Funniest Trek moment for You
Moderator: Vympel
Funniest Trek moment for You
In the course of over 500 episodes and ten feature-length motionpictures, which moment in any of the incarnations of Trek has caused you to laugh the most, to seem the funniest to you?
For me it's, hands down, O'Brien and Bashir's RAF bit with Quark from Act 1 of Homefront:
Just that way that Alexander Sidding and Colm Meaney deliver it cracks me up everytime.
14A INT. QUARK'S
It's a normal crowd. People barely take notice as
O'Brien and BASHIR walk down the spiral staircase,
wearing World War Two-era R.A.F. uniforms, complete
with leather headgear, and in Bashir's case, a silk
pilot's scarf.
O'BRIEN
(to Quark)
Barkeep.
Quark rolls his eyes. He's been through this before
with these guys.
QUARK
So what can I get you two flyboys.
BASHIR
A scotch neat, and a pint o'
bitters for me mate.
O'BRIEN
And be quick about it. The
cabbage crates'll be coming back
over the briny any minute now.
Quark puts the glasses down.
QUARK
All right, all right. I'd hate to
let the "Jerries" strafe that
"green and pleasant land" of yours
while you two were taking time out
for a drink.
BASHIR
No choice. Ritual, you know.
He and O'Brien raise their glasses.
DEEP SPACE NINE: "Homefront" - 11/04/95 - ACT ONE 13A.
14A CONTINUED:
0'BRIEN
To Clive. The best bloke ever to
prang his kite into the Channel.
BASHIR
Stiff upper lip.
O'BRIEN
Hear, hear.
They toast and drink.
QUARK
Now remember what I said about
throwing glasses.
They put the glasses down on the bar.
O'BRIEN
(to Bashir)
So, want to go back up and take
another crack at the Jerries?
Too many to localise into one occurance, however some of the lines Spock makes in TOS were dryly amusing.
"The Corbomite Maneuvre"
Bailey: "We humans have this thing called adrenaline sir, it makes us excited."
Spock: "That sounds most inconvenient; have you considered having it removed?"
"Star Trek 3"
Kirk: "Spock mindmelded with you, and transfered his soul into your mind. That's why you've been acting a little weird."
McCoy: "That green-blooded sonofabitch! It's revenge for all those arguments he lost."
And who could forget Garak? "In the Pale Moonlight"
Garak: "I left him with the distinct impression that if he tried tampering with the door... it may explode."
Sisko: "I hope that was just an impression."
Garak: "It's best not to trifle ourselves with minutiae."
Of course the Garak one gets quoted a lot anyway. It's still funny.
"The Corbomite Maneuvre"
Bailey: "We humans have this thing called adrenaline sir, it makes us excited."
Spock: "That sounds most inconvenient; have you considered having it removed?"
"Star Trek 3"
Kirk: "Spock mindmelded with you, and transfered his soul into your mind. That's why you've been acting a little weird."
McCoy: "That green-blooded sonofabitch! It's revenge for all those arguments he lost."
And who could forget Garak? "In the Pale Moonlight"
Garak: "I left him with the distinct impression that if he tried tampering with the door... it may explode."
Sisko: "I hope that was just an impression."
Garak: "It's best not to trifle ourselves with minutiae."
Of course the Garak one gets quoted a lot anyway. It's still funny.
Just remembered another Garak moment, though it wasn't really a quote. It's just something he does (or to be more precise, something he DOESN'T do).
Quark asks him to assassinate him. So what happens is we see Garak program a number of holodeck simulations of Quark's 'death' and shows it to him, in order to get him to say which one he finds preferable.
Quark is sitting at his bar, enjoying a soup. Suddenly Garak comes out of nowhere, and snaps his head. He turns around and goes to the hidden Quark and asks: "Well, what do you think?"
"Horrible! I don't want that 'snap' to be the last thing I hear."
Garak: "Quark we've gone over everything: you don't want to be poisoned because it tastes too bad. You don't want to be vaporised because you need to leave a body; this of course leaves out explosives. You don't want to be stabbed either because it looks too painful!"
Quark: "Look, I want to die, but I DON'T want to see it coming."
Garak: "Ah! You want to be SURPRISED."
Quark: "THat's it! I want to go to bed, and wake up in heaven, and wonder 'How the hell did I get here?'"
Garak: "Easily accomplished. (Leans in) I promise you, you won't see it coming."
And Quark doesn't see it coming, because Garak just forgets about it.
Quark asks him to assassinate him. So what happens is we see Garak program a number of holodeck simulations of Quark's 'death' and shows it to him, in order to get him to say which one he finds preferable.
Quark is sitting at his bar, enjoying a soup. Suddenly Garak comes out of nowhere, and snaps his head. He turns around and goes to the hidden Quark and asks: "Well, what do you think?"
"Horrible! I don't want that 'snap' to be the last thing I hear."
Garak: "Quark we've gone over everything: you don't want to be poisoned because it tastes too bad. You don't want to be vaporised because you need to leave a body; this of course leaves out explosives. You don't want to be stabbed either because it looks too painful!"
Quark: "Look, I want to die, but I DON'T want to see it coming."
Garak: "Ah! You want to be SURPRISED."
Quark: "THat's it! I want to go to bed, and wake up in heaven, and wonder 'How the hell did I get here?'"
Garak: "Easily accomplished. (Leans in) I promise you, you won't see it coming."
And Quark doesn't see it coming, because Garak just forgets about it.
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Omet'iklan: I am First Omet'iklan, and I am dead. As of this moment, we are all dead. We go into battle to reclaim our lives. This we do gladly, for we are Jem'Hadar. Remember, victory is life.
O'Brien: I am Miles O'Brien and I am very much alive. And I wish to stay that way.
O'Brien: I am Miles O'Brien and I am very much alive. And I wish to stay that way.
I have to tell you something everything I wrote above is a lie.
I've got another O'Brien one, this time from Take me Out to the Holosuite:
...and from Worf:
BASHIR
What are you eating?
O'BRIEN
I'm not eating, I'm chewing.
BASHIR
Chewing what?
O'BRIEN
Gum. It's traditional. I had
the replicator create some.
BASHIR
And they just... chewed it?
O'BRIEN
They infused the gum with flavor.
BASHIR
What flavor did you infuse it
with?
O'BRIEN
Scotch.
(offers him a stick)
Try it?
Bashir begins chewing away.
BASHIR
(yummy)
Mmmm.
SISKO
I didn't think so. So when the
T'Kumbra's captain challenged us
to a contest of courage,
teamwork and sacrifice, I
accepted on your behalf.
WORF
We will destroy them.
- Uraniun235
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Heh. I liked the part where they try driving.Uraniun235 wrote:"Cover him, Spock-o. Now listen 'ere, sweetheart, the Federation's moving in. You play ball, we'll cut you in for a piece of the action. You don't, you're out. All the way out, you know what I mean?"
Of course, that episode strained credibility to bursting point, but it was nevertheless very funny.
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Checkov's interrogation in ST4 is good...
"'Starfeet...' 'United Federation of Planets...'"
[...]
"If you don't stop playing games with me mister, we're through!"
"We are? May I go now?"
"'Starfeet...' 'United Federation of Planets...'"
[...]
"If you don't stop playing games with me mister, we're through!"
"We are? May I go now?"
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I prefer another thing Worf said it thta episode. I can't remember the excat phrase but it was sumthing like:JME2 wrote:
...and from Worf:
SISKO
I didn't think so. So when the
T'Kumbra's captain challenged us
to a contest of courage,
teamwork and sacrifice, I
accepted on your behalf.
WORF
We will destroy them.
just typical space viking thinking there.Bashir: Hey he did'nt touch base.
Ezri: What do we do:
Worf: Find him and kill him.
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Martok's reaction to Worf when he asks him to give Kor a commission in "Once more unto the breach" makes me laugh out loud every time I see it.
Also in the baseball episode: when Sisko tells his basepeople to rattle the batter, Worf shouts out: "Death to the opposition!"
Also in the baseball episode: when Sisko tells his basepeople to rattle the batter, Worf shouts out: "Death to the opposition!"
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That was ST V actually. St VI has a better Scotty moment anyway, accomplished with clever dialogue rather than slapstick buffoonry.
Spock: "Mr Scott, I understand you're having difficulties with the warp drive unit. How much time do you require for repair?"
Scott: (indignant) "There's nothing wrong with the bloody thing!"
Spock: (calmly) "Mr Scott, if we return to spacedock the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the Captain or Doctor McCoy alive again."
Scott: (unhesitating) "Could take weeks sir."
Spock: "Thank you Mr Scott."
Spock: "Mr Scott, I understand you're having difficulties with the warp drive unit. How much time do you require for repair?"
Scott: (indignant) "There's nothing wrong with the bloody thing!"
Spock: (calmly) "Mr Scott, if we return to spacedock the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the Captain or Doctor McCoy alive again."
Scott: (unhesitating) "Could take weeks sir."
Spock: "Thank you Mr Scott."
The better Scotty moment for me in V is when he's making his log about the dificulties in reparing the 1701-A and makes the moneky reference.Stofsk wrote:That was ST V actually. St VI has a better Scotty moment anyway, accomplished with clever dialogue rather than slapstick buffoonry.
Spock: "Mr Scott, I understand you're having difficulties with the warp drive unit. How much time do you require for repair?"
Scott: (indignant) "There's nothing wrong with the bloody thing!"
Spock: (calmly) "Mr Scott, if we return to spacedock the assassins will surely find a way to dispose of their incriminating footwear, and we will never see the Captain or Doctor McCoy alive again."
Scott: (unhesitating) "Could take weeks sir."
Spock: "Thank you Mr Scott."
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hrm. so many . . . .
when Chekov wakes up in ST IV: (can't remember it all, so am paraphrasing)
Kirk: What's your name, rank and serial number?
Chekov: Name? Chekov, Pavel. Serial number? *lists off serial number* Rank? admiwal.
plus in TOS during trouble with tribbles.
Kirk: Scotty? what'd you do with the tribbles?
Scott: Oh, i gave them a very good home sir.
Kirk: Where?
Scott: I gave them to the klingons sir, where they'll be no tribble at all.
when Chekov wakes up in ST IV: (can't remember it all, so am paraphrasing)
Kirk: What's your name, rank and serial number?
Chekov: Name? Chekov, Pavel. Serial number? *lists off serial number* Rank? admiwal.
plus in TOS during trouble with tribbles.
Kirk: Scotty? what'd you do with the tribbles?
Scott: Oh, i gave them a very good home sir.
Kirk: Where?
Scott: I gave them to the klingons sir, where they'll be no tribble at all.
"It's you Americans. There's something about nipples you hate. If this were Germany, we'd be romping around naked on the stage here."
The entire episode "Trouble With Tribbles" is just a delight.
1. The bar-room brawl, with Mudd never getting hit, never spilling his drink.
2. Scotty explaining to Kirk what started the brawl.
3. The (dead) tribbles from the grain storage hitting Kirk in the head.
4. McCoy, Spock, and Scotty explaining what happened to the tribbles.
1. The bar-room brawl, with Mudd never getting hit, never spilling his drink.
2. Scotty explaining to Kirk what started the brawl.
3. The (dead) tribbles from the grain storage hitting Kirk in the head.
4. McCoy, Spock, and Scotty explaining what happened to the tribbles.
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
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The whole episode "Mudd's Women" was great, too. Defeating the androids is priceless.
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A couple of great lines from Worf make me crack up every time:
From TNG Season 2:
From TNG Season 2:
DS9 Season 4 I think:WORF TO WESLEY: AAAAAAAUUUUURRRGGGGHHHH! That is how the Klingon lures a mate.
WESLEY: Are you telling me to go yell at Cilea?
WORF: No. Men do not roar. *Women* roar.... Then they hurl heavy objects.... And claw at you...!
WESLEY: What does the man do?
WORF: He reads love poetry...! He ducks a lot.
The look on his face is classic, obviously wanting nothing to do with delivering another O'Brien offspring.O'BRIEN: Worf, Keiko's having another baby.
WORF: NOW???
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Qpid. Worf in tights. Hilarious
Starship Mine and Commander Hutchinson. How Picard sneaked away to go riding, and Data smalltalks with Hutchison...
Starship Mine and Commander Hutchinson. How Picard sneaked away to go riding, and Data smalltalks with Hutchison...
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Q to Worf: "Very funny, Worf. Eat any good books lately?"
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"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter