Bush Arrested For War Crimes In Canada (Joke)

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Bush Arrested For War Crimes In Canada (Joke)

Post by His Divine Shadow »

http://www.world-cnn.com/2004/WORLD/ame ... index.html

100% Truth, I am sure.
OTTAWA, CANADA (AP) -- On the first of his two-day planned visit to Canada, George W. Bush was taken into custody by Canadian authorities citing war crime charges. Under Canadian law, even a non-citizen can be charged for crimes committed outside of Canada once that individual enters the country.

The arrest claims that President Bush has been "party to the crime of torturing prisoners held in Guantánamo Bay and Abu Ghraib."

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin released a written statement indicating that "proceedings have commenced against President George W. Bush under the Crimes Against Humanity and War Crimes Act (s. 9(3))."

Irwin Cotler, Minister of Justice and Attorney General of Canada, had began an investigation into the alleged crimes of the Bush administration on the basis of reports prepared by human rights organizations, journalists and scholars as well as recent decisions by U.S. courts.

"Let this serve as a warning to any current or former official of the Bush administration, like Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld," said Cotler, "that they enter Canada at their own risk."

Bush's trip to Canada was originally planned to negotiate security and trade issues with Martin, including the on-going ban on Canadian beef and the 27 percent tariff on softwood lumber imports imposed by the U.S. in 2001.

Bush received a minor injury to his face during the arrest when Canadian authorities confronted members of the Secret Service trying to protect the president during the welcome ceremony.

The charges were initially drafted by a group called Lawyers Against the War (LAW) and then adopted by Canadian prosecutors. Michael Mandel, Professor of Law and co-chair of LAW, issued the following statement:

"The actions of George W. Bush and his administration are nothing short of mass murder. They have killed Iraqi civilians without any lawful justification or excuse. That's a crime in the United States and in Canada and under international law. No one is above the law, not even presidents. If they do terrible things, we are going to see to it that they are personally brought to justice. We are going to prosecute them for each and every crime they commit."

U.S. condemns arrest as ‘illegal and dangerous'
In a press conference this morning, White House spokesman Jim Morrell said, "Under international law, active foreign officials and diplomats are immune from state prosecution. Given this fact – and the sheer absurdity of these illegal and dangerous allegations – we demand the immediate release of President Bush and a formal apology from Canada to all Americans."

While international law forbids issuing process against a head of state, Canadian prosecutors claim that there is nothing in the decided cases on immunity from local process that prevents the opening of an investigation into international crimes committed by any foreign government official.

Both parties in the U.S. Congress also condemned the arrest. Democrats in the House stated that "the case against President Bush is without merit and flies in the face of international guidelines and basic common sense."

Using the same expletive from a heated exchange earlier this year, Vice President Dick Cheney was overheard on the Senate floor with an even stronger response. "These charges are f****** outrageous."

"The incarceration of a sitting U.S. president is unthinkable," stated Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay. "Prime Minister Martin must release President Bush without delay, or face the full glory, might and wrath of the United States of America."

Martha Johnson, a Republican voter in Ohio, expressed similar outrage. "How dare these pretentious, liberal Canadians arrest our president? Who do they think they are? I can't believe their chutzpah. Forget North Korea and Iran … we must invade Canada next."

Canadians are solidly Anti-Bush
According to polls, Canadians are strongly opposed to the Iraq war and disagree with many of the president's domestic and foreign policies. An Ekos Research survey last month showed support at 84 percent for Canada's decision not to send troops to Iraq and 59 percent of respondents indicating an overall dislike of President Bush.

The No to Bush Committee organized a large protest march in anticipation of the president's visit to Canada. Speakers include Naomi Klein, a writer known for her work against globalization, and Brandon Hughey, a U.S. war resister who escaped to Canada from Texas. The protest committee is composed of the New Democratic Party, the Canadian Peace Alliance, and the Canadian Arab Federation.

Protesters were unanimous in their praise of the arrest this morning. "Yes, I believe that George W. Bush should be held accountable for his crimes in Iraq," stated Harold Smith from Toronto. "His actions in the U.S. and around the world have been reprehensible."

Another protester justified Bush's arrest with a hypothetical analogy. "Let's say I heard that my ex-convict neighbor is stockpiling weapons in his apartment. I call the police but they don't act swiftly enough. So, in order to protect my family from this threat, I take matters into my own hand and break into my neighbor's home while torturing and killing members of his family. Of course, I do not find any weapons."

"If justice is to be served, regardless if my claims had proven true, I would be thrown in jail forever for acting like an insane, murdering, vigilante cowboy. All we ask is that George W. Bush – who did the same exact thing in Iraqi on a larger, more horrifying scale – be likewise held accountable."

A third protester was more literal. "Whatever his reasons, Bush invaded a sovereign country. He tortured and killed thousands of innocent people. He should feel very lucky that we Canadians, unlike the Texans, do not believe in the death penalty."
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Post by Stofsk »

Uh... what the fuck?
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Post by Hamel »

Rofl. I WISH this were true, but the world-cnn url gave it away :lol:
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Questor
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Post by Questor »

Yup, it's a fake.

WHOIS for world-cnn.com:

Registrant:
Liu, Phineas (FBTATHPFWD)
PO Box 20800
NEW YORK, NY 10009
US

Domain Name: WORLD-CNN.COM

Administrative Contact:
Liu, Phineas (38757602P) phineasliu@yahoo.com
PO Box 20800
NEW YORK, NY 10009
US
(212) 253-6203

Technical Contact:
Affinity Hosting, LLC (TS1126-ORG) contact@AHNET.NET
3250 West Commercial Blvd #200
Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33309
US
954-334-8460 fax: 954-334-8001

Record expires on 30-Nov-2005.
Record created on 30-Nov-2004.
Database last updated on 3-Dec-2004 05:52:13 EST.

Domain servers in listed order:

NS3.HOSTSAVE.COM 207.150.198.114
NS2.HOSTSAVE.COM 207.150.197.103
NS1.HOSTSAVE.COM 207.150.196.199

A fake, but a very detailed one, even to the point of apeing cnn.com's directory structure.

Also note the registration date on the domain.
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Post by Dalton »

CNN's gonna be all over this shit. That's gotta be violating some copyright.
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Post by SecondStorm »

Dalton wrote:CNN's gonna be all over this shit. That's gotta be violating some copyright.
Id say so.
Look at this:

Real
Fake

It had me fooled for the better part of 30 seconds. :oops:
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Post by The Duchess of Zeon »

Damn. There goes our last, best hope to try out WAR PLAN RED, complete with strategic bombing of Canadian cities using chemical weaponry.
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Post by Admiral Valdemar »

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:Damn. There goes our last, best hope to try out WAR PLAN RED, complete with strategic bombing of Canadian cities using chemical weaponry.
Never fear, fair war-queen. Ve have other vays of making vars start.
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Post by Col. Crackpot »

yeah, Dick Cheney would ensure that Canada ceased to exist if this story were true.
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Post by The Duchess of Zeon »

I definitely wouldn't want to be a Canadian in the Deep South if this had happened for real. Can you say "lynch mob"?
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Post by Gil Hamilton »

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:I definitely wouldn't want to be a Canadian in the Deep South if this had happened for real. Can you say "lynch mob"?
I've said it once and I'll say it again. Fundie Zerg Rush! Kekekekekeke! Canada would never see it coming. :lol:
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Post by Robert Walper »

The title alone proves the article is a fake. Canada would never have the balls to pull off something like this. Hell, Bush's personal Secret Service security forces would outnumber our military forces two to one.
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Post by Bertie Wooster »

Col. Crackpot wrote:yeah, Dick Cheney would ensure that Canada ceased to exist if this story were true.
Maybe I'm slow on the up-take but I just realized how having Dick Cheney as your VP is a good way to ensure that foreign enemies don't remove you from being president. :twisted:
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Post by LadyTevar »

The sad part? I almost wish it was real.
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Post by Stofsk »

LadyTevar wrote:The sad part? I almost wish it was real.
You must hate Canada a lot. :lol: ;)

Goddamn, but for a fake website this one looked convincing. You couldn't hely but go "what the fuck?" :)
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Post by CJvR »

Well it would be a quick way to add a few more stars to the US flag.
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Post by Sharp-kun »

I think I'll have some fun with this on other forums ;) There's always gullible people.....
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Post by Joe »

Robert Walper wrote:The title alone proves the article is a fake. Canada would never have the balls to pull off something like this. Hell, Bush's personal Secret Service security forces would outnumber our military forces two to one.
Probably better armed, too, with the state of the Canadian military... 8)
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Post by Kuja »

Jokes like this were funny a year ago.....now, they're just not. :?
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Post by The Duchess of Zeon »

CJvR wrote:Well it would be a quick way to add a few more stars to the US flag.
Finding out how well modern industrialized cities hold up to indiscriminate strategic bombing might be interesting from an analytical point of view.
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Post by Techno_Union »

Meh, I saw it on SB.com and fell for it... for around 5 minutes. I sorta wanted it to be true, just to have some action... but then it comes back to the little thing of another war. Ah well.
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Post by Captain Cyran »

Oh come guys this would be great for the people with brains. We leak safe points to smart Canadians to cross the boarder and as soon as all the fundies are North of the border on their jihad we do a quick coup and block off the border. :lol:
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Post by MKSheppard »

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THe B-52s are already on their way, the bombing of Canada with Strategic
weapons begins shortly.
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Post by Aaron »

Robert Walper wrote:The title alone proves the article is a fake. Canada would never have the balls to pull off something like this. Hell, Bush's personal Secret Service security forces would outnumber our military forces two to one.
You evidently have never heard of JTF 2.
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Post by phongn »

EDIT: I'm an idiot, nevermind me.
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