C-Span Washington Journal gets bizarro fundie caller...

dr. what · Post by **dr. what** » 2004-09-24 06:27pm

On sept 23, Peter Slen received a call that he thought to come from Kenner, Louisiana. It can more accurately be described as a phone call from the Bizarro Universe.

(click on link to September 23 show and fast-forward to 1:56:43)

C-Span

The RealPlayer connection is tempermental, so here's a transcription of the call, in all of it's glory

PETER SLEN, HOST: Kenner, Louisiana, good morning.

CALLER (in a very airy voice): Good morning. I’m going to vote for President Bush because, after all, you know, God made us there, you know, in His image, free from any black color and all [Host looks up, surprised]. The only church that Kerry can go to is where they say the Black Mass, and that is in the Merriam-Webster Pocket Book dictionary, where it says that that is the devil worshippers. [Host looks uncomfortably off-camera, at producer?] I would never vote for, you know, Senator Kerry.

And that isn’t the only reason. Also, in the Bible, God said … God … that, uh, also, like (unintelligible) and faggots, that he says, anybody that lays down with another man and has sex with his own sex, and any woman that lays down with another woman and has sex should be put to death and their (unintelligible) upon them. It also says that about interracial marriages and everything. So that’s the reason why I’m voting for my president, Bush.

SLEN: What do you do in, uh …

CALLER: And that isn’t the only reason. They also have other reasons also. The other reason is political, because like the political terrorists, they’ve been out there for eight months, and they’ve been out on the road, and they’ve been talking about … they’ve talked against our president. They put him down in every way. And God knows that that is wrong. He’s out there doing God’s work. He’s taking care of all our children.
Like when Clinton was in, he made – he tried to make whores and faggots out of our little girls – whores out of our little girls. He put the pornography in the schools. And God’s gonna condemn him for that.

SLEN: What do you do in Kenner?

CALLER (talking over question): And that’s the reason why … he even went to the hospital and everything.

SLEN: Caller, what do you do in Kenner, Louisiana?

CALLER: Pardon me?

SLEN: What do you do in Kenner? Do you have a job?

CALLER: I’m a housewife.

SLEN: A housewife? Where do you go to church?

CALLER: I go to different churches. I go to, sometimes, in New Orleans, I go to the Cathedral. And I believe in my God, and I know that God is here to protect everybody. And if Kerry comes in … God helped the whole world, because God loved … Kerry … oh, that’s another thing …

SLEN (cutting her off): Thanks, caller. I’m afraid – I’m afraid we’re out of time. I wish I could let you go on, but I’m afraid we’re out of time.
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I could almost read Peter's thoughts in that clip--there were two thoughts fighting for control:

"Is this a joke?" and

"If this is not a joke, I must ... be ... professional ... and... not... laugh... must ... control ... fa... cial... mus... cles...."

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2004-09-24 06:55pm

(stares blankly at the screen)

Ok, someone needs to stop smoking the mary jane. Geeze that made no logical sense.

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » 2004-09-24 07:00pm

I'm a christian and I couldn't follow that... The women sounds like shes been drugged and is reading KKK and Jack Chick literature.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot over?

CJvR · Post by **CJvR** » 2004-09-24 07:19pm

An indication that the right to vote is too much of a responsibility for some.

sketerpot · Post by **sketerpot** » 2004-09-24 07:25pm

CJvR wrote:An indication that the right to vote is too much of a responsibility for some.

This is more than that: this shows that stringing together thoughts coherently is too hard for some people. Frigidmagi is right; she sounds like she got drunk, stoned, and completely brainwashed with extreme fundie literature. It's hilarious!

dr. what · Post by **dr. what** » 2004-09-24 07:31pm

Did you see the look on Peter's face during the call? He had a 'Uh-huh-riiiiiight--ok--suuuuuure' look--

The man's a professional I tell you! I would have keeled over after the first 15 seconds....

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2004-09-24 07:43pm

When did Clinton put pornography in schools? I don't remember that happening, and I sure as hell would have paid more attention in school if he did that.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2004-09-24 07:45pm

*slowly waves hand through air*

Wicked Pilot is not from Louisiana. You don't need to see his identification, these aren't the droids you're looking for, he can go about his business, move along.

Veramocor · Post by **Veramocor** » 2004-09-24 08:37pm

Could she be a parody caller?

I'm surprised parody callers, letters to the editors aren't a bigger weapon on both sides of the political spectrum. This caller makes religious conservatives look like nut jobs. Imagine a centralized campaign of parody and the effect it could have on the electorate. You could have callers/bloggers arguing a form of one sides viewpoint, but doing so poorly/ignorantly or crazily. Make the other side look so crazy/stupid that people don't consider their true less extreme viewpoints. It could be the ultimate strawmanesque weapon.

Mopeyennuui · Post by **Mopeyennuui** » 2004-09-25 03:58am

Veramocor wrote:Could she be a parody caller?

I'm surprised parody callers, letters to the editors aren't a bigger weapon on both sides of the political spectrum. This caller makes religious conservatives look like nut jobs. Imagine a centralized campaign of parody and the effect it could have on the electorate. You could have callers/bloggers arguing a form of one sides viewpoint, but doing so poorly/ignorantly or crazily. Make the other side look so crazy/stupid that people don't consider their true less extreme viewpoints. It could be the ultimate strawmanesque weapon.

Thank you for that political weapon, I may find it useful if I ever invade Washington D. C....

Another reason you should vote for me this election, a lack of political intrique.

(Joking....)

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-09-25 11:12am

This is the reason one should be genuinely afraid about what happens if Bush gets reelected.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-09-25 11:13am

ERRATA: Whoops, here's the reason:

People like this crazy lady will think that "god is on their side", clamor for a bunch of theocratical bullshit laws, and keep voting fundamentalist... the last time we got a fundie in office, after all, it took us twelve years to get rid of them!

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-09-25 02:59pm

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-09-25 03:30pm

Makes me wonder if it was a good idea for FDR to have electified the area.

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2004-09-25 03:57pm

Man I miss the days when I could get a whore before sixth period. Bring back Clinton!

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2004-09-25 05:13pm

Why is my mom calling C-SPAN?

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2004-09-25 08:35pm

Kenner is the redneck scumhole which sired Britney Spears and sucked the life of the countryside.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-09-25 09:16pm

Veramocor wrote:Could she be a parody caller?

I'm surprised parody callers, letters to the editors aren't a bigger weapon on both sides of the political spectrum. This caller makes religious conservatives look like nut jobs. Imagine a centralized campaign of parody and the effect it could have on the electorate. You could have callers/bloggers arguing a form of one sides viewpoint, but doing so poorly/ignorantly or crazily. Make the other side look so crazy/stupid that people don't consider their true less extreme viewpoints. It could be the ultimate strawmanesque weapon.

I'd think if it was a joke, they wouldn't have a political agenda, and would probably be doing it for shits and giggles. Besides, with all the nutcases out there, I'm not suprised someone like that put the bong down long enough to call about how the Republicans were bravely crusading against the non-Fox News watching heathen liberals.

Talon Karrde · Post by **Talon Karrde** » 2004-09-25 11:12pm

Wow, that's pretty embarrasing. I sure hope her husband wasn't around when she made that call, because if he was dumb enough to let her get near the phone with her stupid logic, he's just as dumb.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2004-09-25 11:29pm

*snort*

Really, what did you expect from fundy America? Bush is our hero because he loves God and God loves him so we love Bush.

I'm not a Bush hater, but damn, I really hate the nut ball, fundy, right.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-09-26 12:35am

Reading that hurt. I think I just lost some brain cells...

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-09-26 12:36am

And I just realized something. That phone call brings new relevance to my sig pic...

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-09-26 02:13am

I don't think that was marijuana she's been smoking.

And Kenner, Louisiana? That's really not too far from here (Take I-10 West from the CBD for twenty minutes; you're there).

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2004-09-27 04:10am

Please tell me most people in Louisiana are not like that.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-09-27 04:17am

FaxModem1 wrote:

Please tell me most people in Louisiana are not like that.

Wicked Pilot, Captain Lennox, and I are from Louisiana and we're not deluded fundies...