Job Application for John Kerry

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-09-01 10:10am

I got this in my email today and felt like sharing it. It came with lots of bright red text and underlining to emphasize various points, but fuck it, I'm not a perfectionist.

JOB APPLICATION

NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including Washington, DC, worth multimillions.

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my career as a US Senator. I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant which I considered unsightly, in front of my mansion, thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.

MILITARY:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as documented by the attending doctor). I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were baby killers. I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book; Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier shows how I truly feel about the military. I deplore the military!

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience except that of a gigolo, by marrying rich women and running HJ Heinz vicariously through my wife Teresa.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a US Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am elected.

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make no or little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700 million.

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although blame George Bush for sending all of the jobs out of Country.

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

None.

PERSONAL

I ride a Serotta Bike.

My Gulfstream V Jet I call The Flying Squirrel.

I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche."

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real culture.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.

Post by **Edi** » 2004-09-01 11:00am

This isn't even funny. It might be if it wanted to be a bit light-hearted, but given the shit the Shrub campaign has been flining at him through various means, this is nothing but a regurgitation of the grossest distortions in those false claims and I'm starting to get fucking sick of it.

Edi

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-01 11:04am

I am fascinated by rap and hip hop and think it reflects America's true culture.

They COULDN'T do it could they? They couldn't not slip in something racial. Yeah that big tent is just swelling up now.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-09-01 11:08am

Stravo wrote:
I am fascinated by rap and hip hop and think it reflects America's true culture.
They COULDN'T do it could they? They couldn't not slip in something racial. Yeah that big tent is just swelling up now.

I don't see how that's supposed to be racist; the hip-hoppers and all their various ilk are all brain dead morons celebrating a culture of ignorance and thuggery. But hey, they're minorities so no one can point that out.

_______________________________________________________________

It's interesting to seem, of course it's really interesting to see how much is just plain lies or stupidty. This being an internet lists it might be either one. But either way a lot of this is just overblown crap.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2004-09-01 11:15am

I just love "most liberal senator" (since aparently in America liberal is an insult now?).

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-01 11:18am

Stormbringer wrote:
Stravo wrote:
I am fascinated by rap and hip hop and think it reflects America's true culture.
They COULDN'T do it could they? They couldn't not slip in something racial. Yeah that big tent is just swelling up now.

I don't see how that's supposed to be racist; the hip-hoppers and all their various ilk are all brain dead morons celebrating a culture of ignorance and thuggery. But hey, they're minorities so no one can point that out.

_______________________________________________________________

It's interesting to seem, of course it's really interesting to see how much is just plain lies or stupidty. This being an internet lists it might be either one. But either way a lot of this is just overblown crap.

Ah, but did they indict rap and hip hop? No they simply mentioned it. In other words equate Kerry with the Rap Thugs just to boot because we all know how racially accepting the Conservative base can be. It was the picture they knew would immediately flash into anyone's mind. Just like the McCain has a black baby bullshit they were spouting 4 years ago.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2004-09-01 11:19am

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:I just love "most liberal senator" (since aparently in America liberal is an insult now?).

America is not so fond of the far left, so calling some one a fringe lefty is.

tharkûn · Post by **tharkûn** » 2004-09-01 06:20pm

If dissing rap is "racial", how in hell to explain Eminem? Seriously I don't give a damn if it is white peice of trash from Michigan or misgynist black idiot from New Jersey ... it is all crap which glorifies ignorance, violence, and a whole of host of other counterproductive crap.