The first day of the Dominion War - critique away
Posted: 2006-07-08 12:47am
*PLEASE keep in mind that I haven't even done any editing beyond spell check. This is a first draft, and I haven't even re-read it yet. I am looking for a critique. I'm hoping to build on this - the way I see it, there's no use in putting a finished product in here if I want help writing it. LOL! So help/critique away. Also keep in mind that I'm not a regular trekkie - more of a 'weekend' trekkie if you will. My overall knowledge of the trek-verse is limited. Enjoy*
Barak is pronounced [Bear'Ak], at least in my mind.
Ecus [E'cus]
“Get down you idiots” Lt. Commander Barak screamed. To his horror, his troops had not learned that after nearly three straight days of fighting, to keep their heads down. Exhausted, his weary troops walked along the top of their shallow hill nearly upright, despite the massive volume of fire the Jem’Hadar were still throwing at them. Cmdr. Tace and his small platoon of troops had been defending a massive hospital complex, with the help of one other company of troops. The hospital complex, and every other civilian manned facility in the entire system was under mandatory evacuation. There was a paltry two shuttles to evacuate the hundreds of staff, and thousands of patients that the hospital served. The Jem’Hadar had set up a strong dampening field, protected by a massive shield generator several days before, making evacuation via the transporters impossible. Fortunately, for the less than 200 Starfleet personnel that were taken from the Sovereign, only 125 or so Jem’Hadar were ever able to get to the planet’s surface before they were driven off by the Sovereign herself.
Lt. Cmdr. Barak had been aboard the Sovereign since she launched in 2372, and knew most of the crew. He was a capable leader, and it was for that very reason that he was given the task of making sure the evacuation went smoothly. Commander Aaron, the Sovereign’s first officer, was responsible for fighting back the constant Jem’Hadar attacks, but he would need Barak’s help to end them once and for all. That was the plan, anyway.
“Commander Barak”, called Cmdr Aaron, “my company will hold here, take your men around the far side of the woods, and knock out their main supply center. If you managed to take it out, they’ll be weaponless by the end of the day” Aaron yelled over the heavy fighting. “That will take us well beyond the protection of the hospitals shield grid!” he screamed; and before he could speak another word, a polaron torpedo that could have only come from a ship in orbit, struck Aaron’s troops - who had been about 90 meters behind him. All 126 men that were still alive before the torpedo strike, were instantly killed. Commander Aaron himself was impaled by a rather large tree branch that had been thrust his way by the explosion. Barak was hit by a storm of dry dirt, and escaped the attack un-injured. Commander Aaron’s final orders were, “get home safely good friend”, and before Tace’s eyes, he died. Barak took the hand of his long time friend, and did not reply, but he would do as Aaron had asked.
Barak called his men to his side, and ordered as he called it, a fighting retreat toward the shuttle pad. The men were to run a good 25 meters, turn and shoot. It was his hope that at any given time, 1/3 of his men would be shooting, and the other 2/3 would be running; but in practice, it turned out that everyone ran and sporadically turned and randomly fired into the general direction of the enemy. It may not have been the prettiest retreat in Starfleet’s history, but only 2 of the 31 troops failed to make it to the shuttles.
During their ascent into orbit, Barak took the opportunity to asses each person’s situation. One of his most trusted friends, Lt. Ecus, a Vulcan, looked as though nothing had happened; while crewmen Nalak, a Bolian medical assistant, looked as though the Universe was collapsing before his very eyes.
Upon reaching orbit, Barak and the rest of his men came to the terrifying realization that the medical ship responsible for receiving those on the planet, was gone; and worse yet, the Jem’Hadar ship that fired on the planet was coming right for them. “Damned medical ship, must have fled at the first sign of that battle cruiser. Well, I can’t exactly say I blame them”, muttered Barak.
The situation was, to say the least, bleak. The morale of everyone was non-existent, for they were all sure that today would be their last day. In an instant, the shuttle’s short range sensors came alive with a flurry of light and sounds, and not more than a few seconds later, the Sovereign came out of warp less than two hundred meters above the shuttles. “The ship looks like it’s been through some heavy combat over the past several days. It can’t survive a Dominion battle cruiser!”, cried Ecus - momentarily loosing his composure. “I whole heartedly agree with you, but it would be nice of them to beam me over. I could use a shower” chuckled the terrified Bolian crewmen.
“What the hell are they doing?” Barak uttered, somewhat annoyed. “I think they’re going after the cruiser”, and at the moment, the Sovereign opened fire; and shortly thereafter, the enemy ship was covered in phaser fire and a flood of torpedoes. Once the cruiser returned a stern volley of polaron beams and torpedoes, the Sovereign banked left and momentarily fled the battle. The enemy cruiser pursued, but was met by an angry volley of phaser fire and torpedoes, which mortally wounded her. The ship rolled until it’s underside faced the Sovereign, and with a final volley of torpedoes, the Sovereign finished her off. A spirited cheer went up in both shuttles, but Barak couldn’t help but think of his fallen friend back on the planet. For Barak, the worst news was yet to come, and it wouldn’t come all at once.
Upon returning to the ship, Barak was informed that when the Sovereign momentarily fled from the enemy cruiser, the ship had been hit and the captain was killed. For most, taking command of one of the most advanced ships in the fleet would be a joyous occasion, but not for Tace. He was only 6 ears out of Starfleet Academy, and certainly not ready for the responsibility of commanding a ship - even if it was only commanding it until it reached a star base. He reluctantly accepted temporary command. He was both a natural leader and a cunning warrior, but at heart, he was still very immature.
Almost as soon as he arrives on the bridge, he begins instructing the crew on what to do, “Tessel, get the warp drive back online; Mika, restore power to the fore and dorsal shields; and someone send out a narrow band distress signal. Federation and Klingon frequencies only!” The crew had great confidence in his abilities, and it was for that reason that they jumped to his orders with such expedience.
Thirty minutes had gone by before the commander realized how odd it was that he had not received a response to his distress signal. He had become so caught up in directing the crew, that he completely forgot about it. “Ecus, scan the area for ships: enemy or otherwise.“ “Nothing on short range sensors, I do have three distinct power readings on long range sensors. I cannot be any more specific - the sensors are badly damaged.”
“If they were friendly, they would have signaled us by now. Ecus, get the crew to battlestations!”, commented Barak. Most of the bridge crew looked upon their leader in despair, but Barak’s face was un-shaken by the news. With the tap of his com badge, Barak said in a commanding voice, “Tessel, what’s the status of the warp drive?” Tessel’s response wasn’t what the crew wanted to hear, but it was good enough for Tace, “It’s operational, but it’ll only give you warp three - at best”. “Excellent” replied Barak, with a surprising spunk in his voice. . .
Barak is pronounced [Bear'Ak], at least in my mind.
Ecus [E'cus]
“Get down you idiots” Lt. Commander Barak screamed. To his horror, his troops had not learned that after nearly three straight days of fighting, to keep their heads down. Exhausted, his weary troops walked along the top of their shallow hill nearly upright, despite the massive volume of fire the Jem’Hadar were still throwing at them. Cmdr. Tace and his small platoon of troops had been defending a massive hospital complex, with the help of one other company of troops. The hospital complex, and every other civilian manned facility in the entire system was under mandatory evacuation. There was a paltry two shuttles to evacuate the hundreds of staff, and thousands of patients that the hospital served. The Jem’Hadar had set up a strong dampening field, protected by a massive shield generator several days before, making evacuation via the transporters impossible. Fortunately, for the less than 200 Starfleet personnel that were taken from the Sovereign, only 125 or so Jem’Hadar were ever able to get to the planet’s surface before they were driven off by the Sovereign herself.
Lt. Cmdr. Barak had been aboard the Sovereign since she launched in 2372, and knew most of the crew. He was a capable leader, and it was for that very reason that he was given the task of making sure the evacuation went smoothly. Commander Aaron, the Sovereign’s first officer, was responsible for fighting back the constant Jem’Hadar attacks, but he would need Barak’s help to end them once and for all. That was the plan, anyway.
“Commander Barak”, called Cmdr Aaron, “my company will hold here, take your men around the far side of the woods, and knock out their main supply center. If you managed to take it out, they’ll be weaponless by the end of the day” Aaron yelled over the heavy fighting. “That will take us well beyond the protection of the hospitals shield grid!” he screamed; and before he could speak another word, a polaron torpedo that could have only come from a ship in orbit, struck Aaron’s troops - who had been about 90 meters behind him. All 126 men that were still alive before the torpedo strike, were instantly killed. Commander Aaron himself was impaled by a rather large tree branch that had been thrust his way by the explosion. Barak was hit by a storm of dry dirt, and escaped the attack un-injured. Commander Aaron’s final orders were, “get home safely good friend”, and before Tace’s eyes, he died. Barak took the hand of his long time friend, and did not reply, but he would do as Aaron had asked.
Barak called his men to his side, and ordered as he called it, a fighting retreat toward the shuttle pad. The men were to run a good 25 meters, turn and shoot. It was his hope that at any given time, 1/3 of his men would be shooting, and the other 2/3 would be running; but in practice, it turned out that everyone ran and sporadically turned and randomly fired into the general direction of the enemy. It may not have been the prettiest retreat in Starfleet’s history, but only 2 of the 31 troops failed to make it to the shuttles.
During their ascent into orbit, Barak took the opportunity to asses each person’s situation. One of his most trusted friends, Lt. Ecus, a Vulcan, looked as though nothing had happened; while crewmen Nalak, a Bolian medical assistant, looked as though the Universe was collapsing before his very eyes.
Upon reaching orbit, Barak and the rest of his men came to the terrifying realization that the medical ship responsible for receiving those on the planet, was gone; and worse yet, the Jem’Hadar ship that fired on the planet was coming right for them. “Damned medical ship, must have fled at the first sign of that battle cruiser. Well, I can’t exactly say I blame them”, muttered Barak.
The situation was, to say the least, bleak. The morale of everyone was non-existent, for they were all sure that today would be their last day. In an instant, the shuttle’s short range sensors came alive with a flurry of light and sounds, and not more than a few seconds later, the Sovereign came out of warp less than two hundred meters above the shuttles. “The ship looks like it’s been through some heavy combat over the past several days. It can’t survive a Dominion battle cruiser!”, cried Ecus - momentarily loosing his composure. “I whole heartedly agree with you, but it would be nice of them to beam me over. I could use a shower” chuckled the terrified Bolian crewmen.
“What the hell are they doing?” Barak uttered, somewhat annoyed. “I think they’re going after the cruiser”, and at the moment, the Sovereign opened fire; and shortly thereafter, the enemy ship was covered in phaser fire and a flood of torpedoes. Once the cruiser returned a stern volley of polaron beams and torpedoes, the Sovereign banked left and momentarily fled the battle. The enemy cruiser pursued, but was met by an angry volley of phaser fire and torpedoes, which mortally wounded her. The ship rolled until it’s underside faced the Sovereign, and with a final volley of torpedoes, the Sovereign finished her off. A spirited cheer went up in both shuttles, but Barak couldn’t help but think of his fallen friend back on the planet. For Barak, the worst news was yet to come, and it wouldn’t come all at once.
Upon returning to the ship, Barak was informed that when the Sovereign momentarily fled from the enemy cruiser, the ship had been hit and the captain was killed. For most, taking command of one of the most advanced ships in the fleet would be a joyous occasion, but not for Tace. He was only 6 ears out of Starfleet Academy, and certainly not ready for the responsibility of commanding a ship - even if it was only commanding it until it reached a star base. He reluctantly accepted temporary command. He was both a natural leader and a cunning warrior, but at heart, he was still very immature.
Almost as soon as he arrives on the bridge, he begins instructing the crew on what to do, “Tessel, get the warp drive back online; Mika, restore power to the fore and dorsal shields; and someone send out a narrow band distress signal. Federation and Klingon frequencies only!” The crew had great confidence in his abilities, and it was for that reason that they jumped to his orders with such expedience.
Thirty minutes had gone by before the commander realized how odd it was that he had not received a response to his distress signal. He had become so caught up in directing the crew, that he completely forgot about it. “Ecus, scan the area for ships: enemy or otherwise.“ “Nothing on short range sensors, I do have three distinct power readings on long range sensors. I cannot be any more specific - the sensors are badly damaged.”
“If they were friendly, they would have signaled us by now. Ecus, get the crew to battlestations!”, commented Barak. Most of the bridge crew looked upon their leader in despair, but Barak’s face was un-shaken by the news. With the tap of his com badge, Barak said in a commanding voice, “Tessel, what’s the status of the warp drive?” Tessel’s response wasn’t what the crew wanted to hear, but it was good enough for Tace, “It’s operational, but it’ll only give you warp three - at best”. “Excellent” replied Barak, with a surprising spunk in his voice. . .