GNOME HUNTER II: REBELLION

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2005-01-13 11:36am

GH2 REBELLION: The World As We Gnome It

They struck without warning, waging a terrible war across the United States...

Darth Garden Gnome: NOW IS THE TIME FOR OUR ASCENSION! NO LONGER WILL THE HUMANS LOOK DOWN ON US, DESPITE THEIR TERRIBLE HEIGHT!

defeated time and time again, they never surrendered...

Rogue Ice: My Lord, the HAB and GALE forces are in full retreat, we've overwhelmed all opposition and are moving towards civilian population centers.

ultimately they were victorious...

Mitth: Corn Dogs are absolutely delicious! I also enjoy long walks on the beach, and quilting.

but victory isn't forever!

Gnomish Redshirt Soldier: Reinforcements! We need reinforcements! We're under attack from .......

IB-2005, Sublime British Android!
"You killed me once, and even that didn't kill me!"

Mark Sheppard, Loveable Pyrophiliac!
"If its flammable, its a target."

Duchess, Sadistic as she is Sweet!
"You killed by sweet buttery bovine and now you will all die!"

Jeopardy Banger Ken Jennings!
"What is an ass kicking?"

Zaia!
"I don't care what the stereotype is, I look fucking HOT in combat gear, what do you think handsome?"

FANBOY!
"Like a star baby like a star. Now lets butcher some lawn ornaments!"

GNOME HUNTER II!

The story:

Thanks to the insidiousness of Darth Garden Gnome and misfsortunate temporal activity caused by their mission, the Gnomes have defeated the combined forces of the Board. With their overwhelming numbers of disposable soldiers they managed to conquer most of the entire world. Thanks in part to the human collaborator Robert Walper, who has begun fitting legions of Redshirt Soldiers with cybernetic implants. Even worse, the Black Mages have been turned after falling in a horrible battle between each other, twisted by Gnomish magic and Walperian science, the three black mages now serve as agents of evil. The Diminuative Dominate of Gnomamia now encompasses most of the world. Billions have died, their ankles crushed.

The HAB have managed to fortify the entire island continent of Australia, turning the entire Outback into the largest fortress in history. Australia remains the last holdout for humans, so long as they work in the vast military complexes and production facilities of the Great Leader. Various undergrounds work tirelessly across the globe trying desperately to seek an advantage in the war effort.

Hope has returned as Fanboy and Zaia emerge from the other dimension, where they failed in their mission to find the ultimate weapon. The tactics have now changed, there will be no saviors or pivotal weapons, all there is left to do is to fit the gnomes for bodybags, 12 or 13 per. If theres one thing the rebels have going for them, its that they will have no shortage of targets.

In this dark new world, the Gnomes are the Hunters.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2005-01-13 11:37am

http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic. ... &start=250

The Original.

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-01-13 11:39am

Ahahahahah...oh no...there's more....

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2005-01-13 11:53am

huzzah! Death to Gnomes!

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-01-13 11:59am

But can you top the butter cow from the first one?

Agent Fisher · Post by **Agent Fisher** » 2005-01-14 10:17am

I cant remember, did I die in the last one?

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-01-14 01:21pm

Agent Fisher wrote:I cant remember, did I die in the last one?

Yes. You died horriblely at the hands of Hit-man and Shep.

Trekdestroyer · Post by **Trekdestroyer** » 2005-01-14 07:18pm

*Kicks over lawn ornament while whistling innocently*
"Looks like the war is over! You may all go back to your homes! We are now mopping up the resistance as we speak"
in other words...OWN3D R374RD!
Just Kidding...the fic is awesome!

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2005-01-14 07:23pm

I fight for the gnomes now? Meh, I'm still blowing stuff up, so it's all good. I await the story eagerly Fanboy, good to have you back.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2005-01-15 05:43am

Dammit, I think I died last time controlling a 10 million strong gnome army.

Agent Fisher · Post by **Agent Fisher** » 2005-01-15 06:20pm

Singular Quartet wrote:
Agent Fisher wrote:I cant remember, did I die in the last one?
Yes. You died horriblely at the hands of Hit-man and Shep.

Damn.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2005-01-15 11:58pm

Apparently I'm still kicking around, even though I really pay no attention to this story whatsoever.

Still, we're victorious! I wonder if Fanboy will go the T3 route with this story and have the Gnomes conquer all?

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-01-16 02:23am

Ace Pace wrote:Dammit, I think I died last time controlling a 10 million strong gnome army.

No, you got run over by a truck in Roswell.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2005-01-16 09:52am

GNOME HUNTER II THEME MUSIC PLAYS
("The Brighest Bulb has burnt Out" by Less than Jake)

EPISODE ONE: THE HUNT RESUMES

Location: Wellington, Gnew Zealand

The uneasy peace between the HAB Island fortress of Australia, renamed Passechendale City, and the Gnomish Empire was at a deadlock. The HAB had the superior weapons, and the technology, but the overwhelming Gnome Gnumbers were too great to wage an offensive war. As a result the Gnomes created a Free Zone surrounding Australia in the South Pacific, this didn't stop them however from setting up bases surrounding the Island Fortress. The listening outpost in Wellington was of great nuisance to the HAB, at least it used to be.

(Aerial shot of Gnome military complex, all is peaceful until several large explosions rock the area, gouts of flame tower from fuel depots and garages.)

Gnomish Redshirt Soldier #895785664: We're under attack! All Gnomes to battle stations and for Gnomes' sake somebody activate Cy....AGHHH!

GRS #328792890752: Aye sir! Wait, im being disintegrated, AAGAAHAHHHHH!

The two gnomes exploded as a pair of mind-bullets tore through where they stood.

Fanboy: Hhhhhhheeeeeeeeee's baaaaaaack!!!!!!!

Zaia: Give it a rest, were here for wholesale slaughter not for cheesy one liners!

Zaia and Fanboy started running room to room, butchering every Gnome they came across with great speed using their bare hands, they were looking for anything specific related to the Walperian Cybernetic technology being used, and for anything regarding the disappearance of the black mages. The bulk of the destruction of the base was being done by IB-2000 and Shep, who were wreaking combined havoc. IB-2000, a product of twisted Gnome Science created from her earthly remains had rebelled against her creator and found her way back to the Sisterhood, although they lost the last great War with the gnomes she still fought valiantly as part of the Human underground. Shep meanwhile, was making continous passes over the base in his person B-36, which continually rained death upon the Gnomish base. After exhausting its complement of heavy explosives, he handed control of the ship over to Ken Jennings, who would fly it home to Tasmania. Shep then parachuted from the air and landed right int he iddle of the fight, a HAB-standard issue assault rifle tucked under each arm, for every round he would fire, a gnome would fall to the ground.

Shep: (over the radio) Fanboy, Zaia, this is Shep, IB nd I are fucking pinned down near the Radar station, did you find what you're fucking lookin for yet?

Zaia: Shep we haven't found shit but we're on the way to help you out, just hang tight.

Shep: Thats what SHE said, HAHA!

Fanboy: Hahaha, that was pretty good.

Zaia: Shut up. Let's get out of here and, uh oh...

Hovering in the air was a robed figure, almost normal human height but wearing the insignia of the Gnomish Empire. Although his pointy hat and expressionless face was decidedly un-gnomish.

Zaia: Cyran????!!!!???

Cyran: (under cybernetic control) We are the Gnomes, Resistance is unappreciated, give up now or we'll do this the hard way....

Fanboy: Damnit, I didn't expect this. You fucking sell out!

Zaia: No, look at him! Its hard to tell but look!

(The fifty kilo backpack of cybernetic equipment as firmly attached to Cyrans spinal cord and skull.)

Fanboy: (Over the Radio) IB, Shep this is Fanboy, Zaia and I found what we're looking for.

IB-2000: (drawn out string of cursing and profanity)

Shep: I think what she means is, HURRY THE FUCK UP YOU....

Fanboy: (messing with the dials on the radio) Oh god you're breaking up!!!!!

Cyran: Enough of this, if its battle you want, it is battle you will have.

Zaia: Cyran you putz! Fight it! Fight it! Remember us? We're your friends!

Cyran: The gnomes are my friends now....

Fanboy: I have pudding cups!

Cyran: (resisting his programming slightly) Pudding...pudding is for the weak.

Fanboy: I have pornography!

Cyran: (straining to maintain control) Those women are...too tall for a Gnome Soldier like myself.

Zaia: Were all of you turned into gnomes?

Cyran: Kuja, Nitram, and I have been...enlightened. I will destroy you now!

Fanboy: No more games bitch! (readies a mind bullet)

Zaia: Wait I got it! Cyran, come back to us! If you do we will help you kill Kuja!

Cyran: Kill.....Kuja?

Zaia: Kuja fights for the gnomes! That means you have to kill gnomes too!

Cyran: I must.....serve the.....I must.....(cybernetic backpack sparks) I MUST KILL KUJAAAaaaaaHHHHH!

Cyran began tumbling out of the sky as the now burning backpack lights his robes on fire. Zaia and fanboy put the fire out and carry the semi conscious black mage out of the complex. Fanboy pulls his radio out of his pocket.

Fanboy: This is Insertion team to Pull Out Team, We need an extraction ASAP!

DoZ: Hovercraft will be landing on the beach south of your position in ten minutes. I have to ask, did you find her?

Fanboy: Sorry, no trace of her anywhere, but we found Cyran and some of the gnome cybertech.

DoZ: (supressing some sobs) All right then, get to the landing as soon as you can.

Zaia: She's still upset over the Butter Cow isn't she.

Fanboy: I don't blame her, we've all lost something in this war.

Zaia began sprinting ahead of Fanboy, using her rage-induced power from the Ultima weapon consume her body in fire she plowed through the Gnome batallion that had Shep and IB-2k pinned down.

Fanboy: Damn she's HOT! (rimshot.)

The commandos hijacked a pair of Power Wheels the gnomes used for jeeps and made a break for the South Beach. After they had made considerable distance, Shep pulled a detonator out of his pocket and smiled.

Shep: Lets see if the Gnomes love the presents I left for them!

Shep pressed the button and a very large ominous cloud sprang up from the base, As soon as everyone saw what had happened, Fanboy began scouring his gear for Iodine pills. Zaia slapped Shep, who was still giddy about getting to use some of the special ordinance he had been stockpiling for just such an occasion. IB-2000,completely robotic except for her ravishing biosynthetic outer shell, did not care as she no longer had organs that could be affected by the fallout. Then there was Cyran, whop was still unconscious sitting in the back of one of the tiny gnome jeeps.

Duchess' hovercraft picked them up at the rendezvous point without incident. And the team left for the Human base in Tasmania, where they would being to unravel the mysteries surrounding Cyran's capture.

End credits play, End music "Screws fall out by Less than Jake"

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2005-01-16 11:08am

That was great man. "I have pudding cups!" "Pudding...err, pudding... for the weak..."

And I got this great image of 4 people trying to fit into power wheels and driving down the road being chased by gnomes being fired at like those action movies. So funny.

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-01-16 11:16am

Hehehehehe.

Thumbs up to 'Less Than Jake,' too. Niiiice.

Trekdestroyer · Post by **Trekdestroyer** » 2005-01-17 03:30pm

This may prove interesting if the fic does not end here. I hope the next chapter comes soon. If it doesn't, I might do somthing drastic!

*shoots Zaia*

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2005-01-17 04:39pm

Nice story so far. However I should note that HAB Assault Kinetic Rifled Mention Dispensers offer considerably greater base kill efficiency then one shot per kill, espically against targets so thin as Gnomes.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2005-01-17 05:17pm

Trekdestroyer wrote:This may prove interesting if the fic does not end here. I hope the next chapter comes soon. If it doesn't, I might do somthing drastic!

*shoots Zaia*

Watch it now...or i'll make you an honourary gnome

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2005-01-17 05:18pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:Nice story so far. However I should note that HAB Assault Kinetic Rifled Mention Dispensers offer considerably greater base kill efficiency then one shot per kill, espically against targets so thin as Gnomes.

In order to make the combat not completely one sided, I had to scale back the tech a bit. Otherwise there would be gnonthing but gnome caracasses.

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-01-17 05:36pm

Um, not shooting of t3h me, por favor. Thanksss.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2005-01-18 07:52am

so am I in this one?

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2005-01-18 10:26am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:so am I in this one?

This is a post-apocalyptic gnome ruled planet. Plenty of strange shit is out there where stuff used to be now. It all depends on which of your incarnations.

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-01-18 03:35pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:
The Yosemite Bear wrote:so am I in this one?
This is a post-apocalyptic gnome ruled planet. Plenty of strange shit is out there where stuff used to be now. It all depends on which of your incarnations.

Actually (having read through the original Gnome Hunter) he was in this one. He was a giant bear fighting against the Gnomes at New York.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2005-01-18 04:10pm

new york how the fuck did I get from the misty mountains of Cali all the freaking way to there?