no way to effectively set up defenses there without killing some of the people they were trying to save.

“502nd, remember the oaths you’ve taken, the honor you bestow on your brothers when you stand here with me today and let’s face it you apes – do you wanna live forever?” Sejanus shouted suddenly breaking the tensely silent atmosphere.

Half hearted cheers followed but his men were no fools. A single worthwhile Imperial guard regiment against the horde? Hardly what he called reasonable odds.

The first of the spore pods pounded into the Earth far ahead of them and they knew it had all begun. Above them a massive vessel carrying many millions more of the enemy was parking itself overhead and then as the Marines liked to say, that’s when the fun began.



“Tyranids. Did it have to be Tyranids.” General Karlitz sighed heavily. He was an older man, far past his prime as a man and his belly and general composure spoke of many nights enjoying too rich foods and wine. This was a general who had never led troops into combat. Content to command from his near palatial estate on the outskirts of a capital city of a world hardly of import to the Imperium. But today that was all changing.

Today the Tyranids had come and they were hungry.

“Such talk could be considered cowardice.” Commisar Lazar harrumphed. He was a tall beefy man, wore his crimson commissar’s uniform stained with the earth of a dozen worlds. Where the general had never ventured from his provincial little world the 502nd Cadians’ Commissar had chewed the dirt of many Imperium worlds and never let anyone forget it.

Of course the fact that he chewed that dirt while more than willing to summarily execute some of the men he worked with was always downplayed.

“The Tyranids should not concern us today.” A cool calm voice interrupted the generals’ bitter retort. Both men turned to regard the imposing figure behind them. He wore a black cloak wrapped around his body as if he were cold. His face was angelic. Perfect. Calm grey eyes flickered between the Commisar and the General.

“Inquisitor Malagaunt, surely you can understand our position as it is. This world is woefully unprepared for the Tyranid menace. We most likely will not survive this night and you speak as if these Tyranids are not the true threat.”

“They are not. I assure you Commisar. What we will be facing will pale before the Tyranid threat. Dead men are coming gentlemen and the dead know no pain or fear.”

“How does he know this?” the general demanded angrily. The Inquisitor had arrived quietly and unannounced a week ago. He had taken a team of men into the wild and had only returned this morning warning them that the Tyranids were coming. Sure enough the Tyranid fleet entered the system an hour ago and were now landing troops.

“I have sources beyond your intelligence reports and psyker spies, gentlemen. Now as good subjects to the Emperor you will make a stand but keep your eyes open for I may require your Cadians services on another front soon enough.”

“You want me to disengage my men from battle with Tyranids because you need them somewhere else? By what right and authority are you co-opting command of the defense of an Imperium world, Inquisitor?” General Jin asked sharply. The young man was almost comically young to be amongst these other officers and veterans of the Emperor’s Service.

Young and vibrant the general of the 502nd Cadians was making a name for himself. Many grumbled that his father had pulled strings for him back on Cadia to grant him a post not worthy of one so young but the General had quickly silenced his critics with a string of successes that could not be denied.

The Inquisitor smiled and that was enough to make the two older men pause but with youth came passion and Jin was not about to back down in the face of the Inquisitor’s mysterious pronouncements.

“From your ass you say you pulled this authority perhaps?”

“General.” Commisar Lazar warned and raised a hand as if to ward him away.

“General Jin, I suspected you would be the only one on this planet who may not appreciate the full weight of my authority. Allow me to explain myself but I warn you I only explain myself once and afterwards I assume heresy based on blatant stupidity is that clear young man?”

Jin opened his mouth again to protest but Malagaunt drew himself to his full height – easily a head taller than anyone else in the room and extended his left hand. He held a mighty hammer in his hand, it coursed with eldritch energies, purple tendrils of power hungrily leapt off the hammer’s head.

“This is my badge of office. With it I have sent many a Warp Deamon to the warp or to hell it matters not to me. This hammer was given to me by the High Lords back on Holy Terra more than two of your life times ago. I have walked in the Eye of Terror and I have brought back to Holy Terra such artifacts that no human eye has laid upon for sixteen millennia. I have the confidence of my order and the confidence of the Emperor in this matter. What is happening on this world will reverberate through the galaxy soon enough. The Tyranids are merely heralds. We will be the final arbiters however.”

“You want to tell me something else?” Jin asked sharply.

“Yes. The reason why the Tyranids are no concern is because we found something in the ruins of an ancient city.”

“What ancient city?” General Karlitz blustered. “There are no ancient cities on this world.”

Malagaunt smiled gently as if he were schooling a young child. His angelic face betrayed no malice or evil. In fact he looked positively radiant.

“That you know of good general. These rim worlds seem unimportant to many but they are grave yards you see. Tombs for long lost kings and monsters from a past we cannot possibly fathom.”

“You found one of these tombs.” Jin concluded.

“And we triggered something. Only now do we fully understand what it is we have done. We have called them home.” Malagaunt stated grimly.

“Who?” Lazar asked.




“Look alive!”

“Where’s our fire support?”

Bright red las fire lanced out criss crossing beams dancing into the night. Shadowy shapes swarmed and frothed through the darkness towards the Earthwork defenses. The enemy was gathering its strength for the big push and nervous guardsmen were not waiting for them to come. They were firing into the mass hoping that they could hurt it, kill it before it revealed the full horror of what was coming for them.

“Where’s your fire discipline?” Sejanus growled at his counterpart across one of the trenches.

The sergeant’s wild eyed expression was his answer.

“502nd, we’re on our own here.” Sejanus growled in disgust. “ Flame units prepare to lay down suppressing fire. Where’s my heavy weapons?”

“Right behind you sir.” A grizzled veteran replied and snapped a sharp salute. His team was manning their heavy bolters and laz canons. They were the fist of his light infantry division. If anything was going to hurt the oncoming tide it would be them.

“This is going to be your show. Don’t hold back anything.”

“Do we ever?” the veteran grinned, exposing a set of missing teeth,

“Basilisk artillery will be supporting us but you and I both know that will mean nothing unless we hold the line here and now under our own steam and by the emperor that’s what we’re going to do.”

“Here they come!” someone screamed in horror below them in the first row of trenches. And the Tyranids indeed came. And they were legion.

The Tyranids came as one, a swarming chitterling mass of flesh and razor bone appendages flailing looking for sinew and blood to chew through. There was no fear. There was no hesitation and there certainly wasn’t any mercy.

They were coming to kill and devour the Imperial Guardsmen and the guardsmen knew this and responded with all they had. Bright red lights flashed out from the barrels of hundreds of laz rifles and wherever they touched the Tyranid mass burned and bubbles, limbs fell away like discarded refuse, many of them still twitching and convulsing from the instinct to kill even when separated from the body.

Heavy bolters began to chatter into action with a deep ripping sound like thunder. The angry crimson bolts lashed into the oncoming horde and many Tyranids simply evaporated into a thick cloud of blood and bone under the impressive assault. Long streams of liquid fire whooshed out from the leading trenches to greet the first wave that survived the onslaught and start to approach the trenches.

Sejanus watched the opening assault with a detached interest. He had other things on his mind than how well the other guards regiments did. The Tyranids were going to overwhelm them in fairly short order. He was concerned about his own men and how to get them out of this hell alive.

He stopped short as a figure dropped down into his trench adjusting his helmet as he squared himself away.

“Lieutenant?”

“Sergeant? I suppose I don’t even have to ask if everything is in order?” Lieutenant Artus Logray replied tightly.

“Absolutely sir. We’re ready for action.”

“Good because I’m counting on you to get these men ready to pull out and retreat in orderly fashion back towards the city on my command.”

Sejanus blinked. Behind him he heard the screams of the first guardsmen that met the razor bones of the Tyranid host. Their screams cut brutally short as they drifted up to their position. A loud series of deep booms that shook the very earth under their feet signaled that the basilisk artillery corps dug in within the city walls had sprang into action.

“Retreat sir? In the middle of combat?”

“You have your orders.” Logray nodded stoically then quickly popped his head over the lip of the trench and checked the advancing horde through his field glasses. He shook his head angrily.

“Two damned trenches in they are already. In the name of the Emperor where’s their fire discipline and tactics.”

“Sir, perhaps I’m not clear on this. When Commissar—“

“He’s waiting for us within the city as is General Jin.”

“And these other men?”

Logray turned and regarded the sergeant with a hooded expression. A bright explosion followed by a horrid mixture of Tyranid and human screams illuminated the trench and cast long dark shadows over the Lieutenant’s face. Sejanus heard the bitter protests from men somewhere below. “Tell Basilisk command that those rounds were short damnit!!”

“Their fate was sealed the moment they entered those trenches, Sergeant. They die valiantly for the emperor. One day the same will be asked of us. But tonight my orders are clear. When the signal is given we are to surrender these trenches and break for the city proper. The Basilisks will be tasked with covering our retreat. Dunhagne’s Tank Corps will also come forward and provide fire support and you get as many men as you can into the Chimeras and we pull the hell back.”

Sejanus nodded slowly.

“As you command Lieutenant.”

“I don’t like it any more than you do Sergeant but as I understand it we’re needed elsewhere.” Logray added quietly as another wave of Basilisk artillery fire swept over head and exploded in an earthquake ahead of them. This time the screams were mostly Tyranid.

Sejanus ventured his head out and his eyes widened.

The Tyranids were swarming past the third set of trenches and approaching the Cadian’s position with a speed that was unexpected. The conscripts barely bought them 10 minutes. Human limbs were undulating off the armored carapaces of the Tyranid warriors. Many of them ignoring missing limbs and gaping holes in their bodies only to advance a few more meters. Forward was all they could think about.

“Sarge?” His heavy weapons team asked some nervousness in their voices.

Sejanus looked down at Logray who nodded without even looking back at him.

“Open up boys and make them pay!”

“We’ll show ‘em how it’s done!”

The 502nd Cadian opened fire as one massed barrage that slaughtered anything in its path. Heavy bolters positioned in tight triangular formations along the trenches clattered as one sending a steady stream of crimson death coupled with laz gun beams that swept in as a hundred beams suddenly concentrated in one spot and the barrages from the heavy weapons teams punctuated all the mayhem and chaos with deep bass retorts.

The Tyranid first wave faltered, and as the leading elements crawling into the last trench network of the conscript forces died in a hail of fire and death the first wave actually stopped. Tyranid warriors scuttled here and there among the bodies of their dead, many forming steaming mountains of bubbling bile and ichor.

Some of the conscripts noted the sudden halt to the wave of death consuming them and they began cheering, some even joining in with massed fire of their own at the Tyranid swarm.

“Notice anything about our Tyranid first wave?” Logray asked sternly as he checked his radio.

Sejanus nodded slowly as he came to the same sudden realization that the Lieutenant had.

“They were all Hormagaunts.” Sejanus looked over at Logray who began calling in a fire mission without looking back at his sergeant. “Where are the Termagaunts?”

Hormagaunts were the melee cannon fodder of the Tyranids. Armed with razor boned appendages for slicing and clawing they were part of all initial attacks. But these melee fighters were usually accompanied by their fire armed cousins the Termagaunts, not nearly as numerous but always there in large enough number to make a difference with massed fire.

“Get ready for a counterattack!” Sejanus shouted down to the conscripts still giddy with the knowledge that they were alive. “Get down you fools they are goin---”

Massed fire erupted from the tree line as the next wave came. They swarmed through the thick brush and tree line, this time Termagaunts carrying firearms and blasting their way towards the trenches accompanied the next fresh wave of Hormagaunts that were advancing in a swift sprint towards the human line.

The conscripted guardsmen were screaming now in terror, many struck by the massed fusillade by the renewed Tyranid assault.

Sejanus watched in cold grim horror as Commissars desperately trying to rally their men were either shot by them or abandoned in the trench complexes as they began to break and run. Many rushing for bunkers built in behind the trenches. Bunkers that Sejanus knew were death traps as the Tyranids would swarm them or simply drop in some manner of gas or fire to kill the humans were they stood or force them out into their claws.

The Basilisk artillery fire’s deep thunderous rumbles were suddenly drowned out by a series of bestial hungry roars. The frightening identification was quickly carried in hurried shouts of panic from the breaking guard lines.

“Carnifex!! Carnifex!!”

Sejanus turned his attention to his heavy weapons squad.

“Whatever come out of that tree line dies.”

He felt foolish when half a dozen enormous towering shapes of bone and claw burst through the trees with power and authority, scattering many Tyranids beneath their feet. The Carnifex monsters were the elite killing machines of the Tyranid swarm and one was usually enough to tear through any battle line. Six at one time was someone’s idea of a cruel joke.

The Carnifexes raised their many limbs into the night sky and howled a challenge as red beams found them and remained fixed on the monsters. The Carnifexes either did not care or did not feel the energy beams trying to eat through their bony armor and advanced with a earth shattering charge that sent mounds of earth and corpses into the air as they bulled their way through the earth works.

“Fire at will! Repeat fire at will!”

He did not need to say it. He said it because he had been trained to but frankly what else was there left to say. The conscript guard forces were broken and scattered. Any source of organized resistance below them was quickly hunted down and slaughtered mercilessly and the Tyranid swarm’s only real difficulty was navigating the maze of trenches to climb up to the Cadian positions.

The Carnifexes did not need to negotiate anything. They were coming heedless of enemy fire or earth. They were hungry and they were powerful and they were not to be denied. A direct hit from a Basilisk round found one of the Carnifex’s heads and tore away the lower mandibles and throat. A spray of black ichor burst forth from the wound but the monster did not notice or care as it came on.

“Guess we’re not going anywhere sir.” Sejanus commented dryly as he took his rifle off his shoulder and aimed at the nearest Carnifex.

Above them the night sky briefly became day. A bright emerald light illuminated the entire battlefield and blotted out stars and moons. An explosion accompanying the light created a quick flash like lightning and suddenly the Tyranids were no longer moving as one. No longer a purposeful fearless horde. They howled, screamed and kicked. Many fell into convulsions and some even began turning on each other and more horridly themselves.

The Carnifexes stopped short, one swayed back and forth as if a tree caught in a hurricane wind and the others howled into the night air as if searching. Their howls were almost plaintive. Then the wounded Carnifex found itself the victim of two of its brethren who assaulted it with a frenzy of hatred and hunger, as if the could not abide to see one of their own wounded and they fell upon it with titanic claws and vicious saber like teeth.

“What the—”

The Lieutenant’s radio suddenly blared loudly.

“This is General Jin to 502nd. If you value your lives you will begin retreating to the city. Immediately. Armor is on its way to cover the retreat but get the hell out of there now!”

The urgency in his voice said it all. The 502nd did not need much incentive to abandon their positions. The Guardsmen formed up quickly, streaming out of the trenches in some form of order as the two leading defensive towers provided each other with covering fire as they quickly descended down to the ground below.

Some pointed to the night sky. The Heavy weapons team broke down their weapons in what Sejanus judged to be record time and hauled themselves over to the regiment. Green balls of light were descending down from the night sky towards them and many of the men did not care to know what they were.

“All squads begin retreating towards the city along this road!” The lieutenant ordered loudly. He turned and fired off a snap shot at a Hormagaunt as it skittered over the lip of their trenches to charge them. He turned back to his men. He made a show of snapping on his power grip and flexing the steely appendages that would make his hand a deadly weapon.

“1st and 3rd squads will provide covering fire all the way back. Be on the lookout for Dunagan’s Steel Kings. They’re on their way. Our transports are waiting for us at the first intersection. Now move like you have a purpose people.”

The 502nd began moving quickly, some would say a dead run, back up the road when the first of the green lights completely descended back into the forest beyond. Directly into the Tyranid landing zone Sejanus would have wagered. Huge plumes of earth and foliage erupted like a geyser into the night sky and there was much silence.

As they pulled further back one of the massive green lights came down right into the trenches. The explosive earth shower also contained all manner of Tyranid and human debris. But what was most eerie of all was the silence. When the craft touched down with such explosive effect there was no sound at all at their touchdown. Sejanus thought it was as if he were watching this on a holovid with the sound turned off.

“Lieutenant. Do we know what the hell those things are?”

Logray shook his head. “Whatever they are they sure as hell did something to the ‘Nids.”

The green vessel became clearer in the parting mists and smoke. It looked like a large stone monolith. A great bay door opened slowly like a tomb. Tyranids that approached were summarily eviscerated by a trio of sickly emerald beams that emitted no noise but the effect was undeniable. The flesh from the Tyranids were stripped from their bones leaving smoking skeletal remains.

“Gauss cannons?” Sejanus whispered. This was worse than a cruel joke.

“Sergeant. You tell the men that they better pick up the pace.” Logray added and slapped the Sergeant on the shoulder to get him moving as the first of the Monolith’s passengers descended the ramp in a silent retinue of steely bodies moving robotically and without any acknowledgement of their surroundings.

Logray stared for a moment at the figures, each one carrying a cannon larger than any heavy bolter he had seen on a Space Marine imbued with the same sickly emerald glow that coursed through the monolith. The dreaded gauss cannons that could strip and scatter the very atoms of their intended victims.

The first of the silent retinue glanced up as if to look directly at Logray and he saw the empty vacant eyes of the steel death mask. The skeletal figures moved as if in a dream off the ramp and seemed to march like toy soldiers up the hill towards their position. Always silent, always deadly they had arrived and were not to be trifled with.

“Necrons.” Logray hissed.




“Necrons! You’ve called Necrons down upon us?!” General Karlitz bellowed in anger and outright fear.

“Let us be clear general. I did not call anything. Not intentionally at least. It is quiet clear that one of their tomb complexes is buried on this world and we may have tripped some form of silent alarm.” Malagaunt replied, his tone taking a dangerous edge.

“Let’s not argue, instead find a solution to this mess.” General Jinn urged.

“Quite right general.” Malagaunt nodded. “You and I will see to the defenses of the outer wall of the city. General Karlitz.”

“Yes Inquisitor?” The general replied darkly, obviously overwhelmed by all that was occurring on his tiny backwater in one night.”

“You will see that your men make a stand worthy of the Emperor should they get past us.” Malagaunt strode over to Karlitz and gripped his shoulders strongly. He looked into the older man’s eyes with steely resolve. “You will hold the line because there will be no where else to go once they get past us. You are our last line of defense. Understand?”

“Of course, Inquisitor.” Karlitz replied standing up straighter.

“See to the defenses here then and may the Emperor be with you tonight.”

“And with you Inquisitor.” Karlitz replied more resolute than before.

Malagaunt waved Jinn and Commissar Lazar to follow him out of the General’s briefing room. Around them conscript guardsmen were rushing with weapons to their positions. The expressions on their faces spoke of an odd mix of determination and fatalism.

“Where do you want the 502nd to deploy?” Jinn asked softly. He suspected all was not what it seemed with the Inquisitor.

“On the Cerberus.” Malagaunt absently nodded to the spaceport.

“Excuse me?”

“You want us to defend the spaceport?” Lazar added with some annoyance.

“No, gentlemen.” Malagaunt replied finally turning to face the men squarely.

Jinn frowned heavily.

“You don’t mean for the 502nd to do anything on this world at all do you?”

“I have need of your men but not here. Tyranids is one thing but I never counted on bringing down the Necrons on our heads. So my plan had to be adjusted accordingly. You will board your transport ship the Cerberus and I will join you. My own ship will be waiting for us at the rendezvous.”

“This is outrageous.”

“Nothing is outrageous in the service of the Emperor.” Malagaunt replied with a silky smile. The man was almost unnaturally handsome.

“Those men back there are in the service of the Emperor. You’re abandoning them to certain death and lied to the general’s face. There is no last line of defense he is it? Have you no shame sir?!” Lazar shouted. Jinn knew that when the old man’s anger was up he did not care about rank or privilege. He placed a warning hand on the Commissar’s shoulder.

“Have a care sir or you may find yourself rallying the troops here in the face of Tyranid and gauss canons. As it is recognize these men for what they are.” Malagaunt noted the Guardsmen rushing past them. “They are dead men. Let us leave them in our wake.” Malagaunt turned to leave when Jinn interjected.

“You know, it occurs to me that you have reasonably answered how you knew the Necrons were coming but you have not answered how you knew about the Tyranids.”

Malagaunt paused for a moment, lips pursed as if contemplating a response. Behind them an explosion sounded loudly and troops began rushing towards the source.

“Get your men to their ships, General. I shall not wait for you.” Malagaunt turned and with a snap of his cape he vanished into the crowd towards the space port. Jinn and lazar stood silent for a moment, lazar visibly fuming, Jinn with eyes narrowed in thought.

“Get the men to their ships, Commissar. We are after all in the service of the emperor.”

“Blessed be his name.” Lazar added stonily.

Not bad, not bad at all. Just a few notes for you:

Remember that 'Emperor' and 'He' in regard to the Emperor must always be capitalized.

Don't use 'Prime' in the context of rank. More often in 40K literature it would be 'Primus' ('Secundus', 'Tertius', etc).

The Necrons are not widely recognized in 40K. Only the Inquisition, some Marine chapters, and certain Guard regiments (such as Ciaphas Cain's 507th) know about their existence.

The Cadians are typically much more dour and narrow-minded than the men you're portraying (which you'll learn as you read further into the Eisenhorn novels). Minor item of trivia: all of them have violet eyes.

One other thing about the Inquisition you may or may not have read far enough to learn: all Inquisitors carry a badge of office called the rosette which usually consists of a wallet that displays the stylized 'I' of the Inquisiton and carries a unique signature that overrrides virtually any authorization codes in the Imperium and when scanned confirms its wearer as a member of the Holy Ordos.


Overall I thought it was pretty damn good battle scene and typical of the 40K mindset of 'too many threats from too many directions' which I always enjoy. Do continue sir.

Kuja wrote:Don't use 'Prime' in the context of rank. More often in 40K literature it would be 'Primus' ('Secundus', 'Tertius', etc).

"Magos Prime Reston Egal" would suggest otherwise.

NecronLord wrote:

Kuja wrote:Don't use 'Prime' in the context of rank. More often in 40K literature it would be 'Primus' ('Secundus', 'Tertius', etc).

"Magos Prime Reston Egal" would suggest otherwise.

I never said it was universal.

Interesting choice of unit number (502)... out of curiousity, where'd you get it? Just pluck it out of your head at random?

Anyways, looks good. Unfortunately I don't have time to read the whole thing in detail at the moment but in skimming I think it'll be a fun read once finals are done with.

Whatever else can be said, let me say this: Your writing is gorram fantastic!

There are only minor errors that can be corrected as one immerses him or herself more into 40K information and lore over time. Overall, the writing shows much promise.


EDIT: Imperial Overlord has a fic that does a good job capturing the mood of the average Imperial Guardsman:

http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic. ... highlight=

Could be good reference material.

Out fraken standing.

This makes the delay in Starcrossed well worth it.

Finally, Stravo does a 40k fic. Keep up the good work. I bit rough on some fine points, but that's just the literary equivalent of comic characters looking clumsy before the artist is use to drawing them. Hone this, and it'll be as flawless and elegant as a company of Ultramarines in the fray.

Is that inquisitor a Gene-stealer?

I like it

It has that classic 40k "leave those people behind, they're dead anyway" sort of twist at the end, that alone makes it good .

A new Chapter. Once again any tips or critiques about WH40K charatrizations, facts, etc are more than welcome.



Chapter 2: Destination Impossible



The troop ship Cerberus was a venerable vessel, now entering its 300th year of service in the Imperium as a troops carrier for the Imperial guard. She plodded along slowly but her systems were exceedingly simple, she rarely broke down and she was still a terror in terms of defensive armament. Having seen innumerable conflicts, crusades and brush fire wars she had always brought her charges to the fray and drew them back out again.

The 502nd Cadian Light Infantry Division were her latest charges and they were currently not happy with the living conditions on board.

The Cerberus was designed to carry as much equipment and troops as possible in her limited space. All manner of tricks had been used by her designers to create storage space for tanks, artillery, heavy weapons, supplies, ammunition and of course any space left over was relegated to the troops.

Unfortunately for the 502nd the emergency nature of their initial mission to suppress a warp borne threat on the exterior forced the 64th Cadian Heavy Armor to detach a battalion of tanks to support the Infantry division, 80th Steel Kings led by Colonel Durhan Dunnegan. His Lemon Russ tank battalion was squeezed into the Cerberus as best they could, forcing the men to sleep either in or on their tracks.

But this arrangement was no longer in effect. At the insistence of Inquisitor Malagaunt a battalion of Basilisk heavy artillery had also found a home on board the Cerberus. Poached from the forces left to defend the Capital city the division had retreated from the Inquisitor insisted they had better use with him than dying at their posts.

The artillery crews naturally agreed. But as a result there were two very precious commodities on board the Cerberus - space and patience.

General Jinn nodded as he moved down one of the corridors of the vessel. He had to cautiously step over a sleeping man hugging his firearm to him like a lover. Stowed away in cargo webbing directly over him were boxes of ammunition swaying almost imperceptibly to the time of the massive reactor and engine core’s reverberations singing through the deck plates.

Commissar Lazar was about to bend over and roust the trooper but Jinn shook his head softly and motioned for the Commissar to continue following him. Jinn had no intention of creating an incident that might spark some sort of mini riot on the ship. There were three different units squeezed into a space meant for one and the other two units had no loyalty to him. The Basilisk artillery crew was virtually unknown to anyone else on board and Jinn had no clue what they may do if circumstances were to push them.

Jinn did not like unknowns and did not have much regard for other Imperial units but his own, in particular if they weren’t Cadians. Besides the man had been through hell and he had the cold feeling that they were going to be facing much worse in the future.

“And you’ve run a background check?” Jinn continued as they avoided a stack of food cartridges around the corner.

“Triple checked using your authorization codes and I called in a few favors to make sure we could get things that just might be somewhat over your authorization.”

“Efficient as always Lazar. What would I do without you?”

Lazar shrugged.

“It is what I do, sir. The 502nd is my family and I will do anything that I can to make sure we succeed.”

“I have no doubts that you do what you must my friend. In the end I assume you found nothing out of the ordinary.” Jinn asked pausing as three men strode by quickly hauling what looked like artillery shells. Uniform patches and faced unfamiliar. It bothered Jinn.

“Quite the contrary –” Lazar began with a playful smile. Jinn cocked his head quizzically.

“I believe you now have my full interest, Commissar.” Jinn replied seriously. Lazar motioned for the General to step over to a small maintenance alcove. Three men were heating something rich in a metallic container.

“If you men don’t want me to assign you space by the main reactor core you’ll give the general and I some privacy.” Lazar growled.

The men quickly scampered out of their way and disappeared down the corridor.

Lazar and Jinn stood close to each other in the alcove. The Commissar leaned in closely and whispered conspiratorially with Jinn.

“Our Inquisitor has been listed as missing in action for almost two years.”

“Two? Where did he go?” Jinn asked perplexed.

Lazar held up his hands.

“My sources said the best they could get out of our friends in the Inquisition is that he was out near the Eye of Terror.”

“The Eye? What in the name is an Inquisitor doing out there?”

“Hunting Chaos one presumes.” Lazar replied with a smirk.

“With all due respect to our friends in the Inquisition but I find it extremely hard to believe that a lone Inquisitor was off fighting in the name of the Emperor anywhere near the Eye itself.” Jinn replied darkly.

“Nevertheless his exact whereabouts were unknown to any of our sources and the Inquisition was very reluctant to even share that information.

“I take it then that the Inquisition will be sending someone to recover our good Inquisitor Malagaunt?” Jinn asked knowingly wondering how they were going to sort this mess out when the Inquisition agents arrived.

Lazar shifted uncomfortably.

Jinn’s eyes narrowed.

“We have been ordered by the Inquisition to extend all courtesies to Inquisitor Malagaunt. In the words of our Inquisitorial sources he has their full faith and confidence. He is and always has acted in the name of His Majesty the Emperor of Man, as one of them put it.”

“You are joking.” Jinn snapped angrily.

“I’m afraid not sir. Whoever this man Malagaunt is he has extremely powerful friends in the hierarchy and they are either unable or unwilling to do anything about him.”

Jinn shook his head ruefully.

“And there is something else.”

Jinn eyed Lazar closely.

“What is it?”

“There are some details that we were able to wrestle from our sources in the Inquisition. It took some doing but I managed to discover two things about our friend Malagaunt that we need to be aware of.”

“Aside form the fact that he is a ruthless bastard willing to sacrifice anyone for his purposes please tell me what else I need to know about this man.” Jinn stated grimly.

“It seems that he has an interest in the Tyranids. He’s traveled throughout the Imperium and has earned a reputation for rooting out Tyranid related heresies and particularly good at rooting out Genestealer cults. He is ruthless in his methods but he gets results. You remember the burning of Purigan Four?”

“My father told me about the 116th Cadian Heavy Infantry being involved in that purging. An entire continent put to the torch. No one allowed to survive.” Jinn noted but his eyes betrayed that he suspected what Lazar was about to tell him.

“That was Malagaunt.” Lazar confirmed.

Jinn nodded knowingly.

“It certainly helps understand why he may have an insight to the Tyranids that you and I lack but it still doesn’t explain his intimate knowledge of their movements down to the hour.”

“Indeed. Another little tidbit about our good Inquisitor is that when he vanished two years ago into the Eye he wasn’t alone.”

“Oh?” Jinn replied curiously.

“He traveled with two other Inquisitors. High level as I understand. Rare for the Inquisition to team up such luminaries but it has been known to happen for missions of extreme importance to the Imperium.”

“What happened to the other two Inquisitors?” Jinn wondered aloud.

“What bothered me about that fact is not so much what happened to the other two Inquisitors but that the Inquisition didn’t seem to care.” Lazar added and both men stood silent in the Alcove for a long few minutes letting the depth of what they discovered settle.

“I’ll tell you one thing, Commissar. This man, he will lead us nowhere where we want to be.”

“And when he returns without the 502nd I wonder if anyone will ask for us?” Lazar added frowning heavily.






The interior of the light gun cutter Iron Genesis was silent as a tomb. The crew was all gathered in the quarters of Inquisitor Malagaunt. They were all circling around a small glass table.

Malagaunt was intently watching a young lithe woman slowly passing her hands over and around a small liquid silver object that glinted dangerously in the low lighting. She was painfully thin, a waif but despite that she was beautiful in her own way. Her eyes were different colors. One a bright ice blue the other a pale milky white were focused on the object beneath her hands.

Two others flanked her and unlike hers their eyes were unfocussed in a dream like state. They were swaying in time to some unknown beat.

Malagaunt was silent, lips pursed in concentration as he watched her for a sign that only he probably knew.

“Tanis. Tanis calls us.” She whispered.

“Ignore Tanis.” Malagaunt’s voice cut like steel in the darkness.

She seemed to be struggling to carry out his command but managed to fight past whatever interference her mind had run into as she probed the object. It was crescent shaped and bright as if carrying a light within itself. The liquid metal rippled like the surface of a lake.

“It is there. I can see it.”

“How close?” Malagaunt asked sternly.

“It is singing.” She whispered almost as if she were afraid to hear the song. The other two flanking her began to raise their hands as one towards a holographic map hanging overhead.

Malagaunt’s eyes never left the woman.

A dark skinned male was watching the map and checking his information plate on his sleeve. Every tap of his finger on the plate caused the map to zoom further in. The pair’s fingers were moving quicker and surer now towards the point on the map that the song emanated from.

She closed her eyes now, dropped her hands so that they were nearly touching the silver crescent. The crescent began to spin now, slowly at first but it began to oscillate faster and faster.

“So close…” she whispered.

The spinning crescent now spun so quickly that it seemed like a complete disk now and the spinning emitted a low pitched hum that sounded oddly like children whispering - whispering dark and terrible things in the dark.

“I need to know now Cassandra.” Malagaunt urged and was suddenly standing directly behind her. His hands slowly but firmly began to close around her shoulders.

“Tanis. It—”

“Fear Tanis or fear me.” Malagaunt whispered like ice.

She shuddered in terror or ecstasy it was difficult to tell.

“I have it now.” She suddenly shouted triumphantly.

The pair behind her touched the map at the same point. The dark skinned human punched the point on his plate and nodded to Malagaunt. Malagaunt glanced back at him as Cassandra slumped into his arms.

The spinning crescent stopped immediately and came to rest again on the table.

“Tyrial.” The dark skinned man answered Malagaunt’s unspoken question. “As you suspected.” He added.

Cassandra rested her head against Malagaunt’s chest. One of the two men who flanked her began to giggle incessantly.

“It waits for us at Tyrial. It is aware of our coming.” She whispered into his chest.

Malagaunt looked down at the woman and said nothing for a moment but examined her face closely.

“Then it should be afraid.” He replied darkly and gently picked her up and carried her over to a well cushioned sofa. He laid her out on the sofa and as he pulled away she took a hold of his arm.

“This will destroy you.” She warned him.

The giggling man was laughing harder and jerking around as if a puppet on a string. The other man tried to silence him. The dark skinned man moved quickly and placed an opaque crystal cover over the crescent shaped object. As he did so he moved as if afraid of what it might do when he covered it.

“I would expect nothing less from the path I am set upon.” He replied dryly. Malagaunt pulled away from her grip and turned to the man with the plate.

“Set up a meeting with our kind friends from Cadia. We have a mission to undertake.”

“My lord…you know what waits for us at Tyrial.”

“Oh yes.” Malagaunt replied with a cold smile.

“No my lord,” the dark skinned man shook his head. “I mean that Tyrial is no longer held by the Imperium.”

Malagaunt shrugged.

“That’s what soldiers do, Narcis. They fight and die for worlds no longer in Imperium hands do they not?”

Narcis bowed deeply.

“Of course, Inquisitor.”

“Good, now I want to be meeting on the Cerberus in half an hour. I then expect us to be on Tyrial by the end of the week.”

As Malagaunt strode into his private chambers beyond the public meeting space he paused for a moment and glared at the giggling young man.

“Someone please shut him up.”

“Of course lord.”

A large man that had been standing in the shadows in a corner of the room immediately fell in step with Malagaunt.

“I should go with you.” The large man stated neutrally.

Malagaunt shook his head slowly as he entered his private chamber and shed his robes and reached for the clothes carefully laid out for him on his bed.

“Inquisitor, this is not a simple matter of your office being enough. You’ve got a troop ship full of half asked Imperial guardsmen who care more for their lives than the Imperium.”

“You’ve never held the Guard in much regard have you, Dorian?”

The large man smiled sardonically.

“When one has spent even some time with the Legions Astartes you would understand.”

“Of course. The vaunted Space Marines can make anyone look weak but even they can be pawns in the game we play Dorian. Will that be a problem for you?”

Dorian shook his head emphatically.

“Let’s remember, Inquisitor that they washed me out so my allegiances to them are in admiration only.” Dorian replied. He was a candidate for the Blood Angels but had failed before qualifying for implantation of the gene seed. He still carried with him the training and iron will that the Space Marines passed on to their members and that made Dorian an exceptionally able body guard.

“Good. We all must play our parts.”

“And what part will these guardsmen play if they should suspect what you were after, where you were going and where you picked up that sweet little thing?” Dorian asked sternly and jerked his head back towards the audience chamber behind them.

“Leave that to me, Dorian.”






“It is good that we are here to discuss the future gentlemen.”

Jinn and Lazar nodded silently.

Malagaunt walked over to the map and called it up for them to view. The battered old bridge of the Cerberus was probably the only spacious room on the entire vessel. Even the bridge had supplies and arms stowed away along the walls and corners, Jinn noted with some annoyance.

“Tyrial.” Malagaunt announced as the world sprang up on the holographic map and spun into view. It was a common greenish world with large continents and deep white clouds.

Lazar and Jinn exchanged troubled glances.

“We need to make a landing on Tyrial. Once on the planet surface I will need to recover an artifact. Your troops will provide security for me that will allow this mission to be a success.” Malagaunt continued.

“Do you have any idea who controls Tyrial?” Jinn asked quietly, trying hard to control his anger.

“As I understand it, there is a problem with Imperial ownership.” Malagaunt replied nonchalantly.

“A problem?” Lazar snorted.

“The problem is one of the largest Ork Waaghs in the sector calls that world home now.” Jinn stated

“Three Imperial Guard Divisions including the Cadian 54th were utterly decimated on that world. The Orks repulsed three prior attempts to liberate it including a disastrous raid by the Black Templars. The Imperial fleet has instituted a blockade around the system to contain the Ork menace.” Lazar added.

“Orks.” Malagaunt rubbed his chin. “I don’t think that will prove too difficult.”

Jinn stood up, fist balled up at his sides.

“This isn’t some band of mindless brutes, sir. I’ve fought Orks and they’re tough as nails, tougher than anyone ever gives them any credit for. They’re smart as hell when it comes to fighting and the last time the 502nd went up against an Ork Waagh I planted 2/3’s of my men on a dusty little world I care not to remember.” Jinn stated through gritted teeth.

Malagaunt looked into the young general’s eyes for a long moment.

“Let us be clear, I’m not asking you to retake this world, I am only asking for you to secure a few square miles of dirt.” Malagaunt explained calmly.

Jinn laughed coldly.

“A few square kilometers of dirt that will be under constant assault on all sides by an enemy with an inexhaustible supply of manpower while you go hunting for trinkets.”

Malagaunt frowned.

“While I may stand corrected on the Ork menace let us not get too self righteous about my ‘trinkets’, General. If you had the merest conception of what I see in my journeys and collect you would rather be back on that nameless dust ball buried along side your men.”

Lazar stood up quickly raising a hand to interject.

“I think it is fairly obvious that we have a problem. The Cadian 502nd cannot do what you ask, Inquisitor. Perhaps we should find reinforcements. A few more divisions and we could probably secure the space for you but as it stands even I will not be able to keep the men together in the face of an Ork waagh alone and unsupported.”

Malagaunt looked from Lazar to Jinn.

“Am I to understand that what I ask is simply militarily impossible?” he asked seriously.

Jinn did not hesitate.

“What we are saying, Inquisitor, is that if you order us down there we will not be coming back again.”

Malagaunt nodded to himself.

“As usual my plans accelerate ahead of me. Orks. Damned filthy Orks on my prize. Very well.” Malagaunt strode over to the communications station and keyed in several codes.

“Calling for reinforcements, Inquisitor?” Lazar asked hopefully.

Jinn doubted it.

“In a sense.” Malagaunt replied. “I have found, my fellow Imperial subjects, that when Fear of the Inquisition is not enough, when fear of a Commissar’s discipline is not enough, that even love of the Emperor on His blessed Golden Throne is not enough,” the comboard pinged several times and a deep blue Omega symbol popped up on the screen. Malagaunt turned and smiled coldly. “That’s usually the time for you to call in the Marines.”

Only possible error I see is that a Space Marines wash-out would either be executed on the spot, die from the rigors of the training, or be made into a chapter serf. I suppose your guy somehow got out.

FUCK YEAH! Space Marines!

EDIT:

And it's Leman Russ, not Lemon.

Space Marines in general are pretty wary of Inquisitors asking them to do this or that, but the Marines will usually take up the job, I believe.

*smites Cyran*

I agree with the heretic though, the last comment is just plain awesome. Excruciatingly well written, in that regard. And did anyone else imagine a deep voice saying the following when Malagaunt called up the Astartes?

"Hi, you've reached the Ultramarines. We're busy at the moment, probably out smiting the foes of the Emperor and bringing his light to the heretic masses. But leave your name and rank and we'll get back to you soon as possible. Have a very nice day!"

Nice work - to echo everyone else, the last line in particular was great.

I do have a few nitpicks concerning Malagaunt and the Inquisition, though.

1) This business about Malagaunt and the Eye of Terror. You had him mention that he'd been there - not just near it, in it - in your first chapter. Given that, for any citizen of the Imperium that even knows what it is, the Eye is the home of Chaos and the source of all that is evil in the universe, that's not the kind of comment that just goes unnoticed. Jinn and Lazar might not have commented right away, but I hardly think they'd forget - so learning he'd been near the Eye wouldn't be a surprise, just confirmation.

2) Secondly, in a similar vein, the Eye of Terror is the centre of Chaotic power and influence in the galaxy. Planets like Cadia get huge numbers of citizens turning to Chaos just by virtue of being near it. I would expect anyone who actually went there and came back to be the object of deep suspicion by anyone who knew about it - particularly if he went with two other Inquisitors and came back alone. He might well have come out alive, sane, and not a worshipper of Chaos by virtue of incredible willpower, but they'd likely have trouble getting people to believe them without extensive proof.

3) Given 1) and 2), Malagaunt is being awfully cavalier about mentioning that he's been to the Eye of Terror, especially to people who have no need to know such things.

4) Also, I would expect any details of such trip by Malagaunt to be the object of extreme secrecy even within the Inquisition, never mind outside it. Unless Lazar's married to an Inquisitiorial Grand Master or something, I doubt he'd have the kind of sources that could get him this information. Even if his sources were willing to tell him, they wouldn't have it themselves.

Like I said, it's great stuff, but I do have some issues your depiction of the Inquisition. This is a group that makes paranoia and secrecy its stock-in-trade; inside information is difficult to obtain even for Inquisitors themselves, never mind outsiders.

Thanks everyone about the last line - that line was going through my head when I first brainstormed this little story.

GeneralTacitus, I think you're probably right about the depiction of Malagaunt in terms of his being a bit cavalier about being in or around the Eye of Terror. It is only now that I've been perusing more of the fluff on the Eye that I realize how nasty the place is and it isn't like saying "I've been to Mordor and back." this is a little more than that. I apologize for that but it is what it is at this point (and I admit I actually forgot he mentioned that in Chapter 1 to the guys)

I have to also admit that the information that Lazar obtained was more through judicious use of author's fiat than a reasonably feasible manner in which someone could get info out of the Inquisition. I wanted these guys to feel like they are with a rogue and a maverick and they have no fucking clue where he's taking them and whether they'll come out of this in one piece.

I picked the Ultramarines for two reasons. One, the Tyrnaids figure prominently in the story and they're chapter makes the most sense to put up against them. And two they are by far my favorite chapter from the fluff I've read so far. Battle of Macragge just cinched it for me. Last stand, back to back, outnumbered a million to one? Absolute bad ass. Oh and I like their color scheme too.

A couple of fanfic related questions - are there women in the Imperial Guard? (I notice that WH40K seems almost adverse to female characters)

Are all Ultramarine Chapters simply called Ultramarines or do they have a subsection name like Ultramarines, Fists of the Emperor Chapter?

Do Marines die of old age or illness (if they survive combat) or is it considered dishonorable for a Marine to live that long? And is it physically possible for them to die of disease?

Stravo wrote:Thanks everyone about the last line - that line was going through my head when I first brainstormed this little story.

GeneralTacitus, I think you're probably right about the depiction of Malagaunt in terms of his being a bit cavalier about being in or around the Eye of Terror. It is only now that I've been perusing more of the fluff on the Eye that I realize how nasty the place is and it isn't like saying "I've been to Mordor and back." this is a little more than that. I apologize for that but it is what it is at this point (and I admit I actually forgot he mentioned that in Chapter 1 to the guys)

I have to also admit that the information that Lazar obtained was more through judicious use of author's fiat than a reasonably feasible manner in which someone could get info out of the Inquisition. I wanted these guys to feel like they are with a rogue and a maverick and they have no fucking clue where he's taking them and whether they'll come out of this in one piece.

Meh, it's not a big deal. Just something to keep in mind for future chapters.

I picked the Ultramarines for two reasons. One, the Tyrnaids figure prominently in the story and they're chapter makes the most sense to put up against them. And two they are by far my favorite chapter from the fluff I've read so far. Battle of Macragge just cinched it for me. Last stand, back to back, outnumbered a million to one? Absolute bad ass. Oh and I like their color scheme too.

A couple of fanfic related questions - are there women in the Imperial Guard? (I notice that WH40K seems almost adverse to female characters)

Yes, there are. The Tanith First recruited a lot of women after the Battle of Vervunhive (Necropolis), to keep their numbers up, and there are entire female regiments; Ciaphas Cain's Valahallan 597th was created from the remnants of two regiments, one of them entirely female.

Are all Ultramarine Chapters simply called Ultramarines or do they have a subsection name like Ultramarines, Fists of the Emperor Chapter?

There is only one Ultramarines Chapter. Their geneseed is the ultimate source of roughly 60% of all existing Space Marine chapters, but all of those Chapters have their own names, colour schemes, etc.

If you meant Companies, then they have no separate names, just numbers, although individual squads often seem to have their own names, which vary from being named after the squad leader, to a number, to... well, probably anything the Marines feel like.

Do Marines die of old age or illness (if they survive combat) or is it considered dishonorable for a Marine to live that long? And is it physically possible for them to die of disease?

Not sure about these. According to Horus Rising, Space Marines cannot die of old age, but that was pre-Heresy; things might have changed since then, or they might simply have been mistaken (Space Marines do live for a very long time, it's possible that none of them had been alive long enough to reach the end of their lifespans). I do know that Chapter Master Dante of the Blood Angels is over 1100 years old; IIRC, he's one of, if not the, oldest living Space Marines outside of Dreadnaughts.

AFAIK, Space Marines see nothing dishonourable about surviving for a long time; it's not like they get weak with age, after all. Dante is still capable of kicking ass on the battlefield. Being old basically means that you're really good (to have survived so long), and have extensive experience; both things that Marines respect.

As for disease - really, no idea. They do have very good immune systems, and extremely good constitutions generally, but I don't know if they're perfect.

Stravo wrote:Do Marines die of old age or illness (if they survive combat) or is it considered dishonorable for a Marine to live that long? And is it physically possible for them to die of disease?

Like Tacitus said about the age thing, no one is really sure. It's not dishonorable though. As for dying of disease? Possible, but extremely unlikely, especially for anything mundane (Like, ya know the Black Plague ). Marines have two organs to deal with poisonous things. If you haven't read it already I suggest going here.

A couple of fanfic related questions - are there women in the Imperial Guard? (I notice that WH40K seems almost adverse to female characters)

Yes. Generally they form all-female regiments, but there are exceptions, like the previously-mention Tanith 1st&Only and the Valhallan 597th.

Are all Ultramarine Chapters simply called Ultramarines or do they have a subsection name like Ultramarines, Fists of the Emperor Chapter?

When a chapter is broken off, they assume a completely new name. Ultramaines chapters include the White Consuls, Aurora Chapter, Genesis Chapter, Inceptors, Novamarines, and Black Consuls.

Do Marines die of old age or illness (if they survive combat) or is it considered dishonorable for a Marine to live that long? And is it physically possible for them to die of disease?

To your first question, it is unknown since generally marines keep on fighting until they die. To the second, yes, but it has to be one motherfucker of a disease.

Excellent stuff, I must echo some of the comments about the Inquisition being a bit too accessible, but who cares? It doesn't detract from the story. I really want to know what Malagaunt's looking for and what the deal is with his psyker and her crystal-ball type thing.

A couple of fanfic related questions - are there women in the Imperial Guard? (I notice that WH40K seems almost adverse to female characters)

I'd say this is more likely with Cadian regiments since so much of the planets population is in the Guard.

And technically, although the Inquisition would keep its records secret, I could see Lazar as pulling in some favors from the Commisariat to get the info, after all, those guys are all across the galaxy, in the guard and navy and are pretty much privy to any secret their relative General/Captain knows. I'd honestly be surprised if the Commisariat didn't have dirt on just about anyone who associates with the military, even an Inquisitor.

Probably the only thing still niggling at me is that the Cadians are still a little too lackadasical to my eyes. You have to understand Stravo, these are people who have NO life outside of fighting Chaos. These people are learning how to fire and reload a lasrifle when everyone is in kindergarden. Their idea of fun is military exercises with live ammo. They live with the Eye of Terror literally overhead. Its the kind of society where any ship entering their airspace gets shot out of the sky the minute it deviates from a given course or fails to respond with the proper password. Imagine living in such a paranoid and rigid society your entire life and you'll start to see why they make the best troops in the Imperium.