Fuzzy for President!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:01pm

I believe you should all vote for my dog Fuzzy. He brings the following qualities to the office:

Decisiveness. Fuzzy always knows exactly where he wants to pee, and is not easily dissuaded from his plan.
Foreign policy. Fuzzy always applies the same solution to any outside threat: growl and then pee on his favourite spot. This protects us from Global Terror.
Compassion. Fuzzy likes children. This makes him a good president.
Traditional values. Dog behaviour has not progressed or changed at all over many thousands of years. You can't get more rigidly traditional than that.
John Kerry is a liberal.
Liberal, liberal, liberal!
September 11. September 11. September 11.
America is the land of opportunity. For some reason, this can be credited to Fuzzy.

Thank you, vote for Fuzzy in November!

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2004-09-02 03:04pm

What's his foreign relations policy? (i.e. how does he relate to other dogs)

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:05pm

Iceberg wrote:What's his foreign relations policy? (i.e. how does he relate to other dogs)

He pees on their property ... with great decisiveness. I call that "strong leadership".

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-09-02 03:07pm

Sorry, but Fuzzy is a Canadian citizen, so he can't be President. However, he does have an excellent platform and once we amend the consistution to allow people and dogs who aren't born American citizens to become Chief Executive, I'll support him. He looks like he'll take a bite out of terror.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:10pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Sorry, but Fuzzy is a Canadian citizen, so he can't be President. However, he does have an excellent platform and once we amend the consistution to allow people and dogs who aren't born American citizens to become Chief Executive, I'll support him. He looks like he'll take a bite out of terror.

Actually, Fuzzy was born in America. I even have his American Kennel Club breeding papers to prove it

Vote Fuzzy!

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-09-02 03:12pm

I'd vote for him!

Would that mean if he wins your the VP? Or does fuzzy have a girl dog?

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2004-09-02 03:13pm

Mr. Wong, today's global environment contains many complex problems which simply CANNOT be solved by peeing on another dog's lawn. How is Fuzzy prepared to deal with these problems?

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2004-09-02 03:14pm

Ace Pace wrote:Or does fuzzy have a girl dog?

That'd be First Bitch I suppose.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:16pm

Iceberg wrote:Mr. Wong, today's global environment contains many complex problems which simply CANNOT be solved by peeing on another dog's lawn. How is Fuzzy prepared to deal with these problems?

Fuzzy rejects the flawed science beneath these environmental claims. The Presidential Advisory Committee on the Environment will be staffed with highly qualified personnel and will examine this issue from a more rational standpoint.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-09-02 03:16pm

Keevan_Colton wrote:That'd be First Bitch I suppose.

And the children will be First Litter?

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-09-02 03:17pm

Let's talk again when Fuzzy reaches 35 years of age. Then I might vote for him.

Ender · Post by **Ender** » 2004-09-02 03:19pm

Rogue 9 wrote:Let's talk again when Fuzzy reaches 35 years of age. Then I might vote for him.

Remember, dog years are 7x human years. So he might still be eligible.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:20pm

Keevan_Colton wrote:
Ace Pace wrote:Or does fuzzy have a girl dog?
That'd be First Bitch I suppose.

Fuzzy wishes to respond to the allegations regarding his twelve offspring and the two bitches with whom he had one-night stands in his youth. While it is true that he had one-night stands with these bitches, he was very young. Fuzzy wishes to express his disappointment that his opponents would make spurious attacks upon the indiscretions of his youth at a time when much greater issues face the nation.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-09-02 03:22pm

Peeing on the lawns of others is a good start but how does Fuzzy feel about crapping on the lawns of others, leaving them to clean up the mess, and expecting them to thank him for doing it (it is fertilizer after all)?

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2004-09-02 03:25pm

Darth Wong wrote:Fuzzy wishes to respond to the allegations regarding his twelve offspring and the two bitches with whom he had one-night stands in his youth. While it is true that he had one-night stands with these bitches, he was very young. Fuzzy wishes to express his disappointment that his opponents would make spurious attacks upon the indiscretions of his youth at a time when much greater issues face the nation.

I for one however, believe that it is of paramount importance to the nation that the allegations of Fuzzy's crotch sniffing addiction be addressed.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-09-02 03:25pm

Sorry Mike, it looks like Fuzzy is half-black. He's never going to make it past the primaries.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:25pm

Tsyroc wrote:Peeing on the lawns of others is a good start but how does Fuzzy feel about crapping on the lawns of others, leaving them to clean up the mess, and expecting them to thank him for doing it (it is fertilizer after all)?

It is necessary for the greater good. Only by spreading doggy-poop throughout the world can the seeds of freedom grow.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:26pm

Durandal wrote:Sorry Mike, it looks like Fuzzy is half-black. He's never going to make it past the primaries.

He brings both colours together. He is a uniter, not a divider.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:30pm

Keevan_Colton wrote:I for one however, believe that it is of paramount importance to the nation that the allegations of Fuzzy's crotch sniffing addiction be addressed.

Crotch-sniffing is a highly traditional activity in the Religion of Dog, and Fuzzy strongly promotes traditional values. With Fuzzy as President, this great nation will remain One Nation Under Dog.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2004-09-02 03:31pm

But will he appear on the Daily Show?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-09-02 03:34pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Durandal wrote:Sorry Mike, it looks like Fuzzy is half-black. He's never going to make it past the primaries.
He brings both colours together. He is a uniter, not a divider.

It's "colors," Mike! Come on, these are mistakes you can't afford to make in the campaign!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:37pm

Durandal wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:
Durandal wrote:Sorry Mike, it looks like Fuzzy is half-black. He's never going to make it past the primaries.
He brings both colours together. He is a uniter, not a divider.
It's "colors," Mike! Come on, these are mistakes you can't afford to make in the campaign!

Fuzzy is less concerned about proper American spelling and diction than he is with stopping the development of terrorist nucular weapons programs around the world.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2004-09-02 03:43pm

He'd never win because both the Republicans and the Democrats would smear him with the mud that some evil dude named "Darth Wong" is holding his leash.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:46pm

Glocksman wrote:He'd never win because both the Republicans and the Democrats would smear him with the mud that some evil dude named "Darth Wong" is holding his leash.

These allegations of Fuzzy being the puppet figurehead of a sinister "shadow government" of vested interests with ulterior motives are clearly tinfoil-hat paranoia, of the sort that can only come from liberal extremists.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-09-02 03:47pm

Fuzzy is nothing but a warmongerel! Where stands he on tax cuts and the budget?! Heathcliff is a much better choice!