Butt Implants Explode

OT: anything goes!

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Exonerate
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Butt Implants Explode

Post by Exonerate »

J.Lo-Butt Implants Explode!
Tuesday April 13, 2004

A woman who yearned to have a bottom as luscious and rounded as the rear end of pop star Jennifer Lopez has found her dreams blasted to smithereens -- after her butt implants exploded!

Candy Jones- Davies, 22, vows to sue the hospital where surgeons allegedly pumped the implants so full of curve-creating air, they both blew sky-high -- right on the operating table.

And she says a surgical nurse has agreed to testify in her attempt to collect $17.5 million for medical expenses, lost future wages and emotional pain and suffering.

"She told me they had just put in the implants, when one of the surgeons -- she's not sure which one, but she knows what he said -- started saying, 'Well, if she wants J.Lo's butt, let's give it to her.' And they pumped more air into the implants. Then another one said, 'Come on, that's nothing, let's go for it.' And they just kept pushing the limit until it all just exploded."

Jones-Davies, a receptionist from Pretoria, South Africa, says that before the butt blast, she was on the verge of signing a modeling contract with the talent agency where she works.

"They told me if I got butt implants to look like J.Lo, I could be one of their top girls," she says.

Instead, Jones-Davies not only suffered second- and third-degree burns to both cheeks, but because of tissue loss her behind is even smaller and flatter than before the surgery.

"I'm flat as a board," says Jones-Davies. "No one's going to sign a fashion model who looks like an 80-year-old man from the back.

"I'm lucky to have a job at all -- I can't sit for more than 20 minutes at a time before my backside gets numb and I get stabbing pains down my legs. I'm just lucky they let me take a lot of breaks at work, or this ugly can would be getting me canned."

A hospital spokeswoman says Davies-Jones' doctors were using a new inflatable implant that adjusts to a custom-fitted size. She says the hospital may file a defective- product complaint against the manufacturer.

She adds that Jones-Davies "must also bear some responsibility" for the fanny fiasco.

"She told our doctors at the initial consultation that she wanted to 'out-J.Lo J.Lo' -- her exact words, I'm told," says the spokeswoman. "And with all due respect, she had a long way to go to even begin to have the firm, well-rounded proportions of Miss Lopez. If our doctors failed, it was in trying too hard to serve their patient.

"And," she adds, "our surgeons' quick response actually minimized the damage to Miss Jones-Davies, who would have no bottom at all if not for their knowledge and skill."

Davies-Jones angrily rejects that claim.

"I might have said something like that, but they are doctors, and they should know how far to go before it gets dangerous," she says.

"And I didn't think they'd pump me up so much I'd pop like a balloon at a kid's birthday party."
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Wow. Exploding butt implants. I wonder if you can do that to breast implants.

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Post by Shinova »

Hamel will soon arrive to insert one of his butt jokes. :P


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Post by Spanky The Dolphin »

You'd think that the opinion regarding ass implants would be that they're a bad idea, considering the fact that you sit on them...
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Post by RedImperator »

Folks, check the source. This is the Weekly World News--the supermarket tabloid with batboy, flying saucers, and the like.
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Post by Spanky The Dolphin »

Damn it. Should have figured by how the article is written. Damn newsfiles falling for satire newspapers...
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Post by LapsedPacifist »

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Post by Shinova »

LapsedPacifist wrote:"I'll ahve you know that this paper has the fifth highest circulation in the world!"

LP
Ah! No wonder people are so stupid!!! :mrgreen: j/k
What's her bust size!?

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Post by Montcalm »

BWAHAHAHAHAHA "Air Butt" why the hell are some women not satisfied with the body they have. :lol:
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Post by Sir Sirius »

:wtf: Umm, how did she get second- and third-degree burns from having a pair of aircushions rupture in her hiney?
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Post by General Zod »

well, the source of the story certainly makes me relieved. i was about to question whether or not ass implants were actually real.
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Post by Einhander Sn0m4n »

suffered second- and third-degree burns to both cheeks
pumped the implants so full of curve-creating air
And they pumped more air into the implants
So air's flammable now? :roll:

EDIT:
Sir Sirius wrote::wtf: Umm, how did she get second- and third-degree burns from having a pair of aircushions rupture in her hiney?
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

It could be like those ballons which can sometimes give burns to people when they explode or something...
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Post by J »

Since when did they start filling implants with air? As far as I know they're filled with gel, water, or some other liquid. Oh well, whatever, I still have a nicer butt. :D
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Post by Montcalm »

jmac wrote:Since when did they start filling implants with air? As far as I know they're filled with gel, water, or some other liquid. Oh well, whatever, I still have a nicer butt. :D
Now that you bragged about your butt,everyone here will want to see it :wink:
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Post by Singular Quartet »

Montcalm wrote:
jmac wrote:Since when did they start filling implants with air? As far as I know they're filled with gel, water, or some other liquid. Oh well, whatever, I still have a nicer butt. :D
Now that you bragged about your butt,everyone here will want to see it :wink:
Quite so.
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Post by Enigma »

jmac wrote:Since when did they start filling implants with air? As far as I know they're filled with gel, water, or some other liquid. Oh well, whatever, I still have a nicer butt. :D

Ass far ass I know, (sorry butt I had to use a very crappy pun. :P ) they would use air or something to get an impression how it'll look then when the desired look is found then they would insert a saline solution or gel....
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Post by Ma Deuce »

Why is everything exploding these days? This is right after the exploding penis thread, too...
So air's flammable now?
Yes, air is flammable. It's oxygen content sees to that...
(but then again, the component elements of water are both highly flammable by themselves, but everyone knows how fire and heat react to water...)
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Post by Sea Skimmer »

Darth_Zod wrote:well, the source of the story certainly makes me relieved. i was about to question whether or not ass implants were actually real.
They are real. IIRC they also are really filled with air to provide a cusion, unlike most other implants which are liquid filled.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Montcalm wrote:
jmac wrote:Since when did they start filling implants with air? As far as I know they're filled with gel, water, or some other liquid. Oh well, whatever, I still have a nicer butt. :D
Now that you bragged about your butt,everyone here will want to see it :wink:
Woohoo!
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Post by Gandalf »

Think these implants could be converted to make built in whoopee cushions?
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