Darth Wong vs. Jesus Christ

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2002-10-22 10:11am

How would Our Lord and Saviour fare in such a battle? Oh, and how would Jesus do?

Imagine that Imperial Smackdown (TM).

Christ: "I loveth thee my son."
Wong: "Bullshit. You're the mortal incarnation of a tyrannical, narcissistic, genocidal, and fictional superbeing."

Antediluvian · Post by **Antediluvian** » 2002-10-22 10:45am

JC falls before Wong's powers of logic.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-10-22 10:48am

Antediluvian wrote:JC falls before Wong's powers of logic.

Or Mike just beats the crap out of him.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2002-10-22 11:44am

I figure it's basically a fistfight. And since I subscribe to the 'Jesus was a human, probably a rabbi with some new ideas, and a good public speaker', I figure him as your average 5'2, 25 A.D. Jewish man.

Wong would be on him like shit on velcro. He'd be standing over him with a pipe, punctuating his swings with: "THIS is for ALL the SHIT that DUMB fucking PEOPLE will DO in your NAME you BASTARD!"

Yogi · Post by **Yogi** » 2002-10-22 11:49am

Christ: I fear no living man, except possibly for Nietzsche.
Wong: You don't exist, therefore I win by default.
Christ: Ah, but I have tons of people beleiving I exist.
Wong: This isn't "Mage: The Awakaning" I don't care.
Christ: If you really want to get down to it, then Darth Wong doesn't exist either, as he is just an Internet avatar.
Wong: Well, in that case I'm Make Wong from Canada.
Christ: Then, I'm the historical Jesus Christ from the Roman Empire
Wong: All right then. By the way, do you beleive in violence?
Christ: Not normally, but I was a revolutionary speaker back then, speaking out against the corruption of the church. You?
Wong: I'm itching to beat the $%#$ out of you.

In the end, The Rage wins out. Mike Wong wins.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2002-10-22 11:57am

Master Wong, are you unnerved that some of us look upon you as a God figure?

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-22 12:23pm

Im sure he relishes in that fact...

But!

JC falls before Wong's powers of logic.

...kick in.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-22 12:29pm

Mike slaps around Christ like a little bitch.

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2002-10-22 01:01pm

If Wong faced Jesus, Wong would win.

If Wong faced Jesus Christ, Wong would loose.

There is a critical distintion between the two.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-22 01:06pm

Says you. Wong wins. The powers of Jesus are in the minds of Christrians. As they are not in Wong's, they don't existr whether it's Jesus Cristo from Mexico or Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-10-22 01:14pm

I think it would be best if I respectfully refrained from comment here.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-22 01:15pm

I'm just stuck on the New Mexico thing...gimme a break. It could have been Jesus Santiago, or any variation, thereof, in any language.

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2002-10-22 02:45pm

verilon wrote:Says you. Wong wins. The powers of Jesus are in the minds of Christrians. As they are not in Wong's, they don't existr whether it's Jesus Cristo from Mexico or Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Jesus as a man is more or less a historical fact. However if this person is "Jesus Christ", that litterally means son of god. For the vs to continue, that means you have to take this into account. It is like saying the mythical god vs Wong. If such a creature existed, Wong would loose. Same line of reasoning, IF Jesus Christ existed, then Wong would loose.

The distinction between Jesus and Jesus Christ is critical for the debate.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-10-22 03:17pm

Thinking that Jesus is a manual labuorour and Wong is a designer. it comes down to is the pen mightier than the hammer? Then again Mike, do you have a gun?

Ubiquitous · Post by **Ubiquitous** » 2002-10-22 04:04pm

BWHAHAHAHA!!!

Sorry ... this is too much.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-10-22 05:18pm

The ability to go "yay, rejoice for i am the son of God" is insignificant compared to the power of "Evidence? Thought so. Concession accepted."

Larz · Post by **Larz** » 2002-10-22 05:50pm

Wong would win, just because ANY modern man with our pent up rage and anger would steamrole Christs pacifism...

Christ: We are all but sheep of the lord...
Wong: Cram it! Your name has been at the head of every horible genocide since the roman times!
Christ: Peace and worship of the one lord can bring salvation
Wong: Salvation this! :: beats Jesus with the zeal of years of pent up anger due to Bible Thumpers and other sects of religon that assaulted him with propaganda of Christ ::
Christ: I die for all your salvation
Wong: AAHHHGGGGGG...
... Past this it gets rather 'messy'...

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-10-22 06:29pm

In the Vader vs JC thread, it was claimed that JC would repeatedly come back to life. However, his wounds did not heal. Even if we suspend disbelief, he was merely an animated corpse.

Therefore, the solution is to use a weapon which does not leave enough of a body for re-animation, such as explosives or a flamethrower. However, since I don't have explosives or a flamethrower, I can dismantle the body using my trusty chainsaw. Once the body has been sliced up into small pieces, the pieces can easily be disposed of in sealed containers, thus solving the problem.

The only flaw in this plan is that I would prefer to berate him for days rather than killing him outright. So before I cut him up, I would try to make him cry by repeatedly pointing out that his mother was obviously a slut, and that he is clearly illegitimate.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-10-22 07:04pm

Christ would command his billions of willing dupes to attack. Forget the chainsaw, I'd invest in a Mk.19 that fires neutron bombs, preferably two of them mounted on a Cobra with ray shields.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2002-10-22 07:33pm

*tries to keep from busting a gut*

Hey Mike, you could always poke him to death with a plastic lightsaber.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2002-10-22 07:34pm

Alyeska wrote:If Wong faced Jesus, Wong would win.

If Wong faced Jesus Christ, Wong would loose.

There is a critical distintion between the two.

Unless its the Jesus from that Elton John song.

Then JC is fucked!

Larz · Post by **Larz** » 2002-10-22 07:45pm

Darth Wong wrote:In the Vader vs JC thread, it was claimed that JC would repeatedly come back to life. However, his wounds did not heal. Even if we suspend disbelief, he was merely an animated corpse.

Therefore, the solution is to use a weapon which does not leave enough of a body for re-animation, such as explosives or a flamethrower. However, since I don't have explosives or a flamethrower, I can dismantle the body using my trusty chainsaw. Once the body has been sliced up into small pieces, the pieces can easily be disposed of in sealed containers, thus solving the problem.

The only flaw in this plan is that I would prefer to berate him for days rather than killing him outright. So before I cut him up, I would try to make him cry by repeatedly pointing out that his mother was obviously a slut, and that he is clearly illegitimate.

:: applauds Wong :: Spoken like a true master! But you could crusify him and then berate him untill he cried, and when your done just light the cross on fire... oh, did I forget to mention to ash down the cross and JC with phosphorous and Magnesium before you light him on fire?...

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-10-22 07:46pm

Alyeska wrote:If Wong faced Jesus, Wong would win.

If Wong faced Jesus Christ, Wong would lose.

There is a critical distintion between the two.

Yeah, sure. Jesus Christ talked his way out of most tense situations. Only once did he ever face physical violence: at the hands of the Romans. And what happened? He died.

Not exactly a stunning record, and as we all know from the "vs" debates, cheesy boasting about vast power doesn't mean shit if you can't demonstrate it. Face it; he's a pansy

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-10-22 07:48pm

Jesus Christ...

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-10-22 07:53pm

I would actually, almost, like to see that debate. I think that it would end with Jesus agreeing that his coming to Earth was, at best, a mixed blessing.

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Darth Wong vs. Jesus Christ

Who wins?

Darth Wong vs. Jesus Christ