How Stravo Got His Groove Back

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-04-19 06:54pm

Kuja wrote:CYRAN: I'm always up for a little Kuja-bashing.

And I do it every day that I manage to catch him online...

I thought the best part though was the Stravo knocking and asking the question thing. Very... short, though.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-04-20 12:24am

Captain_Cyran wrote:And I do it every day that I manage to catch him online...

I thought the best part though was the Stravo knocking and asking the question thing. Very... short, though.

That's because it's only the first part.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2004-04-20 11:27am

Haha, loved it. Nice chapter.

Kuja-bashing > All.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-04-20 12:44pm

Is this fic resuraected?
WHOOO!

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-04-21 12:36am

Part42B: The Solution

*open up on KUJA marching down a hallway, firing his shotguns into anything that moves. The rest of the group follows*

ZAIA: This is his plan? Shoot everyone before they shoot him?

DALTON: It seems to be working so far.

*KUJA reaches a door and cautiously opens it. A sudden volley of lead comes pouring out, and he ducks aside. He tries again, and another volley comes out. He sheathes his shotguns and walks back to the group*

CYRAN: Now what?

KUJA: Give me your bag.

*KUJA rummages through the bag for a moment, then pulls out a long string of plastic explosives*

STRAVO: What are you-

*he trails off as KUJA begins wrapping the explosives around himself*

ZAIA: What are you, nuts?

KUJA: Just taking a page from the boys in PLO.

ZAIA: But THEY'RE nuts!

KUJA: Can't argue with that.

*HIT-MAN nods solemnly*

ZAIA: Don't encourage him!

KUJA: Z, sometimes a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. This…is probably not one of those times.

CYRAN: Then why the hell-

KUJA: Sh, kid. Maybe someday, when you're a little older, you'll understand.

*he ruffles CYRAN'S hair*

CYRAN: Kuja, you're not even three years older than me.

DALTON: Kuj, you can't die. Who's going to ghost-write the GSDAs to get me out of hot water?

KUJA: That was Chuck.

DALTON: Oh, right. Never mind then.

STRAVO: Man, it's going to be lonely being the only guy with the hordes of fanfic lovers screaming after him.

KUJA: I'm sure you'll handle it somehow.

*a macho handshake*

KUJA: El Tee...torture a world to death for me, will ya?

LT: I'll make em wish their grandmas were never born!

KUJA: That's my Hit-Man.

ZAIA: Kuja...

KUJA: Zaia, one last thing?

ZAIA: What?

*he grabs her and plants one right on her lips*

ZAIA: You pervert.

KUJA: Damn right!

*he takes off running. CUT TO: the next room. Over a dozen men hold assault rifles on the door*

KUJA: Jesus loves you! Therefore, he shall smite you down! ALLAH ACKBAR!

MAN: Wha-

*KUJA bursts in*

KUJA: I DON'T REGRET A WHOLE LOT!

*he sets off the explosives. CUT TO: outside the building. The explosion erupts through the windows and debris begins falling towards the street, as well as aliens*

CAPTAIN: MECHAGODZILLA! HELP ME!

*MECHAGODZILLA makes a dive for the CAPTAIN, arm outstretched. Miraculously, he gets his hand under the falling CAPTAIN. Unfortunately, steel's not much softer than blacktop. With his controls gone, MECHAGODZILLA stands there like a dumbass. CUT TO: the room. The group bursts in*

ZAIA: Kuja!

CYRAN: Kuj?

*a scorched Black Mage hat slowly floats down from the ceiling into ZAIA'S arms*

ZAIA: Oh Kuja...oh Kuja, why? WHY?!

DALTON: Zaia?

ZAIA: What?

DALTON: 42.

ZAIA: Forty-two?

STRAVO: Yeah, Z. 42.

ZAIA: I don't-

LT: *solemnly* 42, Zaia. 42.

ZAIA: But-

CYRAN: Just 42, Zaia. It'll be alright.

ZAIA: Thanks, guys.

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-04-21 12:41am

Aww, I'm almost sad at the end there.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2004-04-21 12:43am

Odd, yet funny at the sametime.

Kuja go boom! *Dons a black mage outfit and replaces Kuj*

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-04-21 12:55am

"And then he exploded"

*generic terrorist accent* Now observe closely class, as Kuja can only do this once.

Hey, would this be an appropriate time for Kuja to be reborn in a metal body, with the name of... IG-88E?

jairyn_1 · Post by **jairyn_1** » 2004-04-21 02:23am

If I didn't know better, I'd ask what crack you're smoking.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-04-21 03:45am

And why you aren't sharing.

Post by **haas mark** » 2004-04-21 04:01am

consequences wrote:And why you aren't sharing.

Well, of course.. provided he were smoking it in the first place.

Ravenwing · Post by **Ravenwing** » 2004-04-21 10:47am

verilon wrote:
consequences wrote:And why you aren't sharing.
Well, of course.. provided he were smoking it in the first place.

if you could write that straight then what would it be like if you WERE on something?

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-04-21 09:52pm

Damn straight 42...

The Allah Ackbar was cool. And why didn't I get to play with all the pretty explosives... And how did we all survive firey death from you setting off that many explosives in a building.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-04-21 09:52pm

Aya wrote:Odd, yet funny at the sametime.

Kuja go boom! *Dons a black mage outfit and replaces Kuj*

Put the hat down, and maybe I won't turn you into a pile of ashes, and then turn those ashes into ashes.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2004-04-21 09:57pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:
Aya wrote:Odd, yet funny at the sametime.

Kuja go boom! *Dons a black mage outfit and replaces Kuj*
Put the hat down, and maybe I won't turn you into a pile of ashes, and then turn those ashes into ashes.

Bah! *Dons red suit and hat instead*

My hat gives me +5 to my cool rating.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-04-21 10:08pm

Aya wrote:
Captain_Cyran wrote:
Aya wrote:Odd, yet funny at the sametime.

Kuja go boom! *Dons a black mage outfit and replaces Kuj*
Put the hat down, and maybe I won't turn you into a pile of ashes, and then turn those ashes into ashes.
Bah! *Dons red suit and hat instead*

My hat gives me +5 to my cool rating.

Mo' like a +5 to your dork rating.

*Gets out a pen and paper* +5 to dork rating, that's a good one...

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2004-04-21 10:16pm

Your +10 to gayness dwarfs my dork rating.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-04-22 01:18am

Aya wrote:Your +10 to gayness dwarfs my dork rating.

*extremely cold and deadly voice*

I'm sorry...what did you just say?

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-04-23 01:06am

KUJA: Jesus loves you! Therefore, he shall smite you down! ALLAH ACKBAR

Not only did you kill me, you STOLE MY LINE!

Thief, murderer, pervert, heathen, traitor, and an assortment of other bad things!

Don't forget sucide bomber, too.

Hopefully, the next chapter is "Kuja goes to hell," where I find him, and have a very long...erm....talk.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-04-23 01:10am

fgalkin wrote:Not only did you kill me, you STOLE MY LINE! Thief, murderer, pervert, heathen, traitor, and an assortment of other bad things! Don't forget sucide bomber, too.

Hopefully, the next chapter is "Kuja goes to hell," where I find him, and have a very long...erm....talk.

Don't tempt me.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-04-23 01:18am

Kuja wrote:
fgalkin wrote:Not only did you kill me, you STOLE MY LINE! Thief, murderer, pervert, heathen, traitor, and an assortment of other bad things! Don't forget sucide bomber, too.

Hopefully, the next chapter is "Kuja goes to hell," where I find him, and have a very long...erm....talk.
Don't tempt me.

Go ahead, thief. I will be victorious. For Mother Russia!

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-04-23 01:55am

Yeah! Then the story won't be over like it might be now!

Post by **haas mark** » 2004-04-23 02:29pm

fgalkin wrote:
KUJA: Jesus loves you! Therefore, he shall smite you down! ALLAH ACKBAR
Not only did you kill me, you STOLE MY LINE! Thief, murderer, pervert, heathen, traitor, and an assortment of other bad things! Don't forget sucide bomber, too.

Hopefully, the next chapter is "Kuja goes to hell," where I find him, and have a very long...erm....talk.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Is it necessary to point out his being a Black Mage...?

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-04-23 08:47pm

fgalkin wrote:
KUJA: Jesus loves you! Therefore, he shall smite you down! ALLAH ACKBAR
Not only did you kill me, you STOLE MY LINE! Thief, murderer, pervert, heathen, traitor, and an assortment of other bad things! Don't forget sucide bomber, too.

Hopefully, the next chapter is "Kuja goes to hell," where I find him, and have a very long...erm....talk.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

NO! Kuja is NOT allowed to take over hell before me damnit. If he gets it first all MY fun when I take over is gonna be fuckin' ruined...

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-04-24 12:48am

OK folks, I've got bad news and good news.

Bad news first: we have reached what might (note the use of the word 'might') be the end for Groove. To be frank, writing humor is fun, but doing it over and over is getting repetitve and stale. In short: I'm tired of writing it. This fanfic's been going for nearly a year now and I have a strong desire to write something other than goofy humor. I realized this when I picked up my long-since-updated FFIX fic and blazed through nearly fifteen pages in Word in less than a day.

The good news: don't think of this as a permanent end. I have simply chosen to stop writing Groove, and while that desire may be strong now, it's entirely possible that at some point in the future I'll want to return to writing it. In fact, I actually have several more chapters on my hard drive, but I felt that this was a good point to say goodbye, even if it is only a leave of absence.

So Groove fans, it's been a blast, and I'm glad you all enjoyed reading it so much. But all good things come to an end, and I need to move on.

But, far be it from me to leave you completely empty-handed, so here's one last goof for all of you.

An orc walks into a tavern full of humans and notices a jar full of gold coins sitting on the bar. He goes up to the barkeep and says "hey. What gold coins for?"

The barkeep says "well, there's a mule tied up in the back room, and nobody can get him to laugh, so we've got a pool going. Whoever gets the mule to laugh gets all of it."

The orc thinks for a second, then deposits a single coin in the jar and walks into the back room. A few moments later, loud whoops of mule-laughter erupt. The orc walks out looking smug, takes the jar, and leaves without saying a word.

A week later, the orc comes back to the tavern and notices two things. First, the mule is still laughing. Second, there's an even bigger jar of gold coins on the bar. So, the orc walks up and says "hey. Why new jar of gold?"

"Well," the barkeep says, "Ever since you came in here last week, we can't get that mule to stop laughing. So, we've got a new pool for whoever can get him to shut up."

The orc promptly drops another gold coin in the jar and walks into the back. After a few moments, the laughter stops and the bar is filled with stone-cold silence. The orc comes back out looking even more smug than last time.

"Okay, I've gotta know," the barkeep says. "How the hell did you do that?"

"Last week, I told mule I have bigger dick than him," the orc replies. "This week, I show him."