Never feel bad about your crappy essays again...

PrinceofLowLight · Post by **PrinceofLowLight** » 2004-05-09 01:38pm

Brilliant! http://douglas.min.net/essay/

Crazy Goji · Post by **Crazy Goji** » 2004-05-09 01:50pm

"Walt Whitman believed the only good Chinaman was a dead Chinaman, so he went to Tiananmen Square and gave them candy. Except instead of candy he killed them."

Those are beyond classic they are so funny. How'd you find these?

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-05-09 01:55pm

Holy Shit. ROWFL.

Darksider · Post by **Darksider** » 2004-05-09 01:55pm

"El nino is caused when the Peruvian gods get angry"

Just classic.......

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-05-09 01:57pm

El nino is spanish. It is the spanish word for child. Like all things spanish, it is dangerous.

Priceless

Shark Bait · Post by **Shark Bait** » 2004-05-09 02:07pm

I love the teacher's notes at the botom as they try to rationalize what they just saw.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2004-05-09 02:19pm

That's just horrificly funny! LMAO!!!

Lightning kills people and knocks down trees!!! It is a power of destruction excercised by the Greek God Zeus, the mightiest of Greek Gods!!! But they do it: they ignore such wisdom and taunt the powerful exercise of destruction and they worship their idle gods and stand near trees. At their own peril!! Ligntning has the killing power to kill people and the destructive power to knock down trees! When you stand near trees, they will be knocked down by lightning and you will be killed by lightning! There is no escape. Lightning will knock down the trees and knock down your soul. Trees are tall.

OMFG!!!

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-05-09 02:28pm

Can't think of a single teacher that I know that would write "what the heck" on any kid's paper.

They are amusing, though.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2004-05-09 02:35pm

Zaia wrote:Can't think of a single teacher that I know that would write "what the heck" on any kid's paper.

Methinks the guy just made those up. The hand writing didn't look like a teacher's to me.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-05-09 03:08pm

I've seen some other things by that Peter Nguyen guy, hilarious.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2004-05-09 04:58pm

Yeah, those definitely aren't teacher handwriting samples.

Grog · Post by **Grog** » 2004-05-09 05:02pm

a lot of my teachers write like that

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-05-09 05:06pm

Oh Jesus, that's funny stuff, especially the one about Walt Whitman. I'm in tears right now. Emily Dickenson as the blue ox. That's classic.

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Methinks the guy just made those up. The hand writing didn't look like a teacher's to me.

Oh Jesus Christ, are you stupid or something? Do you really expect every teacher in the world to have identical hand-writing?

Zaia wrote:Can't think of a single teacher that I know that would write "what the heck" on any kid's paper.

My high school English teacher used to throw vocab books at students. Writing "heck" on a paper would've been light. And it was often worse to get a C- on one of his papers than an actual F. In fact, the length of the minus sign he drew after the C would correlate to how bad he felt the paper was.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2004-05-09 05:20pm

My English teachers wrote comments like that on stuff they were baffled by. I see no reason to say these are false (unlike those often quoted exam answers you see in e-mails a lot).

COMEDY GOLD!

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-05-09 05:20pm

The one about Walt Whitman was the best, hands down.

"Walt Whitman was an awful child molester who what born in ancient Hong Kong. His is over 3,000 years old and knows the names of the forgotten gods."

"Walt Whitman may seem like a cool guy but in reality he's a whiny ass pussy. His LiveJournal is always full of whiny Goth poetry."

"Walt Whitman died a lonely man at Walt Disney Land. He was on the gondola ride, and fell out because he fastened properly to the restraint. Thanks to his dumb ass, now none of us can ride it now."

I was thinking that I should send in something like that a few days before the due date next time I have to give an essay, and turn the real one on the day it's due.

AnimeJet · Post by **AnimeJet** » 2004-05-09 05:40pm

the comment on the Walt Whitman one is totally photoshopped, but its still funny.

Lt. Dan · Post by **Lt. Dan** » 2004-05-09 07:21pm

Man those were funny. What kind of person doesn't know how to BS essays?

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2004-05-09 07:24pm

Just who was Walt Whitman anyway?

The essay on him was still funny, except that i really wanted to go on the ride at Disneyworld!

Post by **RogueIce** » 2004-05-09 07:36pm

2000AD wrote:Just who was Walt Whitman anyway?

Some poet I had to learn about once but really don't give two shits about. I think he wrote some stuff considered famous, classic, whatever.

Like most writers from back in the day, I honestly couldn't care less, and wonder why they force me to learn about them.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2004-05-09 11:22pm

I love how the last one was done by someone in HONORS ENGLISH!!!

Damaramu · Post by **Damaramu** » 2004-05-09 11:57pm

I'm suspicious of these essays......but they're fun reads regardless!

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-05-10 12:08am

Zaia wrote:Can't think of a single teacher that I know that would write "what the heck" on any kid's paper.

My old English teacher.

I got a little rambling on an editorial paper once.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2004-05-10 12:11am

Good god these are baaad.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2004-05-10 12:30am

If my middle school band teacher had to teach English, I'm sure he would have had no compunction about writing "what the HELL have you been smoking?" in response to those essays. Of course he would be laughing the whole time.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2004-05-10 02:59am

Durandal wrote:
Shroom Man 777 wrote:Methinks the guy just made those up. The hand writing didn't look like a teacher's to me.
Oh Jesus Christ, are you stupid or something? Do you really expect every teacher in the world to have identical hand-writing?

Hey, hey, I'm not looking for any trouble. Of course I know teachers don't have the same hand-writings

but teachers usually don't have bad handwritings on-par with a 11 year old.