"Five shitty movies that everyone loves"

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-06-17 02:24am

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2004-06-17 02:33am

That was pretty funny, although he's wrong on the last count. Tom Cruise is not the "Last Samurai" referred to in the title, I believe. Samurai can be plural, and it refers to all the samurai depicted.

AnimeJet · Post by **AnimeJet** » 2004-06-17 02:40am

<3 Maddox's 1337 photoshop/MSpaint skillz.

Just for fun, here's my plot XD

Mercenaries devise a scheme to smuggle an impressive amount of cocaine for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt Gypsie nationals. The plot twists when the Mercenaries hijack a shipment of life-saving drugs for ransom even after their original demands are met, unless an ex-con with a big heart can learn to trust humanity again and stop the Mercenaries once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Mercenaries blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser.

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-06-17 02:40am

ROFLMAO- his appraisal of Top Gun was 100% accurate.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2004-06-17 02:46am

I love "The Last Inuit" poster.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2004-06-17 02:48am

Ah ... The Last Samurai ... or as I like to call it ... When Only A White Man Can Do The Job ...

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2004-06-17 02:53am

Vympel wrote:ROFLMAO- his appraisal of Top Gun was 100% accurate.

I need to go watch Top Gun now...

Deathstalker · Post by **Deathstalker** » 2004-06-17 03:00am

Alyrium, tell me you have seen Top Gun at least once?

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2004-06-17 03:20am

Crown wrote:Ah ... The Last Samurai ... or as I like to call it ... When Only A White Man Can Do The Job ...

People who bitch about how the last Samurai had a white hero are missing the point. The whole idea of the movie was that the Japanese samurai culture was superior to the West. All the Japanese in the movie who were sympathetic to western influences over Japan were either portrayed as malevolent or as unwitting lackeys of the evil imperialists. The Samurai don't become as good as the Tom Cruise character is, the Tom Cruise character becomes as good as the Samurai are! By the end of the movie, he isn't really a white American in culture anymore; he's completely surrendered himself to the way of the Samurai, that is his new identity. The director was trying to show us that whitey had a thing or two to learn from backwards-looking, utterly regressive feudal holdouts trying to escape progress, not the other way around.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-06-17 03:22am

I dont agree with his review of Top Gun. Top Gun is a great movie. It is pure mindless fun.

However I liked his Tom Clancy Plot Generator. It is hillarous.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2004-06-17 03:44am

funny shit

now reading his article about matrix revolutions

Saberslash · Post by **Saberslash** » 2004-06-17 03:49am

The Last Zulu Warrior... LOL

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2004-06-17 03:52am

evilcat4000 wrote:I dont agree with his review of Top Gun. Top Gun is a great movie. It is pure mindless fun.

Top Gun was good for seeing Tomcats (IIRC) blast Migs into little flaming wrecks, or just to see jetfighters doing aerobatics. Too bad we had to sit through an hour and a half of dreck resembling a plot.

However I liked his Tom Clancy Plot Generator. It is hillarous.

"Communists devise a scheme to take over a generic industrial compound for ransom under the watchful eye of corrupt Gypsie nationals. The plot twists when the Communists threaten to unravel the keystone of civilization with wild orgies, unless a turncoat naval officer can gain the courage to do the right thing and stop the Communists once and for all. The movie ends with a mildly comical and/or ironic scene in which the Communists blow up or go to prison. Another satisfying tale of political intrigue and personal redemption closes, and we all walk away from this movie a little wiser."

Yes, it is hilarious.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2004-06-17 04:59am

Joe wrote:People who bitch about how the last Samurai had a white hero are missing the point. The whole idea of the movie was that the Japanese samurai culture was superior to the West. All the Japanese in the movie who were sympathetic to western influences over Japan were either portrayed as malevolent or as unwitting lackeys of the evil imperialists. The Samurai don't become as good as the Tom Cruise character is, the Tom Cruise character becomes as good as the Samurai are! By the end of the movie, he isn't really a white American in culture anymore; he's completely surrendered himself to the way of the Samurai, that is his new identity. The director was trying to show us that whitey had a thing or two to learn from backwards-looking, utterly regressive feudal holdouts trying to escape progress, not the other way around.

The plot wasn't even about Samurai rebelling against law and order. It was about Samurai refusing to allow their oath to follow the law and obey the Emperor be used to allow corrupt military officials gain unearned power. It turned INTO a battle against rebelling Samurai fighting for the old order but it didn't start there. That's the fucked up part.

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-06-17 05:12am

Joe wrote: People who bitch about how the last Samurai had a white hero are missing the point. The whole idea of the movie was that the Japanese samurai culture was superior to the West. All the Japanese in the movie who were sympathetic to western influences over Japan were either portrayed as malevolent or as unwitting lackeys of the evil imperialists. The Samurai don't become as good as the Tom Cruise character is, the Tom Cruise character becomes as good as the Samurai are! By the end of the movie, he isn't really a white American in culture anymore; he's completely surrendered himself to the way of the Samurai, that is his new identity. The director was trying to show us that whitey had a thing or two to learn from backwards-looking, utterly regressive feudal holdouts trying to escape progress, not the other way around.

That movie wasn't good the first time we all saw it when it was called "Dances with Wolves".

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-06-17 06:52am

Top Gun was good for seeing Tomcats (IIRC) blast Migs into little flaming wrecks, or just to see jetfighters doing aerobatics. Too bad we had to sit through an hour and a half of dreck resembling a plot.

The MIGs in the movie were actualy USAF T-38 Jet trainers.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-06-17 06:56am

I thought they were F-5s. The Top Gun school used to use a lot of A-4s and F-5s as part of their adversary squadron. After the movie they even kept one plane panted black with the red star on the tail.

Anyway, if you want to see F-14s in a movie watch The Final Countdown.

SylasGaunt · Post by **SylasGaunt** » 2004-06-17 07:09am

Tsyroc wrote:
Anyway, if you want to see F-14s in a movie watch The Final Countdown.

Is that any good? I've seen it in the stores.

Oh and I love the TC plot generator.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-06-17 07:17am

evilcat4000 wrote:
Top Gun was good for seeing Tomcats (IIRC) blast Migs into little flaming wrecks, or just to see jetfighters doing aerobatics. Too bad we had to sit through an hour and a half of dreck resembling a plot.
The MIGs in the movie were actualy USAF T-38 Jet trainers.

that always pissed me off as a kid. And i would, in turn, piss off my friends by informing them that the "MiG's" in the movie they were watching we in fact T-38 Talons, Dussault Mirage III's or the ultimate in stupidity F-4 Phantoms.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-06-17 07:23am

SylasGaunt wrote: Is that any good? I've seen it in the stores.

It's not the greatest but I like it. I think there are a fair amount of people here who've voiced the opinion that it sucks so I'd suggest renting it before buying it since you've never seen it.

I just like the flying and most of the Navy related scenes in the movie. The plot itself ends up being a little disappointing, which happens in a lot of time travel stories.

FC Jolly Roger Pic

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-06-17 07:24am

Shit happens in movies during the Cold War. You can get MiG-29s now, but nothing newer.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-06-17 07:25am

Col. Crackpot wrote: that always pissed me off as a kid. And i would, in turn, piss off my friends by informing them that the "MiG's" in the movie they were watching we in fact T-38 Talons, Dussault Mirage III's or the ultimate in stupidity F-4 Phantoms.

Ah, the old F-4s = Mig 29s in Iron Eagle II. Man did that movie suck. The only good thing was in the begining when they killed off the annoying kid from the first movie.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2004-06-17 07:27am

Vympel wrote:Shit happens in movies during the Cold War. You can get MiG-29s now, but nothing newer.

They could have used F-15s or F/A-18s...

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-06-17 07:51am

Tsyroc wrote:Ah, the old F-4s = Mig 29s in Iron Eagle II. Man did that movie suck. The only good thing was in the begining when they killed off the annoying kid from the first movie.

Oh come on. You know it was cool when he strapped a cassette player to his leg and played cheesy (even for the time) 80s "rock" music to get pumped for combat.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2004-06-17 08:12am

he didnt liked signs either