George Carlin's thoughts on religion...

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2002-11-01 10:28am

I just thought I'd share this link for those who haven't seen it. Funny stuff.

http://www.positiveatheism.org/hist/quotes/carlin.htm

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-11-01 11:46am

Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you.

That quote more than anything has made me question the existance and nature of god. He's a smart, and funny, man.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-01 12:12pm

He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

Hehe. God needs an accountant.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-11-01 12:14pm

It's quite a bullshit story.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2002-11-01 12:49pm

Carlin has the best opinions about religion simply because Carlin IS God. Duh.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-11-01 12:58pm

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.

Having Met Joe, I'll agree with him, Joe can get things done!

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-01 01:06pm

Mr Bean wrote:
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he's a good actor. Okay. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. Doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with. For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.
Having Met Joe, I'll agree with him, Joe can get things done!

I believe I heard that somewhere...I will DEFINITELY have to read thru this at some point...just not right now.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2002-11-01 02:17pm

Ah, it's so funny yet so true.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2002-11-01 02:57pm

I love Carlin. His rule of "keep thy religion to thyself" is what I live by, and what I think others should live by. And it's surfaced several times on my website (www.gotdoom.com). Carlin is a genious, and should be made president or a dictator to whip this country back in shape.

Priesto · Post by **Priesto** » 2002-11-05 02:17am

Stormbringer wrote:
Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you.
That quote more than anything has made me question the existance and nature of god. He's a smart, and funny, man.

That is truly hilarious,what ignorance

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2002-11-05 02:19am

He's right, you know.

Priesto · Post by **Priesto** » 2002-11-05 02:25am

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:He's right, you know.

Yes spanky he sure is.

Believe what you will, I just know that what very funny.Perhaps it wouldn't be so funny if the man was joking, but he's not.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2002-11-05 02:42am

You will explain.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-11-05 02:55am

Nice avatar, Spanky.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2002-11-05 02:56am

Kinda curious mine own self!

Nick · Post by **Nick** » 2002-11-05 07:27am

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:You will explain.

Assuming this is directed at Priesto:

1. The hell Carlin describes is arguably not the hell which is portrayed in the Bible - it is a product of latter day "fire&brimstone"-style Christian mythology.
2. Believing in the invisible man in the sky isn't stupid if the invisible man actually exists.

How'd I do Priesto?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-11-05 01:13pm

And another thing. Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will. Thy will be done." Well, fine, but if it's God's will and he's going to do what he wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying to him in the first place?

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-11-05 01:17pm

Priesto wrote:
Stormbringer wrote:
Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you.
That quote more than anything has made me question the existance and nature of god. He's a smart, and funny, man.

That is truly hilarious,what ignorance

Think about your religion for just a minute. That's exactly what the Bible and the Christian religion boil down to. It'd be funnier if there weren't idiots like you that believe just that.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2002-11-05 02:12pm

Nick wrote:
Spanky The Dolphin wrote:You will explain.
Assuming this is directed at Priesto:

1. The hell Carlin describes is arguably not the hell which is portrayed in the Bible - it is a product of latter day "fire&brimstone"-style Christian mythology.

You summed up the entire religion pretty well when you said Christian mythology as in, not true. Myths. Concession accepted.

2. Believing in the invisible man in the sky isn't stupid if the invisible man actually exists.

A challenge then. Prove that this invisible man exists.....

Go on....

...I'm waiting....

...That's what I thought.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2002-11-05 02:20pm

And two other quotes of Carlin that that site doesn't have, wich are also good are:

"If this is the best god can do, I am not impressed...." and "There never was a god, not one, not ever, no. Infact, I'll go out on a limb and prove it. If there is a god...may he strike this audience dead.........You see, nothing happened!"

Shinigami · Post by **Shinigami** » 2002-11-05 03:21pm

I know for some believing in a higher being gives a feeling of security, but it's just a load of bullshit. Think about it for a second; if there really is a god, his interaction or lack thereof in human life is reprehensible. Sure, you can bring up "free will", but if we truly have free will there can't be any form of punishment for our actions. No matter what we do. It can't be both ways.

This is a god who sits idly by as his people kill each other. All over what he said and how he said it. I couldn't allow something like that to weigh on my conscience, and I'm human. As George Carlin said,

This is not the sort of thing I'd expext from a supreme being. I'd expect this from an office temp with a bad attitude.

As an owner of Brain Droppings, I'm familiar with a lot of these quotes. Personally, there's one from this book that I identify with most.

I frankly don't give a fuck how it all turns out in this country- or anywhere else, for that matter. I think the human game was up a long time ago (when the high priests and traders took over), and now we're just playing out the string. And that is, of course, precisely what I find so amusing: the slow circling of the drain by a once promising species, and the sappy, ever-more-desperate belief in this country that there is actually some sort of "American Dream," which has merely been misplaced.

The decay and disintegration of this culture is astonishingly amusing if you are emotionally detached from it. I have always viewed it from a safe distance, knowing I don't belong; it doesn't include me, and it never has. No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement commitee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

My interest in "issues" is merely to point out how badly we're doing, not to suggest a way we might do better. Don't confuse me with those who cling to hope. I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they "ought to be". And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-11-05 04:00pm

Free will is a copout.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
-Epicurus

Nick · Post by **Nick** » 2002-11-06 07:44am

Lord_Xerxes wrote:
Nick wrote: Assuming this is directed at Priesto:

1. The hell Carlin describes is arguably not the hell which is portrayed in the Bible - it is a product of latter day "fire&brimstone"-style Christian mythology.
You summed up the entire religion pretty well when you said Christian mythology as in, not true. Myths. Concession accepted.
2. Believing in the invisible man in the sky isn't stupid if the invisible man actually exists.
A challenge then. Prove that this invisible man exists.....

Looks at Xerxes' post count. . .

OK, you're forgiven for taking me seriously

Priesto, I'm waiting - am I wrong?

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2002-11-07 12:08am

Eh? I guess I thought you were on Priesto's side, Nick.

Sorry.

I mistook your sarcasm towards Priesto for just random fundie idiocy. Looking back, I see what you meant though. Sorry about jumping on your case.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

George Carlin's thoughts on religion...

George Carlin's thoughts on religion...

heh