FTaSDH - Current Ep - 1x05 - To Russia, With Love

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-07-09 01:22pm

okay, fountains of wayne...I love Geek rock....Connection made, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!

No seriously, I enjoy the attention, even if I do get a bit bitch-slapped

I fully expect to come back in a later episode and either

A) kill someone. or

B) Be responsible for large explosions.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2004-07-09 01:24pm

Chardok wrote:okay, fountains of wayne...I love Geek rock....Connection made, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! No seriously, I enjoy the attention, even if I do get a bit bitch-slapped I fully expect to come back in a later episode and either

A) kill someone. or

B) Be responsible for large explosions.

One of the reasons we picked you for this "honor" was that we figured you'd have a sense of humor about this. We'll make it up to you in the next ep.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-07-09 01:26pm

RedImperator wrote:One of the reasons we picked you for this "honor" was that we figured you'd have a sense of humor about this. We'll make it up to you in the next ep.

There's no need to make it up, in case you haven't noticed (You have) I don't mind being the comic relief

. Great story anyway.

Okay, lovefest over, asshat.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-07-09 01:35pm

Seriously, we are glad you've got a sense of humor about the whole thing. Once you informed the mods that your mother might be joining the board, we saw an opportunity and could not let it go to waste, regardless of whether or not she actually did join.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-07-09 01:38pm

Chardok I wanna apologize for banging your mom regularly. I'm not bad Red and Durandal just write me that way.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2004-07-09 01:41pm

"You had to have been adopted," she said.

"What does that mean?" he said.

"Biff? Honey?" came a voice from the closet. Everybody except Marina froze. Horror slowly crept across Biff's face.

"No. No no no no no no."

"Yes," said Marina, as Mrs. Chardok stepped out of the closet, also sweaty and disheveled, with her skirt on backwards.

"Mom?!"

"Biff, sweetie, I can explain. Sometimes, you see, mommies get a little lonely, and they need to be touched in a special way that only women can do."

"MOM!"

"SCORE ONE FOR THE REDHEADED BABE!" exclaimed Beowulf.

"SHUT UP!" Biff covered his ears and ran down the hall.

"Wait Biff!" cried Mrs. Chardok, running after him.

"Wait!" said Marina. "You forgot your...." she shrugged and tossed the lacy black thong she'd been holding behind her.

"Am I allowed to be turned on by this?" said Kernel to Debi.

"I think I'm turned on by this," said Debi.

"This is the best day EVER," said Mark.

"Yeah, great," muttered Joe.

"You're my hero, Marina," said Kernel.

Marina had a brush out and was fixing her hair back. "I know."

*Dies*

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2004-07-09 02:47pm

This thread is proof enough that God exists! *raises arms to the heavens* Hallelujah!

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-07-09 02:50pm

Hehehehe.

That Captain Phallus thing was hilarious guys, hell, the entire chapter was fucking hilarious, keep up the awesome work guys.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-07-09 04:51pm

That...was...awesome!

YAY for being mentioned! YAY for disastrous cuteness! YAY for rifled barrels!

(Little nitpick: I have dark brown eyes, not blue.)

Rewards will be forthcoming. You know what I'm talking about.

CrimsonRaine · Post by **CrimsonRaine** » 2004-07-09 05:19pm

Mayabird wrote:

That...was...awesome!

YAY for being mentioned! YAY for disastrous cuteness! YAY for rifled barrels!

(Little nitpick: I have dark brown eyes, not blue.)

Rewards will be forthcoming. You know what I'm talking about.

Okay. I just spent the past hour reading this sticky thread.

I think this story is AMAZING! Oh my god, the characters are just perfect.

And as like several others, I'm going to bitch: for Christ's sake, man, I'm on the co-writers sister and one of the few females on this board. Why am I not mentioned at least once? At least as some super-bitch. C'mon, guys!

Complaining like this will get me nowhere, but I had to do it!

But excellent job, otherwise. It's given me a strange crush on the Kernel.

Raine

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2004-07-09 05:39pm

What are you whining about? I'm [trekdestroyer] A highly valued member of the board who is much loved and respected and I still haven't been mentioned![/trekdestroyer]

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2004-07-09 08:04pm

Damn, I was that close to getting laid again...

But man, the Spanky panty thief scene was just too much, I can't wait till he sees it..

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-07-09 08:11pm

Mayabird wrote:

That...was...awesome!

YAY for being mentioned! YAY for disastrous cuteness! YAY for rifled barrels!

(Little nitpick: I have dark brown eyes, not blue.)

Rewards will be forthcoming. You know what I'm talking about.

You mean they've done it? You can send blow jobs via e-mail?!

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2004-07-09 09:51pm

Durandal wrote:You mean they've done it? You can send blow jobs via e-mail?!

Well, not quite yet, but it can be done by proxy. Email the local escort service, send them a credit card number & address, and they send over an escort to give you the BJ.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-07-09 10:28pm

Well shit. But how cool would it be to receive a blow job via e-mail?

This e-mail contains an attached executable (BLOWJOB.EXE). This blow job may contain a virus and be harmful to your penis. Do you wish to continue?

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2004-07-09 10:50pm

I was referenced but did not appear in the credits as such. I demand some sort of restitution.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-07-09 11:44pm

Pablo Sanchez wrote:I was referenced but did not appear in the credits as such. I demand some sort of restitution.

Did someone say prostitution? I'm in.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-07-09 11:45pm

Durandal wrote: This e-mail contains an attached executable (BLOWJOB.EXE). This blow job may contain a virus and be harmful to your penis. Do you wish to continue?

FUQ!

The day just keeps getting better and better.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2004-07-10 12:09am

Chardok wrote:Did someone say prostitution? I'm in.

Okay, here's my offer.

1. You keep it clean (use a rubber) and go in for a check-up every six months. I know a veterinarian, he's cheap.
2. You kick 50% of your daily gross upstairs to be. That's the gross, not the net. You know the difference, bitch, don't try to hold out on me.
3. In exchange for said monies you will recieve my protection, that is some motherfucker tries to jump without payin', or some dude try to slice you, or whatever... I fuck him up.
4. You also gain the right to work on my territory, which means that you won't get any other bitches tryin' to grab yo spot or whatevah's. 'Cause they know they don' wanna fuck wit' me. Respect.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2004-07-10 12:11am

Durandal wrote:Well shit. But how cool would it be to receive a blow job via e-mail?

This e-mail contains an attached executable (BLOWJOB.EXE). This blow job may contain a virus and be harmful to your penis. Do you wish to continue?

As long as you run a virus check on it you'll be fine, unless it's one of those amateur blowjobs where the chick grinds her teeth into your penis. If only Norton or some other company made an instant virus check for STDs...

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2004-07-10 12:14am

aerius wrote:As long as you run a virus check on it you'll be fine, unless it's one of those amateur blowjobs where the chick grinds her teeth into your penis.

I think Microsoft is developing a patch for that.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2004-07-10 12:20am

Pablo Sanchez wrote:
aerius wrote:As long as you run a virus check on it you'll be fine, unless it's one of those amateur blowjobs where the chick grinds her teeth into your penis.
I think Microsoft is developing a patch for that.

Given that it's Microsoft it'll probably have a fatal lockjaw error or the tongue action won't work.

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2004-07-10 12:48am

lmfao at the blowjob convo there....

He got up and grabbed the bundle. Suddenly, it unraveled, and all of Spanky's troubles melted away. It was a paid of black thong panties with lace trim, size M, silk. Frederick's of Hollywood. He could tell without checking the tag.

That sub is probably a medium, he thought. These might be hers. His heart churned for a moment. He was obligated, technically, to at least ask if they belonged to her, before he claimed them as found items and added them to his collection. His beautiful, beautiful panty collection.

This is a good pair. Nice panties. He rubbed the slippery fabric with his hands.

You know what? These would have been thrown out anyway. I'm not stealing these at all. I'm rescuingthem."

That made me laugh for a good 5 minutes.

Great work guys.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2004-07-10 01:44am

Man, this Spanky stuff, Chardok's mom, Biff, Kernel and all of their insane shenenigans just makes me wish I'd get an appearance all the more.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2004-07-10 11:53am

Lonestar wrote:Bwahaha! That was fantastic. Keep it up.

I expect more later. Perhaps a depressed USN Recruiter*

*snip*

Yes, me. I know, I know...I'm plugging myself. Sorry. I do have a few threads in The Mess about me and my bad attitude towards my job though.

Yes, yes, we know all too well.

Heh, I'd love to see a brawl among the recruiters. That would be fucking priceless.