Religious comfort

[Zaia]

I am not a religious person, but I respect those of you who are, and I have a question to ask you about something that has been nagging at the back of my mind. Others are welcome to comment as well, but I'm more interested in those of you who turn to religion for comfort during times of sorrow.

There is a song on a CD I recently bought that is a lament over a loved one's passing, and toward the end of the song, the vocalist sings, "And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time/Song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live."

How does that sentiment offer any comfort? God created someone so good, pure and loving that He had to take that person back to Him and subsequently away from everyone on Earth, hurting them in the process? I've heard other examples of this interpretation of loss too, about how God takes His most beloved back sooner than most, and that those left behind should take solace in the fact that the one they lost was so well loved by God, but what does that say about God Himself? Do you agree with thoughts such as these when you lose someone you love? Do they work for you, and if they do, why do they work? Is it all nestled in the belief that God knows best and that is comforting in and of itself, or is it something else?

[Petrosjko]

It does come back to faith, from what I've seen. One, that there is a design and a reason behind these things.

Secondly, and probably more importantly, to subscribe to such a belief system offers the prospect that the loss is only temporary, and that in time there will be a reunion.

Keeping that second part in mind, it makes rationalizing the first part more necessary.

After all, grief is a process of survival and enduring.

[Rye]

Personally, I always like Chef's outlook on it, when Kenny died for real.

Stan : "Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?"
Chef : "Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?"
Stan : "But then, why does God give us anything to start with?"
Chef : "Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power."
Stan : "I thnk I understand."

But yeah, I think it's comforting because they "know" that the dead are in a better place, and not suffering.

[sketerpot]

Is it all nestled in the belief that God knows best and that is comforting in and of itself, or is it something else?

I still remember when I was religious, so I think I can answer this: it's generic, God-has-a-good-reason stuff. You're not supposed to examine the specifics too clearly, and if you do you can fall back on "God works in mysterious ways" in a few seconds, and think some vague thoughts about how the reason expressed in the song isn't God's real reason. It's a very effective way of blocking off a line of thought: you simply never go there for more than a few seconds. Looking back now, it's pretty damn creepy.

Disclaimer: this sounds like I'm attributing insane behavior to religious people. However, I did this sort of thing myself once---and I know that you can be perfectly sane and rational in every other part of your thoughts. No offense is intended.

[Enforcer Talen]

I empathize - I got very good at doublethink.

the earth is at once 6,000 yrs and 6billion yrs old.

[wood]

When I was a believer, I looked at it this way:

We are all on a quest to prove our worthiness to God, so that he may let us in to heaven for being good people. Some people take a lot less time to prove their worthiness, and as a reward, they get into heaven early. A great many of my religious friends looked at it the same way.

[entfern]

I empathize - I got very good at doublethink.

the earth is at once 6,000 yrs and 6billion yrs old.

Isn't that based on the geneologies, which you have to assume are complete, to get to that number? (not to mention you don't know exactly how long everyone lived?)

But as a PK(pastor's kid) it's totally about them being in a better place, having them be a blessing for being in your life in the first place, and them having fulfilled their god given purpose in life. . . i think. . . my dad's the religious one. . .

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

I am not a religious person, but I respect those of you who are, and I have a question to ask you about something that has been nagging at the back of my mind. Others are welcome to comment as well, but I'm more interested in those of you who turn to religion for comfort during times of sorrow.

There is a song on a CD I recently bought that is a lament over a loved one's passing, and toward the end of the song, the vocalist sings, "And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time/Song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live."

How does that sentiment offer any comfort? God created someone so good, pure and loving that He had to take that person back to Him and subsequently away from everyone on Earth, hurting them in the process? I've heard other examples of this interpretation of loss too, about how God takes His most beloved back sooner than most, and that those left behind should take solace in the fact that the one they lost was so well loved by God, but what does that say about God Himself? Do you agree with thoughts such as these when you lose someone you love? Do they work for you, and if they do, why do they work? Is it all nestled in the belief that God knows best and that is comforting in and of itself, or is it something else?

Well, I guess that the thought of a loving caring god whom one's friend or loved one is going 'home' to be with, because that god decided that the time had come for the friend/loved one to join the god. It gives that person's death some purpose and meaning, and reassures the religious-minded. It's easier than saying: "my friend/loved one died a senseless death because (they stupidly underestimated the speed of that oncoming bus/the driver of their car was a freakin' idiot who cut in front of a speeding emergency vehicle/forty years of obesity gave them a massive heart attack,)" which, while being technically correct, offers little if any comfort.

I admit, it does make it somewhat awkward, to be the one rational naturalist at a funeral. It tends to mean a lot of smiling and nodding and awkwardly murmured thanks when someone says "They're in a better place now" or "God has called them home."

[Robert Walper]

As a non religious person, I can only submit that religious views on death seem to give people a means of comfort, since they are unwilling to face the idea of people turning to dust, their entire existence ended.

From nothingness we came, and from nothingness we return. This doesn't make life less valueable or worth living. If anything, it makes it more so.

[Zaia]

When I was a believer, I looked at it this way:

We are all on a quest to prove our worthiness to God, so that he may let us in to heaven for being good people. Some people take a lot less time to prove their worthiness, and as a reward, they get into heaven early. A great many of my religious friends looked at it the same way.

That's probably the closest to explaining my question about those lyrics. I know some people who have lost children and they've said similar things to what you just said; I guess because I'm missing the religious mindset it still seems a bit perplexing to me. I don't find anything comforting in a God who would take the best back to Himself first because it seems selfish to me, but again, I'm missing the religious frame of mine to make that work.

[wood]

That's probably the closest to explaining my question about those lyrics. I know some people who have lost children and they've said similar things to what you just said; I guess because I'm missing the religious mindset it still seems a bit perplexing to me. I don't find anything comforting in a God who would take the best back to Himself first because it seems selfish to me, but again, I'm missing the religious frame of mine to make that work.

I understand your feelings - but to the religious mind, God is infallible and doesn't have need of them in heaven for his own happiness. He's supposed to be the source of all happiness... so he's not being selfish. It's purely a reward to the best people to get into heaven early... it's like slipping the bouncer a twenty to get to the front of the line. God says "You've been a good little sheep, and you can come in now." Couple this thinking with the whole "God is testing us" mentality (the 'us' in this case being the ones left on earth, grieving for their loved one), and you've got a nice little circle going on.

This is all of course in my own experience... I'm sure there are a lot of other rationalizations out there.