Tell A Story MKII

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-10-22 11:28pm

"beam me up Scotty!" With those words spoken, Nimoy began to dematerialize and was beamed directly to the bridge of the...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-22 11:31pm

USS Enterprise NCC-1792455, circa 2942 A.D. He was greeted by the Ship's Counsellor, Bob Hope, who provided Nimoy with a syringe, a piece of thread and a...

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-10-22 11:34pm

hand held phaser. "Quick!" shouted Bob Hope. "There isn't much time. There is a mutiny aboard the ship! Spock..er, I mean Leonard, you have to fight your way to the mess hall and stick this syringe in the neck of one of the mutineers. Then take the thread and...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-22 11:37pm

floss, 'cause you have a monster boogey stuck in there!"

Nimoy immediately did the most sensible thing he possibly could -- he set the phaser on overload and did his best to swallow it. (See, he logically knew that B&B were lurking somewhere nearby...) just before the explosion went off on the Bridge (naturally destabilizing the warp core) Nimoy gave Bob Hope the finger and said with a wry smile...

starfury · Post by **starfury** » 2002-10-22 11:45pm

goodbye and exploded, taking the USS enterprise with him, then a new warship appeared, a Chaos murder cruiser decdicated to the lord of change.
soon......

RadiO · Post by **RadiO** » 2002-10-23 02:52pm

The Chaos cruiser was merrily bowling along, carving up 30th Century Starfleet ships left and right. Much demonic laughter pealed around the ship's sinister architecture as the demolition-derby-in-space continued for a goodly while. Just one thing stood in the way of the Murder's total domination of the galaxy...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-23 07:03pm

the hideous, all-consuming nostrils of the Evil Warlord Streisand! Without warning, the Murder Cruiser was sucked (SCLLLLURRRPPP!!!) up the Nostril of Dewm!

"Oh gawd!" shouted Captain Cartman. "What the fuck are we gonna do now?"

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-10-23 07:15pm

"Damn it you sons-a-bitches!" Shouted Hank Hill. "By god cartman, back in my day, when we had us a problem we didn't sit around like a bunch gosh-durned women and cry!...We called us the Delta Force and they stomped a mudhole like a propane salesman would do to a butane salesman...damn bastard gas!" With that being said, the Delta Force was quickly notified but ..

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-23 07:18pm

Hank Hill was quick to respond by sending massive forces of littly Bobbys and Peggys, Galaga-style. It was soon too much for the Delta Force to handle, so they relied on Ender's Little Doctor to blow up the planet, after they retreated into the yields of space. "We're sorry to see it go," says the captain, "but we must do what we must. God pity those poor souls that...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-23 07:20pm

called us here to fight the Nostril but foolishly tried to kick our asses when we got here!"

There was general confusion round-about, and the Angel of the Lord got up the nerve to Spaketh something but they blew his head off. The Lord was mighty amused by this, and said...

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-23 07:24pm

"Go, my little Lambs...Go and crusade for the cause of me...er...God!"

With that, the crew, now hypnotized by Jesus, slowly changed out of their uniforms into these dinky black suits and ties, intending to knock door-to-door. All of them except a lowly private and a cook.. These two knew they had to save the rest before it was too late. They donned their own suits, in an attempt to evade notice, and walked around like the mindless zombies that everyone else was turning into...practicing lines like, "God shall send thee to Hell if thou doth not repent!" And othr such phrases that...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-23 07:29pm

caused the Vulcans watching from several lightyears away to bust out in great gale-force guffaws which poked and prodded the pethetically puny patience of their astonishing amazing astounding alliterating Alpha, who bolted and brooded in a broom-closet until he burst out and beat them bloody, beat them badly, while belching and bleating until he collapsed and contracted a case of colloidal callouses, which he cursed, as was his custom.

THEN...

starfury · Post by **starfury** » 2002-10-23 07:40pm

turned him into a ugly demon and he soon started to physically tear the vulcans apart, the bloodbath soon begin.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-23 07:47pm

Then Mel Torme showed up, and everybody felt just a little bit better. Until somebody ripped off Torme's head, which started a really nasty argument.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-10-23 07:51pm

"Who did it!" exclaimed one! "Not me!" shouted another..."Arrgh! Aye did ya scurvey dogs!" With that, everyone quickly turned around. However, they were quited shocked when they saw the visage of the notorious, peg-legged, swash buckling Pirate of Rangoon. It was none other than Captain..

starfury · Post by **starfury** » 2002-10-23 07:54pm

superpig of all people again, the sight was so sickening that everybody puked and then pulled out guns and ........

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-23 07:54pm

(none other than Captain...)

Morgan, with a bottle of his famous rum in each hand!

"Well --" sputtered someone.
"Well --" stammered someone else.
Then the mournful, teary-eyed cry went up, "Why?!"

"I dunno," Morgan shrugged. "Seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Oh, and by the way -- POST 666!!! YEEEE-HAW!!!"

Somebody sneezed...

starfury · Post by **starfury** » 2002-10-23 08:01pm

everybody fired, machine guns, blasters, cannons and disruptors and las-cannons all fired ripping Morgan to shreds, the attacks was all aimed at him and so nothing remained of him.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-23 08:02pm

Except the two bottles of rum, which were shared equally (more or less) among the five Hell's Angels that showed up. Everyone wondered how they got there, until...

starfury · Post by **starfury** » 2002-10-24 02:57pm

they too decided to shoot everybody and soon only corpses remained but.....

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-24 03:02pm

The corpses were infected with the same virus that brought the dead ones back in Resident Evil. Of course, the rum didn't help any, so the few living with shotguns....

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-10-24 05:41pm

began to shoot their shotguns in the air and screamed "YEEE HAW!!". It was a good ol' fashioned, knee-slappin', gopher roastin', boot stompin', shoot-the-dead hoe-down. All the living men began to doeseedoe with their undead partners and then blew their heads off with one clean shot.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-24 06:08pm

Then Ricardo Montalban showed up and started spouting some insipid shit about how it was Taco Night at the Andersons', to which one of the Hell's Angels replied...

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-10-24 07:12pm

"Dude, like where's yer chopper! Duuude, yer that guy from that Fantasy Island." Montalban looked at this small, blond haired biker. Just then a sudden chill tingled down Montalban's spine. He put two and two together. Not a biker alive would use the word "duuuude" nor would they have sown a Dell computer patch on their jackets. This biker could only be the infernal Dell Dude in disguise!**Shock

** Montalban stared him straight in the eyes and said in a cold, deep spanish voice..

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2002-10-24 07:18pm

"Dude... Dude, my old friend... you're still alive..."

The Dell Dude shot back, "STILL! ALIVE! OLD FRIEND! You've managed to kill everyone else, but like a poor marksman you keep! Missing! The target!"

"That," Montalban said wearily, "is an error I shall remedy... right now." Whereupon Montalban drew a Romulan disruptor from his jacket and fired at point-blank range...