Col. Crackpot's 3rd Annual Crappy Christmas Music Thread

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-11-30 07:25am

This year, i'm at my wits end. 2 radio stations here have switched to the all Christmas format. My wife, being Ms. Christmas Lady insists that the car radio be tuned to one of them at all times. Don't get me wrong, i love Bruce Springsteen's 'Santa Claus is coming to town' and Nat King Cole's 'Christmas Song' but if i have to listen to the fucking Waitresses sing 'Christmas Wrapping' one more time my head will expode, and it's still November! Or Feliz Navidad.... or anything by Celenie Dion or the greatest evil: Celine Dion's version of Feliz Navidad! ( Singing merry christmas in Spanish with a French-Canadian accent?

) So what does it for you? What Christmas tune pisses you off the most?

edit: Oh! i almost forgot, my new annoyance: that goddamn song that drones on about how it's 'christmas in america' over and over and over....

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2004-11-30 07:34am

The Pogues. They can go to hell. Can't stand the bloody song about the NYPD choir. Other than that, any christmas song I'm forced to listen to in the shops over and over again. They can even ruin Slade for me if I hear it too much, and I love that song.

Post by **The Wookiee** » 2004-11-30 08:50am

I'm getting tired of the various versions of The Hannukah Song. The first one was funny, the second was pushing it, but the rest just get progressively lamer.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2004-11-30 09:27am

Transsiberian Orchestra.

*ducks flames*

Now, now, hear me out. On the radio its fine, it sucks ass live though. Couldn't really hear the music, all I could hear was my heart murmer from all the god damn bass.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-11-30 09:47am

Col. Crackpot wrote:This year, i'm at my wits end. 2 radio stations here have switched to the all Christmas format. My wife, being Ms. Christmas Lady insists that the car radio be tuned to one of them at all times.

Dear fuck, I feel your pain. One radio station here in Ottawa did that; all Christmas music, all the fucking time.

The ladies in administration play it all day long, and some have been speculatively eyeing the stereo and pondering how badly it would impact their careers to toss it in the trash compactor.

Damaramu · Post by **Damaramu** » 2004-11-30 09:51am

Paul McCartney wrote:Simply having a wonderful Christmas time!

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-11-30 10:24am

*looks around for Kuja and his loving words regarding 'Feliz Navidad'*

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2004-11-30 12:33pm

Hmm... Tough call, but that reminds me, it's time to pull out the "Punk Christmas" CD again.

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-11-30 01:15pm

Zaia wrote:*looks around for Kuja and his loving words regarding 'Feliz Navidad'*

*gives what is desired*

That fucking piece of shit song got played so fucking much last year it drove me out of my fucking mind. Then, two days BEFORE fucking Thanksgiving, my mall switcheds to playing Christmas music without stop.

A seven-hour shift. Right under one of the speakers. FUCK me.

This fucking travesty of a Christmas song comes on and all the enraged hate built up from last year was suddenly there again and I had a strong desire to throw something large and heavy at whoever decided to start playing so much fucking Christmas music so fucking early.

I swear to fucking god, I hear a version of feliz navided at least every thirty fucking minutes while I'm at work and I CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT! Why is this song so goddamns popular?1 I'ts the same fucking five lines over and over and fucking over again to fgill up three minutes of time that would've been better spent airing a fucking beef commercial. If I ever find the band who played this, I'm going to take their fucking instruments, tear them apart, beat them to a pulp with the fragments, then drag them out into the street and fucking LYNCH THEM!@!

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-11-30 01:16pm

Damaramu wrote:
Paul McCartney wrote:Simply having a wonderful Christmas time!

There's a chick version of this song floating around with 1000% better background music.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2004-11-30 01:31pm

"Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey". It's a three minute dago joke set to horrible music. So far, the only song on this list which is actively offensive.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-11-30 01:49pm

RedImperator wrote:"Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey". It's a three minute dago joke set to horrible music. So far, the only song on this list which is actively offensive.

My wife is a "dago" and she loves that fucking song for some reason. Me? i'm waiting for an Irish Christmas song that involves a bottle of Bush Mills and a potato. If someone had the balls to wite 'Dominic the Donkey' i'm sure someone else has the balls to write something called 'Shitfaced Seamus Saves Santa's Sack'.

oh and Kuja, for the record Feliz Navidad was originally written and performed by Jose Feliciano.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2004-11-30 04:22pm

Ding, Fries Are Done

and the Trans Siberian Orchestra version of "Ding Fries Are Done" (okay it's really the original song playing at the same time as some TSO music).

It's a parody of "Carol Bells"

I work at Burger King making flame broiled whoppers, I wear paper hats.
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
I gotta run.
I gotta run.
I gotta run.
I gotta run.
Don't bob for fries in hot fatty meat.
They hurt bad and so do skin grafts.
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Where is the bell?
Wait for the bell.
Can't hear the bell.
Where is the bell?
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
I work at Burger King making flame broiled whoppers. I wear paper hats.
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.
Ding! Fries are done.

But it really isn't Christmas until I hear Jingle Hells Bells and Santa Claus (think Black Sabath's Iron Man).

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-11-30 04:30pm

The music played in Christmas commercials. Especially in the Old Navy commercials. Still, last year's were far worse.

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2004-11-30 07:03pm

In a thread about bad christmas music, I am forced to bring this to your attention.

http://bandaiddilemma.net/

We all now it's for a good cause, but let's face it, it's the most mawkish, irritating christmas tune in the world...

bohemianfey · Post by **bohemianfey** » 2004-11-30 08:32pm

RedImperator wrote:"Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey". It's a three minute dago joke set to horrible music. So far, the only song on this list which is actively offensive.

**snarls**

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-11-30 09:48pm

OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?"

That song pisses me off to no end. Like every poor person in the world (namely the ones in Africa, since they say something about there being no snow in Africa this Christmas), every poor person that they're singing about would be celebrating Christmas if only they just knew it was Christmastime?! So ignorant. Ugh. Hate it. Especially THIS part:

And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

"Thank God it's them instead of you?!" God, how dreadful is that?! Disgusting.

bohemianfey · Post by **bohemianfey** » 2004-11-30 10:00pm

One that REALLY gets to me is "Christmas in the Northwest" it's so pukishly mainstream and commercialized.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-11-30 10:14pm

Zaia wrote:OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?"

That song pisses me off to no end. Like every poor person in the world (namely the ones in Africa, since they say something about there being no snow in Africa this Christmas), every poor person that they're singing about would be celebrating Christmas if only they just knew it was Christmastime?! So ignorant. Ugh. Hate it. Especially THIS part:

And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

"Thank God it's them instead of you?!" God, how dreadful is that?! Disgusting.

Wasn't there a Welsh radio station that banned that song for being so bad?

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-11-30 10:35pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:
Zaia wrote:OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?"
Wasn't there a Welsh radio station that banned that song for being so bad?

I hope so! It was unbelievably horrible!!

egyptfrk · Post by **egyptfrk** » 2004-12-01 03:18am

John Mellancamp's (sp?) version of "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause"
...then again, that could just be because I'm not a big fan of his stuff...

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2004-12-01 06:15am

Zaia wrote:OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?"

That song pisses me off to no end. Like every poor person in the world (namely the ones in Africa, since they say something about there being no snow in Africa this Christmas), every poor person that they're singing about would be celebrating Christmas if only they just knew it was Christmastime?! So ignorant. Ugh. Hate it. Especially THIS part:

And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

"Thank God it's them instead of you?!" God, how dreadful is that?! Disgusting.

Z, i'm pretty sure that's intended as a guilt trip.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-12-01 06:33am

mind you I like the song, but growing up hippie, it's gotta be John Lennon "So this is Christmas" for overplay value....

thankfull marley and hendrix never did any holiday fare....

bohemianfey · Post by **bohemianfey** » 2004-12-01 06:39am

Col. Crackpot wrote:
Zaia wrote:OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT THAT STUPID PIECE OF SHIT "DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?"

That song pisses me off to no end. Like every poor person in the world (namely the ones in Africa, since they say something about there being no snow in Africa this Christmas), every poor person that they're singing about would be celebrating Christmas if only they just knew it was Christmastime?! So ignorant. Ugh. Hate it. Especially THIS part:

And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

"Thank God it's them instead of you?!" God, how dreadful is that?! Disgusting.
Z, i'm pretty sure that's intended as a guilt trip.

It definitely is.
That image doesn't scream serious.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2004-12-01 06:43am

"Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey". It's a three minute dago joke set to horrible music. So far, the only song on this list which is actively offensive.

Oddly enough, that song is an annual favorite of my Italian-American family. My uncle will often begin to sing it very loudly at random intervals. Sort of to make fun of just how bad it is.

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Col. Crackpot's 3rd Annual Crappy Christmas Music Thread

Col. Crackpot's 3rd Annual Crappy Christmas Music Thread

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