The Adventures of Gene and George

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-24 03:55pm

A first attempt at a humurous fic. If its not funny then no skin off my ass. But the only way to find out is to give it a whirl.

The Adventures of Gene and George: The Quest for Relevance

Chapter 1: The Meeting of the Minds or Is that a lightsaber or are you just happy to see me?

George Lucas whistled to himself as he checked the latest memos regarding the final cut of Episode III. He sipped his coffee and stopped to underline a change that he wanted to make to some of the figures.

You would think he would have grown accustomed to the stress of the race to the home stretch to get a movie finished but it was never easy.

There was an impatient knock at his door. George looked up puzzled. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He walked to the elevator. Got in and pressed the Ground level. He waited as the glass elevator slowly descended through the various levels of his pala---ranch. The elevator finally reached the ground floor and he stepped out and got into the golf cart idling by the elevator. He revved the motor and made way for the front door.

The knocking grew more insistent.

“Who could that be at this hour of the night?” he muttered. The dark sky suddenly lit up and there was a crash of thunder. “In this weather no less.” He added. The rain began pelting the windows as he rounded the corner of the Luke wing and was making his way through Chewbacca wing. He noticed some smudges on the silver set out on the tables and shook his head.

If he could digitally insert housekeepers that spoke English in the ranch he would feel better about the quality of the work.

The knocking was almost a pounding now as the rain came down in sheets.

“Hmmm….maybe I can add a scene with Anakin in the rain confronting Obi Wan. What am I talking about.” He slapped his forehead. “I always intended that scene to be in the final cut. All I have to do is shoot it.”

The pounding grew louder and it sounded as if the mystery caller was now kicking the door as well.

“Whoever that is needs a lesson in patience.” The golf court finally entered the central hallway and the front door was within sight. George admired the gallery of stills from his movies as he rolled on down the corridor. The cart finally came to a halt and he stepped off and strode over to the door.

He activated his electronic greeter.

Outside a tall man stood wrapped in a windbreaker trying his best to stay dry.

A metal eyeball extended from the door and focused on the stranger.

“Occha goota pittala.”

“What the fuck?” the stranger was taken aback.

“Occho goota pittala.” It asked more insistently.

“Fucking George.” The stranger spat and placed something in his ear and switched on a button on a strange device he had in his hand. Written across the top were the words UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR

“Who is it?” the eyeball asked a third time.

“A friend now let me in.” the stranger replied hurriedly, starting to shiver from the cold.

“Who is it?” George asked more sternly.

“Damnit, a friend, its raining out here.”

‘And I’m not opening the door until you tell me who you are.”

“It’s me alright. Gene.”

“Gene? Gene who?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake George it’s me Gene Roddenberry now let me in before I catch my death.”

“But…you’re dead.”

“If you let me in I’ll explain it to you.”

There was a moment of silence then the eyeball popped back into the door and it opened slowly with a rumbling sound.

“You’ve been watching too many of your damned movies that’s what’s wrong here.” Gene hissed as he walked in and shook off some of the rain from his windbreaker.

“My god, it is you.” George exclaimed.

“Calm down, let’s not get everyone’s panties in a bunch. As far as the world is concerned I’m dead.”

“But how? I mean you’re obviously alive.”

“You remember what happened to Mr. Spock?”

“You were brought back by the genesis effect?” George replied incredulously.

“No, like Leonard Nimoy I grew tired of the whole shebang but my so called fans would never leave me alone.”

“Fans can be difficult that way.” George agreed.

“So I decided the best way to avoid them was to play dead and hope for the best.”

“You look tanned.”

“I’ve been in Brazil.”

“Does Majel…”

“Why the hell do you think I look so happy and fit while that harpy is feeding off my ideas. I mean who finds half completed scripts and tries to pawn them off as full blown series. Really, can’t she live well enough off the Trek royalties for fuck’s sake. The day I died was my day of liberation.”

“I kind of found Andromeda entertaining.” George added helpfully.

Gene fixed George with a stony glare.

“Well the first season at least.” George relented.

“Fine.” Gene replied and looked around. “Fuck me…this place is a fucking palace.”

‘Ranch.”

“Huh?

“It’s my ranch.”

“Whatever you say. That’s the one thing I missed out on George. Fucking toys man. I should have thought of the merchandising.” Gene lamented as he walked down one of the halls and examined the antique China and silver.

“Well, I don’t think you came here to discuss merchandising.”

“Oh fuck no George. I came to talk about the future.” Gene replied turning around to face George while simultaneously slipping a silver spoon into this shirt sleeve.

“You know, I never figured you the foul mouthed type.” George noted.

“Why the fuck not?” Gene asked.

“Well...Star Trek seems so...clean…nice.”

“Well an artists’ vision rarely conforms with the artist himself does it? I mean can you lift a Volkswagen solely with the power of your mind?” Gene snorted.

“Well actually…”

“Never mind. Look, we have a problem. Someone is going to start a new TV series and we need to stop him.”

“Why?”

“He’s managed to weasel himself some ancillary rights to my story and is allowed to make a one shot show about Trek.”

“And this concerns me how?”

“You remember your Holiday Special?” Gene asked pointedly.

“Can you please not bring that up. I never intended for that show to go on.” George grimaced.

“Well, you see he---”

“But I do intend to put out a special edition with digital effects and sound in the 4th quarter 2006.”

Gene stared slack jawed at George for a moment then reached out and smacked him.

“What was that for?” George protested.

“I hope I just knocked some sense in you. For fuck’s sake can you put the cash register down for a minute and listen to me.”

“Well we can’t all be from your future where money doesn’t matter.” George shot back.

“You know what? Fuck it! I’m leaving and you can have them put on a versus movie and shit all over our franchises for all I care!” Gene exclaimed and stalked to the door, kicking the golf cart hard as he passed. It started up and rolled into the Leia room.

“Gene! Wait! Versus movie?!”

The sound of crashing crystal drowned out Gene’s response. George did not want to contemplate what just got ruined in there but sighed as he thought this might mean a THX-1138 Super special director’s cut to pay for that damage.

“What?” George pressed as he reached the larger man.

“I said that your contract for the Holiday Special stipulated that you needed to provide one more TV special to the network. Everyone forgot about that clause but this asscrab found it and now wants to make a versus movie, all legal like and shit all over our franchises.”

“You said all that over the sound of broken crystal?” George asked.

“Well I actually said Fuck you but you’re listening to me now so why bring up the past.” Gene admitted.

“Well, a call from our lawyers should..”

“It’s legal George. I checked it out. We need to stop him by other means.”

“How?”

“You and me…road trip.” Gene said slyly.

“Road trip!”

“Yeah, we get on the road, see I can’t go anywhere without one of these Spock ear wearing morons recognizing me. But on the road we’ll blend and get to New York and stop this insanity.”

“How do you propose that?”

“C’mon, did Han Skywalker say ‘How are we gonna destroy the doomstar?”

“Uh, that’s Luke and Death star.”

“Did Princess Fisher say “How am I gonna get out of this cell?”

“Leia.”

“Did—“

“Have you even watched any of my movies?” George snapped.

“Well, of course I have, I mean your story is the classic sci-fi king isn’t it? It’s not like Trek fucking broke the ground for all you hacks to fester like maggots!!” Gene mocked.

“Calm down Gene. Anger leads to the dark side.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Gene calmed down. “I guess I just fucking need to get laid.”

“You were in Brazil.” George countered.

“Aids.”

“Huh?”

“Aids my good man, its everywhere and that’s something even Doc McCoy can’t patch up. Now the way I see it we can get on the road, hitchhike across this county line and get on the interstate. Figuring a standard 2-3 hour wait for each car that is willing to pick us up.” Gene eyed George. “Would you have anything against blowing someone to get us a ride?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” George exclaimed in horror.

“Fine, fine. You just added another 2 days to our hitchhiking trek but that’s OK.” Gene paused and added. “Sexuality is just a construct of this modern society you know.”

“Listen you freak we’re not blowing anyone.” George snapped.

“Fine!” Gene shouted. “Now where was I?”

George shook his head and walked over to a dresser drawer and opened it up.

“What are you doing? These calculations need to be done in order to best come up with an ETA for our arrival.”

George held up keys and jangled them.

“Or we can drive.”

Gene blinked.

“Yeah…we can drive.” He said slightly embarrassed.

“That’s Ok Gene. Now let’s get going.”

“That’s right. We have our franchises to save. I call shotgun!” gene whooped and raced out the door. George shook his head. This was hardly what he had expected when he sat down for a drink of coffee.

“What is thy bidding my masters.” The skinny pimple faced young man asked as he knelt before the two hooded men

“There is a disturbance in our business plan. The son of Roddenberry and Lucas have teamed up to stop our master plan of destroying the two franchises.” The robed one to the left hissed.

“We cannot allow this to happen. The sons of Roddenberry and Lucas must not be allowed to halt production of the show.” The robed one to the right added menacingly.

“If they could be turned.” The pimply faced one added with a cold smile.

“No, assmunch. You’re going to track them down and stop them by any means necessary.” Berman snapped derisively pulling back his hood in disgust.

“What the fuck Anderson?! We pull you out of that help line hell hole and the best you can do is “if They could be turned?!” Godamanit! Why can’t we have good lackeys like those Microsoft guys?” Bragga lamented.

“Please my lords…I have served the realm of Trek as best as I can, debating the Warsie scum that infest the internet. Give me this opportunity to prove myself.”

Berman and Bragga exchanged knowing glances.

“Very well. You will find them and serve them with these.” Berman handed the Robert Scott Anderson a pair of subpoenas.

“What are these papers my lord? Perhaps the ink is poisoned. The paper must be a special material that emits bands of brightness to blind my foes.” Anderson cooed.

“They are subpoenas Darkstar. You will serve it on them. Cease and desist orders.” Bragga sighed heavily.

“Even the master of the Force and the Great Bird of the Galaxy must bend knee to the power of our lawyers.” Berman added with a maniacal laugh.

“Gee…you know guys I was expecting something a little more...you know…sinister.”

“Have you ever met a lawyer? Sinister doesn’t begin to cut it.” Berman interjected.

“Can it be done?” Bragga asked darkly.

“They will be served or die my masters.” Darkstar replied and bowed his head deeply.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2004-09-24 04:11pm

*Pait response, if its from Stravo it must be good!

Now to acutal read it
*Edit.......George and Silent Roddenberry Strike back?

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2004-09-24 04:14pm

Another interesting fic that will never be finished. Stravo must be stopped!

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-24 04:15pm

Mr Bean wrote:*Pait response, if its from Stravo it must be good!

Now to acutal read it

I want actual honesty. I don't know if its funny or not, written in a stream of conciousness like style, every idea that I got as I wrote started getting thrown in and I wrote this in under an hour. But if it sucks there's no point in continuing...it's not like I don't have enough on my plate right?

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2004-09-24 04:21pm

Alright alright fine

Let see, it could turn into something like the old work Lucas in Love(Or whatever it was caled about Lucus in collage getting the idea for Star Wars)

The real thing I got from it was the way you showed George it brought to mind Wolfcastle from the Simpsons lin

Critic- How do you sleep at night?
Wolf- On a bed of money, surrounded by women

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-09-24 05:24pm

Quite good...

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2004-09-24 05:45pm

meh. So-So. Stick to epic is my considered advice.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-24 05:47pm

Thanks for the honesty Crazedwraith.

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2004-09-24 05:53pm

Stravo wrote:Thanks for the honesty Crazedwraith.

Not a problem. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with it, It's just merely average compared to the other three fanfics which are the best of the best, IMHO.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-09-24 06:39pm

Somewhat funny...but lacks the oomph of your other works.

Some parts are humorous such as the Gene bits but Lucas sounds almost too dry and Gene can only be a complete moron for so long. And while the ending is a nice barb...requires a specfic knowledge of the ST world and SW vs ST ideas to appropriately parlay the knowledge across. As is...basically the Berman and Braga duo are hiring a loser to do their bidding. Humourous but the real barb are when you know the humor and as it stands it gives basically a good guaffaw rather then laughter.

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2004-09-24 11:55pm

Well... to put it simplely, I find Rodan (as I'm typing this, they're rather busy flatening tokyo) far more humorous.

(aw, look at the pretty lovebirds of doom and destruction flap off, leaving the entire city in flames.... so pretty.)

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-09-25 09:20am

To shit all over both of the frachises, you should add KJA as a third robed figure, as an 'expert' consultant on SW.

Not great, okay, but not great.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-09-25 01:54pm

It was OK. I liked the blatent weirdness of it and the various potshots. While I was reading, I got the mental image of Stravo nestled in some cozy little foxhole with some pizza, a beer, and a sniper rifle, occasionally squeezing off shots at Lucas, Gene, RSA, and B&B who were trapped in a small paintball field and playing 3-on-2.

Quite amusing.