The Jury Pool From Hell

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2005-01-18 10:45pm

Linka

Strange News - AP
AP
D.A. Confronts 'Jury Pool From Hell'

Tue Jan 18, 6:40 PM ET

Add to My Yahoo! Strange News - AP

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - Defense attorney Leslie Ballin called it the "jury pool from hell." The group of prospective jurors was summoned to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence. Right after jury selection began last week, one man got up and left, announcing, "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite."

When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed.

Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

Another prospect volunteered he probably should not be on the jury: "In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin (as your lawyer), you're probably guilty." He was not chosen.

The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother's girlfriend in the face with a brick. Ballin's client was found not guilty.

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2005-01-18 10:58pm

That sounds about right for a bunch of jurors from a trailer park....

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2005-01-18 11:09pm

Do do do do do do do do do.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2005-01-18 11:54pm

"In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin (as your lawyer), you're probably guilty."

That's just damned funny. I wonder if he actually meant it or just said it as an excuse to get out of jury duty.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2005-01-19 12:10am

When the meteors fall, may they fall on trailer parks and such. Vaporise them. Burn them all.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2005-01-19 12:11am

SyntaxVorlon wrote:When the meteors fall, may they fall on trailer parks and such. Vaporise them. Burn them all.

Sorry that didn't make much sense, I'm to tired to concoct coherent thoughts. That and I've been looking at impact craters all day.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2005-01-19 12:21am

SyntaxVorlon wrote:
SyntaxVorlon wrote:When the meteors fall, may they fall on trailer parks and such. Vaporise them. Burn them all.
Sorry that didn't make much sense, I'm to tired to concoct coherent thoughts. That and I've been looking at impact craters all day.

I will save you from your own tiredness with utterly tasteless comments.

There's no need for meteors. Tornadoes already do the job quite nicely!

*flees*

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2005-01-19 12:33am

Professional Juries are bad, ok?

Christ that was damn funny. "I'm on morphine and higher than a kite!"

Post by **Gandalf** » 2005-01-19 12:38am

Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

I'm surprised that there wasn't: "I'm sorry but I'm busy tonight, my sister and mum are scheduled for a threesome."

Chmee · Post by **Chmee** » 2005-01-19 12:40am

Well .... they were looking for a jury of the defendant's PEERS, right? Sounds fine to me.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2005-01-19 12:57am

Comedy gold!!

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2005-01-19 01:25am

......... ooooooooooooookay, I'm gonna drive AROUND that state instead of through it if I ever go on a cross-country trip near that area.

Dennis Toy · Post by **Dennis Toy** » 2005-01-19 02:05am

good a new test target for my new satellite based laser system.

egyptfrk · Post by **egyptfrk** » 2005-01-19 03:08am

MKSheppard wrote: "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite."

Weeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed.

And they released him why?

Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

...you might be a redneck if your friend says 'you're lying through your tooth'...

and what scares me the most about this jury pool is that they are likely registered voters (since most states pull their jury pools from the voter rosters) this kinda explains a few things...

Medic · Post by **Medic** » 2005-01-19 06:46am

I know there's a little bit of truth in every stereotype but come on... I almost feel sorry for these people. They're the real deal.

Medic · Post by **Medic** » 2005-01-19 06:56am

Mrs. CmdrWilkens wrote:...you might be a redneck if your friend says 'you're lying through your tooth'...

Mayabird wrote:There's no need for meteors. Tornadoes already do the job quite nicely!

*flees*

ROTF! I'm gonna cry.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2005-01-19 11:45am

Gandalf wrote:
Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

I'm surprised that there wasn't: "I'm sorry but I'm busy tonight, my sister and mum are scheduled for a threesome."

If someone like that said they were going to have sex with their mother and sister, wouldn't it only be 2-way sex?

And, I believe I've said this before: Do people like that have any purpose on this planet besides giving Jeff Foxworthy material?

Post by **fgalkin** » 2005-01-20 02:43am

And that is why God created hurricanes.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

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The Jury Pool From Hell

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