Twixters: twenty-somethings who just won't grow up

[Andrew J.]

Money is important, but at this stage of life before married life and after college, some things are more important (to some of us) than just having oodles of cash. Will that change as we get older, settle down and start families? Sure it will. But for now, if people are meeting ends by doing things they love, what's the harm?

It inspires bitter, bitter envy in normal people, ie: people that do unpleasant tasks in exchange for money.

[Rogue 9]

Money is important, but at this stage of life before married life and after college, some things are more important (to some of us) than just having oodles of cash. Will that change as we get older, settle down and start families? Sure it will. But for now, if people are meeting ends by doing things they love, what's the harm?

It inspires bitter, bitter envy in normal people, ie: people that do unpleasant tasks in exchange for money.

To be clear: Despite being a fine arts major, my financial situation is among the best among my own circle of friends. This is primarily the result of me not wasting my money on a car that I don't need, but the fact remains that I have a couple grand in savings and have not yet gone into debt to pay for college even though I'm well into my second year, and I look to be able to go at least three before considering a loan. I have no dependents, no spouse or fiancee, not even a steady girlfriend. And Mike, I hardly live like Seinfeld.

And it's not impossible to adapt. My parents didn't marry until midway through their thirties and didn't have children until a few years later; Dad was nearly 40 when I was born. Until he married Mom, he lived in a flat in New Albany working as a freelance musician. He did lead what he describes as a rather Bohemian lifestyle, yet he settled right straight down and lived at home with his children after I came along. We couldn't ask to have a parent more involved with our lives when we were younger, and he was the wild one before marriage; you'd think if either of them would have that sort of problem it'd be him.

[Zaia]

The harm is that it's worse for their kids when they finally do decide to have them. They've become so set in their Seinfeld-esque ways that they have a very hard time adjusting to parenthood, which is why so many older parents run right back to work as soon as they're able to. They literally can't handle being parents. Not to mention the other problems with being an older parent, like a larger generation gap, the fact that your own retirement is closer to the time when you need to lay out cash for your kids to go to college, etc.

I personally don't think that making the most out of life by balancing your responsibilities with fulfulling your dreams is a bad trait for parents to teach their kids. Should I ever become a parent, I am going to emphasize the importance of loving one's chosen vocation in life, just as I am going to emphasize the importance of being financially responsible. I believe my life will inspire and encourage my (possible) future kids, not 'harm' them.

I've been doing some research on saving because I know I can do more with my money by cutting back on the spending of mine that I deem frivulous. Am I doing that with the intent of being a stay-at-home mom one day, or because I think fifteen years from now my kid will need glasses or break a leg or get really sick? Not really. Might that be what I use that money for? Maybe, but I don't feel the need to say that the money I'm putting aside is for one thing or another. Since I'm barely dating right now, let alone in a serious relationship, about to get married or have kids, I don't feel like my savings account belongs to anyone but me. I also don't feel like I deserve to be titled 'Seinfeld-esque' or self-absorbed because of it.

In my eyes, if at the end of the month I can pay my bills, add to my savings account, and live the way I want while feeling emotionally rewarded by my job, I'm going to continue to do that until I go through a life-changing event like getting married or having a kid, at which point my priorities will change. But just because I may not get married until five or ten years after you did does not mean I'll be a worse parent than you are, Mike. Some people are naturally better with kids than others, and I assure you that I am fantastic with children.

Incidentally, my parents didn't pay a dime toward my college education.

[Darth Wong]

But just because I may not get married until five or ten years after you did does not mean I'll be a worse parent than you are, Mike.

Of course. You are confusing a categorical comparison with an individual one. Categorically speaking, older parents as a group are more likely to go back to work and more likely to have children with congenital defects such as Down's Syndrome.

Some people are naturally better with kids than others, and I assure you that I am fantastic with children.

Assuredly so. But that benefit would be curtailed from the child's perspective if you rush right back to work, and people who have accumulated a certain standard of living in their 30s which is dependent upon a two-income scenario often have serious trouble adjusting to a single-income scenario.

Incidentally, my parents didn't pay a dime toward my college education.

You worked your own way through? That's very impressive, Zaia.

[Illuminatus Primus]

This is why I am going to be a Chemistry/Biology double-major next year.

[PainRack]

Alternatively, has anyone asked what if these twixters can't grow up?

I'm sure everybody will like to have their dream career, a loving relationship on the side as well as a nice home, but then again, is it that easy anymore?

With all this midlife crisis, quarterlife crisis, twixters, teenage angst and indecision in general, one wonders whether our life is really too complicated nowadays.

[jegs2]

I was out of the house in '88 as an 18-year-old. My dad said something to the effect of, "When you turn 18 and graduate, you're out of here. Join the military or go get a job. Either way, money for rent and utilities are due the day after you graduate."

I left and never went back (except to visit).

[RedImperator]

When I decided to go into teaching, I made a conscious decision to sacrifice great money at a job I'd hate (law or business) for decent money at a job I'd enjoy--and not incidentally, be good at. What's been frustrating me for the last two years are the bureaucratic obstacles between getting a history degree and getting a teaching certificate.

My case: I had to put off graduate school for a full year because at Villanova, I never took sociology, anthropology, or geography, which the state of New Jersey requires for a certificate to teach social studies. Never mind I aced the PRAXIS II exam, which tests competency in all the social sciences (200 out of 200). Never mind I knew the subjects well enough from my studies at 'Nova (how are you expected to succede in international relations courses without knowing geography?)--which I proved by sleepwalking through them and scoring a 4.0 anyway when I did take them. The state looked at my transcript and said "You didn't have these three classes, so you're not qualified to be certified", and Rowan University (my grad school) said "You're not qualified to be certified, so we're not admitting you to the program."

That left me an involuntary twixter, stuck living with my parents, bouncing between temp jobs, and unlike some twixters, not enjoying a single minute of it. Yes, it's been nice to have a little extra money to take road trips from time to time. But when you come back from those road trips and wind up sleeping in the house you spent years dreaming about leaving, you don't appreciate it. It's frustrating and embarassing and, to my mind, shameful. I don't care if there are other people in my situation, and I especially don't care if there are other people in my situation who enjoy it. As far as I'm concerned, it's a mark of failure.

[Darth Wong]

That left me an involuntary twixter, stuck living with my parents, bouncing between temp jobs, and unlike some twixters, not enjoying a single minute of it. Yes, it's been nice to have a little extra money to take road trips from time to time. But when you come back from those road trips and wind up sleeping in the house you spent years dreaming about leaving, you don't appreciate it. It's frustrating and embarassing and, to my mind, shameful. I don't care if there are other people in my situation, and I especially don't care if there are other people in my situation who enjoy it. As far as I'm concerned, it's a mark of failure.

Don't get too down in the dumps, Red. From the sounds of it, you just got screwed over by some inflexible rules.

[BlkbrryTheGreat]

You could always look for States that have less buearacratic "hoops" to jump through- unless you have a particularly strong reason to stay in New Jersey.

[RedImperator]

You could always look for States that have less buearacratic "hoops" to jump through- unless you have a particularly strong reason to stay in New Jersey.

I kept that as a backup option. If I didn't get into grad school this year, my next step would have been to look south--specifically, North Carolina, Florida, and Arizona. All three states are desparately short on teachers in all subjects and have what are known as "provisional teacher" programs--basically, if you have a bachelor's degree in your subject area, you get a few months of on-the-job training and some night classes, and then you're a full-time teacher with state certification. New Jersey has the same program, and I initually looked into it, but the problem is, for social studies teachers, it's not worth it for schools in this state to go the provisional route, because there's already a lot on the market (a provisional teacher is more expensive than a full teacher because the school is responsible for providing training a full teacher would already have).

I do not, however, have any great desire to leave the Northeast. Leaving Jersey isn't too terrible a prospect, but the same bureaucratic obstacles exist in Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Connecticut, and New York (don't get me started on New York) and the job market for teachers is about the same. A social studies teacher could go the provisional route here only if he is willing to accept a position in the very worst school districts, and I was not quite so desparate to get out that I was willing to take a shiv for it.

There's also the fact that unless I entered a provisional program, I'd still have to get teacher training, and staying in Jersey meant paying in-state rates. It's not simply a matter of not being able to find a job, it was the fact that I couldn't even start TRAINING so I'd be qualified to look for a job. Once I'm certified here, there are 38 states whose teaching requirements are reciprocal with Jersey's, meaning all I'd need to take is a certification exam. I'm willing to go to Bumblefuck, North Dakota if there's work there once I'm certified, but I wasn't going to move unless I had a job already lined up. If I hadn't been accepted to Rowan University's grad program in December, I'd be doing my paperwork for Florida's provisional program right now, but it didn't come to that.

[Zaia]

Of course. You are confusing a categorical comparison with an individual one. Categorically speaking, older parents as a group are more likely to go back to work and more likely to have children with congenital defects such as Down's Syndrome.

That's true about the higher risk of defects for children of older parents. Again, from a personal perspective, I can't help but think that if a couple married and settled down late enough for possible birth defects to be a major concern, those couples would be adopt as I've thought about doing myself. Then again, my experience is that there are way more stupid people in the world than I care to remember, so maybe you're right in your assessments of that Seinfeld-esque attitude that you've attached to my demographic. I hope not, but maybe you are.

Assuredly so. But that benefit would be curtailed from the child's perspective if you rush right back to work, and people who have accumulated a certain standard of living in their 30s which is dependent upon a two-income scenario often have serious trouble adjusting to a single-income scenario.

Maybe I just was brought up better than most other people in my age bracket. My parents both worked before I was born, and then my mom stayed home with my brothers and me until I was almost in college (I'm the eldest). We had leftovers more nights than we had fresh meals, never went out to eat, and my mom baked her own bread to save money. Having this sort of background myself, I would have no problem either staying at home with my kids or working full-time so my husband could stay at home with them. I know that I like the sort of person I became, and I definitely credit some of that to my mom because she stayed home with me, and I'll definitely pass that on to my kids (should I have any).

You worked your own way through? That's very impressive, Zaia.

Well, I'm still working my way through actually, and will be for a while yet (especially since I spent a semester abroad--that's not cheap). It's been a pain in the ass, but I'm proud of the fact that I'm paying my own way because I'm working hard as hell to do it.

When I decided to go into teaching, I made a conscious decision to sacrifice great money at a job I'd hate (law or business) for decent money at a job I'd enjoy--and not incidentally, be good at. What's been frustrating me for the last two years are the bureaucratic obstacles between getting a history degree and getting a teaching certificate.

That's also frustrating for other teachers who know all the hoops you have to jump through. The teaching profession loses so many people who are enthusiastic and talented at teaching due to stupid shit like what you're going through.

My case: I had to put off graduate school for a full year because at Villanova, I never took sociology, anthropology, or geography, which the state of New Jersey requires for a certificate to teach social studies. Never mind I aced the PRAXIS II exam, which tests competency in all the social sciences (200 out of 200). Never mind I knew the subjects well enough from my studies at 'Nova (how are you expected to succede in international relations courses without knowing geography?)--which I proved by sleepwalking through them and scoring a 4.0 anyway when I did take them. The state looked at my transcript and said "You didn't have these three classes, so you're not qualified to be certified", and Rowan University (my grad school) said "You're not qualified to be certified, so we're not admitting you to the program."

In some fields you can substitute test results and/or experience with requisite classes like the ones you were missing, but in any field that deals with childcare, they almost never make an exception, even though you are obviously qualified based on your Praxis IIs and your transcript. For a job that doesn't pay overwhelmingly well, they've very, very, VERY particular about who they'll let do it.

That left me an involuntary twixter, stuck living with my parents, bouncing between temp jobs, and unlike some twixters, not enjoying a single minute of it. Yes, it's been nice to have a little extra money to take road trips from time to time. But when you come back from those road trips and wind up sleeping in the house you spent years dreaming about leaving, you don't appreciate it. It's frustrating and embarassing and, to my mind, shameful. I don't care if there are other people in my situation, and I especially don't care if there are other people in my situation who enjoy it. As far as I'm concerned, it's a mark of failure.

It's only temporary. Besides, a bunch of beaurocratic shit doesn't make you a failure.