Darth Vader vs. Jesus Christ

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2002-10-22 12:03am

The Champion, Darth Vader from the Star Wars movies.

vs.

The Challenger, Jesus Christ from The Bible.

The catch is as follows. Jesus in his earthly incarnation has lots of implied power due to the fact that he is the son of God. However, in this fight he can only use powers that he has actively demonstrated before (walk on water, create food etc.) Can he defeat Darth Vader?

(Note: I know Jesus is not real, neither is Darth Vader)

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-22 12:09am

Yogi wrote:The Champion, Darth Vader from the Star Wars movies.

vs.

The Challenger, Jesus Christ from The Bible.

The catch is as follows. Jesus in his earthly incarnation has lots of implied power due to the fact that he is the son of God. However, in this fight he can only use powers that he has actively demonstrated before (walk on water, create food etc.) Can he defeat Darth Vader?

(Note: I know Jesus is not real, neither is Darth Vader)

Jesus is down on the ground gasping for breaath within 30 seconds.

Rathark · Post by **Rathark** » 2002-10-22 12:13am

Actually, I'm voting for Jesus on this one, because if I don't I will GO STRAIGHT TO HELL AND BURN IN A LAKE OF BRIMESTONE WHILE TARANTULAS NIBLE MY SCROTUM FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-10-22 12:16am

Too bad, Rathark. Vader still wins.

Vader in 10 seconds. Force-choke KO followed by gratuitous lightsabre-slash. Jesus barely has time to gasp "Father, why have you forsaken me ... again?" before he falls.

The ability to make water into wine, walk on water etc. isn't particularly useful in melee combat.

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2002-10-22 12:34am

Darth Wong wrote:The ability to make water into wine, walk on water etc. isn't particularly useful in melee combat.

I don't know . . . Could Jesus turn the water in Vader's blood into wine? I'm pretty sure is fatal.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-22 12:35am

Yogi wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:The ability to make water into wine, walk on water etc. isn't particularly useful in melee combat.
I don't know . . . Could Jesus turn the water in Vader's blood into wine? I'm pretty sure is fatal.

Maybe, but it'd take time Vader could use to kill him.

spongyblue · Post by **spongyblue** » 2002-10-22 12:37am

Nope...itl make him drunk as fuck but his mechanics should keep him going. He'll see 2 JC and start swinging wild wit da saber till he's got Lamb of God chops.

HBMC · Post by **HBMC** » 2002-10-22 01:15am

Couldn't he just run to some water and trick Vader into following him, therefore Vader's suit fills up with water (because he, obviously, cannot walk on water) and he drowns.

Either way, Vader cannot win this. Jesus will just come back to life!

BYE

Post by **Steve** » 2002-10-22 01:17am

Somehow, I think that this time there will be no hesitation to summon the angelic hosts.

Which means that we get to see some holy ass-whuppin'... literally.

Dark Primus · Post by **Dark Primus** » 2002-10-22 01:43am

Yogi wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:The ability to make water into wine, walk on water etc. isn't particularly useful in melee combat.
I don't know . . . Could Jesus turn the water in Vader's blood into wine? I'm pretty sure is fatal.

Vader is half machine, so it may not be so easy.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2002-10-22 01:52am

I picture Vader force choking Jesus to death.

Jesus comes back to life and Vader hacks him up with his light sabre this time around. Jesus stays dead after getting hacked into enough pieces.

I ended up thinking about this because of a bit Mad TV did where they had the Terminator go back in time to protect Jesus. He keeps killing Judas because he's going to betray Jesus. Jesus keeps bringing him back from the dead as he tries to explain to the Terminator why he can't kill Judas.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-22 03:07am

Vader in however long it takes him to whip out his lightsaber and slice Jesus' head off. Less than ten seconds, easy...maybe more like 5...

paladin · Post by **paladin** » 2002-10-22 10:25am

In a fight between Jesus and Vader, I think Jesus would have a new apostle. After all, Vader was torn between the light and dark sides of the Force.

Antediluvian · Post by **Antediluvian** » 2002-10-22 10:44am

Tsyroc wrote:I picture Vader force choking Jesus to death.

Jesus comes back to life and Vader hacks him up with his light sabre this time around. Jesus stays dead after getting hacked into enough pieces.

I ended up thinking about this because of a bit Mad TV did where they had the Terminator go back in time to protect Jesus. He keeps killing Judas because he's going to betray Jesus. Jesus keeps bringing him back from the dead as he tries to explain to the Terminator why he can't kill Judas.

I remember that. It was pretty hilarious.

"Stop Killing Judas!"

Anyway, Vader slices and dices Jesus before he can react.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-10-22 03:27pm

How about the "Casting out devils" does that work on the darkside?

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-10-22 04:03pm

The ability to turn water into wine is insignificant compared to the power of the dark side of the Force.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-22 04:57pm

ROTFLMAO. Vader all the way.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-10-22 05:14pm

Or look at what birds they pulled:

JC: a prostitue (and probably some religious groupees)

DV: Queen/Senator and a sex symbol (and probably some sick Dark side groupees)

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-10-22 05:15pm

Question: Will Vader find JC's lack of faith disturbing?

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-10-22 05:17pm

Heh.

I think that Jesus could probably convince Vader to come over to the light, but I don't think he could win out-and-out melee combat by himself with his demonstrated abilities, unless you count coming back to life over and over and over and over and over until Vader eventually dies of old age.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-22 07:39pm

That's like saying Darkstar can win a debate by simply refusing to see reason and quit spamming.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-10-22 07:49pm

Erm, how exactly is that?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 2002-10-23 12:59pm

Well, if you have ever read Revelations Jesus comes back to earth during the battle of Armageddon (sp?). The Bible describes him slaying thousands by his breath (which is described as a sword, I believe). After that, he throws the Beast and the false prophet into the Lake of Fire. Those are powers that he demonstrated in the Bible, not in the gospels though. I don't think Vader has a chance against that.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-23 01:02pm

But if Vader strangles him then the whole breathing thing is no big deal!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-10-23 02:30pm

I think Jesus would try to reform Vader first. This would give Vader time to make Jesus his bitch and then kill him.

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Darth Vader vs. Jesus Christ

Darth Vader vs. Jesus Christ

Re: Darth Vader vs. Jesus Christ

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