Only. In. the. United. States.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-11-22 07:09am

It's none other than the RACING WITH JESUS DODGE! Yes, friends-ah number eighty-nine-ah dodge-ah will be in victory lane-ah all season long-ah! Please, place your hands on the screen with me right now and just, just pray with me now.

I annoint you, Morgan shepherd, with the power of the holy ghost-ah, you will be victorious-ah in all your races this year. Let each race be a test of your faith-ah by placing a blindfold upon your eyes-ah, and you let the LORD-sh guide you around the track-ah. Remember, all of Jesusland is behind you-ah. In Jesus' holy, blessed name we pray, Amen.

In other news: NASCAR to allow hard liquor sponsors on their cars In MY opinion, if ever there was something to get upight about on TV, this would be it. That is to say, in a sport where you are DRIVING, to be advertising ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES, not just beer, mind you, but HARD LIQUOR, on the cars. then again, I suppose there shouldn't be "Degrees" of "wrongness" so to speak...if you're going to allow beer, why not hard liquor. Oh well. Enjoy the dipshittery.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-11-22 07:23am

If only we could get a race driver that was sponsored by both Jesus and Jack Daniels. Then we could adorn the hood with Buddy Christ raising a glass of Jack on the rocks. That would be the fucking balls.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2004-11-22 11:14am

Col. Crackpot wrote:If only we could get a race driver that was sponsored by both Jesus and Jack Daniels. Then we could adorn the hood with Buddy Christ raising a glass of Jack on the rocks. That would be the fucking balls.

It would screw with the downdraft.

OT: Most NASCAR drivers are at least nominally Christian, and several are highly religious.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-11-22 11:21am

LadyTevar wrote:
Col. Crackpot wrote:If only we could get a race driver that was sponsored by both Jesus and Jack Daniels. Then we could adorn the hood with Buddy Christ raising a glass of Jack on the rocks. That would be the fucking balls.

It would screw with the downdraft.

oh, not as a hood orniment, just a decal like everyone else.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-11-22 11:21am

Chardok wrote:It's none other than the RACING WITH JESUS DODGE! Yes, friends-ah number eighty-nine-ah dodge-ah will be in victory lane-ah all season long-ah! Please, place your hands on the screen with me right now and just, just pray with me now.

I annoint you, Morgan shepherd, with the power of the holy ghost-ah, you will be victorious-ah in all your races this year. Let each race be a test of your faith-ah by placing a blindfold upon your eyes-ah, and you let the LORD-sh guide you around the track-ah. Remember, all of Jesusland is behind you-ah. In Jesus' holy, blessed name we pray, Amen.

In other news: NASCAR to allow hard liquor sponsors on their cars In MY opinion, if ever there was something to get upight about on TV, this would be it. That is to say, in a sport where you are DRIVING, to be advertising ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES, not just beer, mind you, but HARD LIQUOR, on the cars. then again, I suppose there shouldn't be "Degrees" of "wrongness" so to speak...if you're going to allow beer, why not hard liquor. Oh well. Enjoy the dipshittery.

That goes beyond degrees of wrongness and into radians.
If we nuke the middle east, I hope they do a quick practice run over the confederacy.

jcow79 · Post by **jcow79** » 2004-11-22 11:44am

So when the racers are done racing they are always handed their sponsors drink so they can be seen drinking it...will this still remain true if their sponsor for instance is Jack Daniels? Mmmm, nothing hydrates the body after a long hard race like a glass of smooth smooth Jack!

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2004-11-22 12:22pm

I guess that settles the old WWJD question: What Would Jesus Drive?

Marksist · Post by **Marksist** » 2004-11-22 02:08pm

Didn't they advertise "The Passion" on a car in NASCAR? I say that was brilliant, talk about getting the target audience.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-11-22 03:53pm

There's a 'Passion' movie calendar as well.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2004-11-22 04:01pm

From what I've heard, Morgan's basically just a nice ol' guy. Heck, he's easily the oldest NASCAR driver left, and he's always been a bit eccentric.

I wanna see a Driving with Krishna car, though.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2004-11-22 04:13pm

Does he ever win races?

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-11-22 04:26pm

Frank Hipper wrote:Does he ever win races?

i don't know, but it does remind me of that old Don Imus skit. Remember the Rev. Billy Saul Hargus.... God's other son?

I don't care if it rains or freezes
so long as i got my plastic jesus
ridin' on the dashboard of my car!

i can drive a hundred miles an hour
so long as i got the almighty power
stuck up there right next to my fuzzy dice!

Alehluia!
Alehluia!
A-men, amen, amen!

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2004-11-22 04:34pm

Frank Hipper wrote:Does he ever win races?

No. When he gets cut off, he turns the other bumper.

egyptfrk · Post by **egyptfrk** » 2004-11-22 07:07pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:Does he ever win races?
No. When he gets cut off, he turns the other bumper.

*groans*

I wonder if he does the traditional pics with the swimsuit models posing with his car...

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2004-11-22 08:10pm

Mrs. CmdrWilkens wrote:
Wicked Pilot wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:Does he ever win races?
No. When he gets cut off, he turns the other bumper.
*groans*

I wonder if he does the traditional pics with the swimsuit models posing with his car...

Yes, though oddly enough, her thong bikini goes all the way down to her ankles.

Tinkerbell · Post by **Tinkerbell** » 2004-11-22 09:49pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:Does he ever win races?
i don't know, but it does remind me of that old Don Imus skit. Remember the Rev. Billy Saul Hargus.... God's other son?

I don't care if it rains or freezes
so long as i got my plastic jesus
ridin' on the dashboard of my car!

i can drive a hundred miles an hour
so long as i got the almighty power
stuck up there right next to my fuzzy dice!

Alehluia!
Alehluia!
A-men, amen, amen!

I don't care if it rains or freezes
's long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary,
Long as I have magnetic Mary,
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car,
I feel I'm protected amply,
I've got the whole damn Holy Family,
Riding on the dashboard of my car.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell,
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

No, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car,
But I think he'll have to go,
His magnet ruins my radio,
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2004-11-22 10:07pm

Mrs. CmdrWilkens wrote:
Wicked Pilot wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:Does he ever win races?
No. When he gets cut off, he turns the other bumper.
*groans*

Man am I not appreciated around here.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-11-22 10:35pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:If only we could get a race driver that was sponsored by both Jesus and Jack Daniels. Then we could adorn the hood with Buddy Christ raising a glass of Jack on the rocks. That would be the fucking balls.

I'd think the Buddy Christ would have better taste in Whiskey.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-11-22 10:37pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:
Col. Crackpot wrote:If only we could get a race driver that was sponsored by both Jesus and Jack Daniels. Then we could adorn the hood with Buddy Christ raising a glass of Jack on the rocks. That would be the fucking balls.
I'd think the Buddy Christ would have better taste in Whiskey.

technically Jack is bourbon so

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-11-22 10:39pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:technically Jack is bourbon so

Bourbon is a form of whiskey.

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