Hilarious "pickup" lines

Amphibious · Post by **Amphibious** » 2004-05-04 09:34pm

List some hilarious quotes you think would be funny "pickup" lines to say to a girl. These are some I found:

-"Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?"

-"You must wash your clothes with windex... because I can see myself in your pants!"

-"Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No? Want to go upstairs and talk?"

-"I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you"

-"Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?"

-"What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply."

-"If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"

-"Could I touch your belly button...from the inside?"

-"How about you come sit on my lap and we talk about the first thing that "pops" up!"

-"My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"

-"Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours."

-"My magical watch says you aren't wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!"

-"You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong."

-"I'm going to have sex with you tonight, so... you might as well be there."

Just post other ones in here.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-05-04 09:37pm

"Were your parents retarded? Because I think you're special."

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-05-04 09:39pm

"Are you tired? Youse you have great cans."

"Did it hurt? cause you got great cans."

"Heaven must be missing you, cause you have big cans."

"Quick and dirty: your tits look nice, cause you've been running through my mind all day, after you fell from heaven, because your an angel."

Lancer · Post by **Lancer** » 2004-05-04 10:00pm

"Do you want a taste of 'the future'?"
sorry, got that one off of ASVS, sounds like something Bill Gates would say.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-05-04 10:06pm

18, be quiet.

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-05-04 10:10pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:18, be quiet.

Hmmm...let me think...uh...hmmm...

Ok, uh, no.

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2004-05-04 10:17pm

"My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?"

That is probably one of the best ones I have heard ever. I bet it would actually work.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-05-04 10:22pm

18-Till-I-Die wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:18, be quiet.
Hmmm...let me think...uh...hmmm...

Ok, uh, no.

If your posts in this thread fit the topic ("Hilarious" pickup lines), then I wouldn't complain.

What you posted was neither hilarious, nor "hilarious".

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2004-05-04 10:29pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:If your posts in this thread fit the topic ("Hilarious" pickup lines), then I wouldn't complain.

What you posted was neither hilarious, nor "hilarious".

And yet when you post in a thread about the same topic you don't bother submiting your own.

BoyRocketeer · Post by **BoyRocketeer** » 2004-05-04 10:49pm

yo mama is so fat that when she walks...wait, wrong topic.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-05-04 10:52pm

Stofsk wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote:If your posts in this thread fit the topic ("Hilarious" pickup lines), then I wouldn't complain.

What you posted was neither hilarious, nor "hilarious".
And yet when you post in a thread about the same topic you don't bother submiting your own.

Very well then.

"The word of the day is 'legs'. Spread the word."

"Are you a library book? 'Cause I can't stop checking you out."

"Do you have a little [insert ethnicity here] in you? No? Would you want some?"

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-05-04 11:03pm

"Let's go to the baseball game. I can kiss you on the strikes, and you can kiss me on the balls."
"You're like something form KFC, because I want to finish your breasts and thighs so I can put the bone in your box."
"I must be a hammer, because I was made to nail you."

Although girls won't go out with you if you use them, you might get a restraining order if you're lucky.

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-05-04 11:03pm

"I'm 5'7 standing and 1'2 laying down."

Now, that one actually got he some once.

"What say you lay out the red carpet for me?" (that one only works if the girl is a red head)

"I forgot my number, can i have yours?"

Those two actually worked on a few. The second more than teh first.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2004-05-04 11:28pm

"Your father must be a butcher, because it looks like somebody shoved two fine hams in your pants."

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-05-04 11:48pm

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2004-05-05 12:47am

Zaia wrote:"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."

Damn you! Now I'm going to have that song play in my head all day...

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-05-05 01:10am

Bwahahahahahah!! I AM VICTOLIOUS!!!

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2004-05-05 08:11am

How can nobody have mentioned this gem??

I hope you have a good insurance, because you've just caused a huge bulge in my pants.

No thread about bad pick-up lines should go without this one.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-05-05 08:25am

Skippy to Vicky freshman year at college

"nice coffee table, let's screw on it."

suprisingly they were married six months later....

Oni Koneko Damien · Post by **Oni Koneko Damien** » 2004-05-05 09:35am

I'm surprised no one has brought this one up before, insanely crude, but guaranteed to get you physical contact, insofar as a slap is physical contact...

"If I were a squirrel, and you were a tree, could I bust a nut in your hole?"

-Damien

Zac Naloen · Post by **Zac Naloen** » 2004-05-05 09:35am

we made this one up for a sketch of the a to z of bad pick up lines in drama... we got stuck on Z. this is what we came up with (hilarious to watch)

Hi, my names err.. ryan... OMG ZULU's!!! *points*

*jumps on girl as she looks*

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2004-05-05 09:38am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Skippy to Vicky freshman year at college

"nice coffee table, let's screw on it."

suprisingly they were married six months later....

Hey, it worked. You might consider it a bad pick-up line, but from my point of view it was at least efficient.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2004-05-05 09:47am

18-Till-I-Die wrote:"Are you tired? Youse you have great cans."

"Did it hurt? cause you got great cans."

"Heaven must be missing you, cause you have big cans."

"Quick and dirty: your tits look nice, cause you've been running through my mind all day, after you fell from heaven, because your an angel."

Yep. Those'd work on me.

at DPDP. They're damn cool.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2004-05-05 12:41pm

Zaia wrote:"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..."

I fucking dare you to say that to a guy at a club ... better yet let me know where and when and I will be there, in the interest of fair play that is!

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-05-05 12:48pm

"I lost my Teddy Bear, can I sleep with you tonight?"