Project Valkerie

Zor · Post by **Zor** » 2004-09-28 12:58am

Prolog-Final Exam

Somewhere in Nevada, 2037

The Dessert is large, and Generaly Empty Place, but not Void. Every now and again there is a dead farmhouse, or car, or something else. In this case, a small out of the way house in some srubs, nearest road being 20 km away. It was a dark night, the kind that happens alot in this sort of climate, but the Night was not the Darkest thing happening.

At the Location, there was three men and a Child. Two of the men were outside on oposite sides of the building, AK-74 assault Rifles with Flashlights taped to them in hands. The other was sitting down in the house with the kid. As you have more likely than not geussed, these men were Kidnappers.

One of them sudenly heard a Thump, he then walked over and saw his counterpart lying face down in the dirt, just before he heard a quiet PEW for a tiny presentage of a second, he heard nothing after that.

After that, a figure walked into the the building, the feet fell softly, inhumanly lighly, making no sound on the wood floor, he saw the person with the kid, a 9 year old boy. The boy looked at the form, for a second he saw the Pistol quickly move towards his capters head and BANG! The Capter fell over as red liquid was blasted out of her head. The Figure then took out a pocket knife, and freed his hands.

His Savieror was a woman, about five foot eight, with a slender build, but not Rediculusly so, Her skin had a yellow and brown pacthwork similer to Camoflauge, her eyes were distictly asian, but her hair was a dirty blonde and cut relitivly short. Her feet were also diferent, she did not were shoes, she stood on 'Tiptoe', with a four toed splayed out foot. In the back she had a sort of tail about a foot long, it simply stood there. Her Fingernails were clawlike and she had catlike ears, but besides that she was completly Human. She was in a Camoflauge T shirt with Camoflauge pants that go down to her knees and a belt with pockets. She also had a belt, and put her pistol into a holster on it. She was what most streight men would discribe as Cute, but not incredably so, just a bit above Resepctable.

The last artical of conser is her radio earpeice "mission acompleshed", she then fished a cupple of Chocolate bars out of her left pocket and handed one of them to him "This is for you" Her voice was harsh. She did not have any fatial expetision, until she bit into the Chocolate bar she was given, she was quite clear that she overwhelmed with the Flavour of it. She slowly consumed it, savouring every moment of Flavour.

A few minutes Latter, a humming/Whirring noise was heard, and bright lights filled the room threw the windows. Then a pair of men in Military Uniforms then walked in, the Woman then stood Perfectly Erect and saluted him. The younger looking of the two men then grined "GTD-12, Get on the Chopper"

"Yes Sir." The Woman then walked away.

The other guy looked at the boy "Kid, you get abord the Chopper!" The Kid nodded at the Officer, and followed the girl. The two officers looked at each other once he left. "My dad once said that woman had no place in the army, Knew that was bullshit when LT Lisa Jacobs pulled my ass out of a dozzen tight Scrapes back in Iraq, and he would have Craped his pants if he saw Twelve back there."

"Right Jack!" the other said "Well, Now we know that the 9 Billion the Government sunk into this project was not a waste. The Desserts, Rainforrests, Artics, Submarines and General Combats all work out To Expetations or better! Personaly i will kinda miss working with the Valkeries."

Jack shook his head "Not me, It was fine working with these Genmods, but i got enough of them and i want to spend the rest of my Carrier working with the Regular type of Troopers."

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-09-28 02:47pm

Proof read, then have someone else proof read. Other than the grammar and spelling it's good.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2004-09-28 10:33pm

Its a bad sign if you misspell "Valkyrie".

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-09-28 10:41pm

I think what chewie is getting at is,
LURN TOE SPREAK TEH INGRISH!!!

Zor · Post by **Zor** » 2004-09-29 12:11am

Four Days Latter, Cheyenne Mountian Base

Brigadeer General Jack Degner was a man of Suffishent Pateince, but that was being tested. He could understand being a Minute or two late Ten minutes was what he called just plain Unproffesional. When Colonial Alex Anderman walked into his office, he was drumbing his fingers against his desk and had an mifted look in his eyes "Your Late, Mr Anderman"

"Sorry Sir, Traffic was Murder. Permission to speak Freely sir."

"Granted"

"I was wondering, what is this Project that you want me to manage?"

The General let out a grin "Come" He then walked out of his office down a long hallway. "You Remember President Raynor?"

"Yeah, 12 to 16 Republican, started the Iran War, why you ask?"

"Well, besides Delta Battlesuits, The first Moon Runner, Making OICWs the standard weapons of the USMC and the M5 Patton MBT, he authorised a less public military Project.

In 2013, DARPA was given acess to Four Hundred and twelve top Genetisics, and a Thirteen Billion Doller grant. In 15, the first Ova was created. When Raynor failed to win the 16 election, the Project allready had 2,000 First Bacthes, another 25,00 on the way, and 5 Billion left over, He cut 3 billion from the Project. Not that we needed it."

"What is this Project, Lil' Green men?"

"No" The general Said, cracking a Grin in Amusment "But you would be amased on how many newcommers to our little assoiation ask that question"

"Why am i Not suprised" Alex said with a Hint of Laughter on his voice "What did they make?"

"Something the PRC, EU and any other Nation would shit a Brick if they knew about, and swallow said Brick whole straight out of the Ass to get there hands on." The two officers arived at a armored door, the General pulled out a card, ran it threw the lock, typed in a password and did a Retina scan. "As the scientists say in the old movies, Behold" He opened the door, they walked threw into a Gymnasium, large enough for two Basketball corts. Inside the gym was two Phalanxes of Soldiers in Dress Uniform "Well, time to check 'em out."

Alex walked threw the center of the Formation on the Troops, some of them had green skin, some Yellow and Green, Others had White fur and the rest had Sharkskin. Some lacked noses, with only a slight Protusion of a snout. Some had webbed feet, others had handlike feet. Some were lanky, others squat, Most of them had tails, some prehencile, others slablike. "Whoa!"

"That is what i said when i saw them for the first time. Each has received Military Training since age 4, as well as a standard Education. These guys have received an incredable amount of training, and they have proven there copasity. Less than two weeks ago, one of them took out 3 kidnappers, two of wicth were armed with Assault rifles with only a pistol and a Knife."

"Dear God! how many do you have?" Alex said, dumbfounded.

"Twenty thousand ready for Battle right now, and about Twenty Five thousand in Varios stages of Childhood and Adolencence. They are the Ultimate Soldiers, they are Angels of Death, they are the Fruits of Project Valkerie. The reason why i called you here is simple, you get to command a force of one hundred fifty Valkeries."

Alex Sruged "Well, at least there not stupid like the last group i commanded. Ok, i am your man, just tell me what to do?"

The General handed him a Disc "This should tell you everything you need to know. Now i have to cacth a plane to Washington. As you were."

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2004-09-29 12:45am

want some constructive criticism? STOP WRITING! If it is painful to read your work, that is a BAD THING!

I mean COME ON! In your first line you misspelled Brigadier and Sufficient.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2004-09-29 01:30am

*puts gun to head. Pulls trigger*&

dragon · Post by **dragon** » 2004-09-29 07:13am

Here’s a word of advice type the story in word and spell check it. Then paste the story to the forum.

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2004-09-29 09:20am

OICW's as the standard weapons of the USMC?

Whatever did the poor, poor Marines do to deserve this?

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2004-09-29 03:27pm

You know what guys? It's pointless to argue with him. He's go a wall of stupidity that would make darkstar realize the error of his ways. Every time he posts he gets criticized for numerous misspellings and every time the criticisms just shot right over the top of his head. He doesn't even respond. He's to my knowledge not recruited a proof reader and he doesn't use a spell checker so it's pointless to try. Just don't respond to his posts till he learns to spell.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-29 03:36pm

Zor I usually don't step into the critiques that others give on the Fanfic forum because I like to play it loose here and let people say what they will about a particular piece.

However you're one of the first authors I've seen who does not listen to his audience here. These folks read through your piece, despite the horrendous mispellings and structure that make it a pain to read, gave up some of their free time to do so which any author should at least appreciate - no one has to read our work here but they do.

The LEAST you can do is listen, try to fix things up, show your audience your listening to them.

Seriously either you simply refuse to spell check or English is not your primary language and you don't know how awful it is (despite the growing reputation you've built here because of your heinous spelling.) but if you continue to post in this forum not caring about the quality of your work (in case you didn't get it, people react badly to work riddled with spelling errors because they rightfully feel that if you don't give a shit about your work why should they give a shit about it) I may have to start thinking about locking these threads.

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2004-09-29 05:48pm

Stravo wrote: *snip*

Wow. This is quite a day in the fanfic forum. I understand what you mean but just never thought I'd see the day.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-09-29 05:51pm

Mark S wrote:
Stravo wrote: *snip*
Wow. This is quite a day in the fanfic forum. I understand what you mean but just never thought I'd see the day.

If this was a one time thing, or an author that was generally trying I wouldn't even step in. Hell, Starcrossed is riddled with spelling errors but at least I try and its been getting progressively better. This is just a pattern that I want to stop. He's been spamming the other forums with his scanerios RAR! and then comes here and starts the same? Hell no. Not here.

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2004-10-01 06:24am

After reading this, Star Destroyers Rampant is an excellent work in comparison. This is the Easy Kill of SD.net fanfiction.

dragon · Post by **dragon** » 2004-10-01 04:20pm

Is english even his primary language. Hell its mine I still have a hard time much better with math and physics.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2004-10-01 07:05pm

dragon wrote:Is english even his primary language. Hell its mine I still have a hard time much better with math and physics.

I think it is.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2004-10-02 02:28am

MKSheppard wrote:*puts gun to head. Pulls trigger*

No Shep, you do it like this, in style

/me takes a .458 SOCOM AR15, pulls and releases the charging handle, places the barrel in his mouth, and pulls the trigger. The first huge high-velocity slug, trailing a shockwave and white-hot burning powder gas, blows a hole through the throat and spine, completely destroying it with a spray of high-velocity blood and bone matter. The rifle kicks back as a second screaming hot slug blasts forth, drilling through the palate and blasting everything behind it away. The third slug impacts the forehead as the rifle bucks away spinning. The braincase from the forehead back explodes, blowing brain matter and skull fragments everywhere behind the head...

The AR15 clatters to the ground several feet away from the lifeless, nearly headless body as the brass shell casings tinkle across the hot concrete.*

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-10-02 08:18am

A piece of advice Zor. Use a word processor to write it then copy paste it.

Is english even his primary language. Hell its mine I still have a hard time much better with math and physics.

Zor is from Canada so english should familiar to him.

dragon · Post by **dragon** » 2004-10-02 06:35pm

Hum from Canada that might explain a few things.

Actually whats weird is when I attended a newscomer brief gave by the British RSM (Royal Sargeant Major) he made a comment about all the Americans and British in the room. He said since Eglish is not our orginal language he would talk slow.
Hell my wife is German and she has better grammar skills than me.