Why ST would beat SW

[Brother-Captain Gaius]

[The bridge crew of the Enterprise-E go about their daily routine during a simple shakedown cruise.]

Data: "All systems report functional, Captain."
Picard: "Very good. Prepare to warp back to Starfleet Command."

[Alarms begin to blare and the Enterprise goes to Red Alert.]

Worf: "Captain! Three Imperial-class Star Destroyers have jumped out of hyperspace and are on an intercept course for us!"
Picard: "Shields up! Power up all phasors and torpedo tubes!"
Worf: "Aye, sir."

[TIE fighters stream out of the ISDs and begin to make strafing runs on the Enterprise. They do little damage but buy time for the ISDs to maneuver into flanking positions.]

LaForge via intercom: "Captain, those Star Destroyers' turbolasers have damaged our warp core. We've contained the leak, but we'll be unable to go to warp speed for some time."
Picard: "Understood. [To bridge] Data, set a course for that asteroid belt. We may be able to lose those destroyers there."
Data: "Aye, Captain, course set, maximum impulse."

[The ISDs fire a combined barrage of turbolasers. Several bolts get through the shields and hit the bridge. It erupts in showers of smoke and sparks.All the extras are blasted out of their seats, twirl around in the air, and hit the deck, dead. The main cast are thrown from their seats and now have a few minor cuts and bruises, but are otherwise fine.]

Picard: "Picard to Crusher."
Crusher: "Sickbay"
Picard: "Beverly, we have wounded and dead up here. Many need emergency medical treatment."
Crusher: "Understood, Captain. Crusher out."

[By this time the Enterprise has maneuvered into the asteroid field and the last TIE fighters have been destroyed.]

LaForge: "Engineering to Bridge."
Picard: "Bridge here."
LaForge: "Captain, the damage is worse than I originaly estimated. We have major warp core damage on our hands and it could go critical any minute."
Picard: "Understood. Any suggestions?"
LaForge: "I have a plan, its very risky, but it may be our only hope."
Picard: "Go ahead."
LaForge: "What we need to do is re-establish power throughout decks 7-12. By re-routing the auxiliary fusion couplings to the main deflector dish, we should be able to boost our warp efficiency by 37.2%. By doing this we can accelerate to near-warp and then flush the excess heat, which in turn will allow us to re-energize the secondary capacitators. Then if we canibalize a subspace scanning probe we will be able to restore the warp core to its original state. But like I said, this is very risky and if it fails it will destory the Enterprise."
Picard: [Tells the plan to Data.] "Make it so."

[The Enterprise executes said plan perfectly and is now on her way to Starfleet Command. En route, Picard dies of a stroke. Luckily, that was a dream and he wakes up just fine. However, the dream told of a plan to defeat Star Wars forever. With Q's sporadic "help", Picard remembers it and puts it into action, defeating Star Wars for all eternity. The End.]

See? All Han Solo can do is jury-rig the hyperdrive.

P.S.: For those of you who missed it, I am really a Star Wars fan and I was being cynical.

[Shinova]

A little something from the 80 Sathanas' vs UFP thread:



Smart Ensign : Uh, Captain...

Captain : Yes, Ensign?

SE : Can't we just sit outside their range and lob 'em with torpedoes?

C : ........

SE : Sir???

C : Are you INSANE???

SE : Sir???

C : We absolutely cannot sit outside their range and lob them with torps!!

SE : Why not sir?

C : Cause it ain't cool! Why in hell would we sit outside range when we can go in for close-combat, loose thousands of lives in the process, do insignificant damage, and maybe even get all our asses kicked!!? Don't you have a sense of intelligence, boy!!?

SE : Sir, I'm not following you...

C : Can't you SEE!!?? It's all about fanservice, ensign! FANSERVICE!! We've got to appeal to the ratings!!

SE : I see.... <add sweatdrop>

C : Good! CHARGE!!!

<Shivan commanders laugh their heads off as UFP fleet runs into a grid of BFReds. Game over>

[Crown]

No I didn't miss it, but was this the right forum for this? Anywho, hello and welcome to the board!

[Shinova]

The greatest sci-fi show to come into existence would be the one that uses tactical brilliance in place of technobabble to work miracles. That would be an AWESOME show.

[Shinova]

*GASP* LOOK, A NEWBIE!!!

*Crowd gasps and gathers around JediNeophyte, poking and prodding him*

[Brother-Captain Gaius]

bah, i visit these forums often enough, just dont have much to say

[Slartibartfast]

The Enterprise executes said plan perfectly and is now on her way to Starfleet Command. En route, Picard dies of a stroke. Luckily, that was a dream and he wakes up just fine. However, the dream told of a plan to defeat Star Wars forever. With Q's sporadic "help", Picard remembers it and puts it into action, defeating Star Wars for all eternity. The End.

Had this been the Enterprise show, all this would have happened off-screen and we would be told in the Captain's log

[neoolong]

And Porthos would still be the best character. And Mayweather would still not get any lines. And Hoshi would still not get enough screen time. And Reed would magically come up with some miracle weapon that involves pineapple. And Archer would walk around brooding about how to get out of the situation to his dog. And then when they finally come up with the solution....We will hear about it in Archer's log, and only in a supplemental entry at that.

[Mr Bean]

My own old Mockery

Con:Sir Federation Starship decteded, its 20LM Away, Shall we close and engage?
Imperal Captian:No no that would be to easy
Hanger:Launch Fighters Sir?
Captian:No no also to easy, one Bomber Torp and thier gone...
Weapons:Sir Permision to fire? They are in range now sir
Captian:No no that won't do give me some opitions Weapons, I want to make this fun
Weapons :Hmmm SIR the way would be to hit them with targeting Lasers for now, Don't want to fire a single Turbolaser why even a few hits from our point laser defenses would be to much for them!
Nameless Ensgin:Sir! What if we had Storm-Trooper hop on the hull and hit them with Flashlight beams!
Captian:Perfect!



(Exposion Crashing Noises On Enterpise)
Data:Shields down to 79% We are being hit with some unknow Photon heavy Beams
Mr La Fordge: I might be able to reconfiger the shields to withstand this amount of photons, it might buy us the time we need
Picard:Make it so!
(*Snip extra two pages of Briefings + when the Storm-troopers went to lunch and that great emotional drama that played out in the Mess Hall)


Ahh well maybe I'll post the rest later, twas not one of better works

[Ghost Rider]

So far better written than a great deal of Voyager.

[Setzer]

The greatest sci-fi show to come into existence would be the one that uses tactical brilliance in place of technobabble to work miracles. That would be an AWESOME show.

That's what I didn't like about Star Trek Generations. The scene where they had to fight the Klingon Ship without the protection of their shields could have been a wonderful combat sequence, with the Enterprise fighting an winning an incredible battle against overwhelming odds. Instead they send a pulse to the ship that drops the shields and leaves the Klingons dead in space. God forbid they should show something exciting on Star Trek.

[Alyeska]

The greatest sci-fi show to come into existence would be the one that uses tactical brilliance in place of technobabble to work miracles. That would be an AWESOME show.

That's what I didn't like about Star Trek Generations. The scene where they had to fight the Klingon Ship without the protection of their shields could have been a wonderful combat sequence, with the Enterprise fighting an winning an incredible battle against overwhelming odds. Instead they send a pulse to the ship that drops the shields and leaves the Klingons dead in space. God forbid they should show something exciting on Star Trek.

No kidding. They should have had the E-D facing off against two B'rel's and one K'vort. The E-D could have fired a massive first volley killing one B'rel, then duked it out with the other two eventually winning the battle but with critical damage. That and Picard should have had a phaser rifle and blown Soran away then turned up the power and walked the shots through the location the rocket was at.

[thecreech]

(Running in with Flame thrower) DIE Trekkie (Realizes JediNeophyte is not a trekkie. quickly backs out of thread)

[CmdrWilkens]

(*Snip extra two pages of Briefings + when the Storm-troopers went to lunch and that great emotional drama that played out in the Mess Hall)


Ahh well maybe I'll post the rest later, twas not one of better works

Its still more entertaining and contains just as many actually attractive females as Enterprise.

[Sea Skimmer]

The ISD Body Count comes out of hyperspace

"Captain Kill! We've detected a Federation ship to port, Sovereign class."
"Good, the admiral wishes for prisoners, disable them with an ion cannon, one shot only. We can't risk serious damage to those steam lined toilets they call ships.

Enterprise E slowly closes on the Body Count.

"Captain" announced Worf. "Shall I raise shields?"
"Why on earth would we do that in a potentially hostile situation against such a powerful foe?"
Worf's jaw drops, and he begins fumbling with a phaser pistol.

A single ion cannon beam lances out from a light emplacement on the body count. It strikes the Enterprise. The ship explosively decompresses as the force field windows loses power.

"Sir" announced an officer, pointing at the bodies floating past the bridge windows. "The crew is escaping." Kill draws a blaster and drops him with a swift shot. Just then the E-E's warp core goes up, utterly destroying the ship.

[Anarchist Bunny]

An idea I had for how a connection between STvsSW in a fanfic that I'll never write.

*Data, Worf, Riker, and Diana have all appeared on the bridge of the Enterprise-G(after E was destroy they built F, which suffered a warp core breach was caused by some of the wine from the cristening leaking into a pointless LCD light, and the G was build "in a couple of hours" by a certain troll) by way of a "plot hole" which data was happy to explain*

Data: Sir, sensors have detected a anomoly. It appears to be a wormhole. Should we change course to investigate it?

Picard: Data, this is a WARSHIP on a crucial mission to save the Federation from the Romulans, and even though we have thousands of ships, were the only one in the sector. Ofcourse we are going to go study this scientific find.
_____________________

*The ISD Uber-cool is on root to a planet suspected to be the base of the last reminants of the New Republic.*

Nameless officer: Sir, sensors have detected an anomoly. It appears to be a wormhole, should I change course so I can examine it?

Captain Dalton: No.

Nameless officer: But sir, think of what we could learn fr...
CHACHOO!

Dalton puts his blaster back in his holster. A couple of stormtroopers carry the corpse away and one takes his place until another officer can be found to take his place.

[Perinquus]

The greatest sci-fi show to come into existence would be the one that uses tactical brilliance in place of technobabble to work miracles. That would be an AWESOME show.

That's what I didn't like about Star Trek Generations. The scene where they had to fight the Klingon Ship without the protection of their shields could have been a wonderful combat sequence, with the Enterprise fighting an winning an incredible battle against overwhelming odds. Instead they send a pulse to the ship that drops the shields and leaves the Klingons dead in space. God forbid they should show something exciting on Star Trek.

No kidding. They should have had the E-D facing off against two B'rel's and one K'vort. The E-D could have fired a massive first volley killing one B'rel, then duked it out with the other two eventually winning the battle but with critical damage. That and Picard should have had a phaser rifle and blown Soran away then turned up the power and walked the shots through the location the rocket was at.

Ah but you see, they did it they way they did not only because Berman and Braga are talentless hacks, but so they could re-use stock footage of General Chang's BOP being destroyed from ST:VI.

So they're also cheapskate talentless hacks!

[Vympel]

So they're also cheapskate talentless hacks!

Bwahahahahah

About Birds of Prey- the K'Vort 400m long model is a stupid idea. Honestly what's the point- it still has two disruptors and a torpedo launcher, right? E-D versus Vor'Cha is what I'd like to see ...

[Alyeska]

So they're also cheapskate talentless hacks!

Bwahahahahah

About Birds of Prey- the K'Vort 400m long model is a stupid idea. Honestly what's the point- it still has two disruptors and a torpedo launcher, right? E-D versus Vor'Cha is what I'd like to see ...

I left out the Vorcha for the reason that an unshielded GCS would be wasted by a shielded Vorcha.

The K'vort was somewhat dumb, but those disrupted cannons on it are significantly larger then the B'rel's guns. The torpedo launcher can also fire spreads (well it ought to) because of its size.

[weemadando]

bah, i visit these forums often enough, just dont have much to say

*prods the n00b*

[jegs2]

Greetings to the new person on the board...

[Vympel]

I left out the Vorcha for the reason that an unshielded GCS would be wasted by a shielded Vorcha.

The K'vort was somewhat dumb, but those disrupted cannons on it are significantly larger then the B'rel's guns. The torpedo launcher can also fire spreads (well it ought to) because of its size.

Ok- so the big disruptor cannon at the front of the Vor'cha ... is it a beam, or a bolt?

[Alyeska]

I left out the Vorcha for the reason that an unshielded GCS would be wasted by a shielded Vorcha.

The K'vort was somewhat dumb, but those disrupted cannons on it are significantly larger then the B'rel's guns. The torpedo launcher can also fire spreads (well it ought to) because of its size.

Ok- so the big disruptor cannon at the front of the Vor'cha ... is it a beam, or a bolt?

Originally it fired a bit bolt, but later it fired a beam which is also likely powerful. Either could really hurt an unshielded GCS IMO.

[consequences]

Couldn't a TOW missile really hurt an unshielded GCS?

[greenmm]

Couldn't a TOW missile really hurt an unshielded GCS?

Probably, especially if it hits the critical control junction in a Jeffries tube that handles the warp core safety locks...