Graham Kennedy's Portal: A MSTing
Posted: 2002-08-04 01:09am
In the not too distant future,
Somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Are caught in an endless chase
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl,
Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world
She threw a few things in her purse,
And in her rocketship she hunts him,
All across the universe! ("I'll get youuu!")
"I'll send him cheesy movies,
"The worst we I find (la-la-la)
"He'll have to sit and watch them all,
"And I'll monitor his mind (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control,
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call:
Cambot ("You're on")
Gypsy ("Oh, my stars")
Tom Servo ("Check me out")
Croooow! ("I'm different")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts (la-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax".
For... MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000!
---On board SOL----
Crow: Star Trek Rules!
Tom: No, Star wars Rules
Crow: Star Trek!
Tom: Star Wars!
Crow: Trek!
Tom: Wars!
{The both continue yell back and forth for the next 10 minutes until Mike comes in annoyed and wandering what the hell is going on}
Mike: What is going On in here?
Crow: Tom, here started to bash star trek and used baseless claims and assertions to prove star wars is better than trek!
Tom: Mike, He is lying, He is the one who started to bash star wars and used baseless claims and assertions.
{Before Mike can reply the MAD lights go off)
Mike: Wait you guys, Huey, Dewy and Louis are calling.
---Down in Pearl's Forrester's Castle-----
Pearl: Hello, Nelson, I just couldn't overhear those to peices of Scrap arguing over Who is Better: Star Wars or Star TreK? Which brings me to today's torture session. Today you will be reading one of the most horrible Star Trek Vs Star Wars Fanfics out there today. It is so horrible, Both Spacebattles.com, Alt. Startrek Vs Starwars banned it from thier respective forums and newsgroup. You will be reading "Portal" By the Graham Kennedy. Enjoy! MUhahahaha!!!! Brain Guy!
Observer: Yes madam?
Pearl: Send them the Hurt!
{Oberver nod's his head and the SOL goes beserk!}
All: We got Fanfic Sign!!! Aghh!
5
4
3
2
1
{Bots and Mike Enter the Theater}
>>This story is for enjoyment purposes only
>>- I was trying to write a dramatic and tense bit of fiction,
Tom: So in Other words the entire Fanfic will 100% pure crap?
Crow: Yep.
Mike Hey now let's give him a chance, the fic has not even begun yet.
>>not to depict what I think would actually happen if the >>USS Enterprise met the Star Wars Empire.
Tom: His fanfic is stored a Star Trek Site and he expects the reader to think he has no biasness?
MikE; Like I said let's give him a chance maybe the fic will be completely independent like Mike Wong's fic.
Tom: Doubt It.
>>In “reality”
Crow: Which I am extremly out of touch with
Mike: Let's not flame the author yet until the Fanfic Starts.
>>(strange word to use in this context!), I think that the events here would go MUCH more in Starfleet's favour,
but pushing that argument is emphatically NOT what this story is for.
Tom: Warning! Warning! Bullshit Meter going way Up! He states that Starfleet would kick the Empire's ass but In the same statement says that the story is not about that!?! We are in for a long one Mike.
Mike: I might not be as bad as it looks.
>>The Alpha-quadrant part of the story is set early in >>Deep Space Nine's sixth season. The story begins shortly >>after the war with the Dominion started and about six >>months after the events of "Star Trek : First Contact". >>Chapter Six ends some time before the events seen in the >>Deep Space Nine episode "Favour the Bold".
Mike: Looks like we have a trekkie fanboy here.
>>The Star Wars portion is set a few months before "The Empire Strikes Back".
>>Although this story is naturally not canon, I have made >>every possible effort to keep it strictly in line with >>the known technology and events of both the Startrek and >>Star Wars universes.
>>So far as I know, 'Portal' does not contain one single >>canon violation of either Trek or Wars - with one >>proviso. So far as I am concerned, the ONLY parts of the >>Wars franchise that are canon are the three Special >>Edition versions of the movies. I don't care what it >>says in the reference books, novels, scripts, comics, or >>anything else.
Mike: On second thought maybe, Tom You are right, now he is blatanly ignoring the EU. Yep, We will be in for a long one.
Tom: Told Ya' Mike. It took you this long to figure out.
MIke: Well...
>>The reason I don't care is that George Lucas has been >>quoted as saying that he will feel free
>>to deliberately contradict these sources in future films >>if he feels like it - as far as I am concerned, that >>means that they are not canon.
Crow: This guy obviosly has not clue what canon policy is for Star Wars.
TOM: Lucas said that the Novels are part of the EU until it is voided by another novel or a movie. And the Recent movie only re-affirms that. What MR. Kennedy is doing is ignoring the EU in purpose so he can give Star Trek the edge in this Fanfic.
Crow: [mutters] Fanboy
Tom: Look who's talking, Mr. "My room is the Shrine to Sailor Senshi!"
Mike: Hey guy's, Cut that out, we need to stay frosty and not let this guy get to us. Let's relax and stay calm.
>>"Official" simply does not count, and "canon unless >>contradicted" is simply absurd.
TOm: No, That's the Policy of George Lucas.
>>If you don't like that then that's your prerogative
ALL: We don't Like it
>>,but don't bother e-mailing arguments to me because I've >>heard it all before in spades and it doesn't change a >>thing.
Crow: You know it's almost as if he want's us to e-mail him or something.
Mike: It's like he's crying out for attention.
Tom: I'll give him an e-mail alright, a nice big juicy, Virus, that oughta make him think twice about his Canon policy.
>>Without giving anything away, I'm aware that a certain >>central character is left rather lost and cut off from >>home at the end of this story.
All: *Groan*
Tom: Please, don't let it be Janeway, please don't let it be Janeway.
Mike: Somehow Tom, I highly doubt it.
<<I haven't decided what to do with this character yet, <<but I am mulling over ideas for further parts.
Tom: If It is Janeway, maybe you can have her fie a horrible and painfull death!
Mike: Feeling Dark today, Tom?
Tom: Bite Me, Nelson!
>>If you'd like to read more, feel free to e-mail me and >>let me know.
ALL: We will!
>>So read on and enjoy. And if you don't... well hey, it's >>only a story.
Tom: Don't Worry We won't
"Portal" is owned by Graham Kennedy. All Rights Reserved
MST3k is owned by Best Brains INC. All Rights reserved
Star wars Is owned by George Lucas and Lucasarts all rights reserved.
Star Trek is Owned by paramount All rights reserved
Somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals,
Are caught in an endless chase
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl,
Just an evil gal who wants to rule the world
She threw a few things in her purse,
And in her rocketship she hunts him,
All across the universe! ("I'll get youuu!")
"I'll send him cheesy movies,
"The worst we I find (la-la-la)
"He'll have to sit and watch them all,
"And I'll monitor his mind (la-la-la)
Now keep in mind Mike can't control,
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends
Robot Roll Call:
Cambot ("You're on")
Gypsy ("Oh, my stars")
Tom Servo ("Check me out")
Croooow! ("I'm different")
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes,
And other science facts (la-la-la)
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax".
For... MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000!
---On board SOL----
Crow: Star Trek Rules!
Tom: No, Star wars Rules
Crow: Star Trek!
Tom: Star Wars!
Crow: Trek!
Tom: Wars!
{The both continue yell back and forth for the next 10 minutes until Mike comes in annoyed and wandering what the hell is going on}
Mike: What is going On in here?
Crow: Tom, here started to bash star trek and used baseless claims and assertions to prove star wars is better than trek!
Tom: Mike, He is lying, He is the one who started to bash star wars and used baseless claims and assertions.
{Before Mike can reply the MAD lights go off)
Mike: Wait you guys, Huey, Dewy and Louis are calling.
---Down in Pearl's Forrester's Castle-----
Pearl: Hello, Nelson, I just couldn't overhear those to peices of Scrap arguing over Who is Better: Star Wars or Star TreK? Which brings me to today's torture session. Today you will be reading one of the most horrible Star Trek Vs Star Wars Fanfics out there today. It is so horrible, Both Spacebattles.com, Alt. Startrek Vs Starwars banned it from thier respective forums and newsgroup. You will be reading "Portal" By the Graham Kennedy. Enjoy! MUhahahaha!!!! Brain Guy!
Observer: Yes madam?
Pearl: Send them the Hurt!
{Oberver nod's his head and the SOL goes beserk!}
All: We got Fanfic Sign!!! Aghh!
5
4
3
2
1
{Bots and Mike Enter the Theater}
>>This story is for enjoyment purposes only
>>- I was trying to write a dramatic and tense bit of fiction,
Tom: So in Other words the entire Fanfic will 100% pure crap?
Crow: Yep.
Mike Hey now let's give him a chance, the fic has not even begun yet.
>>not to depict what I think would actually happen if the >>USS Enterprise met the Star Wars Empire.
Tom: His fanfic is stored a Star Trek Site and he expects the reader to think he has no biasness?
MikE; Like I said let's give him a chance maybe the fic will be completely independent like Mike Wong's fic.
Tom: Doubt It.
>>In “reality”
Crow: Which I am extremly out of touch with
Mike: Let's not flame the author yet until the Fanfic Starts.
>>(strange word to use in this context!), I think that the events here would go MUCH more in Starfleet's favour,
but pushing that argument is emphatically NOT what this story is for.
Tom: Warning! Warning! Bullshit Meter going way Up! He states that Starfleet would kick the Empire's ass but In the same statement says that the story is not about that!?! We are in for a long one Mike.
Mike: I might not be as bad as it looks.
>>The Alpha-quadrant part of the story is set early in >>Deep Space Nine's sixth season. The story begins shortly >>after the war with the Dominion started and about six >>months after the events of "Star Trek : First Contact". >>Chapter Six ends some time before the events seen in the >>Deep Space Nine episode "Favour the Bold".
Mike: Looks like we have a trekkie fanboy here.
>>The Star Wars portion is set a few months before "The Empire Strikes Back".
>>Although this story is naturally not canon, I have made >>every possible effort to keep it strictly in line with >>the known technology and events of both the Startrek and >>Star Wars universes.
>>So far as I know, 'Portal' does not contain one single >>canon violation of either Trek or Wars - with one >>proviso. So far as I am concerned, the ONLY parts of the >>Wars franchise that are canon are the three Special >>Edition versions of the movies. I don't care what it >>says in the reference books, novels, scripts, comics, or >>anything else.
Mike: On second thought maybe, Tom You are right, now he is blatanly ignoring the EU. Yep, We will be in for a long one.
Tom: Told Ya' Mike. It took you this long to figure out.
MIke: Well...
>>The reason I don't care is that George Lucas has been >>quoted as saying that he will feel free
>>to deliberately contradict these sources in future films >>if he feels like it - as far as I am concerned, that >>means that they are not canon.
Crow: This guy obviosly has not clue what canon policy is for Star Wars.
TOM: Lucas said that the Novels are part of the EU until it is voided by another novel or a movie. And the Recent movie only re-affirms that. What MR. Kennedy is doing is ignoring the EU in purpose so he can give Star Trek the edge in this Fanfic.
Crow: [mutters] Fanboy
Tom: Look who's talking, Mr. "My room is the Shrine to Sailor Senshi!"
Mike: Hey guy's, Cut that out, we need to stay frosty and not let this guy get to us. Let's relax and stay calm.
>>"Official" simply does not count, and "canon unless >>contradicted" is simply absurd.
TOm: No, That's the Policy of George Lucas.
>>If you don't like that then that's your prerogative
ALL: We don't Like it
>>,but don't bother e-mailing arguments to me because I've >>heard it all before in spades and it doesn't change a >>thing.
Crow: You know it's almost as if he want's us to e-mail him or something.
Mike: It's like he's crying out for attention.
Tom: I'll give him an e-mail alright, a nice big juicy, Virus, that oughta make him think twice about his Canon policy.
>>Without giving anything away, I'm aware that a certain >>central character is left rather lost and cut off from >>home at the end of this story.
All: *Groan*
Tom: Please, don't let it be Janeway, please don't let it be Janeway.
Mike: Somehow Tom, I highly doubt it.
<<I haven't decided what to do with this character yet, <<but I am mulling over ideas for further parts.
Tom: If It is Janeway, maybe you can have her fie a horrible and painfull death!
Mike: Feeling Dark today, Tom?
Tom: Bite Me, Nelson!
>>If you'd like to read more, feel free to e-mail me and >>let me know.
ALL: We will!
>>So read on and enjoy. And if you don't... well hey, it's >>only a story.
Tom: Don't Worry We won't
"Portal" is owned by Graham Kennedy. All Rights Reserved
MST3k is owned by Best Brains INC. All Rights reserved
Star wars Is owned by George Lucas and Lucasarts all rights reserved.
Star Trek is Owned by paramount All rights reserved
