ROFLMAO- Christiananswers.net

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-11-10 11:57am

This is the stuff that passes for answers in their wacky world:

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-c013.html

READ THIS CRAP!

How could Noah's family take care of all those animals?

"Once aboard, many have suggested that Noah's problems really began, with only 8 people to feed and water, to provide fresh air and sanitation for the huge menagerie of animals for a total of 371 days. However, a number of scientists have suggested that the animals may have gone into a type of dormancy. It has been said that in nearly all groups of animals there is at least an indication of a latent ability to hibernate or aestivate. Perhaps these abilities were supernaturally intensified during this period. With their bodily functions reduced to a minimum, the burden of their care would have been greatly lightened."

"Another enormous problem some have posed is the problem of gathering specimens of each kind of air-breathing land animal and bringing them aboard the Ark. However, the Genesis account indicates that God gathered the animals and brought them to Noah inside the ark two by two. Some have suggested this may have involved the origin of animal migratory instincts or, at least, an intensification of it. We also know that most animals possess the ability to sense danger and to move to a place of safety."

WHAT DA FUCK ....

"In addition, some of the mammals are aquatic. For example, the whales, seals and porpoises. The amphibians need not all have been included, nor all the reptiles, such as sea turtles, and alligators. Moreover, a large number of the arthropods numbering 838,000 species, such as lobsters, shrimp, crabs and water fleas and barnacles are marine creatures. And the insect species among arthropoda are usually very small. Also, many of the 35,000 species of worms as well as many of the insects could have survived outside the Ark."

Follow the fascinating links for more AMAZING fundie bullshit ...

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2002-11-10 12:06pm

Everytime I feel that there's hope for humanity someone here shows us something like this.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-11-10 04:07pm

So thye try and create evidence to fit thier beliefs...Invasion

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-11-10 04:09pm

Fuck, No forums to invade!

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-11-10 04:37pm

THE HORROR!

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-11-10 04:52pm

It is evident, when all the facts are examined that there is no scientific evidence that the biblical account of Noah's ark is a myth or fable.

ChRistian Answers Webmaster/Html Programmer(C R A P): How fares the website?

Minion: Perfect, my lord. Reports show that we have subjugated 13.7% of Reality. The Facts have been driven back, Logic is retreating in Sectors Four, Six, and Eight, Truth is resisting stubbornly, but we can flank it by the end of the month.

CRAP: Excellant. Prepare Fundie Attack Groups thirty through eight hundred thousand and sixty nine yottillion to begin a full frontal assault on Reason. We must overrun Science. I will not tolerate failure.

Minion: Yes, master....but reports show that the number of atheists is slowly increasing. Resistance to our campaign is mounted.

CRAP: No problem. Declare them enemies of God. Our hordes sir -

Minion: My lord...intelligence ops indicate comparatively large numbers of Christians are supporting them. They apparently claim to hold dear such concepts of 'Evolution' and 'Tolerence'.

CRAP: Damn them! Divert Fundie Attack Groups fifty five through eighty nine trillian. Bring in Bigotry Divisons eight through thirty-five thousand to support.

Minion: Yessir...uh...you want those groups back? Mostly alive?

CRAP: Mostly alive would be nice.

Minion: Would multiple pieces work?

CRAP: Do you need an objective lesson about the difference between 'mostly alive' and 'mostly dead'?

Minion: Er...sir, we're tracing multiple EVO nukes in sectors Thirty through Ninety-two. Our forces have been cratered.

-BLAM-

CRAP: This is 'mostly alive'.

Minion: Aaagh! Sir-

-BLAM BLAM-

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-11-10 06:27pm

A robed figure runs down the coridor of the chapel. apon reaching the door to the main altar room he opens it and sees an armored figure kneeling in prayer before a burning pile of classic literature.

AIIF Logic Mage: I thought i would find you here

CRAP: Ahh if it isnt AIIF here to challenge my bigotry again.

AIIF Logic Mage: You will find that I am better prepared for this conflict than the last time we met.

CRAP: We shall see.

he raises his mace and charges the robed figure, who ducks out of the way. Logic Mage then leaps back. Water held 10 miles under the ground would come out as super-heated steam, that would have poached noah and boats cant float on steam. torak ninvar jarlin and 3 bals of pure logic and knowledge errupt from his fingertips. To no avail, they strike against CRAPs' wall of ignorance

CRAP: The Book of genisis states that there was afountain of the deepbutral jectar hoorooka
A ray of stupidity rebounds off of AIIFs' fallacy shields

AIIF Logic Mage: Nice appeal to authority. I also notice that you invent evidence to9 support a conclusion you reached before hand. Virinarem botran likgndar

A ray of insight pierces the wall of ignorance and brings them down.

CRAP: We shall meet again*disappears*

AIIF Logic Mage: WHy do they have to be so evasive?

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-10 07:02pm

My God, those people are idiots. Perhaps we should ask thiem things until no amount of pseudoscience and mentions of God will allow them to make an answer.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-11-10 07:26pm

If the whole world was flooded, would not all fresh water fish die?

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-11-10 07:39pm

It was a fresh water flood...and, um, the salty water mixed...and...shut up! SHUT UP!

BTW, did you see the part where they proved that the T-Rex a herbivore? How sad art thee...

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2002-11-11 12:23am

Cyril wrote:It was a fresh water flood...and, um, the salty water mixed...and...shut up! SHUT UP!

BTW, did you see the part where they proved that the T-Rex a herbivore? How sad art thee...

LOL!!!

Let's put the fun in fundie...

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-11-11 12:39am

I particularly liked the picture of Noah feeding a goat.

Now multiply that by several thousand times ... that's one BUSY old dude.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2002-11-11 12:42am

Oh ...I don't have words...these people are for real?

Post by **Coyote** » 2002-11-11 12:56am

Between Adam & Eve and the leftover remnants of humanity repopulating from Noah's Ark, there is a repetitive pattern of desire on the part of Fundies to hearken back to the good ol' days when inbreeding was the only way to go at it.

Meaningful?

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-11-11 12:59am

Coyote wrote: Meaningful?

Isn't it obvious?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2002-11-11 01:02am

even inbreeding has it's limits...I've seen my cats have greater leaps of intellect than these people are demonstrating.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2002-11-11 01:20am

That is some of the worst I've seen, and looking for this kind of crap is a hobby of mine.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2002-11-11 01:03pm

You know, after reading that, I can actually feel my brain melting and pouring out my ears and down my neck.

I've seen the mentally handicapped make more intelligent explanations than that shit. And that is just mind boggling...

What I would like to know is, how Noah managed to keep the none passive animals, say like lions, passive in this ark. Or how he kept them all from stampeding at him when he went to feed one. And where exactly did he store the propper food sources for so many species? Buried up his rectum, with his own head?

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-11 01:57pm

I find it hard to believe there are still s that belive in the global flood. They try so hard to explain it wilthout resorting to pseudoscience and appels to God, but there's always some gaping flaw in their theory they can't or won't explain.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-11-11 03:35pm

What I would like to know is, how Noah managed to keep the none passive animals, say like lions, passive in this ark. Or how he kept them all from stampeding at him when he went to feed one. And where exactly did he store the propper food sources for so many species? Buried up his rectum, with his own head?

According to them, back then, all animals, including dinos, ate plants.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2002-11-11 07:08pm

And upon hearing that for some reason the old Far Side Cartoon of the Two bears going "Look at these claws, these teeth...and we're supposed to eat nuts and berries?"

I mean honestly...I think it's a bunch of people just once again denying that the real world is far crueler and colder than what their parents said it would be...most were probably breast fed until 20.

Post by **Zaia** » 2002-11-11 11:33pm

Ghost Rider wrote:And upon hearing that for some reason the old Far Side Cartoon of the Two bears going "Look at these claws, these teeth...and we're supposed to eat nuts and berries?"

Firstly, LOL to that *points up to quote*

Secondly, the fundie geniuses made some EXCELLENT regarding the size of the arc... Be prepared to be blinded by their brilliance!

Most Hebrew scholars believe the cubit to have been no less than 18 inches long [45.72 centimeters]. This means that the ark would have been at least 450 feet long [137.16 meters], 75 feet wide [22.86 meters] and 45 feet high [13.716000000000001 meters].

Ok, background 'info' on the arc....

Noah's Ark was said to have been the largest sea-going vessel ever built until the late nineteenth century when giant metal ships were first constructed. Its length to width ratio of six to one provided excellent stability on the high seas. In fact, modern shipbuilders say it would have been almost impossible to turn over. In every way, it was admirably suited for riding out the tremendous storms in the year of the flood.

Wow, incredible that Noah figured all that out millenia before the rest of us dolts, and that it took the rest of mankind until the 1800's to figure out what Noah figured out in a few days/weeks/however much notice God gave him with that whole flood thing. Shame he didn't think to leave his blueprints for others to use after him, you know? Thoughtless pig.

Ok, now we're getting to my favourite part!

These dimensions are especially interesting when compared to those given in the mythical, Babylonian account of the Ark. Here the ark is described as a perfect cube, extending 120 cubits in all directions and with nine decks. Such a vessel would spin slowly round and round in the water and from the standpoint of stability, would be a disaster.

"Mythical?!" HAHaha ha ha HA AH A aha ha ah aha ahha HAHAHEHHAHAHAHA AH aha a ha AH. HA.

Ow, my sides hurt now. Too much laughing.