Bespin Dinner

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2004-11-06 12:59pm

What happened after Vader said, "We would be honored if you would join us"? Did they actually sit down and eat? And if they did, how did Vader eat? Through a straw?

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2004-11-06 01:01pm

Force Choke hilarity ensues when Vader chokes Lando Calrissian for putting the After-Eight Mint packet back in the box after he's done with it.

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2004-11-06 02:01pm

Vader probably got a kick out of watching them have an uncomfortable meal while baiting them with chitchat about how the rebellion was about to be crushed.

Praxis · Post by **Praxis** » 2004-11-06 02:39pm

Meet the parents, Vader style. I can just see Vader interrogating Han over how he's been treating Leia over the dinner table

Force choke for every wrong answer.

President Sharky · Post by **President Sharky** » 2004-11-06 07:04pm

That must have been one hell of an awkward meal. I wonder if Boba Fett decided to make a toast?

Winston Blake · Post by **Winston Blake** » 2004-11-06 07:08pm

President Sharky wrote:That must have been one hell of an awkward meal. I wonder if Boba Fett decided to make a toast?

Fett: "To family!" (dripping with irony)

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-06 07:10pm

More like:

*Fett tries to sit down, but his backpack gets in the way*

"Aheh. Could I have a stool, please?"

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-11-06 07:14pm

I assume they were more than likely immediately arrested.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-06 07:15pm

Yeah, you're a ball of laughs, Spanky.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2004-11-06 07:16pm

Well Heaven forbid I'd be more interested in what actually happened rather than just a bunch of LOL bullshit...

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-11-06 07:17pm

Yes, and given it's a joke topic...you need to get the stick out of your ass.

I mean look at the initial thought of the topic creator.

DocHorror · Post by **DocHorror** » 2004-11-06 07:19pm

I reckon Vader ordered steak and intimidated everyone else into getting a salad.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-06 07:22pm

Y'know, I'm half expecting someone to come in and say, "Of course Vader didn't eat through a straw dipshit. He has highly sophisticated methods of gaining nourishment and only a tightwad asshat would think otherwise." And be perfectly serious.

Tychu · Post by **Tychu** » 2004-11-06 11:34pm

This brought up a question. How does Vader get nurishment
Obi-Wan: Hes more machine now than man. WE all know hes a man and all humans must eat or get nutrients and liquids. So how does Vader go about doing this?

Praxis · Post by **Praxis** » 2004-11-06 11:57pm

Batteries?

Maybe he has some complex energy-to-matter conversion that nourishes his body when he plugs in?

"Mmmm...rechargeable!"

JME2 · Post by **JME2** » 2004-11-06 11:59pm

Praxis wrote:Batteries?

Maybe he has some complex energy-to-matter conversion that nourishes his body when he plugs in?

"Mmmm...rechargeable!"

I asume he's able to eat normally within stasis areas like the one aboard the Executor.

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2004-11-07 12:10am

JME2 wrote:I asume he's able to eat normally within stasis areas like the one aboard the Executor.

Supposedly he did that largely with the use of the Force.

I imagine he would be nourished intravenously.

EDIT: Vader probably has special equipment used for evacuation, as well. Assuming he still has a dick and an asshole, of course. Lord knows how they'd take care of it otherwise.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2004-11-07 12:14am

Pretty sure Vader eats something akin to baby food. (Robocop reference)

As to the OP Vader could just sit there and start saying things like: "I bet you never guessed who was coming to dinner."

"Don't be so proud of that gastrointestinal terror you've constructed Captain Solo. The power to lay the silent and deadly is insignificant compared to the power of the Force"

"Don't act so surprised your highness, you weren't going to finish that entire entree this time."

The tactless comments would go on until they lost it and begged to be tortured.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-07 12:20am

Fuq?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2004-11-07 02:26am

I already asked this question a while ago, and Chuck answered in his usual, masterful manner.

Chuck wrote:

Code: Select all

"Phil Skayhan" <phil@skayhan.net> wrote in message
news:6CiB9.2448$f92.669@rcache1.news.cv.net...
>
> "Durandal" <DIESPAMdsorres@ilstu.edu> wrote in message
> news:20021115193353251-0600@id-sorresso.user.dfncis.de...
> > Ever wonder what happened right after Han, Leia, et al walked into that
> > dining room with Vader at the head of the table in The Empire Strikes
> > Back? Do you suppose that Vader, Boba Fett and Our Heroes sat down, had
> > some lunch, and then Vader decided to start torturing them?
> >  Just curious.
>
> (Before Chuck gets to it and steals everyone's thunder)

Would I do that? [Yes? --Ed.]

> Vader: Would you like some tea?
>
> Han : Yes please
>
> Vader: How many lumps you want?
>
> Han: Oh three or four.....
>
> WhAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!
>
> Vader: Oops, one too many lumps.......
>
I picture Vader has a set-up like Dr. Evil with the little buttons for the
chairs.
Vader: [to Han] You're not eating.
Han: The company is turning my stomach.
Vader: Hmm.  For that I'll send you to the torture chamber. [hits button and
Han's chair tips and dumps him through a hole in the floor]
Vader: [to Chewie]
Chewie: [eats quickly]
Vader: No one likes a pig.  I'll send you to the sonic room. [hits button
and Chewie disappears into the floor.]
Vader: [to Leia] You think a princess and a guy like me-
Leia: No.
Vader: Insolent woman.  I think I'll send you to Calrissian's quarters as
his plaything.  [hits button and Boba Fett falls through a hole]
Leia: Oops.
Vader: Oh!  [hits comm unit] Piett, it's doing that thing again!
Later...
Han Solo's screams come through the door.  Outside Boba Fett and Calrissian
stare at each other uncomfortably, each knowing that anything said would
only make things worse.

Comosicus · Post by **Comosicus** » 2004-11-07 02:49am

Well. the last one was a very good one.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-07 03:05am

Ooh, I forgot about that one. Browsing Mr. Sonnenburg's section of the FUQ is one hell of a good way to spend an evening.

SPOOFE · Post by **SPOOFE** » 2004-11-07 03:23am

After some minor political gossip, Vader gets annoyed with Solo's crass and plebian delivery that he throws a pie. Solo ducks and it hits Chewbacca instead, and he throws a pie back at Vader, who uses the Force to deflect it at Lando, which completely overturns his plateful of cocaine.

"Never fuck with a nigga's coke," Lando mumbles, and reaches into his cloak and pulls out a suede pouch with his own personal silver-plated .50-calibre pie in it, and chucks it at the Dark Lord. He laughs a little as Vader fumes, and after an awkward pause, EVERYONE starts throwing pies at each other!

Then Boba Fett gets some pie in his eye, and starts crying, and then Vader makes everyone sit down again and lectures them about proper etiquette: "Remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, or gets their planet blown up."

"Fuck you, asshole," Leia mutters.

Old Plympto · Post by **Old Plympto** » 2004-11-07 07:29am

JME2 wrote:I asume he's able to eat normally within stasis areas like the one aboard the Executor.

Which still brings us to the question how he eats his food in there? Who brings it to him? A serving droid? He slaps on BLT from the ISD's mess hall onto his tray, peeking over the counter while the others in the mess pee in their pants at his presence? In his pod, does he crack open his helmet, put a napkin on his lap? Does he loosen his armor at the waist after a good meal?

Comosicus · Post by **Comosicus** » 2004-11-07 07:42am

Maybe he just uses intravenous shots. Maybe some sort of glucosis perfusions, like ones used in hospitals.