We need a new Secretary of Homeland Security!

dr. what · Post by **dr. what** » 2004-12-13 02:23pm

After that rather embarassing incident involving Bernard Kerik's revelations of having an illegal nanny and not paying taxes for a few years and having two extramarital affairs simultaneously and accepting bribes and maybe even having some mafia connections...er...the Bush Administration desperately needs a new nominee.

Not trusting the current batch of advisors they got, somebody gets the bright idea to use a computer to bring up a list of new advisors. However, due to the computer being hacked (by a certain crazy Canadian by the initials of D.W.), the membership list of this illustrous forum pops out as the list of "most brilliant political advisors in the world".

You've just received the phone call--it's now up to you.

Who is YOUR choice for new Secretary?

Bertie Wooster · Post by **Bertie Wooster** » 2004-12-13 02:26pm

I voted for John McClane, of course.

oh, waitasec...

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2004-12-13 02:49pm

Myself.

I have the necessary experience at giving and receiving bribes, all the while appearing to be busy in legal and legitimate activities. I can spin the dial for the color code of the week, and read a teleprompter as well as anyone. Plus it would go a long way toward healing the Odessa/Midland rift.

(That's an inside Texas joke there.)

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-12-13 03:59pm

Lieberman. That way, I can ignore everything he says, but point to it and say that the cabinet isn't a bunch of yes-men anyway.

Either that, or make a reality TV show where the winner becomes Secretary of Homeland Security.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2004-12-13 04:58pm

I'll take the job myself. Now let me take a moment to preempt any claims that I'm merely a slave to lobbyist from the razor wire and landmine producers association. While I intend to make vast use of those products, it is only with the best interests of the nation at heart. Also, I do not own any Catapiller stock, dispite those orders for 5000 D11 bulldozers.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2004-12-13 05:25pm

My vote would go for the scarecrow with the really creepy face.

*cookie for the reference.

egyptfrk · Post by **egyptfrk** » 2004-12-13 11:40pm

I vote bunny! Because I really don't have faith in any of the other choices, but at this moment in time cannot come up with a better alternative...well, maybe Janet Reno, but we know that wouldn't happen...so go Skippy!

And why is Ridge on the list?

dr. what · Post by **dr. what** » 2004-12-14 10:34am

Mrs. CmdrWilkens wrote:And why is Ridge on the list?

Eh--I just grabbed a bunch of names at random....

Why am I not surprised that Skippy is doing so well?

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2004-12-14 10:50am

Arnold: By contrived circumstances, he'll learn in a day or so of any attempt to harm the nation. Then, he'll bitchslap the enemy.

Post by **Zaia** » 2004-12-14 01:56pm

To N&P

Tom_Aurum · Post by **Tom_Aurum** » 2004-12-14 02:44pm

I thought it was two dollars. Anyways, Hunter S. Thompson. Not like I think Bush would nominate him, but he would be a better choice than most of those.

Falkenhayn · Post by **Falkenhayn** » 2004-12-14 06:01pm

If by Skippy the Bunny, you mean Torquemada. He already was a Grand Inqu...I mean director of homeland security.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2004-12-14 06:03pm

You're missing the "Terminate This Pork Factory" option.

Falkenhayn · Post by **Falkenhayn** » 2004-12-14 07:48pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:You're missing the "Terminate This Pork Factory" option.

What? Ax Congressional spending? Hang Lobbyists? You jest sir.

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We need a new Secretary of Homeland Security!

Who's YOUR choice?

We need a new Secretary of Homeland Security!