God damn, thieves are stupid

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-18 11:55pm

So there was a gigantic block party outside my place yesterday. If there was ever a stereotypical college party, this was it. Shitloads of people on the either side of the block, lots of beer, grills, noise and of course, cops checking IDs.

The party was manageable until around midnight or 1am. That's when people started throwing beer bottles around/at people's cars. The crowd got out of control around 4am, I think, and the cops had to break it up with riot gear; they also were standing by with tear gas.

In the midst of the carnage, I guess, someone broke into my place and stole a few things. My roommate found that his laptop was missing at around 1:30 or 2am. They also took his buddy's guitar case, a PS2 and my electric shaver. I figure they wanted to throw everything in the guitar case.

My roommate was, of course, furious. I didn't notice my shaver was missing until this morning. Neither of my other two roommates got anything stolen. It's precisely for these reasons that I keep my room door closed when I'm not there. They didn't enter my room at all, probably because they feared someone might be in there, or they just didn't want to waste time exploring all the doors in the place. Either way, they passed up a digital camera and an iPod. Close call. If you want to avoid getting robbed, start thinking like a robber. I keep my shades closed at night and when I'm not in my room, and my door closed. No one can look inside my room from outside and see what I've got. My roommate wasn't quite as careful as I was.

However, the joke's basically on the thieves. I'll break it down as to why.

The laptop they stole doesn't turn on without the power cord because its battery is fucked up. They left the power cord. They also took the wireless mouse receiver my roommate had, but not his wireless mouse.

The PS2 they took is busted and cannot read CDs.

The guitar case is, well, a guitar case. Big deal.

What about my shaver? Well, I used that shaver to trim my balls, so those assholes can imagine a big, sweaty Italian scrotum rubbing across their face if they ever use it.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-04-18 11:58pm

Were you insured?

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-04-18 11:59pm

That's fuking awsome. Dumb theives.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2004-04-19 12:08am

Durandal wrote: However, the joke's basically on the thieves. I'll break it down as to why.

The laptop they stole doesn't turn on without the power cord because its battery is fucked up. They left the power cord. They also took the wireless mouse receiver my roommate had, but not his wireless mouse.

The PS2 they took is busted and cannot read CDs.

The theives version of a clearence sale?

The guitar case is, well, a guitar case. Big deal.

What about my shaver? Well, I used that shaver to trim my balls, so those assholes can imagine a big, sweaty Italian scrotum rubbing across their face if they ever use it.

Gives the term 'shaving bumps' new meaning, doesn't it?

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-04-19 12:09am

The more important question is: Why do you shave your balls?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-19 12:17am

Gandalf wrote:Were you insured?

Nope.

SyntaxVorlon wrote:The more important question is: Why do you shave your balls?

Out of mutual respect for women. I don't like going down on a hairy pussy, and I've had a few tell me that they don't like going down on a hairy dick.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-04-19 12:39am

Well yeah, if they were smart thieves they'd be in business right now, skimming money so that when their company collapsed from fraud they could run with their money and have some lawyers cover their assets and asses. There's a lot more money and a lot less risk involved when stealing millions than there is stealing PS2s from college rooms.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2004-04-19 12:45am

Out of mutual respect for women. I don't like going down on a hairy pussy, and I've had a few tell me that they don't like going down on a hairy dick.

*claps*

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-04-19 12:50am

Durandal wrote:What about my shaver? Well, I used that shaver to trim my balls, so those assholes can imagine a big, sweaty Italian scrotum rubbing across their face if they ever use it.

That really doesn't sound too bad. Considering it's yours, not a damn bit bad at all!

Of course, I'm gay and a slut, so I don't think my opinion counts

Alyrium Denryle wrote:
Out of mutual respect for women. I don't like going down on a hairy pussy, and I've had a few tell me that they don't like going down on a hairy dick.
*claps*

*claps also*

I love 'em smooth too!

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2004-04-19 12:51am

Durandal wrote:Out of mutual respect for women. I don't like going down on a hairy pussy, and I've had a few tell me that they don't like going down on a hairy dick.

Cool! I thought shaving your dick would be gay (no offense to anyone), not that it isn't and that girls prefer hairless cocks, I have a good reason to shave when I enter manhood.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-04-19 12:52am

I'd rather use a hair-removal creme than take a razor to my balls, myself...

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-04-19 12:58am

LMAO...now that is cool.

SDo they got a useless Laptop with a power cord, a busted PS2, a shaver of distinctive use and a guitar case.

Oh yeah, master thieves indeed.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-19 12:58am

Shroom Man 777 wrote:
Durandal wrote:Out of mutual respect for women. I don't like going down on a hairy pussy, and I've had a few tell me that they don't like going down on a hairy dick.
Cool! I thought shaving your dick would be gay (no offense to anyone), not that it isn't and that girls prefer hairless cocks, I have a good reason to shave when I enter manhood.

If by "gay," you mean "stupid" or something derogatory, I'd recommend ditching that habit right now. If something is stupid, call it stupid. Don't equate bad things with homosexuality; you only make yourself look like an ignorant moron.

DPDarkPrimus wrote:I'd rather use a hair-removal creme than take a razor to my balls, myself...

I trim them, depending. I don't usually take all the hair off because it just takes a long time, and I'm not going to tell my roommates that they can't use the bathroom because I'm busy shaving my balls.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2004-04-19 01:03am

That really doesn't sound too bad. Considering it's yours, not a damn bit bad at all! Of course, I'm gay and a slut, so I don't think my opinion counts

Hell, I wouldnt mind that thought at all... Nor would I especiallyn care whther it is shaved or not

*I am an aweful person*

My opinion doesnt count either and I am not even a slut...

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2004-04-19 01:11am

Durandal wrote:If by "gay," you mean "stupid" or something derogatory, I'd recommend ditching that habit right now. If something is stupid, call it stupid. Don't equate bad things with homosexuality; you only make yourself look like an ignorant moron.

I think he meant "Gay" as in it seems like a homosexual activity.

Which, for this homosexual, it most certainly is not!

Body shaving is a crime against manly masculine manhoodedness, as far as I'm concerned.

Bald pubic regions look, *shudders*, immature.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2004-04-19 01:17am

I happen to like men shaven... Well, at least if they ahve the body to look good that way(which BTW Durandal does)

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-04-19 01:23am

Alyrium Denryle wrote:I happen to like men shaven... Well, at least if they ahve the body to look good that way(which BTW Durandal does)

I prefer them naturally smooth. I guess that explains my liking for Asian guys ^_~

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-04-19 01:27am

Frank Hipper wrote:Bald pubic regions look, *shudders*, immature.

And hairy ones look nasty. The female form is very much complemented with the public hair removed. There are few things worse than going down on a girl with lots of hair down there. You can't do your job effectively because you don't really want to mash your face into the shorts and curlies or pick them off your tongue.

Men, on the other hand ... well, as long as the guy's not a bloody baboon, it's not too bad. Their tongue only really touches the staff part, though if you get a girl with the rare and beautiful talent of being able to deep-throat, then things change a little.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-04-19 01:30am

Durandal wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:Bald pubic regions look, *shudders*, immature.
And hairy ones look nasty. The female form is very much complemented with the public hair removed. There are few things worse than going down on a girl with lots of hair down there. You can't do your job effectively because you don't really want to mash your face into the shorts and curlies or pick them off your tongue.

Men, on the other hand ... well, as long as the guy's not a bloody baboon, it's not too bad. Their tongue only really touches the staff part, though if you get a girl with the rare and beautiful talent of being able to deep-throat, then things change a little.

Rare? Deep Throating is a pretty common talent, at least here at my house.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2004-04-19 11:34am

Durandal wrote:And hairy ones look nasty. The female form is very much complemented with the public hair removed. There are few things worse than going down on a girl with lots of hair down there. You can't do your job effectively because you don't really want to mash your face into the shorts and curlies or pick them off your tongue.

Agreed! I can't stand going down on someone with a damn jungle in her crotch. *shudders* Trimmed is acceptable, but I prefer shaved. I just fine shaved more erotic.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2004-04-19 09:11pm

Haha, nice, though I hope you guys get your stuff back. (This is also why I keep my doors and windows locked and the shades drawn when I'm not around, and another reason I keep some variety of unpleasantness close at hand when I am home.)

Speaking of theif problems, I picked up my weekly shipment of dead computer shit from the store and a micro computer case in there had "as-is $45.00 (scratched out) and $30.00" on it. Wondering why in the 7 hells someone who payed $30 at a thrift shop for a comp would bother repairing it, I asked the tech. Apparently the owner who junked it had a serious problem with burglars and had had so much stuff jacked that he took to writing prices on stuff in the hopes they would be nice enough to leave a donation on their way out.

h0rus · Post by **h0rus** » 2004-04-20 05:10pm

Durandal wrote:
Gandalf wrote:Were you insured?
Nope.

SyntaxVorlon wrote:The more important question is: Why do you shave your balls?
Out of mutual respect for women. I don't like going down on a hairy pussy, and I've had a few tell me that they don't like going down on a hairy dick.

Have fun itching like mad. Btw, check behind you!

h0rus · Post by **h0rus** » 2004-04-20 05:12pm

Durandal wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:Bald pubic regions look, *shudders*, immature.
And hairy ones look nasty. The female form is very much complemented with the public hair removed. There are few things worse than going down on a girl with lots of hair down there. You can't do your job effectively because you don't really want to mash your face into the shorts and curlies or pick them off your tongue.

Men, on the other hand ... well, as long as the guy's not a bloody baboon, it's not too bad. Their tongue only really touches the staff part, though if you get a girl with the rare and beautiful talent of being able to deep-throat, then things change a little.

Dude, you need to stop banging hairy russian chicks. Actually hairy isn't that bad. But it can be if you imagine that you're french kissing mr-t!

Middleclass · Post by **Middleclass** » 2004-04-20 05:27pm

I started shaving the old nethers promptly after watching Orgazmo.

I don't remember the exact exchange, but it basically came down to a porn actor casually telling a Mormon that he should shave to make his junk look bigger.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2004-04-20 05:34pm

All hail Durandal!

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

God damn, thieves are stupid

God damn, thieves are stupid

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