PSW FanFic- Up to Chapter Four: Confrontations.

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PSW FanFic- Up to Chapter Four: Confrontations.

Post by Crazedwraith »

1st fanfic 'Ive posted, many partially written then deleted though. :D

Disclaimer: Star Wars is owned by George Lucas. I am getting no money for this. It written only for entertainment purposes and written badly at that.

STAR WARS: The Dark Times
By David "Crazedwraith" Cutter.


Prologue: Red Vengance!
A figure walked in to the ground floor of Seniar Fleet Systems Corusant office, which was actually the 1021st floor of the tower it was in. But nobody was counting.

He was dressed much like many other travellers, Jawas and hermits throughout the galaxy, thinking he was simply I homeless bum, a security guard tried to turn him out, quite violently in fact.

Snap–hiss.

The guard fell back as an emerald blade sliced through is breast and flash fired his heart.

Shouts of terror. Intermittent Blaster fire and the ever present thrum and hum of the lightsaber. No more than thirty–five seconds after he walked in to the building, the man’s sand coloured cloak swished to a halt around him as he entered an elevated. He punched the button for the top floor. It beep at him, asking for a pass code, biting back his annoyed snarl, the Jedi waved his hand and got an buurt of acceptance from the damned thing.

The lift rose quickly, the lift rose to destiny. The back–stabbing power-besotted bastard was going to pay for what he had done, even if Jedi Knight Fabian Carter had to die in the doing of it.

The lift rose and rose and then it stopped. The door opened to reveal a mutely lit corridor and two security guards, struggling to bring blasters before being smashed against the walls by a telekinetic push of skull fracturing proportions.

He stalked quickly down the hallway, he would be here, he had to be here, looking at designs for his precious Ion fighters.

Double door damn near blew off their hinges as the Jedi entered the cushy main office. Two men were inside. One was a plump man in an expensive suit; the other was the traitor still dressed in his dark cloak and armour that he had favoured near the end of the wars. That he had favoured when he went out to murder children and defenceless young who knew and trusted him.

“Turn traitor, turn and die Ani.” And with out further ado the Jedi ignited his blade and slashed at Vader: who moved surprising fast for a crippled giant. Vader rolled away avoiding the slash and igniting his blade, it was now the blood–red of a Sith, the same colour has most of the blood the man had split.

“That name has no meaning for me. Jedi Carter.”
The battle of wills was short and savage; Vader fought like a construction droid, with sheer force. Battering the Jedi with over head blows seemingly meant to smash Carter down a few floors.

The Jedi was fighting with quiet competence and was as fluid as running as he struck three precise blows, knee chest and head. Each strike was blocked in turn. The Jedi used the power of Vader’s last block to spin a full circle and slash Vader’s knee. The green blade impacted the high–density armour in a shower of sparks, Vader collapsed but the armour saved his leg. As he fell Vader stabbed out accomplishing nought but a similar glancing blow to his wrist, which his ‘sabre spinning off into the shadows of the wrecked office.

The green blade levelled at the dark giant’s throat.

“Before I sent you to burn in all the hells the ever were, tell me. Why? Why kill the innocent? Why slaughter your comrades? The people who raised and cherished you?” Snarled Fabian.

The words awoke the fire in the black heart of the black. He carefully pro–nouced one word:

“No” before unleashing all the rage and pain of his heart in one terrifying powerful force wave. The Jedi was thrown across the room and smashed into the large transparisteel window. Massive cracks snaked out from the impact point creating a weird spider design throughout the window. Fabian crumbled to the floor barely conscious.

The dark titan was on his feet again, his lightsabre called to his hand. Despite the injury to his knee his pace was steady measured. His breathing hardly laboured above his norm his words rang out.

“No. The Jedi did not raise me. My mother did.”

He was standing above Carter now the blade igniting in his hand was the exact same shade of red as the pool of children’s blood he had created.

“And because of the Jedi, my mother is dead.”

And with those words Fabian’s world went red.

Fini? or TBC only time will tell.

***
Comments Please? Crap? Good? Vomit-inducing?

EDIT: Added Disclaimer.
Last edited by Crazedwraith on 2004-09-13 11:34am, edited 8 times in total.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Cool! There were a few wrongly spelled words, but it was awesome. Write more.

Though I had some problems with some casual Jedi managing to actually nearly defeat Vader...you could write an explaination, like that Vader just came from his operation or something or Carter was Mace Windu's padawan or something.

Great work.
Double door damn near blew off their hinges as the Jedi entered the cushy main office. Two men were inside.
And I had some problem with that too. The "damn" doesn't fit with the atmosphere too much, but that could just be me.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

A well-written story, if short, though I find it a little odd that a Jedi Knight would be called "Carter". (as well as the beef with an ordinary Jedi nearly defeating the Darkh Lourde Of Ye Sithe)
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Well Carter nearly manged to defeat the choosen one due to a couple of reasons:

1) He was extremely pissed off the Vader and is bordering on the dark side. Note how he casually murders security guards at the begining.
2) He caught Vader by suprise, Most sabre fight start with both combatants facing each other with sabres igniting in this Carter just sasys "Turn and lalshes out."
3) Its from Carter's enraged POV thus the damage done to Vader is greatly exgaggerated. Note of Vader manges to stride across the room and the end? Nice regulur strides? despite the fact he's supposed be crippled from the Knee strike.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Well...okay. Though you should've written it in a way where explaination would've not been necessary. Anyway, continue!
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Anyhoo, Should i write a continue-ance to this? There's a question mark on the fini so I could proberly get away with it. :D I'd proberly need to wqork out plot though.

Whats wrong with a Jedi called Carter, Mr. Toker?
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

You ought to continue...somehow...or write a prologue.

Carter isn't a SW name. You have crap like Windo and Kenobi and Qui Gon Jin and Amidala and Palpatine, the occasional names with meaning, like Skywalker, most are weirdo.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Ok, changed 1st post and title to reflect hopefully on going nature. Any ideas for a title? Next chapter up: when ever i can be bothered to write it inspiration hits. Can't promise anything though I have exams comnig up and all that.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Mmmm....maybe you could write what happened to Carter in the first place. With this chapter being the end of it all. Or you could write the exploits of a blind Jedi, escaping all the shit the Empire throws at it and all that. He's blind, but he can still see, thanks to the Force.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Chapter One: Recollections and Rebellion

… And with those words Fabian’s world went red.

Carter awoke. Drenched in cold sweat. Old burn scars flamed down his left cheek and throughout his left shoulder. Jedi do not often dream and most of their infrequent dreams are actually force sent visions. Fabian wondered why he was re–visiting a ten year old failure. Maybe the force thought he had come to terms with it. Well what did it know?

Flashes of memory. A dark giant standing above lightsabre in hand…The sabre falling… Telekinesis–ing his way through the window to avoid a death blow… falling… falling… impact.

Crawling to safety in some dark hell–spawn pit of a Then months and months of constantly changing bacta patches and disinfectants. Would could have been healed by a couple of hours in a proper bacta tank under the republic became an ordeal under the empire. Seeing as MD droids would report even Blaster creases to the authorities, he’d properly been given a lethal injection, if he turned up with even more distinctive lightsabre burns.

Stepping out his shower Fabian decided to find his clothes. He still wore robes and a sand–coloured cloak but they were less stylised Jedi versions and more thread worn, every day traveller kind of thing, he also slipped his long ago sensor stealthed dark matte grey ‘sabre into a pocket on his left thigh pocket.

Carter left is room to walk down a long corridor of similar such rooms, still mussing the long days of pain. His hands moved over his left collarbone, where a plasteel rod replaced a chunk that been vaporised by the lightsabre strike that concluded his one and only fight with a Sith lord.

Looking back, Fabian realised just how lucky, and unlike many Jedi, Carter did believe in luck, he was to survived a fight with the man who had slaughter so many full–grown Jedi and not just the full grown Jedi but the padawans and younglings as well. Carter turned away from that painful thought after all; Vader’s slaughtering of children had no bearings on his skill as a warrior. Had Vader not been both surprised and still adjusting to his cripple state, after Obi–Wan had knocked him into a lava pit. Carter would have been as dead as Mace Windu or Adi–Gaili or any of dozens of other powerful and skilled Jedi who had been felled by Vader’s blood blade.

But Carter HAD survived and had since elected to oppose the empire and reek vengeance on Vader in a way that was less likely to get himself killed: he had joined a rebellion. Not the rebellion, not the weak Rebel Alliance who wanted naught but a return to the corrupt ways of the Old Republic. But a Rebellion, one who wanted nothing less then the Emperor’s and his whipping boy Vader’s Heads on pikes. So here Fabian was on some old and forgotten world in the mid–core. Huddled behind defence shields and dura–armour and all kinds of sensor nets. When Carter was completely honest with himself he had absolutely no clue what he was doing her. True he was their best foot soldier, pilot and all round warrior but his skills in the art of war were not something he could employ here. Since his skills in such activities flowed mainly from the force he couldn’t even teach others how do them. Furthermore his presence was likely to call even more attention to this group seeing as Vader and his butt-snorkelling Inquisitors still vigorously tracked down and eliminated any leads as to former Jedi or active force users or even unsterilised latent force uses. He was properly going to get these malcontents killed before they could do any damage at all to the Empire. And soon to something whispered to him.

***

Imperial Inquisitor Henrak N’lor was bored. At first his Jedi hunting job was great: Wages were high, morality wasn’t an issue, you were always busy and you got to be as callous and cruel as you could possibly mange.
And then Darth Vader was on the scene purging Jedi thrice as fast as anybody else could and while that was fun to watch, it made his job, now, several years on boring as hell. The Inquisitor were reduced to following up often-useless leads and had to be careful not to tread on local governor’s toes and ended up just jumping from system to system with no action in sight. And that was just your ordinary Inquisitor, N’lor had managed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and had been assigned to hunt down a wraith of a Jedi. It was almost literally a wild norrp chase, the Jedi in question, name clinker or cutter or some really weird name like that, had in all likelihood and been killed by Vader himself ten years ago and at the very least should have a missing arm.

And so N’lor was simply jumping from system to system looking for a Rebel Jedi base that didn’t exist. On the plus side he had several extremely good looking female staffers, a couple of crates of fine Corusantian Black Beer, even a couple of bottle’s of Whyren’s Reserve and His own hand picked fleet. Still when out of five searched systems, two were inhabited and local authorities slowed the search down to about the average speed of a crippled Hutt. The next two were uninhabitable and the last no longer existed due to a nova, he wasn’t to hopeful he’d find anything at his next stop: A binary system with two gas giants and three asteroid belts.



***

Carter swept in to the base’s main control room, ignoring the jibes about his strange name from the junior Comm/scan operators and holding a steaming mug of caf in one hand and large snack bar in the other. Fabian quickly settled in a seat next to the system status display board and asked his usual question of its droid operator.

“Anything happening?”

“Not a Dickey bird” said the extremely eccentric droid, SM.777.

Fabian glanced at the board it showed, the sensor reports from all three asteroid belts sensor stations and status reports from the defence traps. Cluster bombs and nests of automated turbolasers and ion cannons were scattered through the inner two asteroid belts. Lights which indicated several mines, some that mounted omnidirection ion cannons, some that jetted towards there targets and exploded where cluster together so close they merged into one large light patch hanging over the base on the planet.

Several hours passed and even the large amounts of caf he had consumed couldn’t stop Fabian feeling drowsy, his eyes were dropping, he was gonna fall asleep right here, god it was gonna be embarrassing, he’d properly drool on himself. Luckily at this point alarms when off and SM.777 gave Carter a short sharp poke.

“Imperial Craft have entered base system, they reach alpha belt in half–a–minute. Enemy fleet composition: One modified Imperator, four Katana–class dreadnoughts, eight Damorrian Carrack class light cruisers and twelve CR.–90 corvettes. Tactical analyse: We’re anally screwed, without lube I might add.”

Tbc…..as if any one gives a damn.
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Post by consequences »

I care, really. You could do with a proof-reader though.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Hey! You never told me about this chapter! And the thread never popped up or glowed green! Anyway, it's neat. Though you have a few typos. I get to be a droid! Neat. Your story is good, way better than the stuff most fanfic writers write. I can't really think of how your fic could be improved though...aside from making the chapters longer. Maybe you could add more details about the facility he's on. Describe SM777. Make him do more stuff, make him talk to people. Aside from that, well, keep it up!
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Aside from what Shroom has said, I can add that the writing style reminds me of Robert E. Howard.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Who is Robert E. Howard?
Image "DO YOU WORSHIP HOMOSEXUALS?" - Curtis Saxton (source)
shroom is a lovely boy and i wont hear a bad word against him - LUSY-CHAN!
Shit! Man, I didn't think of that! It took Shroom to properly interpret the screams of dying people :D - PeZook
Shroom, I read out the stuff you write about us. You are an endless supply of morale down here. :p - an OWS street medic
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:Who is Robert E. Howard?
A fantasy writer, and a pioneer in the genre. In the 1920s and 1930s he wrote some stories about the adventures of a barbarian named Conan.

You might be familiar with him through a certain movie starring a certain Mr. Schwarzenegger...
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Oooooh! Cool!

So with Carter be like Conan! WOAH!!!! :lol:
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Well today I did. I finially got off my ass. and wrote Chapter two.
Yay! Go me.

I still need suggestions for an overall name for the fic.

I also need a good name for the indepant rebel group.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Chapter two: The Heat of Battle

“We’re anally screwed, without lube I might add.”

Carter turned and stared once again at the droid, despite the severity of the situation pondered one thing: who the kriff programmed that droid? Fabian had always thought it must have been done via the random pulses of SM been fried by force lightening by a short anal obsessed Sith lord called Darth Wong. However he did admit that the pre-eminent theory among the bases techs, that SM.777 was a victim of a spastic arc–weilding verpine in the throws of glitterstim withdrawl, ‘repairing” his central consciousness also had a lot of credibility in Fabian’s eyes.

Forcing Himself back to the current situation, Carter slapped the “call” button to the General, but the stupid bugger was too busy balancing that new corellian slut of a recruit on his balls to answer. Shrugging this off with typical Jedi calm, Carter triggered a base wide alert and issued a warning through the PA system,

“All hands prepare for evacuation, this is not a drill. We have an Omega level enemy incursion in system, repeat we have an omega level threat all hand prepare for evacuation under heavy fire.”

This done Fabian turned to the Tactical Stations currently commanded by a burn scared Twi’lek.

“Power up all Base weapons and shields. Sent the activation code to Beta Belt for a full power up. Activate Alpha belt in cold mode but ready for instantaneous activation was the enemy has partially penetrated it.”

*****

N’Lor was in the middle of his seventh mug of caff of his shift, his eyes unfocused watching light turbolasers causally vaporise asteroids that might prove a threat or inconvenience. He’d just noticed an attractive female officer sauntering past when it happened. All hell broke lose.

*****

Out in space the Imperial Taskforce was half way through the Alpha belt defences when they activated. The shear volume of fire created and red and white ovoid in space as countless laser and ion blast when off to continuous fire. Shrapnel blasts shredded armour. One laser mine walked blasts across the Star Destroyer bridge sending shards of transparisteel slashing throughout the bridge only for them to change direction and spiral in to the great void. Ion and laser blast centred themselves on the vulnerable reactors of the corvettes and the sub–standard armour of the Carrack’s mid–rift. Several Corvettes either disappeared completely in reactor overloads or lit up like roman candles before all their lights and power winked out, leaving them empty husk of once proud starships. Carracks belched fire and hypermatter from their compromised generators slowly bleeding their lives away; a dreadnought’s lights flickered as its hulk was wreathed in energy it was never meant to handle, liquid chunks of armour were blown clear from the destroyer freezing into weird mangled globs of durasteel…

And then and then they were clear, a much-reduced task forces burst from the belt in fire and madness and slowed to a halt.

*****

N’Lor got up from the floor of his bridge, when the windows had been shot out he grabbed his chair with all the strength he could muster, with all the power of the force that he could direct. It hadn’t been enough, the air gripped and whisked him out of his chair, he was falling, falling and then the emergency blast doors to the security foyer slammed shut, the air stabilised and N’Lor smack right into it.

“Kriff” swore N’Lor “Kriff, Kriff, KRIFF. What the bloody hell happened? I want reports and I want them now.” The aide he been perving on just a few minutes ago came up.

“Sir, when we entered the first asteroid belt of the system a large number of automated weapons systems activated and assaulted our fleet.”

“Really?” N’Lor voice was laced with sarcasm as thick as neuotronium, “Well’ I’m extremely glad you told me that, I had no idea. I thought my bridge windows just shattered for no reason.”

“Yes Sir. Of course, Sir,” muttered the Ensign, “Also sir we are getting readings of similar concentrations of mines in the next belt sir and over a specific part of the third planet from the system’s star. Sir, the same location that the mine orbit over has heavy power signals over it. We have detected numerous energy shields capable of deflected bombardment long enough for the planetary defence batteries to disable or destroy our fleet. Err… Sir!”

“Very well Ensign, how’s the fleet status?” said N’Lor, the beginnings of a plan whispering through his mind.

“Sir we lost 3 corvettes and 2 Carracks completely with a further 4 Carracks, 7 corvettes and a dreadnought with various degrees of damage. Rough half of these are crippled beyond repair, Sir.”

“Alright Ensign, Evacuated all personal and remove all fuel from the crippled vessels. Organise the fleet thus: The Star Destroyer Emperor’s Wrath will take point, all other vessels will cluster behind it least damaged vessels on the outside and then next least damaged and so on. The crippled vessels will be tractored along by the others. The destroyer will clear a path through the mines.

*****

Fabian smirked, as several Imperial dots on the sensor board winked off, as the scopes no longer read their presence. Other began blink at various speeds to indicate the damage the craft had absorbed.

His Smirk faded, as the Imperials smashed straight through the Beta field without loses. The smirk turned into a grimace, when the Imperials defeated the minefields. They simply threw their crippled ships into the centre of it. Each mine tracked into and started blowing up to ship piece by piece but since the ship no longer had any fuel to ignite or reactors to overload it was taking far to many mines until the computers read them as no threat.

By this point Carter was swearing up a storm, biting back a torrent of old corellian invectives he turned to the mine control officer, a bald glassy eyed human:

“Well don’t just sit there looking gormless. Override those kriffing shoddy mines!”

The officer looked at him, his jaw quivered slight and he blinked slowly then he looked at his console.

“Errr. I’m sorry but the mines can’t be overridden. Once they activate there’s no cancel button” His head slanted again, “well not on mines this cheap any way. I’d have to complete restart the defence system, which would mean powering down the ion cannons and energy shields as well.”

So Fabian watched helplessly as his base was stripped of another layer of its defences. Then SM.777 whirred into view.

“Jedi Carter” the manic droid buzzed “Multiple Infantry Dropships have been deployed, they’ll touch down due south of the base.”

“Just Infantry? No Walkers?”

“None as yet, Jedi. I’m detecting 2 Stormtrooper transports and six Army Dropships. No walker or armour deployers have appeared on the scopes sir. I calculate a high probability such a show of force would be redundant and unnecessary considering the state of our ground defences Sir.”

“Just rub it in, SM.” said Carter, to whom the lack of any substantial ground defences on base had all ways been a source of worry and now he knew why.

“How's the evacuation status?” He yelled at the gothic controller of the escape ships.

“Sir, The munitions vessel is fully stocked and ready to go, two of the major personal ships are full but one of them id having reactors problems. The last major vessel and the minor ones are partially full and will be ready to go in an hour and a half max.”

“Well it seems I can’t do any more good here, alert the troops, I’ll be joining their defence efforts. So if they see a weirdo in a long cape tell them NOT to open fire.” And with that Carter slipped on a military style comm headset and headed out the door.

*****

Arla Jenkins, a twenty something Captain of the rebel’s ground force was having a really bad day. First her shower didn’t work and then the Imperials invaded. She hated fighting before she had a shower. It was just felt unclean for some reason.

To make matter worse, the rest her squad was either dead or running like the pathetic Jessies and she had been shot, well not precisely shot but grazed at least. There was along black streak through her armour and across her left ribs, not exactly lethal but very nasty looking and disabling to say the least. Her head must have been hit on the way down two; she was having difficulty focusing her vision at all. Her blasters were far out of reach and her vibroblade’s blade had been slightly vaporised by the Blaster bolt that had felled her.

Four or five white blurs appeared above her. Stormies she though and the adrenaline rush of her panic seemed to bring her sight back into harsh focus.
Was that Stormie bastard reaching for his crotch?

Some how it didn’t seem to be possible this could happen to Arla. Wasn’t it a bit too much like a scene from a Holo–comedy? How big a cliché was it for a loyal disciplined Stormtrooper of the Great Glorious Empire to attempt to rape some one in the middle of a kriffing a battle.

Then it came to her. One this wasn’t the middle of a battle, it was the scene of a battle she had already lost and two these bastard properly only got a day or so of shore leave each year. There’s only so much masturbation can do for a guy, I suppose. Kriff she needed a miracle. And amazingly, miraculously she got one.

A bolt of green lightening burst horizontally down the hallway, and struck the stormie who was undoing his belt in the chest. Impossible Thought Jenkins until the Sandy coloured blob that was holding the lightening registered.

“Oh. It’s the Jedi” Mutter Arla.

*****

Carter was now rather angry; the Battle was lost but the war so to speak. The transports had time to lift off but at the cost of so many troops. Then while he’d been cutting his way to the nearest troop transport, he’d come across some Imps attempting to rape a soldier. Luckily his lightsabre was now lodged in the guys chest. The other three soldiers screamed and went for their carbines. The first was beheaded before his hand reached it, the second was in the process of levelling it when the barrel disappears and then his chest joins it on the floor. The third actually managed to get off a shot but the bolt exploded, when Carter glared at him and slammed him with a force wave so power he flew off his feet and smacked into a wall hard enough to shatter bones even through is vaunted armour.

Carter turned and helped the Soldier to his, No Carter blinked, her feet.

“Thanks” She groaned, grabbing a pair of E–11s from the floor and offered him one “Here. You’ll need this if we’re going to get to the transport”

Carter waved it away, vaguely muttering a comment about “Inelegant weapons”

“Look, you kriffer, if you don’t take the Blaster, we’re going to get into another melee again and I hate to break it to you but injured humans don’t do well in brawls with Stormies, so take the bloody Carbine.”

Fabian took the Carbine just to shut her up and walked off in the general direction of the troop transport. His Blaster held loose at his side in most unprofessional grip. Well loose that is until they turned the next corner. Where the rest of the stormie squad stood all 5 of their weapons pointed in vaguely the right direction to cover the hall Carter and the soldier had just entered.

“Mirath,” swore Carter, which was the equivalent of “fuck” in Old Corellian, and started shooting. His first blast caught the trooper on elbow, blowing off his arm, the second slashed between the first two ‘troopers and blast the third on to his ass, smoke curling from the crate opened in his heart, his third, forth and fifth walked across the second trooper’s chest. Then he ducked as return fire slashed through where his upper chest had been. His last two shots caught the forth trooper on left hip and groin. By then the female behind had managed to raise her carbine and blasted the last one.

Carter glanced at the soldier extremely surprised look and smirked.

“What? I said Inelegant not ineffective .” Laughing at the look on her face. Fabian set off for the transport.

*****

Now in the less wrecked and more comfortable auxiliary bridge, deep in the heart of the ISD Emperor’s Wrath , Inquisitor N’Lor snarled, through his darkside
Perception he had just felt several surges of force power. It seems this was not just some random group of fanatics, his true prey was here. A Jedi was here.

“Sir” A large formal looking Aide drawled in a heavy Kauti accent, “Four large Freighters and a dozen smaller models are lifting off the planet. They will be at the blockade at 20 seconds.”

“Destroy them, Commander.”

“Yes, Sir. Of Course Sir.”
N’Lor watched as a Dreadnought and a pair of Carracks, intercepted the group. Causing it to veer on a predicitable course. A course his own Destroyer quickly paced it self slap bang in the middle of.

Remarkably the group didn’t attempt another manoeuvre; they’d obviously excepted their own doom. One cruiser in particular seemed eager to meet it, speeding faster, too far in front to make any sense. It felt wrong, N’Lor frowned and reached out. It clicked.

“Sensors, you do know the led vessels is droid controlled don’t you?” He called.

“Sir? What I can determine through the jamming shows large amounts of biosigns of all incoming vessels.” N’Lor was paled (if that was possible as his flesh was almost white to begin with)

“You’re sure?”

“That’s what my scopes says, sir.”

“Weapons destroy the lead vessel. NOW!”

“I was planning to sir.” Then officer suddenly gulped as he remember to whom he was speaking, and scratched at his collar, scratched at the invisible fingers of the force that would crush his throat if he ever showed such impudence again. Then the weapons batteries started firing.

The cruisers was flying far faster than it should it was almost as if some one had poured all energy into the engines with out worrying what the g–forces could do to the crew. Then N’Lor remembered it had no crew. Then the cruiser impacted the shields.

*****

The munitions vessel hit the particle shields. Ablative patches all of it burst disrupting the particle shields and allowing the remaining skeleton of the ship to impact the surface of the Imperator. Simultaneous with the impact was the overload of the power reactor and the detonation of the entire ship's complement of baradium, neurgen–14, proton, concussion warheads and assorted other explosive devices.

A massive rolling ball of plasma smashed the Destroyer melting most of the dorsal hull, burning of the weapons and ablating armour, that were never designed to ablate. The destroyer was thrown through space like a child’s toy. A broken Child’s toy.

The blockade broken the Rebel Personnel Carrier fleet escaped in to Hyperspace.


*****
Three days later Carter still had a happy swooping sensation in his stomach whenever he thought of the plasma ball enveloping the Destroyer. Glad that Base Command had taken his advice for a change. Whoever was in charge of that fleet was going to have a lot of explaining to do when he limped home when a melted ISD.

He was resting Datapad in hand, feet on desk in his quarters on the 775 metere long bulk freighter Blue Dream which was serving as Rebel HQ until they got to a cell with a large enough base to handle it.

The door chime rung.

Carter waved a hand to TK the release and glanced over at the door. In it was an extremely beautiful woman. About Fabian’s height, with long legs, a nice but not technically big rack, lively exciting brown eyes…

At this point Fabian bolted to his feet and managed to force out a few words on autopilot:
“Yes? Can I help you”

…And a military short hair cut. Suddenly with a shock that ran up and down his spine he recognised her. It was the Soldier he’d rescued. She grinned at him as she closed the door and extended a hand.

“Err... I’m Arla Jenkins. Captain Arla Jenkins. You properly saved my life.”

After the handshake Fabian realised how close Arla was staying. She was so close he could almost count her eyelashes.

“And I’d like to say thank you.”

Her arms snaked around Fabian’s neck as she kissed him and gently pushed him towards the bed.

*****

Several Hours later Fabian was lying in his bed, watching Arla breathe. They were both completely naked, well except for the pinkish translucent bandage that reached across Arla’s ribs from just beneath her left breast.

Fabian smiled at the thought of what had just happened. While marriage was forbidden to Jedi they were far from Celibate, the Jedi council didn’t even pretend it anymore or they didn’t before Vader killed them all. Fabian shirred at the thought and Arla stirred. Soothing her with a touch he gazed admiringly at her sleek physique, happy thoughts filled up to the brim untill one fought its way forward with unwanted news. He was in love.

“Aw Crap”
**************

TBC

Auther's Note: Hows the lenghth of the chapter. Long enough?
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Good chapter, but there are some problems. And maybe you could ask a second opinion from another guy, like CaptainChewbacca, for a more detailed analysis as I'm not that good in critique. Without further ado...lemme point out some of the flaws I saw:

1. You ought to be more descriptive of the scenario, I mean, descibe where Arla was when she was almost gang banged, describe where they were when they killed those Stormies. Describe what is going on in the place. It feels like we're jumping from scene to scene without knowing what is going on and without a proper sense of time.

2. We have the Imp fleet approaching the base and all of a sudden, they're sending in transports and then we already have stormies raping women.

3. Why would an Imperial Inquisitor with darkside powers talk in such a casual way?

4. Why would a girl fuck a guy who rescued her? Is Arla a slut (though if she was, I'd have absolutely no problem with that :p)?

5. Some of your sentences are a little confusing and describe the situation some more, please. The individual scenes are too short.

6. If a Star Wars ship used its sub-light engines to accelerate at impossible speeds, nothing happens to its crew, the g-forces won't kill them. They've got fancy inertial dampeners.

7. Never really heard of SW ships having ablative armor...

Anyway, how you write your sentences is good, it's just adding them together to form a streamlined thinggy which is hard. Maybe you could join Omniverse Zero (in my sig) and ask for critiques, the people there are quite respectable writers and I'm sure they could give a more comprehensive review than me. OZ is also a place for universe making. And yes, I'm shamelessly advertising.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Shroom Man 777 wrote: 1. You ought to be more descriptive of the scenario, I mean, descibe where Arla was when she was almost gang banged, describe where they were when they killed those Stormies. Describe what is going on in the place. It feels like we're jumping from scene to scene without knowing what is going on and without a proper sense of time.
fair enough
2. We have the Imp fleet approaching the base and all of a sudden, they're sending in transports and then we already have stormies raping women.
Yeah, well there is obviously quite a difference in time between thoose scenes. It proberly good have been done better.
3. Why would an Imperial Inquisitor with darkside powers talk in such a casual way?
Well, if you'd just had you bridge window blown out and thought you were going to die in the cold of space I imagine You'd be inclined to swear alot to. As for the other scenes. Err..errr...crap.
4. Why would a girl fuck a guy who rescued her? Is Arla a slut (though if she was, I'd have absolutely no problem with that :p)?
Well again, If some had saved you from gang rape and murder you'd be grateful to, just becasue the gratefulness comes in form of cliched hot sex, you objects? Maybe Arla's culture i a nice loving compassionate one, with less inhibitions?
5. Some of your sentences are a little confusing and describe the situation some more, please. The individual scenes are too short.
Bah humbug. Too Short? This the longesty chapter I've done to date
6. If a Star Wars ship used its sub-light engines to accelerate at impossible speeds, nothing happens to its crew, the g-forces won't kill them. They've got fancy inertial dampeners.
Fair enough.
7. Never really heard of SW ships having ablative armor...
Well the stufff on the ram ship was especially made for disrupting particle shields so.....
And the armour on the destroyer was supposed to ablate it just did becase well it had a few thousand tones of explosives going off next to it.
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Post by Shroom Man 777 »

Crazedwraith wrote: Yeah, well there is obviously quite a difference in time between thoose scenes. It proberly good have been done better.
Yup. You could've given us more situation awareness.
Well, if you'd just had you bridge window blown out and thought you were going to die in the cold of space I imagine You'd be inclined to swear alot to. As for the other scenes. Err..errr...crap.
I haven't read much of EU, but I never remembered hearing Vader or any darkside user saying "oh crap! you fucking sumbitch!". But I guess darkside users are probably like Jedis, still human. But still, this guy is supposed to be the antagonist, he's supposed to be a cold motherfucker. Or maybe you could show us more of his point of view, making us like him and making him more human while making him an antagonist or something...but it's your villain, so you do whatever you want.
Well again, If some had saved you from gang rape and murder you'd be grateful to, just becasue the gratefulness comes in form of cliched hot sex, you objects? Maybe Arla's culture i a nice loving compassionate one, with less inhibitions?
Fuck a guy who saved you from rape? Well...if you say so. And I envy Carter...saving a hot chick and fucking her...
Bah humbug. Too Short? This the longesty chapter I've done to date
The details, I meant.
Well the stufff on the ram ship was especially made for disrupting particle shields so.....
And the armour on the destroyer was supposed to ablate it just did becase well it had a few thousand tones of explosives going off next to it.
Well, okay then. But I don't think the particle shields would be disrupted that easily. We'd see more of this stuff if it were so. Maybe have the Imps destroy the only place which manufactured this stuff.

And in American English, armor does not have a U. In British English, it does. Kinda like color and colour.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Shroom Man 777 wrote:
And in American English, armor does not have a U. In British English, it does. Kinda like color and colour.
I knew that i was just razzing ya. :twisted:

Anyhoo, the advice has been useful and i do value the input, but i'm not going to revise he chapter. If I started doing that there'd never be an end to it and you'd just get the te prologue and 1st 2 chapters repeated without end.

Chapter 3: Suicides & Executions coming soon. though.
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Post by Crazedwraith »

Chapter 3: Suicides and Executions

Aww Crap

Fabian said again this time for a complete different reason than he had yesterday. SM.777 was approaching. He had the body, right arm and left leg of a –PO series, the skeletal left arm of LE series, a leg of a neimodan super battledroid was attached to his right hip and he had the clamshell head of an air traffic controller.

Fabian knew precisely why SM.777 was coming for him but decide to stall the inevitable and ignore him until he actually got here.

“Jedi Knight Fabian Carter.” Announced SM.777, it was not a question. Carter didn’t respond.

“Jedi Knight Fabian Carter,” Repeated SM.777, unflappably, “You will report to The General’s office immediately. Follow me.”

And so Fabian trudged down three corridors up two decks and down a third corridor and a large bare office, with a large view hole, a larger desk and an even large human in it.

The General was a massive man closer to 7 feet tall than 6, built like a Reek and several times as nasty. The General was also very angry, a lot of time and this time the entire of his ire on the Arrogant Jedi Kriffer that had just been led it his office by SM.777. The General was still trying to find the bastard accountant who’d assign the crazy droid to him, mainly so he castrate him.

“Jedi Knight Fabian Carter. Do you know why I summoned you here?”

“No,” said Fabian. “Although I would hope it was to congratulate me on my success.”

“You will as me as “sir” or “General” Carter seeing as you only hold the official rank of Lt. Colonel.” The General Barked the fury was already rising in his voice.

“No, sir ” snapped Carter, “Although, sir , I would hope it was to congratulate me on my success. Sir .”

“Success? Success, You say? And what success would this be Carter? Did you single handily defeat the empire? Strange no one told me about.”

“Yes, sir. Of course sir.” Carter said sharply, “Sir, I was more thinking of my evacuation of our Lanteth VII Base. An Evacuation witch was carried out with the greatest efficiency rating of all such operations carried out and minimal loss ratios.”


“An Operation that’s should never have been carried out without my consent; an operation that was potentially needless. Were you aware when you attacked. The likelihood was the Imperials didn’t know we were there?”

“No, sir,” Fabian said. His gaze was focused a couple of centimetres above the General’ head. “However, If I didn’t activate the defence when I did and they did know we were here… Then they would beyond our defence perimeter and we would have had that much less firepower to throw at them.”

“Ah Yes. Your cute little trick with the defence belts. SM. Please Give me your analysis of the tactic Jedi Carter used.” The defective droid buzz–whirred over.

“Bzzzt–knnt–scrktikr–enk–enk, Pard–on Si’ Me vococder seems to have pic kntknt ker up a flutter, bzzt–knk.” The droid hit himself rather hard in the head.

“Just get on with the damn Analysis.” The General Practically roared.

“–Knnnink– Jedi Knight Carter’s tactic: Activating a defence layer while it was in the process of being penetrated. Therotical Befits of Tactic: A great concentration of fire on more targets. Practical result upon last use–age of tactic: the Approaching fleet incurred 20% numerically losses, with a further 44% of craft being damaged. However above losses only constituted 31.48% of the enemy fleets tactical power. The tactic also gave the enemy warning of what was to come resulting in the next such defence having no effect on the fleet. Further–more the damaged hulks created to clear another layer of the defence system with neglible losses of their part.”

“So, What your saying Is Carter’s tactic was actually completely ineffectual, consider the advantages the imperials gleaned from it?”

“Bzztk knukt in essenc–.” SM.777 started

“Shut up SM. That was Rhetorical.” The General’s voice was now filled to the brim with anger and yet his face had a triumphant grin upon it.

“So, let me make a list of your ‘success’ Carter, first you completely disregard the chain of command and commence operations according to your own whims. Then you pathetically attempt an ambush on the Imperials, thereby alerting them to our presence, whereas otherwise they would have ignored us. Furthermore, you compromise our entire defence plan in the process and allow the aggressors to easily coast through our inner defence. After your plan failed, I’m told your shirked your own misbegotten responsibilities and ran off to play solider. And as this wasn’t even enough to prove your dismal incompetence, you then proceed to waste practically our entire supply of explosives on an unsuccessful attempt to take out an enemy Destroyer. So Jedi why shouldn’t I just throw you out on your incompetent ass for this debacle?”


“Well for one thing I can point out I was the ranking ‘officer’ on the scene. That I did try to contact you but you were to busy getting pussy–” at this point the General let out an outraged grunt, but Carter continued, heedless, “Oh? I'm sorry. Do you prefer anal? Or was it just an innocent Blowjob? I any case you were to busy with your aide to care about the fate of your base. I will also mention the fact that my objectives for the mission were a success, the base was evacuated with a minimal loss of personnel. If you wanted to quibble over details all you had to do was stop fucking about.”

The mixture of shock and outrage on the General’s face combined with the exquisite shade of maroon it had turned while Fabian had been speaking was really quite comical but Fabian had already turned his back and stalked out off the office.

*****

“Do you know why you are here, Inquisitor?” drawled Admiral Erzt, the commander in charge of this backwater Ship Yard, Where N’Lor was requisitioning an new “appropriate Military Force” as was his right as dictated by Imperial law for his position.

“Yes” said N’Lor his is clipped Inner core accent, “You are to official hand over command of a task force to me aid in my operations to exterminate Jedi.”

“No” smirked Erzt, “and you should pay me the respect of addressing me by my Rank: that’s Admiral, if you can’t figure it out.”

N’Lor, merely growled, the officer, flag or not, should no better than to taunt an Inquisitor.

“Well, you should at least if you want to be issued more than a couple of corvettes and a rusty Dreadnought.”

N’Lor frown, anger rising at the administrator his right hand curled in to claws. Sending force tendrils around the man’s neck.

“You see, I’m the person how has to decide what “Appropriate Military Force” mean in your case and after your shambles of an assault on that pirate’s nest, I am not sure a large force is Appropriate, you’ll just get it shot up with no success on your missions.”

“I need those forces, It my right as an Inquisitor of the Empire.” N’Lor snarled. His fingers curled, tightening the tendrils but even with a noticeable presence on his the throat. Erzt prattled on.

“How can I trust you with those forces though? I mean if I assign you a Star Destroyer, it’ll be me who has to fix it when you melt off the superstructure…”

N’Lor lost his temper. He clenched his fist. Erzt choked half way through a sentence.

“I mean its not like you even achieved your objectiv–errrrrkkkk––”

N’Lor raised his fist. Lifting Erzt bodily from His chair. At this point the Stormtrooper on guard noticed and began yelling and raising his Blaster carbine.
N’Lor waved his other black gloved hand. Applying pressure to the ‘Troopers weak mind.

“He’s a traitor, I am merely doing my duty.” The trooper lowered his weapon as the last sparks of life faded from Erzt. N’Lor reached out and removed his code cylinders from his pocket. He led Erzt’s corpse drop from his force choke and tipped him over on to the floor. He circled the desk while added the Admiral’s code cylinders to his own. Then he turned to the Stormtrooper on guard:

“Inform all appropriate parties. I am in command now. Operations will continue as normal for now.

*****

On reflection, Jedi Knight Fabian Carter had decided it properly hadn’t been a good idea to tell the General wear to shove it. After all the man was known for taking out his temper in unusual and violent. Case in point: No later than a week after he’d been told wear to get off the General has assigned Carter a mission. It was a suicide mission.

This wasn’t what was worrying Carter. He was a Jedi. Jedi could handle several suicide missions a month and still be up for Sabac and drinks the night after. What was worrying Carter was that the General had decided this suicide mission also rated a four–man team with a Jedi escort. A four–man team commanded by one Captain Jenkins, who was looking savagely stylish in combat armour. Carter was still in love with her and still bewildered why she slept with him the first place. Fucking the guy who saved you from rape didn’t seem the most logical thing to do. He was still trying to figure it out over several meals and a couple nights lying awake in bed, listen to her breathing.

And so it was here that all five of them were, crouching just outside the Imperial Communications bunker they were supposed to blow up. Clutching their Merr–Sonn weapons, in the rain waiting for the moment to strike.

Carter glanced down at his V4–40, Merr–Sonn specialised in two types of weapons, cheap ‘n’ nasty versions of BlasTechs and high quality weapons in area BlasTech hadn’t got to yet. Being ‘Rebel Scum’ Fabian and his team were mainly using the former, however being a Jedi, he also had the later. True his T–800 pistol was a crude blocky rip–off of a DL–44 but it was also was extremely effective and had a 30 round clip compared to a ‘44’s 25 shots per powerpack. However his primary weapon, the V4–40, was a shining example of Merr–Son design at its best. It was a slugthrowing assault rifle with in built grenade launcher. It fired 4.9-mm slugs. At the moment they were standard APC bullets mainly made from Durasteel, but Carter also had two clips of depleted baradium for emergencies. It’s not enough. Your gonna get everyone Killed, something whispered to Fabian. Was it simply his fears? Or the force? It didn’t sound like the force; for one thing the force usually didn’t use actual basic words, for another if it did, would it be so informal as to say “gonna.” But still, It was so persistent; it kept prodding itself to the fore of his mind, insisting on being recognised that it had to mean something. He still hadn’t decide precisely what, when Arla crawled over, her face still beautiful under camouflage make up:

“It’s Time. Let’s move out.”
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Post by consequences »

First Post! Death to all who oppose me! Pi is exactly three! *urk*

We apologise for the fault in posting, those responsible have been Force-Choked. :)

Keep up the good work, and update your sig, which is now misleading. :D
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Post by Crazedwraith »

consequences wrote: Keep up the good work, and update your sig, which is now misleading. :D
Sig. Updated.
Thanx, anyway I can improve? Did the extensive dialogue bore you?

Can you suggest a name for the Independant rebel group? Or better yet the whole fic?
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