Why Teenagers Shouldn't Have Credit Cards: A Cautionary Tale
Posted: 2006-08-11 12:58am
A friend of mine got a credit card, but I was concerned that she would use it to make frivilous charges and run up a huge bill outside of her means. I crafted this story in an AIM conversation as a warning.
StarshipTitanic [11:03 PM]: Put it in a drawer and don't take it out until some guy is impregnating you (not as he is, but around that time).
AFriendOfMine [11:04 PM]: lol, ok
StarshipTitanic [11:04 PM]: You can as it happens if you want, it might be that boring and soul-crushing.
AFriendOfMine [11:05 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:05 PM]: Go out and buy your cigs and cheap liquor with it
AFriendOfMine [11:06 PM]: lol ok
StarshipTitanic [11:06 PM]: Tell the cashier since you've lost the flower of your innocence, so will your credit rating.
AFriendOfMine [11:06 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:07 PM]: Then take your wedding band off your finger and throw it in the trash. Leer at the cashier. Bat your eyes at him and lean forward (you did wear something low cut or skimpy like a tank top, right?)
AFriendOfMine [11:07 PM]: lmao sure
StarshipTitanic [11:08 PM]: Hey, I'm just giving you good marriage tips
AFriendOfMine [11:08 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:10 PM]: Ask him when his shift ends
StarshipTitanic [11:10 PM]: He should squeak out a time. Then it's just a question of getting yourself drunk enough not to crash your car as you drive around the block waiting.
StarshipTitanic [11:10 PM]: But enough to crush your soul.
AFriendOfMine [11:11 PM]: lmao
StarshipTitanic [11:11 PM]: He'll come out eventually and lock up, then you pull up and say something like "Hello stranger"
StarshipTitanic [11:11 PM]: He is startled and accidentally jumps back against the glass in shock. "You're the lady!"
StarshipTitanic [11:12 PM]: "I'm your lady tonight, baby"
StarshipTitanic [11:12 PM]: "Oh my god, get away from me!"
AFriendOfMine [11:12 PM]: hahahahahhahahahahah
StarshipTitanic [11:13 PM]: He runs towards his car, and you give chase. But since you're trashed, your "chase" ends up with you falling out of your car, stumbling over to the curb, and then tripping and falling into a bush. The kid drives off.
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: with my car??
StarshipTitanic [11:14 PM]: No, his!
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: oh
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: his
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: sorry i just read that!!
StarshipTitanic [11:14 PM]: You wake up to find that you passed out near a bus stop and some middle schoolers are standing there waiting and looking up your skirt.
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: hahaha
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: who said i was wearing a skirt!!
StarshipTitanic [11:14 PM]: You dressed all slutty to get some cashier boy action!
StarshipTitanic [11:15 PM]: You obviously wore a trashy miniskirt you stole from Paris Hilton's closet
AFriendOfMine [11:15 PM]: hahaha, and who exactly is this??
AFriendOfMine [11:15 PM]: i need to know!
StarshipTitanic [11:15 PM]: The cashier?
AFriendOfMine [11:15 PM]: yes
StarshipTitanic [11:16 PM]: A junior from the high school with a pimple on his right cheek
AFriendOfMine [11:17 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:18 PM]: He has a girlfriend, but she's kind of a prude so he's still a virgin and quite bitter about it. He feels like he lost the perfect girlfriend lottery because she's attractive but he can't touch.
StarshipTitanic [11:18 PM]: He would have taken up your offer if you weren't so terrifying
AFriendOfMine [11:18 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:18 PM]: I think her name is Stephanie.
AFriendOfMine [11:19 PM]: his girlfriend?
StarshipTitanic [11:19 PM]: Yes
AFriendOfMine [11:19 PM]: and his name?
StarshipTitanic [11:19 PM]: Argh, I can't remember...
StarshipTitanic [11:20 PM]: I think it's Matthew
StarshipTitanic [11:21 PM]: He likes to be called Matty
AFriendOfMine [11:21 PM]: lol, awww cute
StarshipTitanic [11:22 PM]: His sister would call him that in front of his friends when he was younger and they picked up on it. At first he hated it, but he grew to accept it. Matty's kind of a wuss
AFriendOfMine [11:23 PM]: =]
StarshipTitanic [11:23 PM]: Stephanie tells all her friends that she wishes Matty would take more charge in their relationship.
AFriendOfMine [11:23 PM]: in what way?
StarshipTitanic [11:24 PM]: That's what Ashley asked her.
AFriendOfMine [11:25 PM]: hahaha
StarshipTitanic [11:25 PM]: Stephanie said she sometimes pretends to flirt with other guys just to get Matty a little jealous, but he never says anything about it.
StarshipTitanic [11:26 PM]: She also said she didn't mean it in a sexist way like the chivalry crap. She opens all the doors and drives them places.
AFriendOfMine [11:26 PM]: ok my card doesn't have any fees on it, i'm sure
StarshipTitanic [11:26 PM]: That's good
StarshipTitanic [11:26 PM]: That means the future I just told won't happen. Thanks for wasting all my time, asshole..
AFriendOfMine [11:27 PM]: hahahahahahahaha
AFriendOfMine [11:27 PM]: i wanna hear the rest if it did
StarshipTitanic [11:28 PM]: When Matty told her about you, she thought he was making it up.
StarshipTitanic [11:28 PM]: Matty insisted it happened, and for some reason they had an argument about it. Stephanie was menstrating, though, so that explains part of it.
AFriendOfMine [11:29 PM]: ohhh
StarshipTitanic [11:29 PM]: Yeah, those freaking women every once a month.
StarshipTitanic [11:29 PM]: Just go crazy.
AFriendOfMine [11:29 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:30 PM]: What ended the argument was Matty telling her how much of a tease she was, and she told him that she let her previous boyfriend Justin see her with her top off when it fell off one time they were swimming in Justin's pool.
StarshipTitanic [11:31 PM]: Matty called her a whore because he was now insanely jealous and they stopped talking. It took Matty a week for him to be enough of a non-pussy to break up with her, although she didn't expect it.
AFriendOfMine [11:32 PM]: =-O!
StarshipTitanic [11:32 PM]: She immediately went back to Justin, who had been her friend since elementary school so they always had a very Wonder Years contrived bond together, and within another week they had slept with each other. I think it was because she was so furious at Matty, whom she thought was probably the best person she had ever known, that she wanted to really hurt him like he had hurt her. It was all very angsty.
AFriendOfMine [11:33 PM]: =[
StarshipTitanic [11:33 PM]: Even Justin felt like it was wrong and broke up with her.
StarshipTitanic [11:33 PM]: Especially since he had a girlfriend.
AFriendOfMine [11:33 PM]: oh god!
StarshipTitanic [11:34 PM]: A few months went by, your divorce was finalized but your ex-husband was sueing you for the wedding band back. You obviously couldn't provide it because you threw it away at the convienance store so long ago, so you tried to pretend you gave it back.
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: wait wait
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: so i'm chasing Matty
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: and i have an ex-husband
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: No!
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: You've been out of the picture since that first night you tried to seduce him
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: You should remember that part at least, it's your life
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: lol, whatttt?!
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: i thought i had a future!
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: with him!
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: ok ok ok
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: who's my ex-husband
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: What the hell? He's 17, pedo
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: You're like 26
AFriendOfMine [11:36 PM]: lmao ok
StarshipTitanic [11:36 PM]: David, or Dave.
StarshipTitanic [11:36 PM]: You went back to the store to ask if someone had found it and kept it, and Matt (he insisted he be called Matt from now on) was working.
StarshipTitanic [11:36 PM]: You of course didn't remember, but he did.
StarshipTitanic [11:37 PM]: You were too embarissed at first to go to the counter and ask for a wedding band, but the way you were obviously searching under the racks and displays of the store made Matt think
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: He remembered you threw something away, and he concocted a really bizzare plan he never would have thought of if he hadn't started taking his sister's medication after Stephanie broke up with him to make him feel better.
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: You finally walked up to the counter and asked if someone had found a wedding band.
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: He was gripping the counter, knuckles white and palms covered with sweat.
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: He said "Yeah, I remember. You kinda threw it at me."
StarshipTitanic [11:39 PM]: You gushed apologies and felt like an idiot, and he continued with "I actually took it home so no one would steal it from the lost and found.
StarshipTitanic [11:39 PM]: You gushed thanks and he offered to bring it in the next day. You left
AFriendOfMine [11:39 PM]: =]
StarshipTitanic [11:40 PM]: The next day in school, he kept leering at Stephanie from across classrooms and halls until third period, when he took some of his sister's meds and was then really happy. He would then giggle at Stephanie from across halls and classrooms.
AFriendOfMine [11:40 PM]: uh huh
StarshipTitanic [11:41 PM]: Stephanie talked with her friend Ashley about it and Ashley said he probably found another girlfriend. They then discussed the possibilities
StarshipTitanic [11:43 PM]: They couldn't decide between Caitlin and Taylor. They thought it could be Caitlin because she was one of those lonely, desperate girls that went after bland, mainstream people like Matt. On the other hand, Stephanie said Matt gave her clues that he was a little faggy and Taylor was a tomboy who asked him to the dance once.
AFriendOfMine [11:44 PM]: hahaha
StarshipTitanic [11:45 PM]: They thought of a bizarre plan to see if they could "out" the correct person. One of them would take one of the suspects to Matt's store. They'd send her in to get something and watch through the window to see if they made an obvious boyfriend/girlfriend action.
AFriendOfMine [11:45 PM]: mhmm
StarshipTitanic [11:45 PM]: Ashley would take Caitlin and Stephanie would take Taylor.
AFriendOfMine [11:46 PM]: what bitches
StarshipTitanic [11:46 PM]: Ashley would go right after school, and Stephanie would go after Ashley reported in. Matt went to work right after school.
StarshipTitanic [11:46 PM]: They're all actually friends, they aren't fooling them.
StarshipTitanic [11:46 PM]: Ashley wished it was Caitlin because she felt bad for her.
StarshipTitanic [11:47 PM]: That's why she was taking her, so she could congradulate Caitlin afterwards
StarshipTitanic [11:47 PM]: congratulate
AFriendOfMine [11:47 PM]: hahahaha
AFriendOfMine [11:47 PM]: dumbass
StarshipTitanic [11:48 PM]: Ashley secretly didn't like Stephanie as much as Caitlin and Taylor because of Steph's prudishness.
AFriendOfMine [11:48 PM]: i see
StarshipTitanic [11:49 PM]: Once at a sleepover, Taylor asked if any of them would do it with a woman and they all laughed except Steph, who said it was gross and called Taylor a fag.
StarshipTitanic [11:49 PM]: Ashley thought she overreacted
AFriendOfMine [11:49 PM]: yeah probably
StarshipTitanic [11:50 PM]: Ashley actually turned out pretty well. You eventually worked for her and would tell your children that your boss was young enough to be their sibling.
StarshipTitanic [11:50 PM]: So anyway
AFriendOfMine [11:50 PM]: lmao
AFriendOfMine [11:50 PM]: what do i do though!?
StarshipTitanic [11:50 PM]: Matt went to work right after school and Ashley came in with Caitlin as soon as she saw Matt replace the morning cashier.
StarshipTitanic [11:53 PM]: Caitlin bought some gum and the Diet Pepsi Ashley wanted (Ashley liked Diet Pepsi more than regular Pepsi, she wasn't worried about her weight or anything. She always told the obviously anorexic whores to toy with them.). Matt smiled at her and Caitlin got signals entirely not meant for her. She smiled back and Ashley was confused. After they left, Ashley "jokingly" asked if anything was going on and Caitlin said no with a big, depressing sigh.
StarshipTitanic [11:55 PM]: Ashley texted Stephanie the good? news and then took Caitlin home so they could eat ice cream and watch their favorite soap opera to cheer Caitlin up.
AFriendOfMine [11:55 PM]: their favorite soap opera needs to be PASSIONS
StarshipTitanic [11:55 PM]: Ashley felt guilty for using Caitlin and told her the whole story. That actually cheered Caitlin up because she thought Stephanie's jealousy was hilarious.
StarshipTitanic [11:56 PM]: Caitlin told Ashley she actually had a crush on Jake and Ashley encouraged her to ask him out. She did and Jake said no, though, but Caitlin still got a boost of self-confidence.
StarshipTitanic [11:57 PM]: In college, Caitlin fell in love with her chemistry professor's TA and they got married after she got her degree in forensics. She later split her time between her job at the police and as a consultant for a cop show.
StarshipTitanic [11:57 PM]: Oh yeah, the story
AFriendOfMine [11:58 PM]: lmao, i love you
StarshipTitanic [11:58 PM]: You pulled up as Ashley and Caitlin left.
StarshipTitanic [11:59 PM]: You went in and Matt visibly became agitated. You asked him if he had the wedding band and he said he did, but he left it in his car. He invited you to come with him to get it. He yelled to his manager he'd be right back and you two went out the door. He parked out front, but off to the side of the lot near the street.
AFriendOfMine [12:00 AM]: =]!!!
AFriendOfMine [12:00 AM]: i wants my band back!
StarshipTitanic [12:01 AM]: I was visiting my parents and was driving by at this moment and saw you. Muttering "oh shit oh shit" to myself, I impulsive sped up and peeled a little rubber. You looked up because of the squealing noise to see a dirty silver Civic speed off and thought "moron."
AFriendOfMine [12:01 AM]: you're my ex husband!?!?!?!?!?!?
StarshipTitanic [12:01 AM]: What the hell? No
StarshipTitanic [12:01 AM]: I don't even live here anymore!
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: hahaha
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: i'm confused!
StarshipTitanic [12:02 AM]: I just didn't want to see you
StarshipTitanic [12:02 AM]: Or you to see me
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: ok
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [12:03 AM]: I wore aviator sunglasses during my visits through our town. With that and my beard, I was indistinguishable. I once saw a girl from our class in Stop and Shop and decided to test my luck by walking by her as she was shopping.
StarshipTitanic [12:04 AM]: Not indistinguishable, but you know what I mean.
StarshipTitanic [12:05 AM]: I walked by and she looked at me but seemed more afraid at my bizarre appearance (I also was wearing a wide-brimmed hat and had my Hawaiian shirt on) than recognizing me. A few aisles later, she sneezed really loud (remember how she would do that in class and everyone would look at her?) and I couldn't stop laughing so I had to practically run out of the store.
StarshipTitanic [12:05 AM]: So anyway
StarshipTitanic [12:06 AM]: Stephanie drove into the parking lot with Taylor at this moment (Me passing by, you and Matt at his car). Taylor said "Isn't that Matt over there with some woman?" and Stephanie immediately flushed red.
StarshipTitanic [12:07 AM]: When you were momentarily distracted by the loud sound my car made, Matt quickly wrapped his arms around you from behind. He whispered "Remember what you were looking for that night you lost your ring?" You were initially too shocked to struggle, because you concentrated on trying to remember what happened.
StarshipTitanic [12:08 AM]: It dawned on you that you had, ahem, solicited the young lad. "I- I was drunk! I'm not attracted to you, get off me!"
AFriendOfMine [12:10 AM]: lololol
StarshipTitanic [12:11 AM]: You shook Matt off you and he fell against his car and slid to the ground. He grabbed your ankle as you attempted to leave. This caught the attention of several passers-by and one of them called the police. Several people pulled Matt off you and pinned him to the ground. The cops came and arrested Matt for sexual harrassment and assault and he was taken away. Stephanie and Taylor watched the whole thing from across the parking lot.
AFriendOfMine [12:11 AM]: that's creepy!
StarshipTitanic [12:15 AM]: Stephanie started to cry from all the stress and Taylor tried to comfort her by taking her hand. Stephanie confessed how terrible she was and how terrible she felt, and Taylor told her that it was ok and she would still be her friend. Eventually, Stephanie and Taylor started dating and got married in Cambridge where the first gay marriage was made legal. Matt was put on probation, but got into Salem State
and later became a teacher (you dropped the sexual harassment charge because of what you did first)
AFriendOfMine [12:15 AM]: i'm considerate
StarshipTitanic [12:15 AM]: Well you sexually harassed him first, so you felt guilty
AFriendOfMine [12:15 AM]: i know
StarshipTitanic [12:15 AM]: You only pressed the assault charge
AFriendOfMine [12:15 AM]: ohhh
StarshipTitanic [12:16 AM]: I spent a few more days at home before I took a month vacation in Italy to visit a friend
StarshipTitanic [12:17 AM]: I think I covered the fate of everyone I mentioned.
AFriendOfMine [12:17 AM]: lmao
StarshipTitanic [12:17 AM]: Oh wait, Jake was hit by a drunk driver and died. Kids at high school pledged to drink less, but they didn't and it would happen again and again in the future.
AFriendOfMine [12:17 AM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [12:18 AM]: And you eventually had to pay Dave the money for the wedding band. Ironically, you had to use your credit card obtained so very long ago.
StarshipTitanic [12:18 AM]: The lesson is don't use your charge card.
AFriendOfMine [12:18 AM]: lmao
AFriendOfMine [12:19 AM]: was that the first and only time i used it?
StarshipTitanic [12:19 AM]: Yes
And then I tied up some loose ends...
StarshipTitanic [12:25 AM]: Oh! Justin dropped out of UMass Boston in his sophomore year and worked at Logan for a while, then became a postal worker for the rest of his life. While not stupid, he lacked the essential drive to be successful. He had a family and was generally happy, but whenever he thought about high school and Matt and Stephanie and all his old friends he lost touch with, he felt like his life lacked something.
AFriendOfMine [12:27 AM]: =\
StarshipTitanic [12:27 AM]: Matt's unnamed Sister was in the car of the drunk driver who hit Jake. She lay in a coma for five years in a hospital in Boston before her parents and Matt turned off the machinery and let her die.
AFriendOfMine [12:27 AM]: :'(:'(:'(
AFriendOfMine [12:27 AM]: that's really depressing
StarshipTitanic [12:29 AM]: Matt started a fund called Matt's Sister's Fund that paid for a halfway house, which indirectly has saved countless lives from drug abuse and alcoholism
AFriendOfMine [12:29 AM]: i like the name of the fund
StarshipTitanic [12:29 AM]: Ok, THAT'S the end of the story
StarshipTitanic [11:03 PM]: Put it in a drawer and don't take it out until some guy is impregnating you (not as he is, but around that time).
AFriendOfMine [11:04 PM]: lol, ok
StarshipTitanic [11:04 PM]: You can as it happens if you want, it might be that boring and soul-crushing.
AFriendOfMine [11:05 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:05 PM]: Go out and buy your cigs and cheap liquor with it
AFriendOfMine [11:06 PM]: lol ok
StarshipTitanic [11:06 PM]: Tell the cashier since you've lost the flower of your innocence, so will your credit rating.
AFriendOfMine [11:06 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:07 PM]: Then take your wedding band off your finger and throw it in the trash. Leer at the cashier. Bat your eyes at him and lean forward (you did wear something low cut or skimpy like a tank top, right?)
AFriendOfMine [11:07 PM]: lmao sure
StarshipTitanic [11:08 PM]: Hey, I'm just giving you good marriage tips
AFriendOfMine [11:08 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:10 PM]: Ask him when his shift ends
StarshipTitanic [11:10 PM]: He should squeak out a time. Then it's just a question of getting yourself drunk enough not to crash your car as you drive around the block waiting.
StarshipTitanic [11:10 PM]: But enough to crush your soul.
AFriendOfMine [11:11 PM]: lmao
StarshipTitanic [11:11 PM]: He'll come out eventually and lock up, then you pull up and say something like "Hello stranger"
StarshipTitanic [11:11 PM]: He is startled and accidentally jumps back against the glass in shock. "You're the lady!"
StarshipTitanic [11:12 PM]: "I'm your lady tonight, baby"
StarshipTitanic [11:12 PM]: "Oh my god, get away from me!"
AFriendOfMine [11:12 PM]: hahahahahhahahahahah
StarshipTitanic [11:13 PM]: He runs towards his car, and you give chase. But since you're trashed, your "chase" ends up with you falling out of your car, stumbling over to the curb, and then tripping and falling into a bush. The kid drives off.
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: with my car??
StarshipTitanic [11:14 PM]: No, his!
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: oh
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: his
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: sorry i just read that!!
StarshipTitanic [11:14 PM]: You wake up to find that you passed out near a bus stop and some middle schoolers are standing there waiting and looking up your skirt.
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: hahaha
AFriendOfMine [11:14 PM]: who said i was wearing a skirt!!
StarshipTitanic [11:14 PM]: You dressed all slutty to get some cashier boy action!
StarshipTitanic [11:15 PM]: You obviously wore a trashy miniskirt you stole from Paris Hilton's closet
AFriendOfMine [11:15 PM]: hahaha, and who exactly is this??
AFriendOfMine [11:15 PM]: i need to know!
StarshipTitanic [11:15 PM]: The cashier?
AFriendOfMine [11:15 PM]: yes
StarshipTitanic [11:16 PM]: A junior from the high school with a pimple on his right cheek
AFriendOfMine [11:17 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:18 PM]: He has a girlfriend, but she's kind of a prude so he's still a virgin and quite bitter about it. He feels like he lost the perfect girlfriend lottery because she's attractive but he can't touch.
StarshipTitanic [11:18 PM]: He would have taken up your offer if you weren't so terrifying
AFriendOfMine [11:18 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:18 PM]: I think her name is Stephanie.
AFriendOfMine [11:19 PM]: his girlfriend?
StarshipTitanic [11:19 PM]: Yes
AFriendOfMine [11:19 PM]: and his name?
StarshipTitanic [11:19 PM]: Argh, I can't remember...
StarshipTitanic [11:20 PM]: I think it's Matthew
StarshipTitanic [11:21 PM]: He likes to be called Matty
AFriendOfMine [11:21 PM]: lol, awww cute
StarshipTitanic [11:22 PM]: His sister would call him that in front of his friends when he was younger and they picked up on it. At first he hated it, but he grew to accept it. Matty's kind of a wuss
AFriendOfMine [11:23 PM]: =]
StarshipTitanic [11:23 PM]: Stephanie tells all her friends that she wishes Matty would take more charge in their relationship.
AFriendOfMine [11:23 PM]: in what way?
StarshipTitanic [11:24 PM]: That's what Ashley asked her.
AFriendOfMine [11:25 PM]: hahaha
StarshipTitanic [11:25 PM]: Stephanie said she sometimes pretends to flirt with other guys just to get Matty a little jealous, but he never says anything about it.
StarshipTitanic [11:26 PM]: She also said she didn't mean it in a sexist way like the chivalry crap. She opens all the doors and drives them places.
AFriendOfMine [11:26 PM]: ok my card doesn't have any fees on it, i'm sure
StarshipTitanic [11:26 PM]: That's good
StarshipTitanic [11:26 PM]: That means the future I just told won't happen. Thanks for wasting all my time, asshole..
AFriendOfMine [11:27 PM]: hahahahahahahaha
AFriendOfMine [11:27 PM]: i wanna hear the rest if it did
StarshipTitanic [11:28 PM]: When Matty told her about you, she thought he was making it up.
StarshipTitanic [11:28 PM]: Matty insisted it happened, and for some reason they had an argument about it. Stephanie was menstrating, though, so that explains part of it.
AFriendOfMine [11:29 PM]: ohhh
StarshipTitanic [11:29 PM]: Yeah, those freaking women every once a month.
StarshipTitanic [11:29 PM]: Just go crazy.
AFriendOfMine [11:29 PM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [11:30 PM]: What ended the argument was Matty telling her how much of a tease she was, and she told him that she let her previous boyfriend Justin see her with her top off when it fell off one time they were swimming in Justin's pool.
StarshipTitanic [11:31 PM]: Matty called her a whore because he was now insanely jealous and they stopped talking. It took Matty a week for him to be enough of a non-pussy to break up with her, although she didn't expect it.
AFriendOfMine [11:32 PM]: =-O!
StarshipTitanic [11:32 PM]: She immediately went back to Justin, who had been her friend since elementary school so they always had a very Wonder Years contrived bond together, and within another week they had slept with each other. I think it was because she was so furious at Matty, whom she thought was probably the best person she had ever known, that she wanted to really hurt him like he had hurt her. It was all very angsty.
AFriendOfMine [11:33 PM]: =[
StarshipTitanic [11:33 PM]: Even Justin felt like it was wrong and broke up with her.
StarshipTitanic [11:33 PM]: Especially since he had a girlfriend.
AFriendOfMine [11:33 PM]: oh god!
StarshipTitanic [11:34 PM]: A few months went by, your divorce was finalized but your ex-husband was sueing you for the wedding band back. You obviously couldn't provide it because you threw it away at the convienance store so long ago, so you tried to pretend you gave it back.
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: wait wait
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: so i'm chasing Matty
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: and i have an ex-husband
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: No!
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: You've been out of the picture since that first night you tried to seduce him
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: You should remember that part at least, it's your life
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: lol, whatttt?!
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: i thought i had a future!
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: with him!
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: ok ok ok
AFriendOfMine [11:35 PM]: who's my ex-husband
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: What the hell? He's 17, pedo
StarshipTitanic [11:35 PM]: You're like 26
AFriendOfMine [11:36 PM]: lmao ok
StarshipTitanic [11:36 PM]: David, or Dave.
StarshipTitanic [11:36 PM]: You went back to the store to ask if someone had found it and kept it, and Matt (he insisted he be called Matt from now on) was working.
StarshipTitanic [11:36 PM]: You of course didn't remember, but he did.
StarshipTitanic [11:37 PM]: You were too embarissed at first to go to the counter and ask for a wedding band, but the way you were obviously searching under the racks and displays of the store made Matt think
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: He remembered you threw something away, and he concocted a really bizzare plan he never would have thought of if he hadn't started taking his sister's medication after Stephanie broke up with him to make him feel better.
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: You finally walked up to the counter and asked if someone had found a wedding band.
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: He was gripping the counter, knuckles white and palms covered with sweat.
StarshipTitanic [11:38 PM]: He said "Yeah, I remember. You kinda threw it at me."
StarshipTitanic [11:39 PM]: You gushed apologies and felt like an idiot, and he continued with "I actually took it home so no one would steal it from the lost and found.
StarshipTitanic [11:39 PM]: You gushed thanks and he offered to bring it in the next day. You left
AFriendOfMine [11:39 PM]: =]
StarshipTitanic [11:40 PM]: The next day in school, he kept leering at Stephanie from across classrooms and halls until third period, when he took some of his sister's meds and was then really happy. He would then giggle at Stephanie from across halls and classrooms.
AFriendOfMine [11:40 PM]: uh huh
StarshipTitanic [11:41 PM]: Stephanie talked with her friend Ashley about it and Ashley said he probably found another girlfriend. They then discussed the possibilities
StarshipTitanic [11:43 PM]: They couldn't decide between Caitlin and Taylor. They thought it could be Caitlin because she was one of those lonely, desperate girls that went after bland, mainstream people like Matt. On the other hand, Stephanie said Matt gave her clues that he was a little faggy and Taylor was a tomboy who asked him to the dance once.
AFriendOfMine [11:44 PM]: hahaha
StarshipTitanic [11:45 PM]: They thought of a bizarre plan to see if they could "out" the correct person. One of them would take one of the suspects to Matt's store. They'd send her in to get something and watch through the window to see if they made an obvious boyfriend/girlfriend action.
AFriendOfMine [11:45 PM]: mhmm
StarshipTitanic [11:45 PM]: Ashley would take Caitlin and Stephanie would take Taylor.
AFriendOfMine [11:46 PM]: what bitches
StarshipTitanic [11:46 PM]: Ashley would go right after school, and Stephanie would go after Ashley reported in. Matt went to work right after school.
StarshipTitanic [11:46 PM]: They're all actually friends, they aren't fooling them.
StarshipTitanic [11:46 PM]: Ashley wished it was Caitlin because she felt bad for her.
StarshipTitanic [11:47 PM]: That's why she was taking her, so she could congradulate Caitlin afterwards
StarshipTitanic [11:47 PM]: congratulate
AFriendOfMine [11:47 PM]: hahahaha
AFriendOfMine [11:47 PM]: dumbass
StarshipTitanic [11:48 PM]: Ashley secretly didn't like Stephanie as much as Caitlin and Taylor because of Steph's prudishness.
AFriendOfMine [11:48 PM]: i see
StarshipTitanic [11:49 PM]: Once at a sleepover, Taylor asked if any of them would do it with a woman and they all laughed except Steph, who said it was gross and called Taylor a fag.
StarshipTitanic [11:49 PM]: Ashley thought she overreacted
AFriendOfMine [11:49 PM]: yeah probably
StarshipTitanic [11:50 PM]: Ashley actually turned out pretty well. You eventually worked for her and would tell your children that your boss was young enough to be their sibling.
StarshipTitanic [11:50 PM]: So anyway
AFriendOfMine [11:50 PM]: lmao
AFriendOfMine [11:50 PM]: what do i do though!?
StarshipTitanic [11:50 PM]: Matt went to work right after school and Ashley came in with Caitlin as soon as she saw Matt replace the morning cashier.
StarshipTitanic [11:53 PM]: Caitlin bought some gum and the Diet Pepsi Ashley wanted (Ashley liked Diet Pepsi more than regular Pepsi, she wasn't worried about her weight or anything. She always told the obviously anorexic whores to toy with them.). Matt smiled at her and Caitlin got signals entirely not meant for her. She smiled back and Ashley was confused. After they left, Ashley "jokingly" asked if anything was going on and Caitlin said no with a big, depressing sigh.
StarshipTitanic [11:55 PM]: Ashley texted Stephanie the good? news and then took Caitlin home so they could eat ice cream and watch their favorite soap opera to cheer Caitlin up.
AFriendOfMine [11:55 PM]: their favorite soap opera needs to be PASSIONS
StarshipTitanic [11:55 PM]: Ashley felt guilty for using Caitlin and told her the whole story. That actually cheered Caitlin up because she thought Stephanie's jealousy was hilarious.
StarshipTitanic [11:56 PM]: Caitlin told Ashley she actually had a crush on Jake and Ashley encouraged her to ask him out. She did and Jake said no, though, but Caitlin still got a boost of self-confidence.
StarshipTitanic [11:57 PM]: In college, Caitlin fell in love with her chemistry professor's TA and they got married after she got her degree in forensics. She later split her time between her job at the police and as a consultant for a cop show.
StarshipTitanic [11:57 PM]: Oh yeah, the story
AFriendOfMine [11:58 PM]: lmao, i love you
StarshipTitanic [11:58 PM]: You pulled up as Ashley and Caitlin left.
StarshipTitanic [11:59 PM]: You went in and Matt visibly became agitated. You asked him if he had the wedding band and he said he did, but he left it in his car. He invited you to come with him to get it. He yelled to his manager he'd be right back and you two went out the door. He parked out front, but off to the side of the lot near the street.
AFriendOfMine [12:00 AM]: =]!!!
AFriendOfMine [12:00 AM]: i wants my band back!
StarshipTitanic [12:01 AM]: I was visiting my parents and was driving by at this moment and saw you. Muttering "oh shit oh shit" to myself, I impulsive sped up and peeled a little rubber. You looked up because of the squealing noise to see a dirty silver Civic speed off and thought "moron."
AFriendOfMine [12:01 AM]: you're my ex husband!?!?!?!?!?!?
StarshipTitanic [12:01 AM]: What the hell? No
StarshipTitanic [12:01 AM]: I don't even live here anymore!
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: hahaha
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: i'm confused!
StarshipTitanic [12:02 AM]: I just didn't want to see you
StarshipTitanic [12:02 AM]: Or you to see me
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: ok
AFriendOfMine [12:02 AM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [12:03 AM]: I wore aviator sunglasses during my visits through our town. With that and my beard, I was indistinguishable. I once saw a girl from our class in Stop and Shop and decided to test my luck by walking by her as she was shopping.
StarshipTitanic [12:04 AM]: Not indistinguishable, but you know what I mean.
StarshipTitanic [12:05 AM]: I walked by and she looked at me but seemed more afraid at my bizarre appearance (I also was wearing a wide-brimmed hat and had my Hawaiian shirt on) than recognizing me. A few aisles later, she sneezed really loud (remember how she would do that in class and everyone would look at her?) and I couldn't stop laughing so I had to practically run out of the store.
StarshipTitanic [12:05 AM]: So anyway
StarshipTitanic [12:06 AM]: Stephanie drove into the parking lot with Taylor at this moment (Me passing by, you and Matt at his car). Taylor said "Isn't that Matt over there with some woman?" and Stephanie immediately flushed red.
StarshipTitanic [12:07 AM]: When you were momentarily distracted by the loud sound my car made, Matt quickly wrapped his arms around you from behind. He whispered "Remember what you were looking for that night you lost your ring?" You were initially too shocked to struggle, because you concentrated on trying to remember what happened.
StarshipTitanic [12:08 AM]: It dawned on you that you had, ahem, solicited the young lad. "I- I was drunk! I'm not attracted to you, get off me!"
AFriendOfMine [12:10 AM]: lololol
StarshipTitanic [12:11 AM]: You shook Matt off you and he fell against his car and slid to the ground. He grabbed your ankle as you attempted to leave. This caught the attention of several passers-by and one of them called the police. Several people pulled Matt off you and pinned him to the ground. The cops came and arrested Matt for sexual harrassment and assault and he was taken away. Stephanie and Taylor watched the whole thing from across the parking lot.
AFriendOfMine [12:11 AM]: that's creepy!
StarshipTitanic [12:15 AM]: Stephanie started to cry from all the stress and Taylor tried to comfort her by taking her hand. Stephanie confessed how terrible she was and how terrible she felt, and Taylor told her that it was ok and she would still be her friend. Eventually, Stephanie and Taylor started dating and got married in Cambridge where the first gay marriage was made legal. Matt was put on probation, but got into Salem State
and later became a teacher (you dropped the sexual harassment charge because of what you did first)
AFriendOfMine [12:15 AM]: i'm considerate
StarshipTitanic [12:15 AM]: Well you sexually harassed him first, so you felt guilty
AFriendOfMine [12:15 AM]: i know
StarshipTitanic [12:15 AM]: You only pressed the assault charge
AFriendOfMine [12:15 AM]: ohhh
StarshipTitanic [12:16 AM]: I spent a few more days at home before I took a month vacation in Italy to visit a friend
StarshipTitanic [12:17 AM]: I think I covered the fate of everyone I mentioned.
AFriendOfMine [12:17 AM]: lmao
StarshipTitanic [12:17 AM]: Oh wait, Jake was hit by a drunk driver and died. Kids at high school pledged to drink less, but they didn't and it would happen again and again in the future.
AFriendOfMine [12:17 AM]: lol
StarshipTitanic [12:18 AM]: And you eventually had to pay Dave the money for the wedding band. Ironically, you had to use your credit card obtained so very long ago.
StarshipTitanic [12:18 AM]: The lesson is don't use your charge card.
AFriendOfMine [12:18 AM]: lmao
AFriendOfMine [12:19 AM]: was that the first and only time i used it?
StarshipTitanic [12:19 AM]: Yes
And then I tied up some loose ends...
StarshipTitanic [12:25 AM]: Oh! Justin dropped out of UMass Boston in his sophomore year and worked at Logan for a while, then became a postal worker for the rest of his life. While not stupid, he lacked the essential drive to be successful. He had a family and was generally happy, but whenever he thought about high school and Matt and Stephanie and all his old friends he lost touch with, he felt like his life lacked something.
AFriendOfMine [12:27 AM]: =\
StarshipTitanic [12:27 AM]: Matt's unnamed Sister was in the car of the drunk driver who hit Jake. She lay in a coma for five years in a hospital in Boston before her parents and Matt turned off the machinery and let her die.
AFriendOfMine [12:27 AM]: :'(:'(:'(
AFriendOfMine [12:27 AM]: that's really depressing
StarshipTitanic [12:29 AM]: Matt started a fund called Matt's Sister's Fund that paid for a halfway house, which indirectly has saved countless lives from drug abuse and alcoholism
AFriendOfMine [12:29 AM]: i like the name of the fund
StarshipTitanic [12:29 AM]: Ok, THAT'S the end of the story