Allah unleashes giant spiders on the infidels

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2004-08-28 01:32am

Yes, I know, WND, but I found this too funny not to post (beware, Vympel!):

An Iraqi sheik claims Allah sent giant spiders to the town of Fallujah to help its residents fend off attacks by U.S. military forces.

Sheik Mahdi Saleh Al-Sumide'i spoke to Syrian TV on Monday, claiming several Arab television stations videotaped the helpful arachnids.

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The interview is featured on the website of the Middle East Media Research Institute TV Monitor Project, or MEMRI TV. The organization translated the conversation into English.

"They [the Americans] attacked Fallujah and tried to cause great damage to its residents," he explained. "They destroyed mosques and homes, killed women, children and youths, and spread corruption in Fallujah. Nevertheless, we believe that Allah protects the believers, and indeed, Allah stood beside Fallujah, and I'd like to mention some miracles Allah performed in Fallujah. It is possible that the media does not know about them."

Continued Al-Sumide'i: "The first miracle that occurred in Fallujah took the form of spiders that appeared in the city ? each spider larger than this chair, or about the size of this chair. The American soldiers left, holding the legs of this spider, and I too, in one of the Friday sermons, held up a spider, with all its magnitude, in front of the satellite channels and in front of the world. This spider also had thin black hair. If this hair touches the human body, within a short period of time the body becomes black or blue, and then there is an explosion in the blood cells in the human body - and the person dies."

The sheik's interviewer then asked about the alleged TV coverage: "The people saw it, but the TV stations did not air it?"

Responded Al-Sumide'i: "The people saw it and the TV stations indeed aired it. I held the spider, and there were between 13 to 15 TV stations, including Al-Arabiya, Al-Jazeera, Al-Majd, Dubai, Abu-Dhabi and other stations, and they saw it with their own eyes."

Some Arab Internet sites have repeated claims of Iraqis about the spiders, and there also are stories circulating of phantom white-robed knights on white horses sent by Allah that killed U.S. Marines in battle.

In a statement reminiscent of Saddam Hussein's spokesman, "Baghdad Bob," the sheik claimed the U.S. was underestimating the number of American casualties in Iraq by a factor of 100.

"Today, if a hundred Americans are killed, they say there was one casualty," he said, "and if dozens of tanks were blown up, they say one was blown up. No one will notice the losses caused to the American forces until they return to their bases ? if they return, and in my opinion they will not return ? but if they return, the world will see and the American people will see the number of losses."

Al-Sumide'i claimed there were mass graves in Iraq filled with the bodies of American forces.

"A mass grave was created in a desert area near the Saudi boarder for the American soldiers killed. There is also a lake near Al-Sa'diya. The Americans place the casualties inside white or black bags, seal them and toss them from a plane into the lake."

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2004-08-28 01:42am

Bah, so what. Let's all send a soldier a can of Raid. Allah loses.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-08-28 01:45am

Does this mean that the Orkin Man is the spawn of Satan?

Post by **Vympel** » 2004-08-28 01:49am

I haven't clicked on the link- is there a picture of these supposed super-spiders? *shivers*

Fucking spiders. Even fake ones. Ugh. Evil.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2004-08-28 01:51am

Now Vympel, you know full well that there are no spiders that are the size of chairs... Now Volkswagons perhaps, but not chairs.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-08-28 01:54am

It's physically fucking impossible. Any insect bigger than a dinner plate (that's the size of the largest spider) would be unable to support it's own weight.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-08-28 01:55am

I meant to say any insect or arachnid. After all a spider isn't very well an insect.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2004-08-28 02:26am

Maybe he should ask Allah for some actual soldiers instead of big spiders.

We saw Eight Legged Freaks. The white guy always gets out okay. It's the minorities that end up getting screwed.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2004-08-28 03:51am

Superman wrote:Bah, so what. Let's all send a soldier a can of Raid. Allah loses.

Given the way the US applies chemicals to warfare, we'd end up using enough raid to completely annihilate the cities population.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2004-08-28 05:10am

So, if my local religious dude said people were exploding because we were all ungodly, I wouldn't take this too seriously. How do the Iraqis take this sort of... interesting claim?

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-08-28 09:44am

Hah haha hah hah! I thought this was going to be an Onion article, or something!

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-08-28 11:53am

darthdavid wrote:It's physically fucking impossible. Any insect bigger than a dinner plate (that's the size of the largest spider) would be unable to support it's own weight.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH ALLAH, INFIDEL!

Mange · Post by **Mange** » 2004-08-28 01:20pm

Oh, yeah? I wonder how the giant spiders will react when America attacks with the 50 ft. woman (without a veil!).

I'm sorry, but that was the stupidiest thing I've ever read. Do these guys live in the present?

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2004-08-28 02:58pm

They should pray for Allah to send nukes to the Americans instead next time.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2004-08-28 03:58pm

Vympel wrote:I haven't clicked on the link- is there a picture of these supposed super-spiders? *shivers*

Fucking spiders. Even fake ones. Ugh. Evil.

They've got a file pic of a garden variety bird eating tarantula, totally unrelated. I'm sure if there are any pics out there somewhere for this, they'll be using the camel spider pics from a few months ago.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-08-28 06:23pm

It seems Baghdad Bob changed his name and got religion and an interest in arachnids since we last heard from him.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2004-08-28 09:39pm

LOLOL!

I love the part about how every 100 Americans killed are represented as one, and the killer spiders of doom, with hair that causes internal hemorhaging.