Funny Military Story

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » 2004-03-30 11:57pm

The story I am relating to you did not happen to me. Nor was I in Bosnia when it happened. I relate it to you as it was told to me by CPL KEN O"LEARY of 2 CMBG Sigs Squadron, CFB Petawawa, Ontario.

Cpl Shooter in his role as a dispatch driver was driving through Sarajavo on his way to deliver the daily messages to the various Canadian camps throughout the area. Along the way he gets bored and decideds to play with his sidearm. Now your sidearm would normally stay in it's holster unless you need to draw it in self defense but this doesn't occur to Cpl Shooter, who is short on common sense.

Anyways during the course of fiddling with it, he fires it. Sending a 9mm round through the cars floorboards. Surprised and shocked at what he's done he pulls over and attempts to think about what to do about his colossal fuck-up. Siezing upon a brillant plan he pulls out his trusty sidarm again and puts five more rounds through the cars windshield. He then gets back in and drives to the camp.

Upon arriving at base camp he promptly tells the duty officer that he was attacked and his car shot up. He says that he didn't get a good look at the attacker but is sure that the weapon was a Berrata 9mm handgun. Now the duty officer is naturally suspicious of all this and takes him over to the Military Police (MPs) and has him relate his story to them. Now the MP's are even more suspicious then the duty officer and ask to see Cpl Shooters sidearm. And lo and behold they discover that Shooters pistol is missing six rounds from it's magazine. A balistics test would later confirm that the rounds found in the car matched his handgun.

Now you would think that Cpl Shooter would do some jail time, get demoted or face a fine. But nope, in fact he was promoted and given a much desired posting at 2 ASG Sig Squadron fixing computers for the military.

I hope you enjoyed this story. I'm considering posting some stories of funny stuff that happened to me and friends of mine while I was in the military. But I thought that you would find this the most entertaining.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2004-03-31 04:01am

I... what... huh?

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-03-31 05:06am

I don't understand the promotion bit ...

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2004-03-31 05:12am

This looks like a textbook fictional military joke story, there rather common.

MarkIX · Post by **MarkIX** » 2004-03-31 06:19am

oh oh I've got one Told to me by a mate of mine, its about Flight Sims.

Anyway they where training Helo Pilots in um "stealth missions" can't think of a better name for it but the idea was to give the pilots a better appreaciation of the natural environment and the effects their machines had on wildlife because like animal movement can alert the enemy or something so they where modelling kangaroos and well they didn't have any animal models so they just rebadged the infantry model so they would scatter appropriately well this seem to work OK so they let the pilots loose on the Sim.

The first pilot being a bit of a cowboy when he saw the first mob decided to do a pass over them to scare them well they all scattered as programmed but the pilot was suprised to see a stinger flying towards him and he was shot down. Apparently the model handn't been changed as much as it should have been. But it had the desired effect because after that the pilots avoided the 'roos, after all who would want to say they were shot down by a Kangaroo.

don't know if its true but my mate is in the industry so it could be.

Tolya · Post by **Tolya** » 2004-03-31 08:46am

I once read a BIG newsgroup post from a guy who recently finished his compulsory military service (finest Polish tradition, according to the old Warsaw Pact recipe). in an armored division. There were exams on the topic of tank maintenance. It went something like this:
Examiners: - How do you change the position of the driver's seat?
Guy: - Well, there is a lever on the side of the seat and...
Examiners: - Thank you. Next question. How do you replace a track in a T55 tank?
Guy: - First off you remove the...
Examiners: - Thank you, you are obviously well prepared.

Then the exam ended. The guy got the highest mark and was promoted to PFC.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2004-03-31 09:29am

MarkIX wrote:oh oh I've got one Told to me by a mate of mine, its about Flight Sims.

Anyway they where training Helo Pilots in um "stealth missions" can't think of a better name for it but the idea was to give the pilots a better appreaciation of the natural environment and the effects their machines had on wildlife because like animal movement can alert the enemy or something so they where modelling kangaroos and well they didn't have any animal models so they just rebadged the infantry model so they would scatter appropriately well this seem to work OK so they let the pilots loose on the Sim.

The first pilot being a bit of a cowboy when he saw the first mob decided to do a pass over them to scare them well they all scattered as programmed but the pilot was suprised to see a stinger flying towards him and he was shot down. Apparently the model handn't been changed as much as it should have been. But it had the desired effect because after that the pilots avoided the 'roos, after all who would want to say they were shot down by a Kangaroo.

don't know if its true but my mate is in the industry so it could be.

This story was in the news i think there a thread somewhere.

and about the Canadian soldier idiocy,all i can say is WTF no wonder the world laugh at the Canadian military.

Aaron · Post by **Aaron** » 2004-03-31 03:36pm

Vympel wrote:I don't understand the promotion bit ...

It's standard procedure to promote incompetent's and post them to places where they can't do any harm. As for this being a textbook story, it's not. I have met and served under Cpl Shooter and can verify the stories accuracy.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-03-31 03:41pm

EmKay wrote:I once read a BIG newsgroup post from a guy who recently finished his compulsory military service (finest Polish tradition, according to the old Warsaw Pact recipe). in an armored division. There were exams on the topic of tank maintenance. It went something like this:
Examiners: - How do you change the position of the driver's seat?
Guy: - Well, there is a lever on the side of the seat and...
Examiners: - Thank you. Next question. How do you replace a track in a T55 tank?
Guy: - First off you remove the...
Examiners: - Thank you, you are obviously well prepared.

Then the exam ended. The guy got the highest mark and was promoted to PFC.

We have a joke about that in Russia.

Examiner: What is a doornail made of?
Guy (looks in cheat sheet): metal
Examiner: What is an Ak-47 made of?
Guy (looks in cheat sheet): metal
Examiner: incorrect. From the same material.

Translated as well as I could.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Tolya · Post by **Tolya** » 2004-03-31 05:11pm

It's good to see that we, as neighbours, have so much in common

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