StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Chapter One: "Reflections in the mirror"
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“She was bathed in light, a light so bright she couldn’t see anything else. Something was odd about the light, something about her circumstances themselves now that she thought about it… That was it. The light was ringing. That was the only way she could try to describe it; the light was ringing. The sound seemed so innocuous that she had barely noticed it before, but there it was. It seemed to circle her, coming closer and then fading before starting all over again. Suddenly she was scared. The sound was louder now, and the light was brighter, and everything seemed wrong, wrong, wrong. She started to scream…”

The light was shining when she woke up. She jerked upright with a strangled gasp. Panting, she looked around the room. Everything was as it should be; the window to her left let in the sun, her clothing from last night was haphazardly hanging out of the basket near her closet, the basin of water sitting atop a wooden cabinet was filled, and the mirror hanging above it was without crack nor blemish on it’s ornate frame.

She realized that she had been sweating. She placed a hand on her forehead; it felt like she was coming down with a fever. A low moan escaped her lips as she realized the havoc that would play on her work schedule. She rubbed at her eyes before forcing herself up; she had to get ready for the day. Stumbling along in a tired daze, the young woman reached the basin of water and mirror she had set up as a small vanity.

Her reflection stared at her. Tired blue eyes set in brown skin, baggy circles under her eyes, and hair that hung limp and greasy, an unruly mess she would have to deal with to be presentable. Sighing, she dipped her hands into the basin. The water was cool and calming as she cupped her hands to catch some of it. She had always loved the water; as far back as she could remember it had always held a special place in her heart. Raising her hands up, she let the water run down her face, washing away her dreams as she started to get ready for the day.

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She paused before the mirror one last time before she left for work. Her clothing was neatly tucked and fresh smelling, with not a wrinkle in sight. Her hair was in place, all in loops and coils and a braid reaching down her back. The one thing missing was… nothing. She hadn’t forgotten anything, but she felt like she was. Her hands brushed her throat as she reached back to fluff her hair slightly. The feeling was still there, but she just smiled at herself in mirror. She was only nervous that was all, it being her first day working for the government. Exiting her small home, Joo Dee began walking to work with a wide smile on her face.

Am I good, bad, so indescribably horrible it defies getting commented upon? Any questions maybe?

Chapter 2: “Always tell the truth"
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The sun was shining in the bright blue sky when she stepped outside. In Joo Dee’s opinion, another wonderful day in Ba Sing Se. Then again… every day was a wonderful day in Ba Sing Se. Joo Dee could only smile at everyone she passed on her way to the governmental building. She almost wanted to laugh.

She had been acting so, so… childish earlier; beyond childish in fact. Being afraid of the light? Who had ever heard of someone being afraid of the light? The light drove away the shadows; it brought clarity to a situation. The light was nothing to be afraid of. Besides, she was inside the great walls of Ba Sing Se. What did she have to fear?

The sun never seemed brighter as she walked down the crowded streets.

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“Hello! My name is Joo Dee. I have been given the great honor of welcoming you to Ba Sing Se. I hope you will all find your stay enjoyable in this wonderful city!”

The words came naturally to her. She paused as she finished, smiling. In return, the group in front of her didn’t smile. Instead, some of them, mostly younger children, gawked at their prestigious surroundings. The adults all had the dazed, dull gaze Joo Dee had come to expect of them. However… a handful, a rare handful of them, scattered amongst the crowd had a certain glint to their eyes. Joo Dee decided she didn’t particularly care for that look. She couldn’t respond in any way however; her shift had been randomly selected to play host for a pair of Dai Li inspectors.

“If you have any questions after I assign you your papers, you may either ask me or one of the many agents of the Dai Li. We will be happy to assist you in any way.”

She had to hide a hint of smugness from her smile as she sat down behind a low table to begin handing out the papers. The process went by quickly, as the new citizens of Ba Sing Se meekly accepted their new housing arrangements. Soon enough she had finished, and the crowd had been escorted out by the two Dai Li. She leaned back in the chair, kneading the back of her neck to release the tension there. After hours of leaning over to read yet another ineligible scrawl meant to represent a personal signature, her shoulders felt sore and tired, while her neck was as taut as a string on an instrument. She wondered how any could ever manage to gain the fortitude to work all day as a common laborer or even worse, sleeping outside on the hard ground regularly.

Thankfully the day was almost over. Tilting her head up, the darkening sky filled her sight. She knew the sun hung low in the sky, its dying light turning everything to shade, but she couldn’t see it from here. Sometimes she wondered why she was so far from her old village, why she couldn’t see the sun set anymore. Sometimes she even wondered how she had gotten this position; governmental jobs weren’t given out lightly, especially to a teen. Sometimes she even wondered why it came so naturally to her…

There was a slight scuffing sound, of boots on stone. Reacting to hide the fact that it had surprised her, she leaned forward in a rush, her chair’s front feet scraping the ground as she started to check off names in a rush. After a few seconds, she risked looking up.

One of the Dai Li, a man with a thin whip of a mustache, was standing in front of her, hands concealed within the voluminous sleeves of his clothing. His hard stare seemed to bore into her eyes.

“What were you doing?” The question was so calmly and quietly stated that she didn’t react to it for a few seconds. Then she felt the compulsion to tell the truth; in Ba Sing Se, one always told the Dai Li the truth.

“I was thinking about my old village, sir.” The words came out in a jumbled rush, leaving her looking like a breathless fool. The man glanced to one side of her, and out of the corner of her eye she saw movement. She froze like a startled animal; the other Dai Li had been standing there the entire time and she hadn’t heard him come in. He looked back at her before merely nodding. He brushed past her, moving to take his place standing behind the table, as Joo Dee let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Suddenly she heard the doors creaking open, along with all of the sounds common to a large crowd. Standing up, putting the wide smile back on her face, Joo Dee greeted the last group for today.

“Hello! My name is Joo Dee. I have been given the great honor of welcoming you to Ba Sing Se. I hope you will all find your stay enjoyable in this wonderful city…”

Nice, When is this in the avatar continuum? It has potential, but you are quite subtle on your use of adjectives to describe waterbending. This story needs more, could you please write some more?

This is set after "Tales of Ba Sing Se" but diverges from offical continuity from here on out. And, umm... there hasn't been any waterbending in the story yet. I'm going to try and get a chapter out a week, but we will see how that goes.

One thing that would make this more compelling for me to read. Make your "Chapters" a little longer please. It is hard to review material when you have a few scant paragraphs to go on.