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my fanfic; small part

Posted: 2002-08-05 07:58am
by Vympel
Ok here's the first 'chapter' so to speak but I haven't really called it anything. I was thinking something along the lines of 'Curiosity killed the Cat'.


Note; _xxxxx_ denotes italics or emphasis.

---

“Sir, I think we’ve found him!” the report came as Captain Perez stepped onto the bridge. His command, the USS Dublin, had been sent to the far edge of Federation territory following reports of strange encounters with unknown starships.

“Go ahead.”

“According to Starfleet briefings, the unknown contacts reported by traffic through this sector seemed to flicker in and out of contact extremely quickly.”

"Probably a cloaking device.” Perez noted.

“Indeed sir. We’ve been scanning this sector of space for quite some time without any indications of another sensor contact; and then just ... poof. It’s here.” Lt. Commander Kornukov punched up the results to the main viewer.

“Those scans are entirely unsatisfactory…” Perez was about to recriminate his Ops officer when his First Officer, McNamara, interjected. They had been working together for five years, and like any good First Officer he knew his Captain.

“For some reason Captain we’ve been unable to get any detailed information; not even a warp signature, which the ship must have, of course.”

“Some sort of intelligence ship? Masked from subspace scans?” Perez asked.

“It’s extremely likely Captain. I can’t think of any other explanation.”

“Well we better hurry up, or we’ll lose them. Helmsman, plot an intercept course, maximum warp. If we’re lucky we could be looking at a First Contact.” There was an almost imperceptible change in the hum of the starship as the Dublin hurtled into warp speed.

“You think it’s a new space-faring civilization we’ve discovered?” McNamara was obviously excited. The USS Dublin was his second posting as a Commander. Not bad luck at all.

“Just a theory Commander. We’re on the edge of Federation space, this area has been mapped pretty well; with no previous warp level civilizations recorded. It seems likely.”

“Interception in 2 hours.”

-----


“Captain; the alien vessel has just exceeded sublight speeds. It appears to be on a direct intercept course with us.”

“Excellent. Helm, all is in order?” Captain Fierdon smoothed his hair and replaced his cap. His ship, the Lancer-class Frigate Epee, was one of several dozen small Imperial vessels modified for reconnaissance work in this newly discovered galaxy. In the final stages of the war against the Rebel Alliance, with the remnants of the Rebel forces scattered after being routed at Endor, a task force in pursuit of a Rebel cruiser had discovered a very stable wormhole in the Cetin system. Six months of reconnaissance work had been ordered. With the six months now over, it was time to judge the capabilities of the enemy. After this operation, human intelligence work- also six months worth- could begin.

“Yes Captain, we have set our course for the wormhole. We await your command.”

“Speed of the vessel Com/Scan?” Fierdon asked. He hoped it wouldn’t be as mind-numbingly slow as all the rest observed; he couldn’t stand the wait.

“As with all alien vessels observed, Captain, this ship is moving extremely slowly by our standards, but in comparison to other observed ships it is moving at almost twice the speed.”

“Anything else of note?”

“I believe so Captain. Most of the ships we’ve scanned in this sector appeared to be quite small. This ship is much larger; and bears an extremely unorthodox construction. Its sensor and energy emissions are also quite high by comparison to other surveyed vessels. It is in all likelihood armed.”

“Perhaps they’ve decided to send their military ships to investigate. Are their sensors powerful enough to burn through our jamming?” Fierdon was intrigued. None of the ships they had observed in the past had been either especially big or especially noteworthy in construction. No weapons, slow, he and the other commanders of the reconnaissance force agreed that such ships were commercial in nature. In fact, Fierdon was surprised at the pervading lack of activity in this galaxy. There were some industrialized planets in the immediate area, but space traffic was extremely small compared to some of the most backwater regions of the Outer Rim.

“No sir. At this range, she only sees us because we want her to, and the wormhole remains fully hidden behind our jamming.” Fierdon could only assume that alien scout ships would’ve discovered this wormhole if it had been an old phenomenon, and so it was exceedingly lucky that the Empire had found such a useful portal to this galaxy, and then succeeded in hiding it from prying eyes while they conducted their reconnaissance.

“What about the propulsion emissions? The same characteristics as previously observed?”

“Yes sir, the same peculiar distortion, but being fed by the higher power emissions.” _Yes, the strange ‘warped field’ effect was what the Captain of the Rapier had named it_.

“Well then.” Fierdon stood up on his bridge and addressed the crew. “I want full combat readiness from this point forward until we are through the wormhole and safely with the rest of the fleet. I will take no chances with this vessel and neither will any of you.”

---

“We are now back to full impulse power sir.”

“Excellent helmsman. Drop us down to half impulse, I don’t want it to look like we’re threatening. Mister Kornukov; a visual if you please?”

The main viewer went from the starfield to a view of a very strange looking ship. The entire bridge stared. The vessel completely ignored even the basic conventions of warp vessel design; no nacelles were visible, only a bank of some sort of thrusters to the rear of the ship that were glowing dimly. All over the hull were mounted various antennas and dishes.

“Approximately 250 meters in length, the hull is composed of unknown materials. No warp signature. It appears to be bristling with sensor equipment; and several blisters with protrusions that I would say are weapons. I am getting unusually high power emissions for such a small ship however; I think it’s only because we’re this close and we’re outfitted with the sensor module that we can get even these readings. This ship is deploying inteferometric methods to block our scans. They do have shields raised; they’re like nothing I’ve seen before.”

“Should we raise shields sir?” the tactical officer, Lt. Commander Lott, asked, her hand poised over her console.

“That doesn’t seem necessary so far. We can assume they knew we were coming to say hello, they’ve waited here for us. A Nebula-class ship is almost twice their and they can probably detect our weapons. I think we clearly have the upper hand.”

McNamara spoke up: “I’m not so sure sir. They clearly have the technology to jam our sensor scans- even with our mission module; we must assume that their weapons and shields are at least the equal of ours.”

“At the same time their vessel has no warp signature, and the ship appears to be fitted out for science just like our own- except they have negligible weapons. Hail them Mr. Kornukov.”

“Aye, sir.” The familiar hailing tone chimed.

“Hailing frequencies open.”

“This is Captain Richard Perez of the USS Dublin, of the United Federation of Planets. We welcome you into Federation territory. What are your intentions?”

---

A stream of babble broke the silence on the bridge of the Epee.

“What an odd language … ignore their communications. Helm, set course for the wormhole.” Fierdon stood at the bridge windows, looking at the vessel that had now closed to within visual range. Sensors had provided an outline hours before, but that could never compare to the real thing. Again- it was odd. Over 450 meters long, a large dish made up the majority of the vessels construction, beneath which there was a secondary hull. Flanking the secondary hull on either side were nacelles that the sensors had postulated played a part in their superluminal propulsion. Overshadowing the entire ship was a large pod mounted on the dorsal side, also registering as a large sensor package. There were no visible weapon turrets of any kind.

“Course set. We will have entry in one minute.” The helmsman reported.

“Where are the weapons Commander?” Fierdon walked over to the sensor consoles and looked at the data along with his commander.

“There appear to be some sort of energy emitting ‘strips’, if you will, mounted in various places on the ships primary and secondary hull. I would posit that the placement and design permits hardly any blind spots.” Commander Unaden pointed to the screen showing the strips.

“Definitely a military vessel then. Power output?”

“Quite small sir. Judging from the vessels total power output alone, which we have measured at only the gigawatt range, I doubt its weapons could be very powerful. At the same time, there are several tubes which we believe to be warhead launchers of some sort- these could be their primary weapon. And there are hangar bays to the aft of the ship, which may be carrying star fighters.”

“Possibly like Rebel Starfighters, if they’re launched and retrieved in that manner.” Fierdon had personally commanded the Epee in numerous engagements against Rebel starfighter squadrons- but with the Epee being coverted to a sensor picket ship, and most of the quad light turbolasers removed; Fierdon did not like the idea of fighting starfighters any time soon.

“We are now entering the wormhole Captain.”

---

The alien vessels engines had flared, and in seconds the vessel was gone.
“Damn!” Perez was about to slam his fist against his chair. “Mr. Kornukov explain to me how that wormhole could be sitting there in plain view and our sensors failed to notice it?”


“They were masking it with some sort of jamming sir. The moment they went through it all of a sudden popped up on sensors. Judging from its rate of acceleration and speed I would put their impulse engines at the same level as ours.” Kornukov tried to make up for the omission with that bit of information.

“That’s not important now. Is that wormhole stable?” Perez was exasperated- only because he felt like he was being led around like a child, with no information.

“Yes Captain. No indications of where it leads, but it appears extremely stable- if we were to go through there are no indications of danger. Should we launch a probe?”

“No I don’t want to waste time. Full impulse through the wormhole. Our mission is to investigate this and we’re going to do just that.”

---


“Admiral, an alien military vessel has attempted to make contact and we have proceeded as planned. It should be through any moment if it attempted immediate pursuit.”

“Good work Captain. Relay the data and then leave the area.” Admiral Zhatan, returned the salute offered by the holographic image of Fierdon. Striding in a few paces towards the observation windows, he looked out towards the wormhole.

“Are all ships in position?”

“Everything is as you commanded Admiral. The Interdictor Grappler is standing by and ready to begin gravity well generation, and the ISD2 Vanguard and escorts are in position. All other vessels are in hammer and anvil position. Fighter squadrons are standing by, as are the boarding parties.”

---

Hours had passed. As the Dublin hurtled through the wormhole, Perez wondered if he had been too rash, too eager. It was his specific order to investigate, and the Starfleet mandate to explore and discover new life and civilizations, but this did not reassure him. _Bah, what’s the worst that could happen? We can turn tail and rush back to the wormhole if we’re in for some trouble_. He shaked the fear out of his head. Perez wondered what quadrant of the galaxy he was headed for. The Delta Quadrant seemed the most likely. Certainly not the Gamma Quadrant, considering that if that was the case the Dominion could very well be using this wormhole. And that vessel was no Dominion design.

Suddenly, the main viewer showed normal space. And more.

“Sir we are reading a group of vessels on sensors; eighteen ships … eight of these vessels register as 1,600 meters long! Six others are 450m long, two are 600m long, and the other four are like the vessel we encountered.” Kornukov was almost shouting with excitement.

Perez stirred in his chair. “Visual!”

Immediately visible were six of the massive starships; great wedges in space, displaying none of the elegance and curvature of construction which the Federation seemed to apply. And bristling with weapons.

“Sir those are battleships if I’ve ever seen them, my scans are registering hundreds of weapon-type emplacements on the largest vessels alone. I highly recommend we raise shields.” Perez was starting to feel nervous.

“Jamming isn’t as heavy sir; but subspace sensor readings are still wanting. The hulls are made of an unknown combination of materials- except that I can identify neutronium being part of their construction- the hull is extremely thick- definitely armor. Our sensors simply can’t penetrate. All vessels have shields raised. Power output is; simply unbelievable. Those huge ships alone are producing power similar to that of a small _star_.”

“Go to Yellow Alert. Hail them again."

---

“Quite a strange vessel isn’t it?” Zhatan commented to the Captain.

“Indeed sir. The Epee’s sensor data is accurate sir. We have the same readings.”

“Sir, they are raising shields- actually sir the vessel has only one shield. It is arranged in a sphere or bubble around their vessel. Scans indicate that several turbolaser salvos would be able to deal with them.” The sensors officer reported from one of the bridge pits.

“They are attempting communications.”

“Try and synchronize communications protocols between us and the alien vessel. When they’re complete, proceed with a personal communication from myself.”

---


“Well at least they haven’t fired on us.” Perez scratched his head. He felt worn out. Only five minutes had passed since his universal ‘hello, we come in peace’ had been transmitted, but he felt uneasy. They were just sitting there staring at each other. In the minutes that had passed, it had been concluded that they had clearly left the Milky Way galaxy. _Where no one has gone before … well not humanity anyway_. Perez mused to himself

“Captain, we are being hailed!” Lott clearly had relief in her voice.

“Put it on screen!” Perez stood up and strode forward to beyond the helm and Ops stations, wondering what he would see.

A human face came staring backing at him. They both looked quite surprised. The man on the viewscreen had deep brown eyes and had his graying brown hair concealed under a cap, which was part of his obviously military uniform- a sort of greenish brown.

The universal translator began its work. “This is Admiral Zhatan of the Imperial Star Destroyer Resolution. You are trespassing in Imperial territory. Surrender your vessel and you will not be harmed. If you resist, or attempt to flee, you will be destroyed.”

Perez’ heart leapt into his throat. “This is Captain Richard Perez of the United Federation of Planets starship USS Dublin. We are on a mission of peaceful exploration and investigation begun when one of your vessels was seen in our territory. We only wish peaceful relations between our two peoples.”

“The Empire has no desire for such relations, and I am not here to engage in diplomacy. You will surrender your ship, or be destroyed. You will lower your shields, power down your engines, and prepare to be boarded.”

“If our presence in your territory is not wanted, we will immediately return to our own.” Perez felt extremely hot under the collar. _You fool, they obviously didn’t want to talk! Why did you follow them!_

“You now have 1 minute and 55 seconds.” The image disappeared.

“Humans? What could humans be doing here?” McNamara asked.

“Let’s not think about that now, we have to immediately return to Federation space, that was an ultimatum.”

“Sir, during that exchange, the two vessels registering 600m in length have begun projecting some sort of gravity field or well-” Lott reported.

“To what end?”

“Unknown.”

“Also sir, one of the big ships, and three of the smaller ships, have moved behind us. They were aft of us when we exited the wormhole. They’ve positioned themselves on our horizontal axis to the wormhole. The rest of the ships are accelerating and moving closer … not only that, but the weapons turrets are now being trained on us.” Perez watched the tactical display. They were surrounded and the net was getting tighter.

“That won’t stop us. Helm, I want a maneuver that flies us directly behind that blocking force; as hard as you can.”

“Captain I would not recommend flying near or within the engine wash of any of these vessels; they are throwing out a massive amount of ionized particles; we would be destroyed in very short order. Also, I would guess that these ships use of weapons turrets implies that however fast their ships are, they are not especially maneuverable. We should take advantage of that.” Kornukov reported.

“The large ships have several especially large guns arranged on their dorsal side. I recommend we try and keep away from their firing arcs during our run.” Lott had her hand poised over the weapons controls. Perez, judging by the look on her face, agreed with her idea without speaking, and nodded.

“If they fire on us when we begin our run to the wormhole, I want a full constant spread of phaser and torpedo fire on the battleship blocking us. But until then, no weapons discharge.” _History will judge me for firing first, even if I have been threatened_.

---


“Admiral, they have charged their weapon arrays.” Zhatan didn’t move. It wasn’t unexpected, he had just given then an ultimatum.

“Standing orders to gunners aboard all vessels. Restrict fire to all ion cannons and light and medium turbolaser batteries only. No heavy turbolaser fire. Open fire when they attempt escape. The call went out to the rest of the fleet.

“Order the Vanguard and her escorts to ready tractor beams.”

“Sir, the vessel is accelerating!” the ship accelerated rapidly and made a very hard banking turn away from the main part of the squadron. _Very maneuverable for such a large ship, this may be interesting_, Zhatan mused. The entire Imperial Navy upper echelons were discussing this new galaxy- the gossip had been non-stop for months. That Zhatan had received the command for the intelligence mission was a point of envy which Zhatan could well understand.

A storm of green and red fire tore through the sector of space where the Dublin had just been. Only the Resolution, the Vanguard, the Courageous, and four Strike Cruisers had been given standing orders to fire in this operation; and Zhatan watched with satisfaction as the scores of gun emplacements within his field of vision erupted with the familiar green turbolaser bolts blasting out of their barrels. The gunners, quickly adjusting, began to track the ship as it began screaming towards the wormhole at what must’ve been its highest engine power. His gunners were skilled; after practice at shooting down tiny Rebel starfighters, leading such a large target was no hard task. Soon bolts began to slam into the alien vessel; interestingly a blue ‘bubble’ became visible as the shields attempted to withstand the punishment. Then, a stream of ten blinking red pin-points of light streamed from the fore of the vessel, streaking with great speed towards the Vanguard. Simultaneously, continuous beams of energy lanced out from the saucer hull towards the vanguard, the blasts glowing against the invisible shields.

“The enemy vessel has opened fire on the Vanguard. Its beam weapons are delivering several megatons of energy per second. Shields of the Vanguard remain at 100%”.

The Vanguard turned its dorsal axial defense turrets towards the incoming missiles, putting up a storm of flak bursts. Five of the torpedoes exploded. The five remaining slammed into the Star Destroyer.

“Their torpedoes register in the multi-megaton range. Vanguard reporting shield grid well within normal parameters.”

“We are reading severe strain on their shield sir. Hits are continuing. They should lose them at any moment.”

“Cease turbolaser fire. Ion cannons only. Order Vanguard group to activate tractor beams.” Zhatan was satisfied. He trusted his gunners to hit their target consistently; but their accuracy and the weakness of the enemy defenses could destroy his prize.

---

“Shields collapsing!” Lott screamed as the continuous stream of blasts buffeted the ship. They had only been under attack for under a minute.

Perez was slammed back against his chair. The shields were gone.

“Hull breaches on multiple upper decks sir! Casualty reports coming in! They’re using some sort of weapon to disrupt power! Reports of malfunctions coming in from all decks! We’re slowing! We won’t get out of here at this speed!” McNamara was getting frantic.

“Continue firing!” the sixth volley of ten photon torpedoes blasted out of the rear torpedo tubes- on this occasion seven made it through the flak and impacted the vessels hull- again to no apparent effect.

“W-weapons having minimal effect on targets shields. Their weapons are some sort- some sort of high-energy particle pulse emitters. It took only a few volleys to collapse our shields.” Kornukov was doing his best to maintain his composure; but as the ship was buffeted continuously, each signifying a weapon impact, and possible hull breach. He began to stammer.

The Dublin lurched. “Tractor beams! We’re dead in space!”

“Concentrate weapons fire on the source…” Perez was cut off as an explosion tore through the bridge. The main computer consoles at Lott’s back exploded; sending hot shrapnel into the Tactical Officer’s back. Perez winced as a piece lodged into the back of his chair.

“Engineering! I need all available power diverted to the engines!” Perez screamed into his comm.

“I’m sorry Captain; they’re using some sort of ion weapon to disrupt our systems; I can’t give you any more; they’re making life real difficult down here!”

“Enemy vessel. You have been defeated. Prepare to be boarded. Any attempt made to self-destruct your vessel, or destroy information aboard your vessel, will be met with repercussions on survivors. You will not be harmed if you offer no further resistance.” The cacophony of noise that had filled the bridge had quieted somewhat. The barrage of enemy fire had ceased.

Perez looked to his first officer. McNamara stood up. “Our first duty is to the Federation. We can’t allow this ship to fall into enemy hands.” Perez nodded in agreement, and keyed the button on his chair.

The familiar female voice of the main computer chimed: “Self-destruct sequence cannot be engaged. System malfunction.”

Perez cursed out loud. “Engineering! What’s going on?”

“It’s those ionic weapons Captain. We can’t initialize a warp core breach- the main computer is malfunctioning.”

“Can you do it manually?”

“Short of firing a phaser right at it sir- I’m not sure. I’ll get to work right away!”

Perez wiped the sweat accumulating on his brow. What to do?. The crew needed guidance.

“All non-essential personnel to escape pods. Security personnel and officers are to prepare for defense of the ship until Engineering can initialize a manual destruct. Open the armory; all weapons to be distributed to all security officers.” Perez sat back in his command chair; the seat of his authority still offered some semblance of comfort in the situation- like a security blanket.

---


“Admiral, escape pods are being launched from the enemy vessel.” Zhatan cursed under his breath- they could have destroyed the ship right now- but they hadn’t. Why? The Emperor had to have his prize- the risk had to be taken.

“Order all stormtrooper transports to commence boarding operations.”

---

A squad of 40 security personnel had positioned themselves in the corridors leading to Shuttle Bay 1. External sensors were not functioning but it was presumed that the enemy did not employ transporter technology; a shuttle boarding operation was therefore the only alternative. Personnel were also distributed at several of the larger airlocks.

“Alright people; you’ve been informed of your designated escape pod areas; as soon as the order is given, retreat. We’re buying time- no heroics. Phasers set to kill. Keep your fire on the doorways and we may just keep them in the hangar.” Lieutenant Hauss had moved up those with Type III Phaser Rifles to the front of his squad; the continuous fire of the Type III’s would hopefully keep them suppressed. the doors to the shuttle bay were at the top center of a T-Junction; so the boarders would be taking fire from directly ahead and their flanks when they existed the shuttle bay. Cargo boxes had been set up to provide some cover. Unfortunately, the systems malfunctions had prevented them from shutting down the forcefield that kept the shuttle bay pressurized.

Two loud thumps were heard; and seconds later another two, less distinct. Hauss could only assume that they had at least four shuttle loads of boarders to repel in the hangar bays.

“Tricorder picking up 66 human life forms in the hangar bay.”

“Hauss, we’re picking up 66 life forms in our hangar bay.” Hauss touched his badge. “Got it Jacobs. Bridge, this is Lieutenant Hauss, we have 132 hostiles in the Hangar Bays.”

“Understood. Proceed as planned. Engineering assures us they’ll have a workaround for self-destruct in ten minutes maximum.”

“Aye Captain.”

A thump was heard against the door. Everyone seemed to tense; gripping their phasers tighter; coiling their bodies like springs ready to burst forward. Seconds later, the door blasted outwards and phaser fire immediately streamed into the opening. Hauss couldn’t see anything through the smoke.

“Cease fire!” The red searing beams stopped. Except for the crackling fire and the sparking doorway; there was silence for a split second. Half a dozen small spheres flew from the opening into the corridors; clinking noisily on the floor. One landed a meter away from Hauss. Time seemed to stop just for a moment as Hauss realized. The grenades detonated.

---

“Go!” Sergeant Tavis, or TK-6754, charged out of the hangar, directly down the corridor, sidestepping over half a dozen dead bodies that had been taking cover behind boxes. He could clearly see the targets his squad blasting away at, despite the havoc caused by the thermal detonators, thanks to the image enhancers in his helmet. A spherical orange red bolt streaked past him and into one of his squad mates; who was thrown back against the wall forcibly; a small hole in his cuirass. Casualties could be dealt with later. The obviously human defender who had made the shot was in clear view; two shots from his blaster and his chest had a gaping cauterized hole in it. _No armor!_ Tavis was surprised. Coming to a junction, several bolts and beams came from down one side of the corridor, one almost grazing Tavis’ left arm.

“Karraj, up!” Tavis ordered tersely as he ducked back behind the wall. One of his men rushed forward, carrying a T-21 light assault blaster. He pointed it down the corridor and sent a stream of shots towards the defenders- few hit; but the shrapnel and smoke caused did the job of suppressing them well enough. Tavis had another thermal detonator ready. A good toss, it bounced off the right wall and landed right into their position. _Toasted_. As they moved on more and more of his squad were dispersing to clear the deck.

“Status report, TK-6754.”

“We are successfully assaulting the hangar bay decks. Moderate resistance.”

“Be advised that all teams are reporting successful assault across all designated entry decks.”

“Affirmative. We will secure the deck and move to our designated reinforcement area.” Apart from the four DX-9 Stromtrooper Transports that had landed in the hangars, a further eight had affixed themselves to various airlocks along the ships hull; cutting through with their forced boarding arrays. In all, they had placed 360 stormtroopers aboard this vessel.

---

Lieutenant Jacobs ran down the corridor with three of his men, a group of those white armored soldiers, their grimacing helmets, chasing after him firing continuously. His eyes and lungs burned from the smoke that was wafting throughout the entire deck, and he had shrapnel wounds in his arm from a near miss. Finding a doorway, he ducked within and fired off three shots from his pulsed phaser rifle down the corridor; a crewman who he didn’t know ducked with him. Ensign O’Malley, who he did know, kept running; and was cut down. Damn it I can’t SEE anything. Jacobs fired off a series of shots; hoping statistics would come into play. In reply, another hail of bolts sizzled down the hallway, blasting huge chunks out of the walls. The crewman; a young woman, tried to follow his example, and leaned out to fire her Type II. A sixth sense made him grab her by the shoulders and pull her back behind cover- but too late. Her face was gone. Losing his grip on the corpse, Jacobs felt grow dizzy; stumbling through the open doorway and into the room; a crew quarters. Five figures were huddled in the room. Two of them, young ensigns, had cast aside their weapons and were crying.

“Come on! What are you doing, come on! They’re coming! We can still get to the escape pods; if you stay here you die, come on!” The air within the room was clean, Jacobs could feel his strength coming back. As he opened his mouth to exhort them once more, one of the enemy peeked in. Jacobs swung, his phaser rifle still in his arms. The troopers grimacing helmet disappeared.

---

“Sergeant, group of hostiles in here!” Tavis stepped up to where TK-8990 was indicating with his thumb.

“Thermal detonator.” He moved on as the trooper tossed one in. _This ship is going to stink of death when we’re through with it_.

---

“Captain, Engineering is under attack! They’ve blown the…” the Chief Engineers voice was abruptly cut off by a sound Perez had never heard before. The sounds of phaser fire were evident whenever the rapidly dwindling number of security staff had time to report in, and in the 9 or so minutes the battle for his ship had raged, Perez had come to recognize the sound of the enemies weapons. And now he was staring straight down the barrel of over twenty of them. White armored troopers had taken over the bridge in the opening minutes of the battle- their shuttle docking and cutting through the bridges emergency airlock.

“They must’ve taken engineering.” McNamara and Kornukov had decided to stay with the Captain to defend the bridge, but all other personnel had been ordered to get to the escape pods. Surprise had been total, by the time the troopers were in the bridge, all three of them hadn’t even raised their weapons. The enemy soldiers too, were apparently amused and exchanging banter among themselves at the sounds coming over the ships communications system.

The Dublin was lost.

---

Posted: 2002-08-05 02:55pm
by Sothis
Nice stuff :)

Posted: 2002-08-05 11:18pm
by Jack Lain
I am going to agree with Sothis. Nice beggining.

/critic mode
Flesh it out more. Too many details that need to be filled in by the reader. As a writer, you have free license to create and destroy. Do so.
/Critic mode off

I hope you don't take that the wrong way, but I think what you posted was a first draft. Take a look at it and kill some stuff and flesh out some ideas and you are deep in the pool. I really like how you are telling the story with dialogue. Nice job, but I could use a few more descriptions about the environment.

-Jack "wannabe cool" Lain.

Two thumbs up

Posted: 2002-08-06 12:49am
by Asdeed
Pretty cool so far, let's have some more!

Posted: 2002-08-06 04:24am
by Vympel
You'll notice that I accidentally posted it twice .... my connection (or the board) was buggered and I couldn't get it to post- my mistake.

Jack, you are right, this is indeed a first draft. Testing the waters, taking criticism as it comes, and then going back and altering it. So far its a stock standard beginning, but I do want to make it different, but I must take more time to tighten it up. SImply been out of practice too long.

Posted: 2002-08-06 04:29am
by Vympel
Damn no edit function strikes again- just like to say that anyone on this thread should go to the *other* thread where I accidentally posted my fanfic- keep all the commentary in one place; much easier to organize thoughts. and bandwith (im a dial-up peasant *sob*)

Posted: 2002-09-21 01:08pm
by premiergordon
Nice story. Make more.

Posted: 2002-09-22 01:22pm
by Vympel
I'd love to- and I do have more- just not sure if I want to post it right now- following this friday all my uni assignments will be over for the semester; from then on in its fanfic writing time!