Most hilarious game review!

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-18 02:17pm

It's about the game Survivor. Take a peek here for a good laugh!

Vendetta · Post by **Vendetta** » 2004-12-18 04:28pm

Deploy the Arm!

Butterbean569 · Post by **Butterbean569** » 2004-12-19 03:11am

Oh man, I remember when this review first came out and I read it. I was pissin myself laughing lol

Still, I'm sure the publisher made a SHITLOAD of money off this. Seriously, they probably just hired a couple of kids with 8 credit hours of basic programming from the local community college, gave them a week to make the game, and raped the shit out of the Survivor License.

Millions of dollars in revenue - A few thousand dollars in development costs =

One huge profit margin

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-19 05:42am

Butterbean569 wrote:Oh man, I remember when this review first came out and I read it. I was pissin myself laughing lol

Still, I'm sure the publisher made a SHITLOAD of money off this. Seriously, they probably just hired a couple of kids with 8 credit hours of basic programming from the local community college, gave them a week to make the game, and raped the shit out of the Survivor License.

Millions of dollars in revenue - A few thousand dollars in development costs =

One huge profit margin

Mind you, game publisher today tend to spend millions of dollar in marketing and advertising, while continually producing shit doesn't deserve to be called 'game'. Thus, the unsuspecting gamers effectively donate their hard-earned money to those corporate vampires to cover their cost on marketing hype.

EDST: As for me, I'd rather be hunting on eBay for Total Air War and used Voodoo cards instead of paying Infogrames' marketing bill.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-12-19 06:24am

let's not speak too loudly, they are part of electronic arts, and that conglomerate has some of my favorite liscences held hostage, while they aren't paying their programmer's shit.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-19 10:00am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:let's not speak too loudly, they are part of electronic arts, and that conglomerate has some of my favorite liscences held hostage, while they aren't paying their programmer's shit.

*Lowers voice* Sorry to bring the bad news, but maybe you better give up all hope. Chances they will either kill the hostages or disembowel them beyond recognition. I mean, look at Infogrames did to Falcon 4.0, and speaking about disemboweled license, may I say X-Com: Enforcer?

I also have funny story about Electronic Trash... ooopsss, I mean Electronic Arts. This is told by a game retailer at SimLim (Singapore): after their broke-up with Jane's Information Groups, EA sent their people to the game stores, buying back *every* copy of Jane's flight sims. When a store owner puzzledly asked, "well it's your money after all, but what are you going to do with those anyway?" Those vampire agents explained that the copies were going to be *destroyed*. While it was impossible to buy back every single piece of copy from every individual owner, they said people must not playing Jane's anymore and it was the most they could do to achieve such goal.

Thus, pardon me if I get the impression that big time, game publishing vampires are planning to McDonalizing computer games; flooding the market with another generic FPS, another generic RTS, not to mention The Sims (puke), with the hope of brainwashing *every* gamer to eventually accept, and even LOVE generic products. Not only the market will be easier to control, but generic products are lot cheaper to produce. Moreover, generic games means less dependence to talented game designers like Sid Meier or Chris Crawford, giving those vampires more convenience to fire employee at whim.

Note: I don't actually hate FPS nor RTS. I still like burger, but definitely not McDonald's.

EDIT: It sounds like I'm hijacking my own thread. But after the laugher is over, I think we should be reminded of how pathetic computer gaming industry these days.

Terr Fangbite · Post by **Terr Fangbite** » 2004-12-19 10:19am

I can't believe a game could be so bad.

Sharpshooter · Post by **Sharpshooter** » 2004-12-19 11:01pm

Terr Fangbite wrote:I can't believe a game could be so bad.

Neither did I - up until about ten minutes ago, I thought this was the bottom of the barrel. But Survivor? That's just wrong.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2004-12-19 11:28pm

Big Rigs still holds the record, because there is no game. I mean there's no actual gameplay. The oppenent doesn't move so you win no matter what (and there's a glitch so its sometimes as soon as the race starts you get the "YOU'RE WINNER" message). And of course collision detection is 0 (not even bridges work).

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2004-12-20 12:22am

As for funniest game review, I've always held a special place in my heart for SA's review of Hatfields and McCoys,

Thundra is also pretty good reading.

Praxis · Post by **Praxis** » 2004-12-20 02:00am

That was just...hilarious

Especially the fact that the bug that doesn't let you play is counted as a plus...

Marksist · Post by **Marksist** » 2004-12-20 03:21am

Category Pure Crap
Players Not Me

Hilarious review, the above quote being my favorite.

Butterbean569 · Post by **Butterbean569** » 2004-12-20 05:15pm

EA makes a lot of good games (Battlefield and their sports games), but their monopolizing makes me sick. The buying of the exlusive rights to the NFL pissed me off hardcore.....bah

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-21 07:19am

Butterbean569 wrote:EA makes a lot of good games (Battlefield and their sports games), but their monopolizing makes me sick. The buying of the exlusive rights to the NFL pissed me off hardcore.....bah

Sadly, they have growing tendency to kill innovation and creativity; narrowing their scope in order to milk as much cash from their existing brands. Gone the days of True Gems like Starflight and Scarab. Instead, now all we see is Expansion Pack This, Expansion Pack That, Sport License 2003, Sport License 2004, etc, etc.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-12-21 08:22am

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:
Butterbean569 wrote:EA makes a lot of good games (Battlefield and their sports games), but their monopolizing makes me sick. The buying of the exlusive rights to the NFL pissed me off hardcore.....bah
Sadly, they have growing tendency to kill innovation and creativity; narrowing their scope in order to milk as much cash from their existing brands. Gone the days of True Gems like Starflight and Scarab. Instead, now all we see is Expansion Pack This, Expansion Pack That, Sport License 2003, Sport License 2004, etc, etc.

Ah yes, so Sims 2 wasn't good? first thing that popped up in my mind and ate 3 weeks of my life.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-21 08:54am

Ace Pace wrote:
Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman wrote:
Butterbean569 wrote:EA makes a lot of good games (Battlefield and their sports games), but their monopolizing makes me sick. The buying of the exlusive rights to the NFL pissed me off hardcore.....bah
Sadly, they have growing tendency to kill innovation and creativity; narrowing their scope in order to milk as much cash from their existing brands. Gone the days of True Gems like Starflight and Scarab. Instead, now all we see is Expansion Pack This, Expansion Pack That, Sport License 2003, Sport License 2004, etc, etc.
Ah yes, so Sims 2 wasn't good? first thing that popped up in my mind and ate 3 weeks of my life.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!! THE SIMS IS THE MOST OVERRAT- ahh... alirght, then. While some people may actually enjoy The Sims, I found it getting old quickly. Dunno, IMO it's the most repetitious game I've ever played, where I have to keep doing mundane, boring things over and over again just to keep my Sim happy, while the only thing brings new experience to the game is nothing more than, uh, guess what; Expansion Pack...

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-12-21 10:30am

I guess you havn't looked at Sims 2, I myself found sims 1 boring, Sims2 is nice.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-21 11:01am

Ace Pace wrote:I guess you havn't looked at Sims 2, I myself found sims 1 boring, Sims2 is nice.

NOBODY GONNA MAKES ME PLAYING THE SIMS ARE YOU IN- Well, anyway, I'd probably give it some chance... If I'm not preocuppied with European Air War, I guess. Need to read some reviews first.

Anyway, speaking of review, this is another GR review on Spice World. Short, but IMO quite hilarious.

Sharpshooter · Post by **Sharpshooter** » 2004-12-21 04:47pm

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:Big Rigs still holds the record, because there is no game. I mean there's no actual gameplay. The oppenent doesn't move so you win no matter what (and there's a glitch so its sometimes as soon as the race starts you get the "YOU'RE WINNER" message). And of course collision detection is 0 (not even bridges work).

True, but considering you can actually play the "game", that you have some control over what happens, and that it isn't a damn franchising rip-off making money by name alone, I'm more tempted to think that Survivor takes the cake when it comes to bad games.

And if someone ever decided to tinker around and do a patch to fix the collision detection, you could milk the limitless acceleration for a few chuckles by seeing how far you could punt the other truck after getting to mach ten.

"PUNT!"
*CRASH*
*Distant Thud*
"The landing zone is beyond the mountain: two points!"

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2004-12-26 07:51am

Sharpshooter wrote:
Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:Big Rigs still holds the record, because there is no game. I mean there's no actual gameplay. The oppenent doesn't move so you win no matter what (and there's a glitch so its sometimes as soon as the race starts you get the "YOU'RE WINNER" message). And of course collision detection is 0 (not even bridges work).
True, but considering you can actually play the "game", that you have some control over what happens, and that it isn't a damn franchising rip-off making money by name alone, I'm more tempted to think that Survivor takes the cake when it comes to bad games.

And if someone ever decided to tinker around and do a patch to fix the collision detection, you could milk the limitless acceleration for a few chuckles by seeing how far you could punt the other truck after getting to mach ten.

"PUNT!"
*CRASH*
*Distant Thud*
"The landing zone is beyond the mountain: two points!"

Guys, try playing Spiceworld (not that I've already tried the abomination myself....)

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2004-12-26 03:48pm

Track down a review of Gods and Generals by Gamespot. It actually rivals Survivor as being the worst game of all time.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-12-27 01:05am

irishmick79 wrote:Track down a review of Gods and Generals by Gamespot. It actually rivals Survivor as being the worst game of all time.

NOTHING beats that truck game.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-12-27 12:17pm

irishmick79 wrote:Track down a review of Gods and Generals by Gamespot. It actually rivals Survivor as being the worst game of all time.

But it's not one of those games that have gotten reputation for being bad to the point where people, as a joke, give the game good reviews, like Big Rigs, or some really bad NES games.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2004-12-27 01:21pm

wow, that truck game isn´t even a game. i want it.

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2004-12-27 05:37pm

salm wrote:wow, that truck game isn´t even a game. i want it.

Would you by any chance happen to have a collection of medieval torture devices in your basement?