One-Liners Thread

Bob McDob · Post by **Bob McDob** » 2004-05-14 06:00am

Once again!

[quotes]
"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river." - Nikita Krushchev

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any women I've ever known." -Walt Disney

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." - Lucille Ball
[/quote]

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2004-05-14 06:33am

Babylon 5 was a big pile of shit!

Dorsk 81 · Post by **Dorsk 81** » 2004-05-14 06:50am

GET OUT!

Erm... I mean...

"She said I had canaphobia, I was 7 years old I thought great now I'm frightened of bamboo as well."

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2004-05-14 08:44am

"It's like mind over fuckin' matter. I pay you no fuckin' mind, cause you dont fuckin' matter."

My grandma

(82 years young and she curses like a sailor)

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2004-05-14 08:48am

InnerBrat wrote:Babylon 5 was a big pile of shit!

BWAHAHA! I was going to use that in a B5 thread earlier.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-05-14 09:00am

"Light travells faster than sound, thats why some peple appear smart untill they open their mouths"

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-05-14 09:02am

"You're dumber than a hat full of assholes." -Grandma

Exmoor Cat · Post by **Exmoor Cat** » 2004-05-14 10:07am

two dyslexics walk into a bra..... - drunk guy in the pub

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-05-14 10:08am

Exmoor Cat wrote:two dyslexics walk into a bra..... - drunk guy in the pub

Hehehehe, melikes.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2004-05-14 10:11am

Admiral Valdemar wrote:
InnerBrat wrote:Babylon 5 was a big pile of shit!
BWAHAHA! I was going to use that in a B5 thread earlier.

HEY i happen to be a B5 fan and if you want to see a big pile of shit just look for ST Voyager

Post by **Gandalf** » 2004-05-14 10:17am

"If you were any more relaxed I'd have to check your pulse."

Grandma describing me.

People here quoting their Grandmother's got me thinking about that one.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2004-05-14 10:25am

"The police are the worst gang in town" - New York proverb

"In Heaven, all the interesting people are missing" - Friedrich Nietzsche

"Was Man the worst mistake of God, or was it God who was Man's worst mistake?" - Friedrich Nietzsche

"In an age where bands seem to achieve dizzying heights of success solely based on the amount of times they can moan in contrived rage about how unbearable modern society is whilst accompanying such incessant drivel with seemingly the same three riffs again and again song after song, or how many naked breasts and expletives they can plaster over their album covers or t-shirts (aided of course by the corrupt and jaded media whose pockets are lined by record companies fervently handing over greenbacks to ensure their run of the mill acts are flavour of the month and will thus infiltrate the psyche of the more impressionable and deluded sheep-like masses who swallow such pap like baby birds awaiting regurgitated worms), true art is often ignored." - Byron A. Roberts

"Have a very nice day" - fgalkin

"Vilifying nuclear power because of Chernobyl is akin to vilifying rear-engined cars because of the ZAZ" - Me

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2004-05-14 10:33am

More comebacks than one-liners, but Winston Churchill had some good ones:

to Liverpool socialist MP Bessie Braddock, who told him, "Winston, you're drunk.":
Bessie, you're ugly. And tomorrow morning I'll be sober, but you'll still be ugly.

upon being told by Lady Astor, "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your tea.":
If I were your husband, I'd drink it!

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2004-05-14 10:39am

"I'm gonna sing a one line jody"

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-05-14 12:11pm

Peregrin Toker wrote:
"Vilifying nuclear power because of Chernobyl is akin to vilifying rear-engined cars because of the ZAZ" - Me

That pic is priceless!

And the Humpbacked Zaporozhets is my favorit car in the world. 26 hp of pure POWER.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2004-05-14 04:00pm

Well, this is 2 lines, but fuck it;

"God is dead" ~Nietzsche

"Nietzsche is dead" ~God

Something that made me laugh my ass off was some graffiti, there was a picture of some leaves in an autumnal colour and the caption read "Autumn leaves. God doesn't." and the leaves part was crossed out and replaced with "exists."

"Let's face facts here, look at yourselves, you are...scum." ~Myself to a group of scallies in Drama class when they asked me if i called them scum. I must have had balls of steel that day.

"Don't have time to play with myself" ~Duke Nukem 3d, in multiplayer, when one player leaves.

"Jesus recanted on the cross that Darwin was right" ~DukeofOmnium

The Third Man · Post by **The Third Man** » 2004-05-14 04:26pm

"Two peanuts walking down the street; one was a salted." - my all time favourite joke.

Bob the Gunslinger · Post by **Bob the Gunslinger** » 2004-05-14 06:06pm

InnerBrat wrote:Babylon 5 was a big pile of shit!

I hope you were being silly...

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-05-14 06:08pm

"What the fuck, mates." - Australians in response to nuclear war.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2004-05-14 06:23pm

Bob the Gunslinger wrote:
InnerBrat wrote:Babylon 5 was a big pile of shit!

I hope you were being silly...

It's from spaced, the main guy says it to lose his job.

The lost Prophet · Post by **The lost Prophet** » 2004-05-14 07:20pm

"Here is the plan: I go in and start hitting people hard in the face and see where it takes
us."
-"Angel"

"Reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about."
-"Friends"

"I could concivevly have died... but at least I had it on video, right? Heh heh."
-Mick Foley

"Shes not dead! We just have to get her heart pumping again."
-"House on Haunted Hill"

"We got some more flim-flamin horse shit coming up."
-Al Greenwood "The Bedspread King"

Look, we're at a strip club, she's naked and you are analizing grammer?
-The Lost Prophet to Shark Bait

I got tons of quotes, jokes, deep thoughs and bad pickup lines. PM me if you want any of it.

The Aliens · Post by **The Aliens** » 2004-05-14 07:21pm

Man walks into a bar and says 'ouch'.

If you laughed at that, you just may be a moron.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2004-05-14 07:49pm

"No, if I was joking, I'd have said, "A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Why the long face?""" ~Liljiana[sp] from Hot shots, possibly part deux.

Laird · Post by **Laird** » 2004-05-14 07:58pm

"I'm sure he's all kinds of asshat."

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-05-14 08:28pm

You, are a special breed of dumbass. -Me, talking to someone I was not to impressed with.